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Hurt ds this morning and feeling so guilty :(

(39 Posts)

Ds (7) was in the bath this morning and was messing about, as per usual, when it came to getting out. I gave him a 5 minute warning, ie in 5 minutes you need to be getting out, and a 1 minute warning. It then took a further 5 or 6 minutes to actually get him out, as he kept "accidentally" slipping over and laying back down. I ended up getting cross with him, as we were getting to the point of being late for school, and grabbed him by the top of the arms and lifted him out. But my nail caught the back of his arm and I made him bleed sad I feel awful as the look on his little face was so sad. I'm worrying that he's going to go to school and tell them that mummy scratched him for not getting out the bath and I'm going to get in trouble. I'm struggling to cope with his behaviour at the minute as it is, and life in general if I'm honest, and I'm feeling really bad for hurting him, albeit accidentally, but I shouldn't have got so cross with him and I should have grabbed him more gently (although they're slippery little buggers when they're wet!).

the whole 'accidentally' falling over and laying back down thing is so familiar! I have a 9yo and I know how stubborn they can be. You shouldn't have grabbed him but you obviously didn't mean to hurt him and running late on a school morning can be so stressful as it is. i'm sure you sorted it out with each other before he went to school?

milk Fri 31-Jan-14 09:56:14

If I was in your position I would not be feeling bad. You apologised for accidentally hurting him, and that is all you can do.

DirtieBertie Fri 31-Jan-14 09:56:25

For future reference, pull the plug. Once the bath is empty he will soon get cold and bored and want to get out.

BuzzardBird Fri 31-Jan-14 09:58:00

Oh for goodness sake, give yourself a break will you? You didn't mean to hurt him, you were just at the end of your rope. Anyone who says they have never accidently hurt their dc when stressed out is a liar.
Give him a big hug tonight and say you are sorry and that it was an accident. I don't think school will be overly concerned about a child having a scratch on the back of their arm. Abuse is a lot more horrific than that.

You will suffer all day until you see him but when you do it will be fine.

On another note do you have to bathe him in the morning, isn't that adding to your stress levels?

Yes I apologised to him and gave him a cuddle. I shouldn't have grabbed him, I know, but he repeatedly ignores me when I ask him to get out, and I'm out of ideas as to how to get him to do as he's told without physically removing him iykwim? Feeling like the worst mother in the world right now sad

ShatnersBassoon Fri 31-Jan-14 10:02:32

You scratched him accidentally. It's not a big deal.

Don't put him in the bath in the morning again if it's something that's likely to cause bother. Problem solved.

I bath him in the mornings because he's not dry at nights and, despite wearing a pull up, his bed is often soaked on waking.

The plug was out but he still messes about. I'm always worried that one day he's going to hurt himself flailing around being silly.

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 31-Jan-14 10:03:47

Stop bathing him in the morning then. Change it to after school / before bed. In the morning you've got a timetable to keep to or he'll be late for school. If he is fannying around in the evening, it doesn't matter so much.

You scratched him by accident. You said sorry. If he'd have scratched you by accident and said sorry, you'd forgive him, so forgive yourself.

And agree with PP re pulling the plug. Instead of saying "five minutes then you're getting out", change it to "five minutes then I'm pulling the plug".

LEMmingaround Fri 31-Jan-14 10:04:13

Thats good advice from dirtiebirtie there.

Can i just ask why you are bathing him in the morning? There''s enogh to cope with without baths and will he be properly dry?

As for hurting him - maybe he will think twice about being a bugger in the bath but he probably wont Thing is, it was an accident - my ring cut DD's leg once when i was putting her tights on, no playing up, just getting dressed, it happens.

AwfulMaureen Fri 31-Jan-14 10:04:55

I know that not being dry at night smell I wash my DC with a flannel, warm water and soap. It's not NEARLY as comfy for her but she doesn't get the chance to loll in the bath!

I make her stand by the radiator and just wash her down.

VoldysGoneMouldy Fri 31-Jan-14 10:05:13

Sorry, cross post re bathing in the morning.

tiredandsadmum Fri 31-Jan-14 10:05:19

Happens a lot here too. If you have a child who pushes boundaries and you are under pressure or stress then you end up having to be more decisive that you may want. Apologise and big cuddle today when you pick up from school. Ask about the scratch tonight, say you were sorry it happened but to say that if DS had done what he was asked, when he was asked, it could have been avoided.

Pull the plug is clearly a much better idea smile I wish I could think to do simple stuff like that when I am under pressure!

LEMmingaround Fri 31-Jan-14 10:05:25

oh, sorry - missed your posts about him not being dry. Thats harsh, is there a reason he does this? maybe you could get some advice from your doctor?

AwfulMaureen Fri 31-Jan-14 10:05:49

OP says he's not dry at night...he'll have wee on him...which is why I explained that sometimes a thorough wash with warm water, soap and flannel is better.

ShatnersBassoon Fri 31-Jan-14 10:06:10

Shower or flannel wash then. Bath is playtime, so cut that opportunity.

MsMarvel Fri 31-Jan-14 10:06:37

You could bath at night and then have a quick shower/rinse down in the morning?

BuzzardBird Fri 31-Jan-14 10:06:43

Oh ok, could you shower him down in the bath so it would be quicker? Stop drinks after 7pm so that his bladder is empty to minimise leakage?

LEMmingaround Fri 31-Jan-14 10:07:36

Can you shower him instead of bath? just get a shower adaptor that goes over the taps if you don't have one - much quicker and once the water stops, funs over.

I was a bed wetter til I was about 15 so I'm not too worried about that. I've tried washing or showering him and he freaks out and screams, so a bath is the easiest option! We are currently waiting on an assessment as there are several issues with his behaviour, tbh, and school have put a referral through.

Maybe try a marble / pasta jar or sticker chart so he gets a reward for getting out of the bath sensibly e.g. get 5 stickers for getting out of the bath sensibly on school days and I'll let you play Angry Birds on my phone for 15 mins / buy you a pack of Match Attacks.

TeeBee Fri 31-Jan-14 10:20:18

Oh mine do that. Drives me mad! I now sing 'I hear thunder' and start turning on the cold shower above them until they get out. It works, they get out pretty sharpish. They are 8 and 11!! At least it normally ends in giggles.

Don't beat yourself up, you said sorry. We all make mistakes.

SundaySimmons Fri 31-Jan-14 10:22:56

Jug of cold water in your hand whilst maintaining a serene smile used to work for me!

TeeBee I'm liking that idea... smile

LEMmingaround Fri 31-Jan-14 10:32:36

Sounds really difficult OP. Its great tht the school have made a referral, can you push to bring the assesment (and possibly extra support) foreward? You are right, all that frigging around COULD lead to him slipping and hurting himself, really hurting himself so i do understand why you are worried. A fingernail scratch is nothing, like i said, ive scratched my DD by accident just during routine dressing - it happens.

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