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Dh wants to leave teaching

(118 Posts)
fairplay Mon 20-Jan-14 13:16:05

My Dh is a teacher and I am currently a sahm. Yesterday out of the blue dh has announced he wants to leave teaching and move us nearer to family and friends about 150 miles away. I think the move is a great idea but there is no work there and he envisages us moving in with family whilst we decide what we're going to do.

We have 2 DC (3.5 & 1.5). I've explained to him that when the kids are both at school I can work ft which will ease the pressure on him bit he can't seem to think that far ahead.

I am angry as he was certain he wanted to teach so I supported him through training. We moved to be nearer to the job etc and now he says this.

I don't know what to do!

fairplay Mon 20-Jan-14 13:16:59

Just needed to write it down.

SpottyDottie Mon 20-Jan-14 13:20:52

Did he say why he didn't want to teach anymore? Has he been teaching for long?

AnneOfGreenGarbles Mon 20-Jan-14 13:24:01

How long as he been teaching for? Have you both sat down and discussed in depth why he wants the change?

gemdrop84 Mon 20-Jan-14 13:24:28

Not much advice to give but just about in a similar situation. I was a sahm, worked two jobs to bring in some money and support Dh through his training. Now had another child and back at home but Dh wants to quit teaching and do something else. Now worried about money as we had ds then got married last year so our savings are pretty much gone and Im not bringing anything in. Don't know what to say but I understand!

AnneOfGreenGarbles Mon 20-Jan-14 13:24:47

Great minds Spotty grin

pootlebug Mon 20-Jan-14 13:27:17

I don't think it's fair to move in with family whilst you decide what to do - not fair to uproot your kids and potentially then have to move them again a few months down the line, not fair on the family whose lives would be significantly altered by you all moving in for a substantial time etc.

it seems there are two issues:
- 1) Leaving teaching
- 2) Moving closer to friends and family.

I think you need to try to separate them a bit in working out what to do.

SpottyDottie Mon 20-Jan-14 13:29:39

Anne grin

Unless your relatives have a house they could rent you or have a huge house you'll all fit into, moving a family of four in really isn't workable. You need a plan before you go really.

SilverApples Mon 20-Jan-14 13:29:58

Look at some of the leaving teacher threads in 'The Staffroom' to work out some of the reasons why he might want to leave, if he's not explaining coherently to you.
That said, he has responsibilities. So he could either:
Look for a new school where you live now and see if that makes a difference
You all move the 150 miles, but he keeps teaching/does supply until he has a different job to go to.
He sticks with something he doesn't want to do for the next few years, until you can take over the financial responsibilities of supporting the family.
He works out whatever it is that has made him want to leave teaching and stays in the job.
Is he an NQT?

BackforGood Mon 20-Jan-14 13:30:05

A huge % of new teachers leave teaching in the first 5 years, once they realise the reality of it. You can't really blame him for not realising it wasn't for him, until he'd done it for a while.
That said, of course, you need to talk this over at length, looking at the options.
Might a move to another school help ?
Would he be prepared to do supply to keep the money coming in?
Is it the actual teaching itself he doesn't like or just the particular school?
Is it the area? Would he think of applying for teaching jobs in your home town?
If he'd adamant he's not going to carry on teaching, what is he planning to do?
Could you get a reasonably well paid job fairly easily if he became a SAHP ?

You need to look at all the options together and not do anything on a whim. Can't imagine trying to lodge with family with 2 small dc and neither of you having any prospect of a job.

BackforGood Mon 20-Jan-14 13:30:47

x-post

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 20-Jan-14 13:31:30

You tell him that quitting his job and moving 150 miles 'on spec' is not a plan, it's a whim.

SilverApples Mon 20-Jan-14 13:31:46

Forgot the choice I made! grin
You work FT and he becomes the SAHP.

JoinYourPlayfellows Mon 20-Jan-14 13:35:08

God, I bet your family will be falling over themselves to accommodate a family with two small children and two unemployed adults indefinitely hmm

The thing is - he can't just "leave teaching".

He has two children and a dependent wife. That was his choice.

Now he needs to support all of you.

There are lots of things that could change, but he can't just give up his job because he doesn't like it.

He's a big boy now and 3 people are depending on him to keep a wage coming in so they can have food to eat.

That's the reality.

If he wants to figure out a way to get out of teaching, then there is plenty to discuss (although there is no fucking chance I'd be supporting him through any more career changes. If anyone was going to be supported into a new career, it would be ME).

But he is being incredibly childish and irresponsible coming up with a ridiculous scheme like this as though the rest of you are just appendages he can move around the country on a whim.

checkmates Mon 20-Jan-14 13:38:04

No point in being a teacher if you have lost enthusiasm Very important job

Rowlers Mon 20-Jan-14 13:42:13

I don't blame him for wanting to leave teaching - it is unbelievably stressful, more so now than I have ever known it.
However, just packing it in with nothing to go to is a very bad idea indeed.

JoinYourPlayfellows Mon 20-Jan-14 13:45:20

"No point in being a teacher if you have lost enthusiasm"

Yeah, there is a point.

It's called your SALARY.

Teaching is an important job.

But it is, first and foremost, a JOB.

I'm sure there were plenty of times during his (long, successful) career in teaching when my father would have quite liked not to have had to do the long hours and deal with the stress.

But he had to go in every day. Because his family needed his salary.

I quite accept that teachers are treated like shit these days and I don't blame anyone for wanting to get out of it.

But adults with dependent children and SAHPs don't get to just walk out of their job with nothing else to go to.

WaitMonkey Mon 20-Jan-14 13:53:06

He shouldn't give up his job, just because he doesn't enjoy it any more, he has a family to support. He either looks for another job, whilst teaching or you get a job. The move also needs thinking about. Are you certain your family would be willing to put you up ? Would they be so keen if neither of you are working ?

JanePurdy Mon 20-Jan-14 13:56:24

But you can't just say you won't work until the kids are in school, doesn't that have to be a mutual decision too? Could DP become a SAHP & YOU work full time, if having a parent at home is that important to you?

My DP was very miserable at work for a period, while I was a SAHM. As a result I went out to get a job - we have two children, we have to have money coming in, but it doesn't have to be HIM putting himself on the line the whole time. It's give and take. So he works part time now & has the kids the rest of the time.

GoodnessIsThatTheTime Mon 20-Jan-14 13:57:31

It's a really tricky job stay in once it's got on top of you. There is constant pressure and if you're not a natural theres a heck of a lot of work to put in just to keep head above water, never mind do well.

He obviously wants out. Many teavhers do leave. You need to discuss how. Is moving in with family a reflex action?

Can you work and he sahd for a while?

Morgause Mon 20-Jan-14 13:57:44

Try to talk to him about his job. I wonder if he has anxiety or depression problems. Teaching is an awful job to be in in those circumstances because it's full on all the time.

Maybe he should see his GP.

Cerisier Mon 20-Jan-14 14:03:34

I can't believe your DH is contemplating giving up his job without one to go to. Supply isn't always easy to come by and often isn't a barrel of laughs. Is he primary or secondary? What is his subject?

There are so many options for secondary teachers- you can teach in rural, town or city comprehensives, academies, private schools, public schools, PRUs, international schools. The trick is finding a school where you feel happy and can do a good job. Before throwing in the towel perhaps he could see if a different sort of school might suit him.

Or, as others are saying, you could get a job while he stays at home. This will take time though. He mustn't leave until one of you have a new job.

fairplay Mon 20-Jan-14 14:15:36

Thanks for your replies. We definitely need to talk it through and I need to learn why he doesn't want to teach. He's been teaching for 5 years and has recently taken on a lot of responsibility in a difficult school, but he has lost enthusiasm.

I could work ft and he become the sahp but I wouldn't bring in the same salary, part of the reason why we have the current set up that we do. I work some evening shifts in a supermarket to bring in spare cash so that we can do things and go places at weekends and holidays and will increase hours I work when dcs are at school but he can't seem to see that far ahead.

I will take a look at the threads in 'the staffroom' and suggest he does too.

we can't move in with family as I couldn't put the DC or our extended family through that upheaval without having a home and plan first. I am just worried as he's always seemed happy and we've made plans together, but somewhere along the line his mind has taken a different path. We're going to have a long discussion tonight so that we understand each others views better and then we'll move forwards hopefully.

Don't really want to discuss this with anyone in RL though as its just so out of character and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

Glad I seem justified in feeling angry at the idea of uprooting the family though!

fairplay Mon 20-Jan-14 14:18:40

He is an English secondary teacher and has always loved the challenge, especially at his current school. Maybe he is depressed, 2 under 4s and working ft can't be easy bit I don't think he would ever admit to it.

magnumicelolly Mon 20-Jan-14 14:24:57

I think a lot of teachers want to leave the job at the moment. Not only new ones, but some who've done the job for years. Enthusiasm is being crushed out of most people, who have previously done the job for the love of it. Mr. Gove isn't helping!

Moving in with family while deciding what to do sounds like going about it the wrong way round though. Surely it would be better to put up with it while sorting out what to do, and then moving once sorted. He'll have to give lots of notice anyway won't he?

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