Mumsnet Talk

I like potoftea's suggestion. As long as you won't worry about it of course! The Do Not Disturb sign is a really good idea too - you really don't need to explain yourself. I bet other people will copy, because I bet she's being a menace to them too. Hope the anxiety settles soon.

Oh, migraines is good! Good idea, pot!
She doesn't sound like the sort who would "get" anxiety, so that would be a good thing to say.

The thing is, the others just answer, they chat and it's all normal. I feel so weird compared to them, like there's something wrong with me (which I guess there is.)

She used to work in a psychiatric ward...

Is there a student counselling service you could speak to, Mechanical Theatre? A good counsellor might help you develop boundaries and ways of dealing with this sort of problem.

she's 27? you are not being a dick. She has no social skills. I second getting a sign

I really don't want to go to student counselling. One of my coursemates went, and as she was waiting, one of the security guards told her the names of 2/3 others who had been. I was shocked and don't want everyone knowing I've been.

I used to have a therapist, but can't afford it right now. On the waiting list for NHS.

Oh love, don't cry! She's a twat. She's never lived away from home before and is acting like a 17 year old on the loose (or worse, most 17 year olds I know have more sense/empathy). Either tell her to fuck the fuck off and stop being a twat (the others will probably applaud you!) or tell her that you suffer from migranes and if you are in your room sleeping or studying she is NOT to knock - text if she must <at least you can turn your phone off>. If she does it after that, then tell her that you will have to take it further if she can't respect your privacy. Stupid cow.

And no - you are not being unsociable or unreasonable - just normal! ... and trust me, I'd tell you if you were the one being a twat

I third potoftea's suggestion of claiming migraines - it means you won't feel you have to go into detail about emotional issues when you are feeling vulnerable but can still get them to leave you alone.

Awww, sorry it's getting to you. Was she drunk when she hammered on your door? Not an excuse, but might be why she was soo inappropriate and lacking in boundaries?

X-posted with others suggesting migraines. Great minds think alike

She used to work in a psyc ward? God help us all, the only good thing about that is the 'used to'!!

It doesn't matter if the others just open their doors and chat - maybe they are as fed up as you of her, but haven't worked out how to tell her to piss off yet either!

Even if you were a bit anti social (which I don't think you are at all) you would still be entitled to tell her to leave you alone - we don't all have to be the life & soul of things 24/7.

I'd keep waiting for the NHS one too - do it off campus. Not that there's anything to be embarrassed about or anything, but it's just nice to have some privacy when you are afforded so little living in dorms.

They probably answer because they've heard her harassing you and just want her to shut up and fuck off. No help to you, but I would take it as a sign they sympathise and are just dealing with her in their own way.

You're not weird, she is. Anxiety or not she clearly doesn't understand when she isn't welcome. I would go with the migraine reason and signs for now, but resolve to put some clear boundaries out to her when I felt stronger.

You have no obligation to share your time and space with anyone if you don't want to. You're also under no obligation to be anyone other than civil and polite. Please don't beat yourself up about what others might be thinking about you, the only thoughts that count are from people you care about, and even then what you think about them is far more important.

She is Muslim so doesn't drink. I really don't think the others find her annoying. She doesn't really chat any more than anyone else does - she just finds it impossible to take no for an answer, whereas the others will knock and then leave it/text.

I have been told so many times that I need to be more sociable and that it is weird to hide in my room and that I can't expect people to like me if I'm like that. I really hate this about myself, I so wish I could just be like everyone else.

You are DEFINITELY nbu!! What a weirdo she is! And clearly a bullying dickhead. As someone who doesn't currently have anxiety, I'd answer and ask "what the ABSOLUTE fuck do you think you're doing, hammering on my door? Fuck off out of it! I don't answer to you, mind your own damn business and keep the hell away from me". Not necessarily helpful if you're not in the emotional place to say it, but I thought it might offer some perspective.
She's clearly bonkers. You can do whatever you please. Who does she think she is? If you're feeling shaky, you're entitled to stay in your own room FFS. Argh! I'll come round and tell her to sod off for you

Cross posted with you writing about the security guard, I know your anxiety is bad and this is probably something that you won't want to consider, but really you should telephone the counselling office and tell them. The security guard should be reminded about confidentiality if not given a warning.

If it's some thing preventing you accessing help then it's important, he would never know it's you if you telephoned.

I agree wth pot to just mention about the migraines.

This person sounds a bit odd. If it continues - and I hope t won't - then I'd consider leaving or taking the matter to student services. I don't recall anything quite like this going on in my halls when I was an undergrad back in the day!

You are no dick!

Mechanical, i suffer with anxiety intermittently, at the moment I'm good but I still really enjoy my own company and will turn down people's offers if I don't feel like it. I still have friends.

If someone wants 24/7 company then I'm not the person they go to, that's fine. People I want to be friends with are generally people who aren't demanding I be someone I'm not, trying to people please is never the route to good friendships because you're not being you, bollocks if that offends someone, I'm responsible for my own happiness and therefore I'm honest with people about my own limitations.

Basically anyone who tells you people won't like you because of 'blah blah blah' is talking balls. It's a very rare person who is completely unlikable to anyone, the more comfortable you are with your own personality the more likely you will be to find your friendships easier, partially because you will not take comments like that to heart quite so deeply.

I have been told so many times that I need to be more sociable and that it is weird to hide in my room and that I can't expect people to like me if I'm like that. I really hate this about myself, I so wish I could just be like everyone else

Who has said this to you?

It's shite. People will like you for who you are. If you always say 'No' to everyone about everything they will stop asking, of course, it's natural - but if you go occasionally, when you want to - they'll keep asking and you will make friends.

You really shouldn't 'hate' this about yourself - it's just you & we're all different. I need far more 'time out' from people than I used to when I was younger, I like my own company and don't need my time to be filled with other people. It's not a crime!

I hated my student days because of my anxiety problems. My anxiety regularly manifested as migraines so I didn't tell people I had anxiety, just went to bed for the migraine & people mostly respected that. Just mention to everyone in passing that you get 'migraines' & need peace & quiet so you don't mean to be rude if you don't answer. You have every right to not open your door at any time for any reason, even if you just can't be bothered to walk over & open it. It's your door so you get to choose when it's opened & no one else has any right to judge that!

This would drive me demented. I'm sociable sometimes, I like privacy sometimes. If I've decided I'm doing something for an evening, then having that time frittered away by unexpected interruptions would disappoint or grate, even if they were 'nice' interruptions.

I'd be opening the door, telling her I'm busy just now and closing the door and getting quite cross if she carried on. i appreciate you don't want to engage at the time but I would speak to her and ask her what she is trying to achieve except giving you a headache.

This expectation of constant sociability sounds like when 18 year olds go to university, the freedom goes to their heads and their first term is like a holiday camp, with social activity every night. But this is a masters. When do they do their work? Don't any of them have partners? Surely you are all quite busy and everyone does their own thing some of the time. A night out with them once a week and chatting at mealtimes would seem quite normal.

Also, I imagine you're someone who forms good relationships one to one or in small groups, whereas the idiot who said you were unlikeable is an extrovert in need of constant stimulation and to be liked by everyone, who flits about in big groups offering little depth.

Could you call out "Yes I am here...now fuck off before I come out looking for you!"

That's what I'd do but I'm pretty aggressive when I feel someone is infringing on my personal space.

If you can't manage that then how about "If you don't stop knocking on my door I'm going to knock on your head!"

Or "Piss off and knock on someone elses door you freak!"

they'll all work. She's a bully...someone who has noticed you're anxious etc

Just shout 'Oh FUCK OFF, you stupid cow'

Genuinely, I would do this if someone was behaving like she does, and I would be out there like a shot to ask her what the fuck is wrong with her. She sounds like a right crazy bitch.

You are normal. Lots of people get problems with anxiety. Lots of people like their own space. Lots of people don't hammer on flat mates' doors screaming like a witch. She needs a slap (don't do it though).

Do you have any slightly more outgoing friends who would be prepared to confront her if you don't feel like it yourself? If I was at uni with you I would happily do it!

But everyone is friends with her. We go out in a group and I don't want to be the one to rock the boat. It's hard enough at the moment as it is.

Is there a nicer person in the rest of the group that you could confide in (not everything, just that you like to nap or study) who can be on your side when freakoid behaves like this, who can support you and tell her to leave it out?