Mumsnet Talk

Showy - that's fucking well off.

OP you need to get your DH to directly ask them why they said that you were invited to the whole thing, so that you booked 2 nights and now you have received an invitation to only the evening.
Tell them that you booked two nights because they told you you were invited to the whole thing. That's not on, they must organise a refund for your first night. And that generally it's not on. you have no problem being invited to the evening, but they shouldn't say you're invited to the whole thing so you make arrangements and then change their minds.

Love that story, showy.

But, op, I know it's your situation but I really want you to phone the bride and ask her WHY she told you to be here for 1pm then sent you an evening invitation. Please.

i had sat on that reply for about 2 hours, before I realised I hadn't sent it.
love the update showy

<shamelessly marking place for an update from the OP coz we luvs a wedding invite thread, with everyone's stories teaching us how not to do it>

OP, I'd go and stay. Don't waste your money. Sack off the evening do. Go out and have a brilliant time and roll back to the venue roaring drunk clutching your new favourite toy from Harrods.

I don't mind evening invitations at all. Not everyone can afford (or has the space) to invite everyone to every part of the wedding. We've got an evening invitation to what'll be a great do next month. They are a really popular couple with lots of interests and it'd be impossible to fit us all in. But then it is local.

YANBU to be pissed off OP. You were told one thing and made expensive arrangements based on that information only to get a quite contradictory invitation AND a demand to buy them something from Horrids. Not good enough!

We could have had 150 if we'd have invited colleagues. We just decided not to invite colleagues.

I think people make the mistake of inviting every Tom Dick and Harry they remotely know or thinking it would honestly bother them if they weren't invited - probably with all the expense most people would be grateful not to be unless you are geniunely a close friend or family member. Difficult if you have a close, large extended family, but I don't think you have to invite everyone you work with, play cricket with, run with, went to university with but haven't seen for ten years...why not just go out for a drink with them and let them raise a glass to you?

Oh showy, what a great comeuppance for your SIL!

That's so so bad. I'd be really annoyed OP.

I remember one wedding where we (me and dh, plus another family we were very friendly with) all travelled over 5 hours to the venue. The groom had told us 5 months before that children were welcome.

However when we turned up at the venue we bumped into the groom on the morning of the wedding who casually informed my friends the wedding was child free . He didn't even blink or even notice the look on my friends faces.

Luckily, my friend managed to find a professional babysitting service to come out for a few hours, but they haven't spoken to the bride or groom since and that was 11 years ago. The b & g themselves have 3 children now....wonder what they would have done?

Am old friend of mine did this to me last year.

They got married at a very posh boutique hotel in the middle of nowhere. The nearest other hotel was 40 minutes away.
The bride told me that she had organised special rates for close friends and family of which we were entitled.
She also suggested that we book two nights as they wanted to make the who wedding day an event, there were talks of group breakfasts and all sorts.

DP and I booked our room early as we wanted to make sure we got one, (there were only 28 rooms and 100 guests invited)
then less than two weeks before the wedding, during the hen weekend, we received our invitation and found that we were only invited to the night do and it started at 7pm.
I queried it with the bride and she said that they had decided only to have family at the cerimony as the room was very small.

I Was a little peeved as we only lived two hours away do could easily have driven through later, and because it was a small hotel in the middle of nowhere we just ended up staying in our room all day watching DVDs.

But the wedding was fab and my friend had a lovely day.
Although we have barely spoken since.

WinterWinds, I had a funny situation like that many years ago, with a cousin's MIL. About a year after the wedding, we kept getting cutting remarks from the cousin's mum (my aunt) about not being at the wedding ... but the MIL had phoned a week before the wedding explaining that our invitations were rescinded for reasons of us not being married to our respective partners.

So we just all didn't go.

Don't buy a present. Like others said enjoy it as a weekend away. We didn't have any evening guests, I don't really understand it to be honest. If you want people at your wedding, you want them there all day or not at all. Any gift was greatly appreciated, but certainly not expected. Why don't you give them something which is more thoughtful but less costly to recoup a bit if your expenses. Maybe some bulbs for the garden, a nice print?

It really is worth calling the hotel to see if you can cancel the booking. If it is a bank holiday weekend I'm sure they will be able to resell the room.

Oh I remembered a wedding stitch up (well not really but enough to piss me off at the time)
Travelled overseas to DBIL and DSIL wedding.
3-4 other families had DC.
Really posh hotel hour from where everyone was staying.
I had two DC at the wedding, had asked about children said yes fine nothing mentioned about special arrangements etc
Half way through evening suddenly notices all the children had left except my two. Previously all running around playing happily.
Bride had arranged two babysitters in the hotel room to look after everyone else's children except mine -her only nephews.
About hour later she came up to me and said oh we've got a room do your boys want to go. On principal I wanted to say no don't bother but my DC were bored without the others and thought they were missing out so I took them upstairs.
Grrrr
Would have been nice to have known been included etc.

Crikey OP I hope you get to speak to the bride. Would your DH be very upset if you took it upon yourself to have a word, because it does sound like he wants to let it slide?

Interesting, the different takes on evening only, cash bar etc. In the "big city" where I'm from, it's always afternoon ceremony, drinks, meal, dance and everyone is invited to the whole shebang. Cash bar unheard of. There is also none of this turning up at the church without having been invited. I think that's an English or British thing too. However, a couple of hours north of the city, in farm country, they have the dance in the town hall, throw the doors open at about 9pm and all and sundry turn up, whether they know the B&G or not! I've been to a few myself, you say congratulations to them, maybe give them an envelope with about £10 in it, and boogie the night away. Great fun.

Might be an idea for a future thread? Hmmm.

When an ex-colleague was getting married he invited everyone in our small office to the evening reception.

Everyone except me. I got an invitation to the whole thing, church, afternoon meal, evening reception, everything. I knew right away it must have been a mistake so I did the decent thing and cornered him on his own to thank him profusely for the invite and promised him faithfully that I would not let on to the others that I was invited to the whole thing because "after all, I know you like me better than them now, there's no point in upsetting them by rubbing their noses in it."

He was horrified. I could see him desperately trying to work out how to tell me that I wasn't invited to the whole thing or how to convince his fiancé to fit me and DH in so he didn't have to tell me it was a mistake. And she would not have been happy about that, she made him buy her a second engagement ring because the first one didn't match the wedding rings or her dress, so she certainly wouldn't have wanted two randoms from his office gatecrashing her table plan.

I let him suffer for a bit before I admitted I knew it was a mistake and wasn't offended at all.

OP your DH's friends have been rude and I wouldn't be happy either. Can you ask them to try and find out if someone they have invited to the whole thing would like to take over your room for at least one of the nights?