Mumsnet Talk

Its my birthday tomorrow.
So I asked DH if he'd mind taking me to the next town to do a bit of shopping. I'm desperately in need of new work shoes (mine have a hole in the bottom) and theres a couple of other bits I need.
My mum's coming along to have a mooch around too.

So DH said I'll give you some money for your birthday so you can treat yourself.

He gave me my present this morning. £20.

After I've bought my work shoes and the knickers I'm desperate for, there's not exactly much left to 'treat' myself with. (and lunch in town was mentioned)

AIBU in thinking that this is very tight?

It depends entirely on your joint financial situation.

I'm guessing the £20 was just for treats and he was assuming you were paying for the other things yourself.

Yes TA I suppose. Not Mr generosity

He holds all the money in our house. My wages get paid into his bank account so they can be used towards bills without him having to ask me for my share.
We don't have an awful lot of money but he manages to afford beer and footy programmes for himself. I wouldn't be bothered by getting £20 usually but he knew I'd arranged to go shopping with my mum, doesn't he see that it could be a bit embarrassing when my mums expecting a big shopping spree and I've only got £20 so can only go to Primark.

Now you've explained more, then yes he is being tight. Controlling, I would say.

I wouldn't be happy about my wages being paid into my DH's account but maybe that's another thread.

Why don't you take some more money while you're in town? It's your money too, I'm assuming its therefore a joint account?

Why do you not have a joint account? Have you not discussed what happens with the family money? Why is he able to spend money on himself? You shouldn't have to ask him for your money!

I didn't realise you weren't able to get money without asking him - that's rather different

Ouch - i wouldn't like that! Do you k
now how much slack there is in your joint money this month? Do you have savings you could treat yourself from??

Well it's a bit foolish putting all your money into his account isn't it ??

Tell him you want to take the bankcard, it's not something you do often so he can hardly say no.

Then, when you have time, sit down and work out the average bill cost and set up a fairer dd.

When I was working we knew exactly how much telhe bills were each month and I transferred my half into the joint account each month. Can't you do something like that? It's crazy to have it paid into his account with no discussion on what it's going on!

He's a bit obsessed with keeping an eye on money. We've had financial problems in the past, so has to know exactly what's in the bank at any one time.
I suppose the £20 is all we can afford at the moment. I never know what's in the bank really so he's possibly embarrassed that that's all we can afford.
Just wish I hadn't arranged to go shopping cos I'm gonna feel like a right wally with my measly £20.
Hey ho Primarks cheap and cheerful!

I don't think £20 is 'tight' for a birthday present, but I do think it's strange (if I've understood it correctly?) that do don't both have a debit card for your family money (or a credit card which is then paid off from that account).

Ask him what's in the bank. Or take his card and check yourself at the cashpoint.

He's sounds very controlling, I couldn't live like that!

Oh that is tight he could have went without beer and football im sure to give you more. I would be inclined to take bank card and just go on a shopping spree on him!!

Tight bastard! Oh and I'd be stopping MY earnings from going into HIS bank account pronto!

Ask him how much he needs from you monthly to cover bills or even, god forbid, you could work out for yourself? he might lie then give it to him and keep the rest.

This would not happen in our house!! Am on your behalf!

Tell him to buy shoes, lunch and other bits for 20 quid!!

We have joint account, both wages paid into it, bank card and credit card. Both buy what we want, discuss big spending.

Tell him you want the bank card.

How do you do weekly food shopping?

then go to him and tell him you need another 40 pounds for work shoes & other clothes

It's impossible to know if he is being "tight" if we don't know what your financial situation is like.

You are both adults - why don't you talk about your joint financial situation together?

If you "never know what's in the bank" then I can see why he feels he has to keep an eye on things.

Don't get me wrong he's not controlling at all.
Due to the financial problems in the past I had to close my bank account so it just made sense to start having my wages paid into his.
He does give me money if I ask, but I usually have to give him a bit of notice so he can figure out if it's affordable that month.
If I want clothes and make up etc I usually buy it with the weeks shop. I never go clothes shopping and nor does he so maybe he thought £20 was a reasonable amount.

One way or another you need to discuss the money situation - you both need equal access to the money and you should know how much your outgoings are so you can know if he is being a tight arse or not. I think you need to take responsibility and agree about money for treats.

Take an interest in what's going in and out and you'll be able to see if its tight or not. You can't judge it if you don't know how much you have in the bank!

Well it totally depends on how much money you have. So it's totally impossible to say if it's tight or not. If you are struggling and in debt then it's quite generous, if you have money left at the end of the month then it isn't generous.

How much does he spend on beer and the footy program's?