Mumsnet Talk

ssd.

I know what its like to be feeling the pinch. We are older parents now but in the beginning it was really tough and hard to get through. It does get easier as kids get older and mortgage payments go down, or in our case interest rates.
I can't say its bad now because it isn't we are very lucky atm, and I feel for young parents starting out today. Sending you and

Return to work. I don't need to return to the world!

I find Curtsey's post about what we expect from our high achieving daughters really interesting.

When I was growing up my parents valued academic success. I went to Cambridge (even though both my parents worked full time from when I was 5 - take note Bonsoir!) and had a well paid career for 9 years before I had DC.

Now I'm a SAHM. I don't think my parents are disappointed by that. They know I'm happy, and they (and I) hope that my experience and qualifications are good enough to enable me to re-enter the work place later on.

Incidentally, I do plan to return to world when my youngest DC starts school.

I meant bonsoir, not you morethan. I do agree a lot with what bonsoir says, but I felt its easy to say money isnt the be all and end all when you arent short of it.

Anyway, thats a moot point and I dont mean to start a fight. Just feeling the pinch these days, although as I said earlier that was my choice so cant/shouldnt complain.

Apologies for derailing the thread with my moaning.

I think money is very important and haven't said otherwise..

Curtsey.
I think the man you are talking about is a jerk. My dh is a talented musician and we have 3 dc. To pay the mortgage he has taught in schools, privately and done work in music he hasn't always wanted to do, if the right work was slow or not there at all.
Its ok living on principle if you are supporting yourself/family.
My dh would never have acted like this, I think this man is no good.

ssd.

I don't have plenty of money and don't find it important. But will agree that most people who like the finer things in life would have to be rich to say its not important.
Neither dh nor I have ever been particularly materialistic, not into the latest gagets, no designer labels, only have one small cheap to run family car. A modest house, modest lifestyle really.

bonsoir, only someone with plenty of it would say money isnt important

Yes, of course that's true, Juggling - if everyone is still alive, healthy and talking to each other once grown then the childrearing, in whatever form it's taken, can't be anything other than a resounding success.

I'm thinking about this at the mo because a close friend of mine is in a relationship with a man who has never worked and does not want to ever work/earn money because he 'does not want to work for the Man'. Well, as in he wouldn't say no to money coming his way for his hobby (which he is so passionate about) but the fact is that it doesn't. It won't ever. But he just doesn't want a job of any kind. He will stay on the dole. It worries friend because she has always, always, worked - since her early teens. They've no kids, but if they ever did he says well he'd just stay at home. And although it's none of my business, I'm not sure how well it can end. If my friend was the one to say she'd never work and would just stay at home, it wouldn't be much questioned. But lots of people have been raising their eyebrows about her partner's attitude to earning some kind, any kind, of income. (Why?)

And so, if it were me, while I'd be delighted that Child was following his/her dreams, I think I'd secretly worry also that there was a slight bit of reality-avoidance going on. Not planning for the future or being realistic.

morethan -Its not about how much you earn, as long as you have enough to live". - I completely agree! I don't earn much at all, and neither does my DH. I absolutely fall into the 'work to live' camp. But I'd still recommend to any young mother to try to keep some kind of work fires going, if at all possible. Like I said...even once a year.

Thanks morethan
Have a look for a local knitting shop/craft shop - the smaller ones often run classes.

anotheryear.

Don't want to hog the thread but you sound so interesting. I think we will look at learning together. She is H.ed so should be able to fit it in somewhere. . Who knows you may get your herd one day. Maybe the lottery.

My dream job would be to have my own herd of Alpaca morethan
Then I could knit with my own yarn and breed gorgeous baby Alpaca (Cria)
However they are very expensive - start at about 6K each so will have to keep dreaming !

Why not have lessons with your DD - so addictive once you get going . I also sew,bake,keep chickens and am fairly lentil weavery generally

anotheryearolder.

No problem, I know what you mean. It has to be a happy balance. So impressed somebody still knits, my mum taught me. Well she tried to and I am so bad, my dd (9) would love you she keeps asking me to teach her.

Ignore me !!
Have just seen the bit about having enough to live

I totally agree that its beneficial to work in a field that you enjoy morethan
Nothing is better than someone who has a deep passion for what they are doing ,my DC have had some amazing completely dedicated teachers.

Its nice when you can earn a decent living doing what you love as well but there must come a point when you have the responsibility of DC , your need to be a surfer becomes secondary to the needs of your DC ??( assuming you cant meet the needs of your DC surfing etc)
Which is why most of us have hobbies we are passionate about but couldnt make a living from < glares at knitting which has gone wrong>

I did mean Maslow, do you know how many years I read this flippin theory. It didn't sound right.

I was responding to the above post that mentioned working for the man, however I still think it far more beneficial to a person to work in a field they enjoy be that surfing, acting, poetry, music etc.

I take your point anotheryearolder, but didn't mean to imply that teachers, social workers, etc weren't doing what they needed to do. I was a teacher myself for a short time and had that need. However, the result was that it didn't meet my need to teach, so I left the profession.

"not working for the man "
I find this a most odd turn of phrase - not everyone is working to a capitalist agenda morethan

Many people are in careers where a good deal of what motivates them is down to their need to do something that benefits others - teaching,social work,medicine,nursing- just a few examples

I think you mean Maslow ??

cutsey

I just want my dc to grow up happy. I don't care what they do or how much money they earn.
If one of my dc of either sex followed dh and I in not working for the man, and pursuing their dreams I'd feel I'd done a good job.
Its not about how much you earn, as long as you have enough to live.
I like to manage my life on the same basis as good old Manslow, with self actualisation being the pinnacle of lifes success.

And of course, as I had my DS at 36 it would also mean I'd made it to 68 to enable me to have this convo, which would be good as well

I'd be happy Curtsey .....

Son alive at 32 ... tick (you can't take anything for granted)
Still talking to me (about his life plans) .... tick
With some talents that he enjoys pursuing possibly with some success .... tick
Has girlfriend .... tick
She has a job ... tick
They seem to have a good relationship ... tick
Positive attitude and independent from me ("so we'll get by just fine")
Prospect of a grandchild at some future point in time !

Maybe I'm a glass half-full sort of person !

Like your post at 14.19 Bonsoir

Or even if he just said 'It makes me so happy being a full-time Dad.'

but do you genuinely in your heart-of-hearts believe that, Bonsoir. If your son at the age of, let's say, 32 said to you, 'Mum: It genuinely makes me so happy being a poet/surfer/artist. It's true that I earn no money at all of my own, because I don't believe in working for the Man. But thankfully my girlfriend has a source of income so we'll get by just fine.'

I don't meant to press the gender issue but I do think it is important to pose questions like this to see what we believe deep down.

Bonsoir - nor do you want to bring up DD's to believe that someone else will always 'look after' them financially.

Bonsoir, of course money isn't the be-all and end-all but it's hard to have much of a life if you can't support yourself, or find someone willing to support you.