Mumsnet Talk

I've got an issue with my little brother. We are really close but, there's something I can't get my head around, he pays for sex. I have no idea why. He's not bad looking, has a good job, nice flat etc. he's single and well travelled. I feel like we are going to fall out big time unless I get my head around it. We've just had a conversation were it turns out he's got friendly with one of the girls and he's been out with her and her mates for a birthday dinner. Had a great night. I said "why are you hanging about with prostitutes?" He told me that this lady is earning 2 grand a week and is healthy and happy and that I need to stop being uptight.

The trouble is that we get on great but his attitude is making my stomach turn. He has five nieces ffs.

Personally, I don't think its 'ok' to pay for sex. Ever.

I feel that any woman who prostitutes would prefer to be in a more suitable stable job with a loving sexual relationship than to be a prostitute. But some woman don't have much choice, its be homeless and starve or result to that.

However I don't know what to say about your brother, he may actually like her.

This is a tough one OP

Personally, I don't think its 'ok' to pay for sex. Ever.

I feel that any woman who prostitutes would prefer to be in a more suitable stable job with a loving sexual relationship than to be a prostitute. But some woman don't have much choice, its be homeless and starve or result to that.

However I don't know what to say about your brother, he may actually like her.

This is a tough one OP

Ah, the old chestnut of the happy hooker earning pots of cash.

I am assuming that this is not a trafficked, exploited, and unwilling sex slave but an adult woman who has consciously chosen to sell sexual services. In that case, I don't see what the problem is, tbh.

No, it's not ok, because its illegal. But I very much dislike and disagree with the assumption that every woman that is a prostitute is doing it because they have no other choice and would prefer to do something else.

Some prostitutes are forced in to it, many aren't.

I don't think it's worth falling out with your brother over, but I would wonder what it was that attracted him to women that were only with him because he was paying for it.

no, it isn't ever ok, IMO

I thought it wasn't actually illegal to sell/buy sex?
You can't advertise or anything like that, but the actual transaction of sex for money is allowed.
Or have I been misinformed?

It's not ever ok.

It's not illegal either, I thought?

Even if your brother has found the one 'happy hooker' who's genuinely earning 2k and thrilled (and it's not deeply plausible she shares her financials accurately with clients, is it?), he is still propping up an industry that abuses women.

I don't think it's ever ok.

It's not illegal though, to sell or buy sex. Soliciting is illegal.

No, it's never okay.

I wouldn't force yourself to "get your head around it" btw

Oh, I thought it was illegal to pay for sex. Sorry, my mistake. I was just thinking back to that picture of Hugh Grant when he got arrested for it, but that was a long time ago so I don't remember details!

If the brother isn't even doing anything illegal, then I have even less of a problem with it.

I'm on the fence - not because I like the idea of paying for sex - but in reality, many relationships, including many marriages, amount to a form of prostitution.

I don't think it's okay.

I don't think it's a case of being 'uptight' either; it's one thing to establish that this woman (or any of the others he's seen/sees) is a willing service provider, but there is potential for upset on so many levels. How would he feel if he gets attached to her as potential girlfriend material and she's only looking for a regular client with a bit of social life added etc, etc.

When the smoke clears there's also the possibility that in the future he will have to tell potential partners that for a time he used prostitutes and socialised happily with them. That would be a deal breaker for a lot of women.

I agree with CloudsAndTrees too. Could it be low self esteem, inspite of everything he seems to have going for him?

Is it wrong to socialise with prostitutes?

Should we ostracise them?

I don't think that something is wrong just because it is against the law.

Likewise, there are things which have never been criminalised which are very wrong.

I think people were responding to the "pay for sex" bit, not the socialising

if the woman isnt being forced into it and seems ok with it i dont see the problem.

lots of marriages arent that different either - what about all these younger woman with rich old husbands? these woman like nice jewellery, clothes, cars etc. and what do they give in return? i spose these young woman like the rich men for their personalities though...

AF - Grr said " in the future he will have to tell potential partners that for a time he used prostitutes and socialised happily with them". So yes, she seems to think that socialising with prostitutes is a problem.

I don't believe it is every okay.

And, no one is talking about ostracising prostitutes. We are talking about male entitlement.

I don't think it is, no. The idea of paying someone for the use of their body makes me feel ill. It's reducing a person to meat. The power balance is always, always going to be unequal. I imagine that a person that pays for sex gets at least some of the thrill from that power balance. And that makes me heave.

"all these younger women with rich old husbands"

where are they then ?

on the telly ?

I don't know anyone like that. I do know quite a few men who have so little respect for women though, that they feel entitled to pay someone to fuck them that wouldn't give them a second glance but for the fact money changes hands

how utterly grim

CoteDAzur I was trying to think of a polite way of saying that if a man told me he used to pay for sex with prostitutes and socialised with them, I would think he was a bit of a sad act who had tried to buy a girlfriend/ social life. I would then feel I didn''t want anything to do with him.

As to the question of socialising with prostitutes, it's each to their own really. I only know one person who has and it was a long time in the past, when she felt she had no choice, and it's not a pretty story.