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Yay! They all turned up - and with more food. Sounds great, Quint

Glad all went well

Sounds lovely, glad you had a good time

This went well!

Dhs aunt also bought some freshly made home made meatballs for me to reheat, so a good mix of everything! Vegetarian options with mushroom and pasta salad, falafels, sundried tomato, olives and feta, salad, and poached and smoked salmon to add to salad, Hawaian pizza for the kids, various breads, cheese platter with various cheeses and grapes. SIL brought cheese cake and apple pie for dessert. All good! Plenty of flowers for all the mums!

Great post Garden Path.

I know a real witch of a lady, who has put her parents, her children and everyone through hell with her demands and spoilt behaviour -- her Dh at the time, never put his foot down with her, never stood up to her, often wrote nasty emails to others for her.

Now she is with another man who does not tolerate her bad behaviour and guess what!

SHE is happier, she is nicer to people, they are nicer BACK to her....etc etc etc....

I have no choice really. Dh put up with moving to friggin Norway for three years with me, to help with MY family. The least I can do is try to make some sort of social food arrangement for the lot of them under my roof.

When I think about my dads "I am going to call my friend to come and shovel snow from the drive because your husband is not doing a good enough job, he just does not know how to shovel properly" Hello, it is a 100 m2 drive, he does it with a motorized vehicle with a shovel attachment, he is trying his blooming best! My dad could not see it that way though.

And "Will you get that bike and your bike repair kits out of my garage NOW"

It really is my husband who has the patience of a saint.

Family, eh!

Sounds like a good plan.

You have far more patience than me, I wouldn't be offering to cook again for someone that failed to turn up without good reason.

Perfect- if they don't turn up it will last you all week .

I hope all goes well though and you have a lovely day.

Perfect idea hope all goes well for you.

Sounds like a good compromise, Quint.

He was very apologetic and sheepish this morning.

We have turned Sunday lunch in to a Norwegian lunch. This means Smorgasbord, with cold cuts, smoked salmon, scrambled eggs, herring, salad, different breads and cheeses. It wont be too much work, and what is not eaten just goes straight back into the fridge.

Tell your husband to cook a big meal while you head out with your own children for lunch.

Or do nothing.

And my husband is the same. He can slam my family to Mars, but the second I criticize his I am the worst person in the world. So I tell him to fuck off when he does it and that turn around is fair play. It shuts him up for a few days at least.

I find it best not to criticise my ILs as DH tends to get defensive about them. I can understand that - I wouldn't want to hear him slagging off my parents either. So I leave it to him to make the first critical comment and then when he does I agree with him and we have a good bitch about them together

Hope they show up and you have a lovely day.

Hope that DH is suitably apologetic this morning, Quint, it sounds totally weird that his family can simply 'not turn up' to a pre-arranged lunch . Have a nice day tomorrow .

So he is cross that you've pointed out that last time they didn't show up? He can hardly be surprised that you are worried about whether they will turn up.

You need to sort food that can be frozen, as Sissy suggests. Then if they don't turn up you will be prepared but if they do come you can feed everyone.

If they don't turn up your DH will have to acknowledge how flaky his family are. It should be nibbles only or a restaurant meal next time they are invited. Or they bring their own contributions.

And DH can start being a bit more useful in the kitchen in future, it shouldn't all be falling to you.

My mother always said to me "Start as you mean to go on". She said this because she wished she'd taken note of it when her own mother had said it to her when she married my father during the war in the 40's- and she hadn't; and no doubt, her mother hadn't from her mother, in her turn. This was with solid reason; my father wasn't a bad man but he had a temper. So had his brother. His brother's wife, however, was a good downright, northern lass and made it plain, from the get-go, she was not going to tolerate any temper tantrums. They had five boys and she ruled the six of them, it was said, 'with a rod of iron'. My mother, on the other hand, was taken somewhat by surprise by this propensity, from my father, to indulge himself in his temper and while I cannot say we had a bad upbringing for the time, we were all somewhat 'terrorised' by my father's moods. My mother, I think, always felt that had she 'put her foot down' at the start, it would have brought my father up short and given him a boundary. While I do not hold my mother responsible (and neither, quite rightly, did she) for another persons (my father's) behaviour, in real life, with real people, it can often be the case that they must do something about it. People can take the piss, especially in-laws; it's almost as if they're 'testing' you (and that can include one's own dh - they can feel trapped in the middle, between loyalty to their 'old' family, and their 'new' family) in these convoluted family dynamics. You have to demonstrate your position and your authority, childish as it might all seem; what you'll tolerate, how far you can be pushed (and there will be those who want to see exactly how far that is, consciously or unconsciously, including one's own dh). You should start to call the shots, on your terms. No doubt it'll cause ructions, at first, but when people don't show up for a big pre-arranged meal, knowing all that that entails, that's just damn bad manners; appallingly unforgivable in fact, short of a bloody good excuse like a heart attack, and in my book, they've forfeited any future considerations. If you simply cave, that'll be translated as you being a weak pushover. And the next time, and the next time. So put a stop to it now; before it's too late. Not in a nasty, bad-tempered way, (not that you'd not be entitled) - don't let this build up and build up until you 'suddenly' blow your top which will be interpreted as 'ooh, what's wrong with her?', but a strong way. Get yourself some respect, even if it means talk behind your back. So what. While you don't want to cause family division and argument (I'm assuming) people like that, in the end, aren't worth your putting yourself out for and I can see this ending in making a rod for your own back if you're not careful.

"I would just make a vat of something that can be easily frozen and if they come and eat it all well and if they don't you've got a few meals' worth in the freezer!"

I agree.

I would just make a vat of something that can be easily frozen and if they come and eat it all well and if they don't you've got a few meals' worth in the freezer!

In all honesty, I wouldn't have offered to cook in the first place if they hadn't bothered turning up in the past, but you have offered.

It's just a natural thing, to feel protective of your own family and embarrassed about their faults being spotted.
It's Ok that your DH was defensive straight away, but I hope after thinking about it he'll realise his reactions were unfair. He should apologise really.

I hope you aren't doing too much after being ill!

Get thee out of the dog house and go do something you will enjoy with your DC, have a great Mother's Day. Of course I hope MIL enjoys Mother's Day too, whatever she does.

Sod off out to eat as a treat for Mother's Day and let DH cook a meal for his mother and family?

I am just disappointed that he can be honest about MY family, but I have to tiptoe around his and not say a word, like they are holy cows and my family are shits.

We cant actually afford a meal out for 11 people!!

Not in South West London we cant!

Out for a meal sounds great, you get to enjoy Mother's Day too that way.

Think I will stick to "I am not cooking, he can take us all out for a meal"

All of us that shows up, that is....