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need some present ideas for awful BIL

(52 Posts)
Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 14:57:18

BIL's birthday is coming up, and we normally send him a token present. However, since his last birthday, we have realised what a colossal asshat the man is, so although I still need to send him something (so as not to offend DSis), I want it to be something that is either hugely inappropriate or mildly offensive to him.

(And in case anyone needs reasons why he's not best loved in the family - he refused to attend his own wedding reception (DSis had to attend her own wedding reception alone, doing speeches etc with our parents as her new 'D'H stood outside checking his watch for several hours. He won't let DSis contact the family when he's around (so she couldn't call my parents over christmas for example). And one time my mum said something to him about my sister's health (she has complex health issues), 'D'BIL emailed my father to tell him to 'tell your wife to stop interfering'.)

any ideas? something cheap is probably best!

HamletsSister Tue 21-Jan-14 14:58:56

A bus / train ticket to somewhere horrible and an instruction not to return?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-Jan-14 14:59:24

Send nothing. But give your DSis the phone number for Womens Aid because she sounds like she's in a relationship with an abusive bully.

ShatnersBassoon Tue 21-Jan-14 15:01:19

I'm not sure I could give anything to someone who was hurting my sister.

Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:12

oh cogito, if we could... she has form for choosing men who shouldn't be allowed out to socialise, let's put it that way. I think we have all said to her that we are here if and when she needs to escape, and the reason we ARE sending something is to keep her sweet really - don't want to alienate her when she may need us all soon. her 'D'H is a controlling git, but she has a DC with him now (who would also benefit from time away from him tbh), so she's kind of made her mind up that he's 'the one' for now.

it's just really sad actually sad

PurplePidjin Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:47

Divorce papers.

Oops sorry, must've got the parcels mixed up hmm

Or a book on something he hates eg selected speeches of Martin Luther King

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:52

0800 247 2000. Isolating victims from supportive friends & family members by refusing contact and driving them away with shitty behaviour is a classic bullying technique.

What health issues does your sister have?

statisticsthicko Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:53

Jesus! Why on earth would you want to give this tosser a present? Why normalise relations between you and him?

PeterParkerSays Tue 21-Jan-14 15:03:59

Is there anything he doesn't like or is just plain allergic to?

MaidOfStars Tue 21-Jan-14 15:04:52

A copy of How To Win Friends And Influence People. With a bookmark inserted at Ways To Make People Like You.

TheSumofUs Tue 21-Jan-14 15:05:07

Umm, on the basis of hugely inappropriate or offensive ....

A box of dummies for him to spit at regular intervals ?

In all seriousness , is your sister happy ? Perhaps focus on that ? And why was he not at his own reception ?

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-Jan-14 15:05:35

0800 2000 247 that should have been. You have to maintain contact with her at all costs, no matter how he behaves. But don't pacify the evil bastard with gifts. If he kicks off or refuses to let you talk to her, alert the police... seriously. There's a child at risk

PeterParkerSays Tue 21-Jan-14 15:05:45

This old favourite, the UNT mug.

Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 15:06:03

ooh, have just recalled he is 'allergic' to nuts (doesn't like them). good call.

as I've said, sending him something is really sending my sister a signal that we're here for her, IYSWIM? and she is still convinced he's the best she's ever met. we just all need to stand by until it goes tits up, don't we? she won't hear a bad word against him.

Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 15:06:39

Maid and Peter those are both EXCELLENT ideas grin

iwantavuvezela Tue 21-Jan-14 15:06:50

DVD of there wedding so he can watch the speeches!

Or send something like a cake or hamper that your sister can enjoy.

capsium Tue 21-Jan-14 15:06:59

I think sending him something offensive will play right into his hands and give him an excuse to be nasty about your family when talking to your Dsis. Sending him something nice will be more thought provoking.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 21-Jan-14 15:07:32

If you send him gifts the only signal she'll get is 'they like him'. If you want her to know you're here for her, send him a card but send her some flowers to arrive the same day.

Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 15:08:30

true capsium, but not so much fun. he hates me utterly (and has since first meeting, as I was somewhat less captivated by his tales of how awesome he was than the rest of the family. slowly slowly the scales have fallen from the eyes of everyone in the family but DSis...)

statisticsthicko Tue 21-Jan-14 15:09:35

Yes just stick to a card if you send anything, you can tell your sister you've decided to stop buying presents for adults.

Longdistance Tue 21-Jan-14 15:10:27

A dog turd rolled in glitter?

capsium Tue 21-Jan-14 15:10:32

Kveta Maybe I'm twisted but it is so funny when you are overwhelmingly lovely to somebody who does not like you very much. They just don't know what to do....

roguepixie Tue 21-Jan-14 15:13:18

What about a donation, made in his name, to a Women's Aid?

BigArea Tue 21-Jan-14 15:14:00

A DIY divorce pack, pre filled to cite his utter cuntishness unreasonable behaviour

For your DSis a 3 month holiday for one in the Bahamas

Kveta Tue 21-Jan-14 15:15:29

oh no, it makes total sense capsium! I just think he is so self-centred, he'd view something nice as a confirmation of how great he is. sigh. I think a small box of chocs might be best then - maybe nutty ones. have got DSis a present that is perfect for her, so she's covered, luckily. Apparently we might even get to see them this year - they normally shun all family events

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