Mumsnet Talk

OP.... I think its all about circumstances isnt it ? With my first I had someone else supporting me, when I had my second DS I was on my own so it mattered more to me, to be financially secure and have a roof over my head, if that makes sense ?

Dead impressed by all those who had 'savings' TBH . We've never had savings in our life (now aged 45 and 54)! Or at least, not more than a few hundred quid (which is generally wiped out every time the car needs major money spending on it).

My Ma has spent her life telling me to 'put some aside for a rainy day' without seeming to appreciate that generally outgoings v incomings is a neck and neck race!

Lots of different situations here but the predominant message seems to be "you'll always cope".
I've worked out the financial costs - to the best of my ability - and it doesn't seem unreasonable at all.
Now I'm wading through the mindfield of "reponsibilities" and "life changes"

MrsHuxtable, I totally agree. A rock solid family is a priceless gift to your child.
My parents were much better of than me and DH, but their marriage was rocky and they had a messy divorce. It taints your childhood memories and the big house and pony were no compensation for lack of emotional security. I hope DH and I provide a sense of certainty in an uncertain world for our girls.

Not at all. In fact, I went bankrupt when I was six months pregnant.

It's only the UK by the way, where home ownership is such a big deal. In most other countries, people find it perfectly normal to raise families in rented homes. It's not a big deal. Quite frankly, a rock solid relationship is much more important for raising healthy and happy children.

My fabulous older daughter was not planned. We were married, but had just relocated for my work, so DH didn't have a job and we were renting a one bed flat having failed to sell our little cottage.

You know what - you just make it work. Love is more important than material possessions. Bear in mind this was before you got all the generous maternity leave and family tax credits Gordon Brown bought in, but we still managed to struggle by. A one bed flat is fine for a baby, anyway. As our family grew, we managed to get a house etc.

Fast forward and my girl is 15, we had more children, now have usual mortgage, cars etc. Still in love.

I am so glad I fell pregnant because I wasn't especially bothered about children and would have put it off for ages. Now I am coming out the other end as my youngest is 11 this year. I think it is like getting into cold water - better to hold your nose and jump.

AuntMaude I don't understand where your outburst about people raising their children on other peoples' taxes comes from.

You don't need to own a house and have massive savings in order to live and raise children responsibly.

The OP is not asking whether she should go on benefits and pop out one kid after the other. She was simply wondering how financially prepared different people are before starting a family. It's 2 very different things!

Yes, we had been married nine years when we had our first child. I think it's a really good idea to make sure you have a rock solid (I know things can go wrong) relationship and a decent home to raise them in. However I don't think it's worth putting the dishwasher before the baby, your house doesn't have to be perfect.

I remember talking to my cousin when she was pregnant (planned) with her first 23 years ago. She was about 20, boyfriend was away, and she didn't have a job and was living with a relative. I said it's funny how nowadays people have children, get married, then find somewhere to live rather than the other way around. She said- yes but that how you get a house in this country, you have to have a baby. Disclaimer- we grew up on a rough council estate, we never knew ANYBODY, really, not one person, who didn't live in a council house. This is what life looked like to us.

Nope, had ds1whilst dp and I were both at uni, we bought a house when ds3 was 8mths, we rented before then.

In some ways it was good that we didn't get used to a two person income and the freedoms of life with no kids, now the youngest us getting a bit older we are getting more freedom etc and its nice but as we weren't used to it before children we never missed it.

We were living in tied accomodation when we had DS1, rent was very low and DH well paid, so no we didnt struggle, even though I was a SAHM. Later bought our first house when I was working full time as we couldn't of done it on one salary.

With DS2 I was a single Mum but living in my own (paid for) home and had some savings and income. I wouldn't of had DS2 had I not been financially sound.

Both DC's were planned

Yes, mostly because we met when we were both 30 with good careers. I'm sure you'll manage in any case, but I have to say that it's nice not to have to worry about paying the bills.

No, DS was unplanned and I wasn't with his father by the time he was born. But we coped, I was allocated a council house when he was six months old, which is probably more secure than owning anyway as I've had periods when I've been claiming full benefits. No child care costs luckily as my parents helped out.

Most couples I know who waited until they were homeowners didn't have their dc until they were much older; they often tell me they wish they hadn't as they've ended up needing ivf and/or don't have the energy to cope with toddlers.

DS was a surprise. DP moved into my little rented flat. It was fine apart from all the stairs. I wasn't financially stable at all, but luckily DP was/is and he's helped me out a lot.
We bought a house when DS was 9 months old. We're ttc now, without being entirely sure we can afford me to be off work again, but with the view it could take a while. Either way, we won't be desperate and we'd save on childcare anyway...

Yes, sort of, but it wasn't really intentional. We had bought a house. I got pregnant within a month of moving in to it, but we had been TTC for years and I was on fertility treatment while we were in a rented house. Buying the house took literally almost every last penny we owned so we had no savings at all and probably only got through my maternity leave because we inherited several thousand pounds (from a relative I barely knew who had a lot more money than anyone had ever expected). Also, we got loads of baby things second-hand, as my sister had had a baby 7 months previously and my mum's company had closed down so she knew a lot of colleagues who were moving house for a new job and clearing out their attics of baby stuff.

Children weren't part of the plan originally. We sold the flat and bought a house and still weren't planning on them but at that time neither of us were in stable jobs. I never knew if I was going to get paid at the end of the month, they were such cowboys. Eventually the plan changed and I did look into childcare costs before admitting to DH I had changed my mind.
Then, as sods law (like above poster), I had twins. We have been able to live quite well and now have good jobs and savings.

We owned our own house, had been married 4 years - had set up our own business and waited til it was established....when dd was born we immediately opened a bank account for her and began saving for her third level education....so far so well-planned you'd think. Then we had a second baby, the recession hit, business started to suffer, currently hasn't made enough to pay any personal bills for 5 months so we've had to delve into dd's savings and college fund (not for the first time in the 4 years of recession) so now we have two children, have a house but cannot make mortgage repayments, business failing, no money left for either child to go on to third level, totally fecked financially. We adore our dc but we feel very stupid for getting ourselves trapped like this - pre kids we could've upped sticks and moved to where there are jobs, adapted to whatever job/way of life was necessary in order to survive and thrive. I suppose my point is that in our situation it didn't matter how prepared we were for our dc's birth - circumstances that we could never have imagined have thrown us completely upsidedown and our current situation would not be much different if we had started our family a lot less prepared.

We owned our own home and were financially stable before having a baby.

Auntmaud, it is worth remembering that there are those of us who have always worked (and worked bloody hard) but are in jobs that are academic and low paid.
I am just 40 and my DH is 36 and we privately rent because we have never been able to buy.

Like I say on here earlier, if we had waited to buy a house before having children, well it would never have happened and we would be child less and still saving for a decent deposit.

You see and read about it all the time, chocolate, sadly. Especially on line. people moaning how skint they are and then they drip feed that she has never done a days work, he's part time min wage and they are expecting baby # 5.

And don't get me started on the number of women who don't think earning any money at all is their responsibility!

We have to the extent that we have waited till we are in our mid-30's before TTC, but that's not because of the financial advantage, just that we weren't ready before then.

Mortgage is 75% paid off thanks to overpaying for the last 10 years, so can slow down on that for a little while. I'm fairly well established in my career so happy to reduce my hours for a couple of years after mat leave, and we've had enough fun over recent years to be happy to make the lifestyle changes and cutbacks a new baby will bring.

On the other hand, we have no savings at all and didn't live frugally whilst TTC so unforeseen expenses may hit hard when the baby is here. Similarly our cars are 6-8 years old, so not elderly, but hitting the stage where expenses there will rise.

You can't plan for everything, and we did the best we could financially whilst also having fun together. We were very lucky in that I bought my house on my own at 25 and got together with DH (who rented) around the same time, so we know we can afford to run our home on just one salary. We are also lucky in the sense that we got together quite young so we've had a lot of time and a lot of fun just the two of us. Don't worry, it's almost always fine in the end.

When my mother had me and my sister she was married and had a fairly secure home. Then my father had a string of affairs and left us with no money when we were 2 and 5 and my mum ended up bringing us up on her own, struggling to make ends meet. Nowadays she would be judged as a single mother with no money when the situation was not her fault - she just married the wrong arshole man.

However, not everyone starts out doing it like my mum. Alot of families have children whilst struggling with money/accomodation yet still continue to add to their family when they clearly cannot afford to do so.

My mother wouldn't have even thought of having anymore children being in a struggle like she was but that seems to be the norm these days. At the children's centre you here people with 2/3 children complaining about lack of money then in the same breath say they are ttc or pregant again. I can't understand why if you were struggling so badly you would add another to your family?

We did. Had owned (with mortgage) our house for about 6 years before TTC, and I knew that DH could cover our outgoings while I wasn't earning. Actually it worked so well that I didn't go back to work for 3 years, and we had DS2 as well.

We do work out the financials before committing to anything. When I went back to work (FT) we worked out childcare costs and I knew what I would have to earn to make it worth while. NB Financially didn't need to go back to work, but was getting a bit down. Since then we have taken on a big mortgage, and I do need to keep working! But very happy with this.

I think Aunt Maud puts things rather starkly, but basically I am in agreement.

Of course we did. We had our children in our thirties.

I don't expect other taxpayers to pay for my kids and I never cease to be shocked at those that do.

Of course you can live to your means.