Mumsnet Talk

Glad today is better

I was chatting to a work colleague about work stress today and she suffered really poor health because hers got out of control. She is now in a position to change it and has done so. Not everything is so easy and sometimes there are just too many things

I'm glad you're feeling better. Some days are good, some days are not, I hope you ahve more good days than bad.

With everything you've got on your plate I'm really not surprised some things get missed, and if forgetting to reply to party invitations and the odd unironed shirt is the limit then I think you are amazing. Definitely get a cleaner if you can afford it, that's what I'm going to get myself for my birthday.

I have the reputation for being a bit flaky with forgetting things (like party invitations, letters from school, etc) but the people who seem to judge me for it all seem to have so much more time than me, either they work pt or are SAHM. Yes they have other things going on in their lives but they also have the time to deal with them. The others who have both parents working ft or single parents working ft, they are all very supportive and we regularly remind each other of the little niggly things that need doing, sending texts like "have you replied to x's party yet? Do you fancy sharing lifts?". It does make a difference having someone around who understands how you might not have the time or the inclination to do everything all of the time.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Today is a better day.

coffee just wanted to say you sound awesome! You are coping with loads and people who get all het up about trivial stuff just don't have enough going on in their lives IMO. Just smile and ignore, you know what's really important

Ooh - you'll be VERY popular with your DC's. (I used to joke about using paper plates at times of prolonged stress ).

Hope you enjoy your dinner

Well done coffee, I think you deserve it

Well I have made an executive decision. Tonight we are having a take away

I can assure you mushroom, that I wasn't calling YOU names. I was commenting in general about the type of person that has upset coffee. I haven't read your thread or commented on it because I just dont care.
HTH
HTH

When I was getting treatment for cancer I paid for a one-off 2hour deal with two cleaners. The boost of having the house for once not look like a tip was amazing. The don't sweat the small stuff thing is such good advice, but so hard to take when you're surrounded by a hundred things that need doing. I know what you mean about the ironing 'looking at you'

It can be very hard to accept that you're not able to do things the way you'd like them done for reasons outside your control. And it's so hurtful when the people who ought to be supportive aren't. Much sympathy from me.

Please look after yourself too.

coffee, I saw your original post on that other silly thread.

You are a star and doing brilliantly, despite problems which would have most of us just giving up in despair.

There are some people who never give others the benefit of the doubt, and are, basically, intollerant.

But, remember, those that mind don't matter, and those that matter DON'T MIND!

Big ((((hugs))))

Hugs to you coffee xxx

MrsMushroom I left your thread when you asked me to.

I don't want to derail this thread as it is Coffee's support thread. But I am the OP from the AIBU thread in which Coffee got upset and I would appreciate it VODKAPLEASE if you would NOT call me names when I am not around to defend myself...I'm not Alpha and I do have other things in my life. I am not bitchy either.

I won't come back here but please keep me out of it.

Hi coffee, I just wanted to say that I think your amazing coping with everything you have on your plate.
If people want to get their knickers in a twist about a party invite let them, it's so unimportant its laughable.
I also think its only bitchy alpha types who haven't really got much else going on in their lives who get het up and judge people for not responding to a party invite.
Most people understand its just not that important.
Maybe I'm just laid back but I'm a bit meh about it, try no remember that mumsnet does attract a certain demographic of people and is not a true reflection of how the majority of people feel in real life.
Hope your feeling a bit better soon.

Definitely get someone who can help with your cleaning/laundry. That is money very well spent!

At the end of your tether is a lonely place to be, your children are your top priority, the smug alpha types can fuck off. The older your 4 younger DCs get, the more they can remind you of stuff and work things out themselves, it does get better.

Good luck.

Oh I am you. I completely understand about not making it to the calendar.
I also understand the feeling of frustration at being overwhelmed.

I think the only things you can do are: a) remind yourself that you are doing a terrific job holding it all together, even if sometimes you do feel a bit close to teh edge, b) remind yourself that you are clearly successful in your work, which is terrific, c) outsource where physically possible e.g. cleaner and d) drop standards e.gs an unironed polo shirt does not matter a jot given the other things you have on your plate. Also remember that this too shall pass....

Finally...make it a core principle that you have an hour to yourself a week. Just one. A week. Hot bath, glass of wine..whatever it takes. Good luck!

BIWI -I actually was thinking once I get paid the first thing I'm doing is getting a cleaner and at least that'll take some of the pressure off. My ironing pile at the moment is looking balefully at me from the corner and Dd had to go to school in an unironed polo shirt (not the end of the world I know)

Thanks to everyone I am very grateful for the support.

Sorry - I don't know who you are, or your back story, but it sounds like you are overwhelmed with everything you have to deal with at the moment. And I'm not surprised that less important things get dropped/forgotten.

Congratulations on winning your contract . That must be good for your self-esteem/confidence, which is really important.

Can you afford to get someone in to do a bit of household/work admin for you - say someone who might come in and do an hour or so every day/every other day? They can be in charge of a household calendar/buying birthday cards/presents etc? Even just someone who would read/file your e-mails for you.

I'm sure there must be people out there who could help you, and it needn't cost too much.

Or do you have room for/could you afford an au pair? Someone who could just take some of the domestic stuff off your hands, and give you a bit of a breathing space to deal with the children?

I do try to share lifts for the DCs activities but it's not always possible for me to be at home for another parent to drop off as I am out collecting a different child. And most parents, quite sensibly don't want to drop a child in an empty house.

Parents and getting help is an on-going battle I am fighting. They don't want it. I am trying to get them to see that they need to get help but they're very proud independent people.

Is there any possibility of getting help with your parents?

Could you share the car run for your DC's activities?

Sorry if these are not helpful - just something you might have not considered.

Order some supplements for yourself online to help you deal with the stress if you can take things with your health condition. When stressed you need more than usual amounts of B vitamins. There are herbs such as rhodiola which are supposed to be useful. Also theamine. 'Bodykind' and 'Higher Nature' are reliable UK sites to use. Sorry if this is irrelevant to your situation (it's so easy to hand out advice when you don't know all the details of someone's situation).

Please try not to give a thought to what the 'playground mums' think or say. They're not worth it.

I think you sound an Ace Mum and is be proud to call you my friend x x

I could read it coffee. I know it's one more exhausting task to accomplish but I'd aim to draw boundaries around his access regardless of his tantrums. No is a complete sentence in his case.

I think you, and all of us, are allowed to forget some stuff sometimes.

When I read your post about what's going on in your life I thought you have a heavy amount of stuff to deal with, if you were my friend I would try to cut you a lot of slack.

My only thing is maybe try telling your kids you're a bit run down, there is large middle ground between soldiering on and burdening your kids with your problems - just say something like 'I'm shattered, we need to be a team, I need help with chores etc' and give yourself permission to take it all down a notch. I am not a believer in putting on a brave face. Take care.

If you can read that post of mine you need a medal.