Someone please calm me down, because I am in danger of not speaking to DH over Christmas. Seriously.

(36 Posts)
SirChenjin Tue 24-Dec-13 17:16:39

After my light hearted earlier thread, DH has royally fucked up. I am beyond livid. I asked him for 2 things for Christmas. A music CD and for my ring (which I absolutely adore) to be fixed. It's a lovely 1930s ring which have been wearing with my wedding ring, but the middle stone fell out a couple of months ago. Instead of taking it to a jeweller, he decided about 30 mins ago to fix it - with superglue. And guess what - he's botched it up. Majorly botched it up.

The one fucking thing I really, really wanted him to do. I don't know whether to slam doors or cry.

FunkyBoldRibena Tue 24-Dec-13 17:19:42

Calm down and tell him to get it sorted once the shops are open again.

Butterytoast Tue 24-Dec-13 17:21:23

There is special stuff which gets superglue off so it's not beyond repair. Take it to a jewellers yourself in the new year and tell him he's stumping up for it!!

In the meantime get a bottle of wine and a mince pie and relax

SnakeyMcBadass Tue 24-Dec-13 17:21:47

I'd probably chuck a bit of a wobbly, then get over it by tomorrow. Sorry he's bodged it sad

SirChenjin Tue 24-Dec-13 17:25:04

It's the fact that he's had weeks to take it to the jewellers and he decides to leave it til the last minute and then decides to do it himself. If he was Mr Fixit who could fix anything then fair enough, but he's not. I actually feel really hurt that he couldn't even do this one this that was really important to me - and believe me, I'm not usually one for getting her knickers in a twist about Christmas. If it was going to be an issue then he should have said and I would have taken it to the jewellers myself, but he assured me he would get it fixed for me.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 24-Dec-13 17:26:51

Ask him why he did what he did as he has made you feel like he doesn't care enough to make a special effort. His job is to make you feel like he did it because he cares hugely about you having the ring fixed and was too busy sorting out other amazing presents to visit the jewellers.

TotallyBursarforHogswatch Tue 24-Dec-13 17:44:35

I can completely understand where you're coming from. There was similar here one year and it was the end of a run of just stupid thoughtlessness. I cried & I'm not a crier. I also called him a fucking thoughtless bastard and I'm not given to insulting him either.

I would tell him exactly how it made you feel and just get it out. Although I'm coming from the angle that we argue until it's resolved then it's done so I would feel like shit tonight but feel better for Christmas day. I think bursting into tears because I was much more hurt than angry actually made him hear what I was saying & realise how much he'd fucked up. Nothing wrong with going and giving the shed/wall/whatever isn't him a good kicking, possibly crying as well. Tip the balance back to composed.

I'm really sorry, it will get sorted though. Would you like me to say LTB? I can call him a knob too, if you want?

Davros Tue 24-Dec-13 17:48:07

He's been a fuckwit. Do you think he feels bad about it? I would give him a hard time for half an hour and then deign to make things OK as it's Xmas. Then extract retribution big time after Xmas. One year DH got me nothing for my birthday. I didn't want anything much but nothing was unacceptable. He's never done it again because I was genuinely hurt.

SirChenjin Tue 24-Dec-13 17:53:01

I really can't bring myself to say anything at the moment as I suspect it will just descend into an argument. I won't LTB (not after 20 years!) but he will be left in no doubt how hurt and upset I am by this once Christmas is over.

BunnyMama Tue 24-Dec-13 18:07:11

But, did you get the CD??? That's the real question wink

C'maaaan... you've every right to be super annoyed... superglue... the clown... but it's Christmas. Get yourself a glass of sherry. You'll look back and laugh in 55 years or so smile

You'll look back and laugh in about 12 years when you get released from your life sentence on licence... because of course you have to kill him. Thoughtless, selfish, idle bugger.

Although that's reminded me, I picked up dh's wedding ring that I've had resized for him the other day. WHERE did I put the bugger? Off to search!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Tue 24-Dec-13 18:11:57

She is hurt. Of course she won't laugh. Funny is asking for a classical music CD and getting a 1D one.

oops sorry for swearing and repetition, I blame the panic of suddenly realising I'm not entirely sure where I put dh's ring...

TotallyBursarforHogswatch Tue 24-Dec-13 18:13:58

I don't think it's a LTB offense, but thought I'd offer! If that works for you, there's nowt wrong with not opening the can.
Or just quietly supergluing his hand to his leg in the night grin
It was a rubbish thing to do, but he can make amends for this fuck up and I hope he makes you feel better. It's horrible though. Fingers crossed tomorrow is a happier one.

SirChenjin Tue 24-Dec-13 21:23:31

Thanks all. Between these posts and the copious amounts of mulled wine I'm feeling a little bit better - but still feel incredibly hurt by the lack of care and thought. Ah well, not the end of the world I suppose.

TheDoctrineOfSanta Tue 24-Dec-13 21:32:51


What a poo poo head.

Davros Tue 24-Dec-13 21:56:22

Well, you don't want to be a prima Donna but you shouldn't get overlooked either. I bet you make sure everyone else's Xmas happens, it's not much to ask but best to let it go for now

Davros Tue 24-Dec-13 21:58:02

Well, you don't want to be a prima Donna but you shouldn't get overlooked either. I bet you make sure everyone else's Xmas happens, it's not much to ask but best to let it go for now

condaleeza Tue 24-Dec-13 21:59:57


Mollydoggerson Tue 24-Dec-13 22:09:03

There is a woman on another thread upset because she could not tend to her daughter's grave as she wanted to today due to the weather.

This time last year my father was being worked on by a cardiac team, pumping on his chest and forcing him back to life, he lived for 5 more days.

You are seriously lacking perspective.

Davros Tue 24-Dec-13 22:14:23

I think you are being needlessly harsh. There is always tragedy in the world, it doesn't mean someone shouldn't expect a bit of consideration from their OH

And Merry Christmas to you too, Molly. There's always someone worse off - doesn't make unkindness irrelevant. I'm sorry your father died but I bet you still moan about other stuff occasionally. We all do!

CantaSlaus Tue 24-Dec-13 22:23:49

Oh ffs, why does the 'there are people worse off than you' brigade always come marching in? People are allowed to get upset over things other than world disasters you know!

TotallyBursarforHogswatch Tue 24-Dec-13 22:32:26

Molly - I'm very sorry for your loss and that this time of year is hard for your family.
But having that pain doesn't mean no one else is allowed to be upset about anything unless it 'worse'. I'm sure Sir feels grateful for the things she has, that doesn't mean she can't be hurt by something hurtful. She is not hysterical, not woe is me or threatening to implode the family Christmas, she's getting it off her chest and that is absolutely ok and her reaction is not a loss of perspective.

My son should be here, my brother should be here, both lost as children, and my mum is battling cancer. It's a tender grief. But I was still upset that I will miss Christmas due to a bug. Big or little it's all valid.
I hope you are comforted by good memories and it takes the edge off, have a peaceful Christmas thanks

Mollydoggerson Tue 24-Dec-13 22:39:51

Hi Totally, thanks for your kind words and sorry for your losses.

I disagree, I think the OP being 'beyond livid' is an overreaction.

We are all entitled to an opinion. The title of this thread is an appeal to calm the OP down, there are lots of nice soothing noises and my opinion of thinking her reaction is OTT.

TotallyBursarforHogswatch Tue 24-Dec-13 23:16:40

Thank you.
I think it's easy to slip into hyperbole when upset and if if this was a week after the event for sure that would be OTT, but I am happy to agree to disagree smile
As long as there is no malice all opinions are equal.

Sometimes things just accumulate into a big crap fest & it doesn't take much to open the floodgates and make the focal point a bit of a bigger deal than it maybe otherwise would be. We have all been there, sometimes you benefit from a bit of sympathy so you can get back on track, sometimes you need to be told to give your head a wobble. I think this was a hurtful thing and deserved a bit of sympathy. If Sir does actually glue his hand to his leg, not so much!
You didn't think the same so there's a bit of everything to look at when it's all less fresh.
Which is why I never get 'MN is a hivemind' threads but that's by the by.
I'm going to crawl into bed and wait for DH to get home from work. Sleep well.

Geckos48 Tue 24-Dec-13 23:25:08

I was beyond livid at my OH over a pork pie yesterday...

although it wasn't, it was about his sheer thoughtlessness towards me and the children and his inability to even so much as sort out a tiny gift for me to open christmas morning after I had spent a month scrimping and saving a bit of magic for the kids.

I would be fully expecting foot-rubs and grovelling and endless sorry's from your DH if he were mine OP and I would get my own ring fixed immediately (as I got the only thing I wanted for christmas but had sold out found and paid for by phoning round loads of people today having realised that he actually, absolutely was NOT going to sort it out and get me it despite me blatently TELLING him that on christmas morning THAT is what I wanted.

I hope you are feeling better, relax tomorrow and dont worry about it, just sort it as soon as the shops re-open and life goes back to normal.

blahe Wed 25-Dec-13 09:22:25

Mollydoggerson - posters like you really piss me off. Sorry to get on my high horse but everyone is allowed to feel upset at different things. Someone can always be "out trumped" by others - including my poor BIL who has lost 5 close family members this year alone including his mother, Granddaughter and his own BIL who was killed 2 days ago.

I cant actually even explain what it is about posts like yours that make me so angry, I just know they do.

Lifeasafish Wed 25-Dec-13 09:52:52

It's the belittling of emotion that angers people about the 'better things to get upset about posts'. It's not a competition as to who has it worse and I say this as someone who had an ERPC just yesterday for a much wanted and fought for IVF baby - my second IVF miscarriage last year.

sir I can understand why you are upset, its the lack of thought and planning. Sometimes you have to just suck it up and look for the other things he does that give thought and planning even if they are simple. I would have a talk tomorrow about how it made me feel - not to berate, but just to explain how important it was to you and hopefully you will feel better afterwards.

Merry christmas to all!

SantasComingEarlyHisSackIsFull Wed 25-Dec-13 10:18:50

thanks Lifeisafish. What a woman you are to post support after what you have been through. Any future child of yours (fingers crossed for you in 2014) will be very lucky to have you, you seem so emotionally intelligent. 2013 has been a cunty year for many.

SirChenjin, that is very hurtful. I second getting it out (if that's your "style" of course) if it makes you feel better. No row should happen, because your DH should be totally apologetic and should take on board how shit he has been and how hurt you are. Hope the day improves for you.

Mine will soon enough; I finish work at 13.00 and can then get back to the family. Also my little DS2 (5 yo) is a bit better today after having terrible flu for a week. Happy Christmas, 'y all.

GhettoPrincess001 Wed 25-Dec-13 10:26:47

Yeah, I agree with the poster who remarked about getting the ring professionally cleaned and repaired after Christmas. Your husband can pay, naturally.

In fact, whilst you were in the jewellers you noticed.........(something nice that would improve your mood immensely)

Phantomquartz Wed 25-Dec-13 10:32:29

I do a jewellery course and superglue is very easy to remove. You will then be able to get the ring repaired properly.

Don't worry, this is not the end of the world.

TheDoctrineOfSanta Wed 25-Dec-13 12:11:39

Phantom, bet that is a reassuring post for the OP!

SirChenjin Wed 25-Dec-13 12:15:12

Thanks all - and thanks to all of you who have been on the receiving end of similar grin. It's a relief to hear that superglue is easy to remove - thanks Phantomquartz. On the plus side, he is off to the jewellers first thing tomorrow, and did redeem himself with something lovely! I'm not going to say much in response to the one earlier post, suffice to say that my family and I are very aware that there are far more important things in the world to worry about, and that I am mindful that others on here are going through truly awful times - my thoughts are with them.

Lifeasafish - I am so, so sorry for your loss. Words are simply not enough at this time, and I hope very much that 2014 will be the year you will have a family.

Wishing you all a very Happy Christmas - here's to a peaceful, healthy and happy 2014.

Lifeasafish Thu 26-Dec-13 10:48:32

Thank you for your comments and sorry - I didn't mean to make it about me, it just irritates me when people's upset's are belittled.

I hope the rest of your day went well and that your ring gets fixed.

SirChenjin Thu 26-Dec-13 11:30:05

Oh no, please don't think for a minute that you made it about you - I certainly didn't think that at all and was so sorry to hear of your sad news sad

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