Mumsnet Talk

Sorry I am at work into the last few mins of lunch (?), so this will be short.
I am a regular but have name changed. My son is currently with a cm. I have recently joined twitter and so to get started I went to the "upload my contacts from phonebook" now, because I have her details saved in my phone I got a suggestion to follow her DH it shows a brief summary of all these accounts and his just seems to be porn stars/escorts.
Now maybe its because I have issues with this kind of thing, but sometimes he is left in charge of my DS and it has just changed my whole view of him.
Am I massively over reacting? This just makes me a little uneasy.

anyone......

I would be very, very unhappy.

I think the fact that you feel uneasy about it speaks volumes. Other than this are you totally happy with your childminder?

If he isn't a registered CM he should not be left in charge of your child. It would make me uneasy too.

I am generally but he is in charge of him whenever she is not available, but I'm not sure I'm happy leaving him in a home where this is normalized (I'm sorry I know how barking that sounds)

"it shows a brief summary of all these accounts and his just seems to be porn stars/escorts"

Are these people he is following or people who are following him? If it's the latter, I think this is a spam thing on twitter and very common. I don't use it but I know people who do who complain about it.

panda it is people he is following

Oh ok. Eww. I would definitely be bothered by that.

Is his wife on twitter? Assume she's aware of this?

No I wouldn't be bothered at all. It implies he watches or has an interest in porn. Not particularly unusual. Can't see how it relates to your child unless any of them are underage.

I follow some quite bizarre types on twitter, I just find them entertaining or informative or whatever. Doesn't mean they are reflected through my behaviour.

I would have more of an issue with the fact that the children are being left in the care of anyone who is not the cm, apart from if she is just popping to the loo type thing.

panda yes she is also on twitter
And I know * sasha* I kind of know I'm being ridiculous, it just bugs me.

My instinct would tell me it's spam.. I know my CM would be mortified if she thought that her care of DD was being reflected on because of something that could easily be a genuine mistake - do you have a chatty friendly relationship with her - could you make some sort of 'light hearted' joke about it ? See what her reaction is.. what she says, as I say, she (and obviously he) could be mortified if it was just crap.

I have a big issue with porn, but it wouldn't influence me in my choice of CM no.

If he is left alone with your son, then he should be CRB checked and registered with Ofsted as the CM's assistant.

My CM used to leave DD with her husband at times - I used to get there to pick her up to find them having a cuddle on the sofa watching TV together . But he was checked and Ofsted knew he was in sole care of DD at times (well the only adult in the room with her).

But her husband is entitled to his own interests and ones that have no bearing on his wife's ability to care for children when their parents are at work.

happy I could believe it's spam if they were following him, not the other way round. and even though we have quite a good relationship I'm not really sure what kind of light hearted joke I could make about it....

Or rather, I wouldn't find a new CM if I found this out about the husband if I was happy with every thing else.

But can you articulate the issue? I know you said you're being ridiculous but just so I can understand, what exactly is the problem? What are your concerns? What are the nightmare scenarios you are having? I'm assuming there must be some because you're worried about it, how is that taking shape in your head?

He can be left with your son, and if he is he should be CRB checked, as she's self employed she can hire a assistant, this is very common in the childminder profession and is all above board.

sasha I'm not really sure how to put it but it's just mainly that, where I used to think "he seems a bit rough around the edges but he's alright" its kind of changed my view of him and to be honest her in a way too, the porn stars thing yes I get it, but it's mainly following escort agencies now makes me look at him as a bit of dirty bastard to be frank.

But what does your DS think of him, as long as he isn't being a dirty bastard around your kids, it wouldn't bother me. Lots of people are dirty bastards, they just keep a better lid on it.

I suppose so.
Maybe I should get one of those grips....

I am not sure I would like it. Following escort agencies makes him seem very seedy. I don't see that there is anything wrong with not wanting certain people around your children. I don't like that kind of thing and I do take issue with people who frequent lap dancing clubs etc and wouldn't feel comfortable having a friendship with people who do and so as an extension wouldn't want my children around them. So yes it would be something that would play on my mind.

Well, does it suggest issues with his judgement (in having this as a public profile) and attitude to women? Because if you think it does, and I do, it may not be someone you want having an influence on your child.

You haven't answered the question about whether he is registered as a Childminders assistant or childminder. You can check on the Ofsted website BTW.

sorry quiet he's not registered with ofsted but is crb checked.

I think your cm may be breaking her registration then. That would be a cause for concern because you don't then know if she is flouting any other rules or best practice guidelines.