Mumsnet Talk

Agree with Shiney- definitely phone the couple and tell them you need to transfer your hotel booking and can they help.

They've been very rude and tbh I wouldn't travel 5 hours to go to an evening do.

I'd ring the hotel and tell them the truth.

NO WAY I'd go to their poxy evening do! I'd send them a card.

I don't get evening do's, either.

I wouldn't go at all, no. And the friendship would be one of those I left drift apart.

What a horrible thing to do. You'd think they'd have the decency to feel some shame about it.

I don't mind evening dos - I think they're fine for inviting work colleagues and not-so-close friends if you can't afford to have a big reception. But I think it's generally accepted that you don't send a wedding list to people who are only coming in the evening.

You could confront them directly and say, "Well, you told us we were invited to the whole thing, so we booked for two nights, as YOU suggested, and now we can't get a refund. What do you suggest we do?" I would find this hard, not being a confrontational sort of person, but is probably the right way to approach it.

Alternatively, how do you feel about the tourist town it's being held at? I might be tempted to think, "Sod the wedding, let's just enjoy a nice weekend away."

This is unbelievably rude. Not even a 'I'm really sorry but we've had to change the plans because....'
Agree with getting them to use the rooms and give your the money. Really can't believe this. People become nuts when they get married!

I definitely wouldn't go and would rather lose the money.
You now know how they 'rate' your friendship and sadly it's lower than you thought.

Bastards. I also hate evening dos. People you like much less coming to plump up the disco. Pants.

And if I couldn't get the money back, I'd go to the hotel for a dirty weekend and not bother with the evening do.

I would extract myself from this friendship and they'd know why I was upset. They sound awful, what a crappy way to treat your friends.

I'm not sure if I'm or grudgingly impressed at the Harrods wedding list. Nice touch! (In a sort of way)

Do all you can to get your money back and leave them to it. But even if I couldn't get my money back I wouldn't go. I'd consider it money well spent.

I wouldn't go. They sound crass and twattish and I wouldn't want to count them as friends, tbh.

Can everyone stop slagging off evening only invitations?! Some of us will have done this at our weddings, you know? Some venues (like the one I got married in!) can only seat a certain amount for the wedding breakfast then can fit an extra 40 in for the evening. Why would I not invite work colleagues/old school friends etc? I didn't expect gifts from evening-only attendees, though.

I'd tell the happy couple how rude and hurtful their behaviour has been

Then try and get the money back from the hotel

and spend it on something for us.

Hopefully this whole evening do tackiness will go the way of the do-do bird, but I'd ring this hotel right away and explain the situation. Bar that, I'd ring one of the couple, probably the groom, and see if there isn't some way to transfer the hotel and get your money back as your babysitter has fallen through and you won't be able to go. What a shame! Then once you get the money, cut them a wide berth.

Why can't you speak to the bride or groom and SAY that they invited you to the whole event, you booked hotel accordingly and even checked with the bride what time you would need to arrive before booking the second night, and are bloody furious to have been lied to and pissed about?!?! I bloody would!

I don't mind evening invitations if we are local, but wouldn't want to travel for one. That's why they tend to be colleagues, not friends or family.

But in this case it is the misleading and changing mind that is just plain rude.

It is supposedly an etiquette faux pas to include a wedding list in the invitation at all, even for a full invitation, but people do find it practical, esp older family who couldn't contemplate anything off-list.

"I'm really sorry we couldn't afford anything off your list; we spent all our money on the hotel room you said we would need"...?

'I'm really sorry,' my arse! I'd send them a card and that's that.

HorryIsUpduffed

They are a pair of twats, and they ought to be ashamed.
Dreadful. I couldn't let it lie. No way siree!

"I'm really sorry we couldn't afford anything off your list; we spent all our money on the hotel room you said we would need"...?

This

Add in too: your present was to be our presence --you fucknuts--

Make one of those twee wedding poems work for you

HorryIsUpduffed - I considered that when my nephew and his fiancee insisted I had to book a room at a particular hotel for my their wedding, which I duly did. Then later the same day my sister called back to say they had changed their mind, and were holding the wedding somewhere else! Hotel cancelled the booking, but I lost £50 deposit! Was tempted to say that was their wedding gift!

In this case I'd call the hotel, and ask to transfer the booking to someone else. You may lose the deposit. Then if you've got a babysitter arranged, have a weekend away somewhere else.

I love expats idea of a dirty weekend

Turn up, don't speak to them, make sure they realise you're at the hotel and then do your own thing

'Why can't you speak to the bride or groom and SAY that they invited you to the whole event, you booked hotel accordingly and even checked with the bride what time you would need to arrive before booking the second night, and are bloody furious to have been lied to and pissed about?!?!'

This. Exactly.

Also, if it's a nice hotel and an interesting tourist area (Anyone else GAGGING to know where? ), can you, DH and his friend just forget the wedding, stay in the hotel, do lovely touristy things and have a whale of a weekend?

Giving the room back to be resold shouldn't be a problem given that the hotel is fully booked.

No way would I attend a party after being treated that way by the hosts.

I like Lady's idea, particularly as you will no doubt see the wedding party at breakfast and they will know that you are there but have chosen not to go to the poxy evening do

Or if its really touristy and popular is it possible to sell the room booking on another way?

That's very unfair, they shouldn't have misled you without explanation like that.

I like the idea of going for the break in the hotel and skipping the wedding disco completely, just please yourselves. Don't tell them you're not going though, let them pay for your share of the buffet <petty>

The Happy couple? The fecking crappy couple. Bloody cheek of them that they think you so badly want to be at their evening do that you'd book two nights in the venue How dare they?

I would be putting this back on the crappy couple. I'd phone them and make it their problem to find someone to replace you for the booking and let them know how crappy their behaviour is. As for expecting a present too? Crappy, crappy couple!

I can't believe the utter cheek of them!

If the hotel have only taken an imprint of your card you could cancel the card...?