Mumsnet Talk

There's a very small old and beautiful church in my hometown I'd like to get married in. I'm not religious but I've visited this church many times on walks etc since I was a child and it means a lot to me.

I love the history of it too- it's nearly a thousand years old.

Is there any way the C of E would let me get married there?

Fiance is a Catholic!!

Yes they will.

You will have to apply to be allowed to get married in the church that is not your current parish church, but the Church of England, being the "official church" pretty much have to agree to marry anyone who asks, and "I grew up here" is usually a good enough reason.

Maybe there is another beautiful building you can have a civil ceremony in, if they wont marry you there?

I dont think rocking up to the priest and telling him you like going for walks around the church and it is so pretty will really do you any favours, as he will wonder why you have never made your way into the church.

http://churchofengland.org/weddings-baptisms-funerals/weddings.aspx

Here you go. No need to be christened, but various other criteria.

Good luck with your wedding planning

You're welcome to marry in church whatever your beliefs, whether or not you are christened and whether or not you regularly go to church.

What connections you need in order to choose a church

Ah Trills knows better than me.

I married a Catholic and am a baptist but not baptised and was allowed to marry in our local parish church. I felt it upset all the parents equally . Actually they were all very nice about it.

My understanding of the rules are that if you have a connection to the church/parish you should normally be allowed - it's at the discretion of the individual vicar. I got married in my 'family' church having never actually lived in the parish but my parents had for years and I'd been to a few carol services etc with them tho not regularly. Pop in & ask them!

I know our vicar will happily marry pretty much anyone who wants to, our is a pretty church so it is very popular with people who want to get married in the church that will look nice on photos!

I got baptised before my wedding as I'd never been christened.

It cost £550 to get married there, £50 organist, £10 verger. The ceremony took ages, it was feckin freezing. In the SUMMER.

We had to do a 10 hour marriage course in one day with a 20min lunch break.

In short, I'm doing a civil ceremony if I get married again.

IIRC, if you live in the Parish they have to marry you as long as

- one of you is be baptised into the C of E.

and

- you live in the parish

If you don't live in the parish you have to make a special application.

TBH if this church is really old and beautiful the Vicar might have a lot of applications to marry there and may be cynical about your application. But you can try though!

Someone I knew really wanted to get married in a particular church because her mother was buried there. The Vicar turned her down, which I thought was awful.

We didn't attend the church and I wasn't christened, (DH was but as an RC) but my parents lived in the parish and I stayed and went to hear the banns read.

They probably will.

My sister had not been christened or gone to church as our dad is muslim (mum christian) but she still go married in church first time around. This was 20+ years ago.

Second time around she didn't dare ask

You don't have to be baptised, or even vaguely Christian. You have a legal right to be married in your parish church, and a good chance of securing a ceremony in any CofE church at vicar's discretion.

Of course they will, trills is right. Only reason not would be if they were booked on the day you want or you can't afford the fee.

£550 to get married in a church?!! I don't think we paid anything for our church wedding (but then we do actually go to church, are involved in it, and the minister came to the reception)

The bitchy conregation put me off attending church. Which is a shame as I actually feel happy and uplifted after a church sermon.

Yes it's one of the consequences of being the "established" Church (whatever your thoughts on that) - CoE weddings (and funerals) are meant to be open to all comers, subject to the few conditions linked to above.

It's fairly common IME for them to waive the fee if you're a churchgoer, lorelai.

You do realise that it is a religious ceremony dont you?

I cant understand why people with no religious beliefs suddenly decide that they must get married in church. It makes a mockery of the beliefs of the vicar and the congregation.

Yeah, i figured, just shocked at the 'normal' cost!

But... why would you want to? If your DP is actually Catholic and not lapsed, then it should be RC church; if neither of you is currently religious then you're going to be making vows you don't believe.

There are deconsecrated churches, you know, and other buildings of similar vintage and architecture. Picking a live church isn't just an aesthetic decision.

I'd ask you to have a look at the marriage service (which you can download as a pdf here) and think about whether you can make, mean and keep those promises.

Or will you be one of those couples that ask the vicar not to "go on about God" in his sermon, and try to veto hymns and prayers during the service?

Incidentally, I say that as an atheist.

You're really very welcome to ask (we love having people get married in our church, and not because of the fee), but it might be that if you don't live in the parish and you're not a practising Christian yourself, they might feel that your connection is a bit tenuous.

If you'd like to get married in your parish church, though, you have a legal right to do so.

Some very pretty churches are hugely in demand for weddings in the summer, and it all gets a bit much for the church congregation, when you consider the amount of work that has to go into it behind the scenes (all the little things like someone coming in early, switching on the heating, waiting while the flowers are put out, locking up, coming back to open up for you, locking up after you've all gone, extra cleaning from all the extra people etc).

Our old CoE would marry pretty much anyone who asked but you did need to meet with the vicar and attend the 10 week Alpha course (which is an introduction to Christianity). You didn't need to be a Christian or convert at the end of the course, just that you appreciated what the vows meant and the whole getting married before God in a church etc etc.

I'd say a chat with the vicar is the best place to start.