Mumsnet Talk

Re-posting from the Christmas topic, hopefully the thread police won't bite me

www.redonline.co.uk/news/sam-baker-s-daily-letter/john-lewis-refuge-gift-list

"Every year, Refuge try to ensure that every woman and child in their refuges receive a minimum of two to three presents each to unwrap on Christmas day. As Refuge say, 'The Christmas gift initiative is vital to ensure that refuges became places of joy on a day that has the potential to very bleak and hard.'
The charity have a gift list at John Lewis for the appeal so it could not be simpler. You can go as small as a counting block for £2.99, to as big as a pair of roller blades for £40. Whatever you pick, you will know that there?s a child in a refuge somewhere who will have a present to open on Christmas morning ? thanks to you.
Surely, this is the best reason to start your Christmas shopping early this year?
Go to Johnlewisgiftlist.com and enter list number 522953. ( The gift list has to close on 6th December 2012 so that there is time to get the presents to each of the Refuges )

Bump

That's lovely!

The gift list number is 522953. (and you can't copy & paste it)

I'm kind of concentrating my efforts on gathering gifts for the women and children in my refuge (different organisation), but agree that it's an excellent appeal that will spread a whole bunch of joy

Awesome, thanks for this

That number gives the gift list of a wedding couple?

Ah no, i must have mistyped...sorry

522593

That takes me to someone's nursery list.

I think I did the same ghoulygumdrops

No, 522953 I think. Great idea

Googled, it's
522952

Gift list 522953 is listed as belonging to refuge and looks like the right one - multiples of everything

Aaaaaaargh!
522953

That is great, thanks for posting.

Which is the right number?

Will john lewis provide discounts/donations for refuge too?
.

522953. It says "charity of refuge" if you get the right one

Bump for the right number please

522953

Is the right number - sorry.

Oh, I was right¬ [confued]

Bump, anyway.

How lovely. We don't have much spare cash but will get something.

The correct number is in my OP and its also in the linked article if you want to check it there too

Dozer I'm going to email them and ask about that. I'll post here if I get a response.

Thank you, I will take a look.

Great idea, bump!

Please type the gift list number carefully

522953

I have asked John Lewis if they are going to donate the profit from the sales generated - will report back

bumping so I can find it later

It is 522953. I purchased items from the list, and it clearly refers to Refuge.

There is an Oner, Nickelbabe, who has a bookshop who is doing something similar.

MNer not Oner.

Ah yes Fright - I've seen that thread. Have you got a link you can post?

What a fantastic idea! Will def get something

That's a brilliant idea, bumping

Brilliant idea, hope a little one enjoys opening their book and SpongeBob walkie talkies on Christmas day.

It's a great idea and I will be ordering something.

There still seems to be tons of stuff available though

Have done it. What a good cause.

We did this last year instead of shoe boxes. Ds2 has got the sixth form doing it this year.

Fantastic idea, thanks. I'll be buying something when I have the money. I hope John Lewis are donating too though. I'll be very shocked if their not and it would put me off shopping with them again in future.

I've just emailed John Lewis to say it's s fantastic idea and to ask if they'll be donating too. I mentioned that I'd heard about it on mumsnet so that they'd know we were talking about it in case this influences their decision about donating. It would be very wrong for them to profit from this and not be donating. Maybe a few more emails would help if anyone wants to drop them an email?

It is just set up like a normal gift list - they might not have been asked to contribute.

Whilst I don't want to take away from the JL/Refuge thing at all, I thought I'd mention that you may also want to contact your local refuge or homeless shelter as they are likely to also be looking for gifts for their residents. Ours takes items which are in an "as new" condition as well as brand new so I donated some of DD's toys & boys which had been rarely played with or read. DD never noticed and it cleared a bit of room on the shelves ready for her influx of toys. This year, as she's (obviously) older, I'm going to try & involve her a bit. Also, if I was in a shop and they were doing a 3 for 2 deal or something but there wasn't something I wanted or needed as the third item, then I'd pick something up anyway and add it to the donations pile.

What a brilliant idea this is. I am going to buy something now.

What a great idea! x

I don't know about John Lewis but when I had a wedding list at Debenhams we got a percentage of what everyone bought as vouchers on top. Hope JL are giving something.

What a fab idea.

Murtette I wish my local refuge had a gift list, you turn up (and you have to be a woman, DH can't drop it off) with purchases and either they've got too many already or they need different ages to what you've got and they won't tell you till you turn up (so you can't phone and ask if they need 4YO boy presents for example as you could be acting on behalf of a man who is trying to find out where his 4YO is IYKWIM)

all reasonable, but makes it hard to buy for the local one, they say have to be vary wary incase you are passing on something from an exP or father that the woman/kids will recognise as from him, which makes total sense, but they also can't guide you.. so a gift list that goes to a refuge somewhere else is a better option IMO

(there used to be a cafe that collected presents wrapped and labelled with boy/girl and age, and somehow distributed them amongst a number of refuges that matched the sex/age through a safe person, but it closed and now its just the housing office for the local one and its very difficult to get it right)

More info, just incase anybody is suspicious

refuge.org.uk/get-involved/refuges-40th-birthday/

One thing you are guaranteed a lot of in refuges is women, though. Its lovely to get things for the kiddies but there are often women in refuge with no family contact, few friends, who will have nothing to open. This year we want to make sure that every single family member gets a gift. A gift box of smellies, nice socks/gloves/hat, even some nice candles or other household type items (many women in refuge will be preparing to move on to an independent tenancy, often starting from scratch re: household goods) would all be fantastic gifts for a woman in crisis.

Y'all can send things to my lovely lovely women if you want.

Really glad they're doing this again. Off to pick something nice.

* WelshMaenad*

Last year superdrug were doing some offers on nail varnish and mascara so I had a few delivered to my local shelter (not a refuge one). If you PM me an address I'll send something for your women.

bump

Fantastic idea. Used and shared. I don't see why JL should have to contribute anything though

Done, and shared. Fabulous idea.

I got an email back -

"Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding the below. Unfortunately, we are unable to discuss individual customer matters with anyone, other than that customer and those authorised by them to act on their behalf.

I trust that you will appreciate the need for confidentiality in such matters."

Which makes total sense (and hadn't actually occured to me )

Thanks for this. I've bought some gifts and posted about it on FB so hope to have more people contributing.

Lovely idea.

Er posted on FB about the appeal and gift list, not about my contribution I mean...

Done and gifted

I am going to send this around my work too

bumping again

Thanks for the website link. It gave me the confidence to donate last night.

IIRC JL did this last year as well, and did make a donation.

Can I buy with PayPal from John Lewis list do you know?

Is it me or is that a rubbish list ?

Mosman once every unit of an asked-for item has been bought the item disappears. So that's not the complete list.

I think its a good list, there's stuff on there for teens and older children which IMO prob feel the strain more, I think people like to give fluffy teddies but babies don't notice as much, there are however practical baby stuff, and sometimes when you're a new mum its nice to have something new rather than loads of seconds

its been replenished since yesterday so I think that is the list, the full amt of everything is remaining now but when I bought yesterday there was a lot already bought

What a lovely thing,

We do the local Giving Tree each year, where we pick a couple of cards from a large Christmas Tree in town with the age and sex of a child and buy a gift for that child, but I'm going to do this John Lewis Refuge List too.

I don't have much spare cash, but there's something for all budgets on there.

I didn't know about it.
Now I do, and I have bought something.
I don't ever do christmas cards, instead I donate to a charity. I will do my usual and let everyone who might otherwise receive a card from me that this year I am buying presents from JL for the Refuge thing. That will also spread the word.

And another bump. I didn't know about this but I have just been and bought something and tweeted and Facebooked it. Domestic violence is a subject very close to my heart and I think this is a fabulous idea.

Jack, I got the same email back, word for word. Fair en

*fair enough. I didn't think about that either. Oh well. I hope they do donate anyway even if they can't tell us about it. I wonder if it might actually be better for refuge if people don't think they're getting corporate donations because that might make it seem like they'll be ok without ordinary people donating iyswim?

I found out last night you can also set up monthly direct debit donations and payroll giving through refuges website too if amines interesting in giving regularly.

I'll have another look but I am not buying iPods or cameras that can be sold on, the toys weren't what I'd consider popular this year and I cannot see £15 hair straighteners lasting tbh

Good idea - I can do that. Thanks OP

Then what about the gift vouchers Mosman?

I cannot imagine being given £20 in gift vouchers when your total income might be £60 and being told to go and find something in JL to spend it on. I'd rather give the person cash to spend on what they need and get 4 times the amount of stuff in Asda.
I will buy a toy if something I think a child might want appears on the list
I just find it a bit odd we are imposing a middle class gruffalo costume on some little mite who's never heard of it and might prefer a set of cars that's all

I bought stuff last year and from what it said on the Refuge site then it was things that people in refuges actually wanted - presumably somewhere there is someone who wants £15 hair straighteners?
If Refuge think it's good enough to set up, then who are you to criticise Mosman ? Just because you are broke why can't you enjoy having something posh and enjoying it and why should someone in a refuge want to sell an iPod or whatever?
You don't have to be rich, poor, stupid, wise, clever or feckless to be abused and have to flee your home

I think it's a very odd list I have no problem with hair straighteners but ones I know from experience are rubbish are not something I am willing to buy, I find a bright pink cost strange where's the boys coat or neutral one ? It looks like some middle class twit has compiled their wish list tbh

Mosman, the gruffalo is arguably the most popular children's book of the last decade. Are you saying, then, that the families that find themselves in refuge are of a 'type' that don't read books?

Did you mean to sound so rude?

They may not even be English and have a clue what that odd looking toy is. I think there are better more appealing toys available. And since you mention the gruffalo my family members who have four under fives between had never heard of it and thought it was a dreadful book and hideous toy when they saw we'd bought it for my child and took the piss relentlessly.
It seems a shame if that's the only present you might get for it to be something you open and think WTF or in the case of the straighteners it breaks in a month.

Do you not think refuge staff will distribute gifts according to their knowledge of who would appreciate what? I know very well where a gruffalo toy would be appreciated and where it would not, due to this shocking notion that I get to know my service users.

Do you not thinking it would be better to offer a more universally known/liked toy to begin with its not like JL are limited in their options they seemed to have quite a selection last time I looked . The cynic in me wonders if the list was selected on profitability.

I can't say I've wasted too much time analysing it, to be frank.

Pretty much every four year old I've met has loved the gruffalo. Maybe my entire world is populated with middle class twits.

Or maybe the middle class twits are the ones making assumptions about families who are in crisis and assigning stereotypes and judgement where there just needs yo be acceptance and generosity

Dunno. Just sayin'.

Which answers nothing at all about why we need a pink duffle coat but not a blue one or indeed a grey one that could be used for multiple children in a family. I have no problem with the idea but this seems to need a bit more thought and consideration in terms of making good use of people's generosity.

A lot of it looks like stuff that would end up in the sale. Just saying.

This is a lovely idea! FWIW I'm skint to the level of choosing between heat & food, but I will buy one of the cheapest items. Families in refuges have better heating and meals than I do, but their lives have been ripped apart and a great Christmas is going to be a powerful milestone for many.

Mosman, refusing to support a charitable effort because you think it could have been done better is a classically mean-minded tactic. Just buy an item of which you approve, or be straightforward enough to say you won't contribute.

Thanks for this thread - have just bought a Lightning McQueen light thing, hope somebody will really love opening it on xmas morning. I have to say that I do slightly agree with Mosman... would have much preferred to buy 2 or 3 cheaper items, ie spent same amount (all I can afford at the mo!) but on smaller items. Also, much as I love the idea of this, I wonder why they can't let you putsome money towards the larger items without having to actually pay for the whole thing, if that makes sense.

Garlic I shall purchase something but am disappointed with the choices on offer, I think I've made that point now.

Girls like pink. I imagine that for christmas a little girl mike like something special, in her favourite colour, just for her. Because these families are allowed to have nice things, you know. Things that are perhaps a bit impractical or items of a luxury nature, that will bring them joy. They might be in crisis but let's not impose worthy practicality on their fucking Christmas gifts, for fucks sake.

I bought from this last month when it was advertised in Red. The item that I bought doesnt appear to be on the list any more, so I suppose they have changed the list over time so not every 4 year old is going to get a gruffalo costume!
I have to say I think it is a pretty good list - you can buy practical things like clothes or a toy if you prefer.
But you cant please all the people all the time. If people like the idea but dont like the list then it might perhaps encourage them to donate cash or vouchers direct to a refuge.
Great idea for a great charity and hopefully get people talking about supporting women in refuges (and help get rid of the thought that "middle class" women dont end up there!)

Practicality is imposed on my kids Christmas as it is most children's on the basis that hard earnt cash shouldn't be wasted, regardless of people's situation

Done. I think it is a lovely idea. I went for a couple of mum presents- but there wasn't much choice. JL sell loads of soaps and perfumes but there were only 3 toiletry things on the list (I can't think of anyone who doesn't like a bit of Crabtree and Evelyn or Roger Gallet as a treat and JL stock both).

Mosman I live in a high rise flat in one in the most deprived areas in britain and the children know who the fucking gruffalos are round here. Shockingly poor people can read! Who knew!
Plus it's on tv and you know how our poor kids watch tv all day.

The list had many cheaper practical items last week like hairbrushes ect, it replenishes with things picked by shelter.

This is great, thanks!

Pets you're being a bit silly aren't you, nobody said only poor people know or don't know what a gruffalo is or can or can't read. And nobody said only poor people end up in refuges so do not reflect your ignorance onto me.

Fantastic idea, I already donate to a local charity though a church service I attend but not everyone gets that chance. This is open to all

Can I please urge people when buying presents to remember older children/teens. When picking things it's always easy to focus on toys for the little ones but it's just as nice for the older children to have something.

Mosman - nobody is forcing you to buy anything and £20 in JL vouchers could also be used in Waitrose to buy food btw.
There was a lot more on the list a few days ago (which is a good thing, it means lots has been bought!!)

Don't forget that this list will have been put together by Refuge, not John Lewis.

For anybody that doesn't want to buy via John Lewis and think the money should go direct to Refuge, then you can donate here

Wow, just wow - mosman I am an educated, articulate, well-brought up woman. I found myself in an abusive relationship when I was much younger and fled to a refuge with my (then) 6 month old DS1. Domestic violence knows no class, and can affect anyone.

Yes, there isn't as much choice as I'd like on the list - but making the assumption that an ipod shuffle would be sold on is bloody insulting actually.

I spent 8 weeks in a refuge as a child and anything that wasn't nailed down was stolen and no doubt sold on, toys, clothes nothing was safe.

I bought the hair straighteners. No, they may not last five years like my GHDs but when I saw them I thought of an older child. How they look is so important to how they feel about themselves and they may have had to leave with nothing.

Feeling equal to your peers is also important. The girl who already has enough to deal with in her new life, at a new school doesn't need to be teased about her hair on top of everything else.

Refuge will know about these issues better than anyone.

My only issue with things like iPods are will they have the access to computers needed to set it up? Will they have the money needed to download songs?

I don't like the idea of a present which needs extras in this case.

Straighteners and things are much better for teenagers

I would rather donate money than gifts, then those mother can go and get something the child wants

MsChristmasPants2012 link

And half the pleasure is in the choosing why do a bunch of strangers get to the fun bit

It's set up by Refuge - presumably they thought it was a good idea.

Crikey, Mosman change your name to Grinch, will you!

I think I know what Mosman's problem is and tbh it stinks.

Aw lets not turn this into a snipy thread, just keep bumping it

Is that right JF

Why are you so agressive, Mosman?

oi, pack it in you two

Do you get some sort of confirmation of what you have ordered? We get a "charity" gift for a friend so thinking this may be ideal

Why are you answering g a question with a question JF ?

Yes, you'll get an email confirmation listing the name of the gift list and what you have bought.

Well just to answer one point, Mosman, I was given John Lewis £20 hair straighteners about six years ago, was a bit but they are still going strong, so ner.

Refuge have been doing this with JL for years. In fact, I started a thread about it two years ago - I think - and there was a similar response as on this thread. I was accused of being a troll. There were accusations that the whole thing was a set-up and that someone was profiteering (maybe me, the troll?). There were demands that MN make someone from Refuge come on here and explain themselves.

Which all just goes to prove that the Professionally Offended are everywhere.

squeaver really? FGS..

I hope nobody thinks I'm a troll!! (I would lol though, that's never happened here before and I've been here years )

I'm not offended professionally or otherwise, just think they've missed a trick or need to update the list more regularly

I agree Mosman - BUT there were a lot more items on there at the beginning of the week (which is good - it means that lots of the good stuff has been bought!) but what is left is looking a bit cobbled together.

I remember the snipey posts from last year's Refuge list too.

Even when pointed out that Refuge had complied the list and it was made up of things that had actually been asked for and that getting a non-essential was actually valued, it never totally went away.

Ha, Jack, I was quite weirdly proud of myself.

Humpf. Now I want to be accused of trolling!

thanks for adding the sticky Rebecca

Here's the proper link to the Refuge website, for anybody that might have missed it. The gift list number is 522953

refuge.org.uk/get-involved/refuges-40th-birthday/

Mosman you can spend the JL vouchers in Waitrose on cosmetics, treats or books!

I always choose my charity gift based on something my child(ren) would love for themselves that particular year. So this year I got the spiderman costume from DS1 and the baby bath from the bump. I considered the walkie-talkies from DS1 as he'd love them too but I never give electric gifts without including batteries and I'd hate for a kid to have something they can't play with on the day they open it.

I thought there were good choices in the age ranges I was looking for. I liked that there were NEW babygros, they were a condender, as it would be nice to have something new for your baby in a refuge when all that's available is seconds

Done! I think its a great idea!

Would still like to know if JL is donating too, or just profiting.

It's not anything to do with John Lewis though. Refuge set up the list, and the people at the refuges get the donated gifts.

From what I can glean from internet searches and what people have said on here, they do make a contribution. Also, if you set up a gift list on JL you get an additional amount sent to you in vouchers on top of what is on the list.

If you don't want JL to profit (which I very much doubt they are in the instance) then donate direct to Refuge (or any other charity that you deem worthy).

and Dozer feel free to email and see if you get a different email response to me.

when I bought to bring gifts direct to the office for the local refuge, the shops I bought from made a profit.. and I brought stuff that wasn't necessarily what they wanted

Could everybody, possibly just stop looking for a reason not to do this.

If you don't like it, or you hate the fact that there is a small chance that JL will be profiting in your random act of kindness to donate a gift to a family that has had to leave everything.

It doesn't fucking matter!

Refuge have set up this list. People buy from this list. People at Refuge shelters get presents at the darkest moment of their life.

Who gives a flying fuck who profits. Just donate if you want to, or STFU.

thanks, x

Ignore the naysayers Jack It is a good thing you're doing and plenty of people agree with you!
There are always some people who can't see the good. Hopefully they show kindness elsewhere in their lives. There but for the grace of God go we...

I don't think it does any harm to ask for clarification and seek to understand how best to apply charity. Id be suspicious of the motives of anyone who wants others to just do as they are told or bugger off actually

Great idea. Have bought something. I can think of a lot better things to start undermining than this.

Brilliant idea! Everybody is struggling at the moment.....but to just spend a tenner or so on one of these gifts will make a big difference to a Mum or child who will be having a very difficult Christmas......
Thank you for bringing this to our attention

But if you buy material gifts of any description then a shop somewhere is profiting.

I'm fairly sure JL will donate at least the standard amount that gift lust owners get back in vouchers, if not more. Of the 'bigs ' they are pretty good on the charitable front.

It is a lovely, lovely thing that will bring so much joy to people at their lowest ebb. That's the most important thing, really.

You do seem very suspicious generally Mosman

Jack,
Thanks for creating the thread and raising awareness. I donated a couple of weeks ago and mentioned it on the MN Xmas thread.
As well as doing this our box this year will be delivered on Xmas eve to our local refuge rather than OCC but that's a whole other thread which has been done to death.
I don't see this in AIBU- raises awareness and those who chose to donate, will.

Thank you Jack, what a great thread, I would never have known about this initiative otherwise. I have a DD who's two and I've donated something that I would want for my DD if we were in that situation.

As an aside, the vast majority of the list seems to have no one who's bought any of the stuff - eg refuge has put 17 of something on the list and there's still 17 to be bought. Does it need more publicity? If so how best to do it?

I have been shamelessly plugging the link on Facebook comments whenever someone posts about the cute JL snowman

Mosman quit being so negative. It's a lovely idea but if you don't like it then just don't buy anything. There's no need to keep trying to put other people off donating.

OP thanks for starting the thread and I've also posted it on my fb page. I am taken aback by the people looking to find fault, especially Mosman. I bought a hair dryer because I figured everyone could use it - teenage boys in particular!

Sadly this thread shows someof the prejudices around abuse. You will be poor, you don't deserve anything fluffy and your low morals mean you will sell on your kid's iPod. Very depressing.

Unless you've been in one of these establishments do not be so fucking naive as to believe an iPod will remain with the recipient one way or another for five minutes. The hair dryers not a bad choice.

Mosman making an assumption that a refuge will be full of crack-whores who will hot-foot it down to cash converters with their child's ipod is hugely flawed and incredibly insulting. (Also, cash converters will be closed on Christmas Day - so it'll be longer than 5 minutes.)

As I said earlier in the thread - I HAVE been in one of these establishments. On top of that, I've been in one in a very deprived area of the Northeast where substance abuse, crime and violence go hand in hand. (A family three doors down from me were shot dead in their beds one night due to a drugs related incident) I was there as an adult and as a parent and have very clear memories. Not that I'm suggesting that your memories are any less clear, but a child's understanding of a situation and surroundings are sometimes very different from the truth. (I have vivid memories of my bicycle actually being a pony at times)
Yes, there were women there who had been through addiction, there were also very strict rules about substances and even alcohol was banned from the premises. If there was a sniff of anti-social behaviour, then the place in the refuge was forfeit and on top of that - all of our rooms had locks and keys.

Marking place to buy something once the bastards at sky finally sort out my broadband.

So imagined all our stuff getting trashed and stolen ? And we had nothing worth nicking lol

I don't know if this could be done but I can't afford to pay the full £35 for a Moses basket but could afford £10. Does any more people want to go in for one? If not ill definitely buy one before the list closes anyway. Having an 8 month old baby, it makes me so sad that a baby might not have a nice place to sleep

Mosman, I don't doubt your experience

however at any given time a refuge could be filled with 100% thieves, or 70 % thieves, or 50% thieves, or 20 percent thieves, or 0 percent thieves

just like your average hospital ward! we don't say "don't bother bringing your rellies a nice pair of slippers" when in hospital just because there MIGHT be a thief in their ward at the time. Yes there might be, its a service that serves the whole community, like refuges! All kinds of people come through the doors!

Assuming that the majority of women who end up in refuges are low lives is wrong, any of us could find ourselves there with any sort of cross section of society, could be a good bunch, could be bad 'uns

But even if they are bad 'uns, they'll never change if society decided that they'r e never worth trusting with anything, why would they?

I'm just pointing out the bleedin obvious that a) ipods will need additional money that the recipient may not be able to afford, b) there's a good chance that they may get nicked or sold on if not by the recipient then people the receipent will be in contact with, the friggin staff stole some of my mums clothes ffs. The digital camera will require some sort of computer access no ?Lego and toys with lots of pieces aren't ideal to be playing with in limited space where people will be living in something the size of a hotel room, the list could have been better thought out. That's all.

I appreciate people want a warm fluffy feeling from giving.

and even if it does get stolen a few days later, it'll be there to open on christmas day.

I sell loads of DSs gifts, I sell them at boot sales or nearly news instead of cash converters, and I usually buy him something new that he needs with the money, I don't buy drugs or booze with the money, but I still sell or give away loads of his stuff. We don't have room to be sentimental, meh! he enjoys them while he has them! He likes opening presents, he likes playing with his new things, there's not much he gets to keep forever, we don't have a loft or a garage so that's how it is!

I'm sure the staff will ensure that the kids are allowed to take their gifts out of the wrappers on christmas day and play with them!

mosman, I agree with A
As I posted earlier I didn't choose the first thing that jumped out at me (walkie talkies) because I wondered about the battery issue, so went for the fancy dress costume instead as it needed no extras to be enjoyed on christmas day

noone is doubting that you had bad eggs when you went, There are bad refuges, there are bad people who need refuges, but IMO you are incorrect to think that all refuges are exactly the same as that at all times and that no good will come from giving gifts to them!

Mosman, ipod actually a lot of free content, ds has a touch and I've never paid for a game song or video on it.

(don't need a computer for digital camera, can print at boots)

my mum has had digital cameras for years with no computer

I've made my point, without swearing at any one or being rude.

I'd ask you all to consider getting some poor kid off the street by donating to this instead, www.centrepointroom.org.uk/?dm_i=QTC,11JJ1,3UTFPD,3756R,1 or both if you are feeling flush :D

I actually kind of agree with Mosman.

We have a local giving tree which we can pick the gift for and a much as I'd love to buy an MP3 player or similar fir a teenager I never do because they require too much outside input to use such as internet/computer/spare cash for some songs etc

Wouldn't think twice about other gifts such as straighteners though or costumes as these can be used and enjoyed without anything else.

Lovely idea

I've posted on Facebook and Twitter about the list. I also bought some roller skates.

Although I do think you sound a bit bitter mosman, unfortunately I do think you have a point.

When I was in refuge, the staff took all the donations and kept them locked up, we actually broke into the room to get a few essentials. My engagement ring was stolen, along with some other bits. Food wasn't even safe!

ipod would have been pointless without computer access. Space in the one I was in was very limited. a family gets one room, so I had a room with a single bed, a bunk bed and a cot. No room to swing a cat. Dressing up even would have been quite difficult. I think the roller skates is a nice idea, def something I would have appreciated, as I desperately needed to get the kids out and about while living there.

I was very appreciative of having the refuge service, and wihtout it, I would never have gotten out. But I'd be very wary of donating because of my previous experiences. Really, for me, it was just hell for three months, but you have to get through that. Some of the staff were nice, but really the support was minimal. It was get in, here's your room, fill out forms so they can claim huge amounts of housing benefit on your behalf, and then sit back and wait to be rehomd.

I would also have loved more help once I got out. At least in the refuge there are people there, then you leave, get given an empty flat, no cooking facilities, no furniture, no bedding, curtains, carpets. I was 8.5 months pregnant and had to start over with nothing, and very little support! The refuge is only the start of it, and quite a few women end up returning to partners after leaving the refuge.

All very good points, thanks Chops

Of all the things on the list, what do you think would be the most appropriate/appreciated do you think?

Only how I would have felt but...

I actually like the hairdryer and straighteners, because it is something you need, and just one of those things that you don't remember to grab when leaving in a hurry. Being able to at least do my hair might have made me feel a bit better.

I do actually like the camera idea too. dd was so little when we left, and we were there for a while, and she was growing up, and I treasure the very few photos I have of her from that time, because it was a horrendous time but we got through it. I was also very close to having to give birth to ds1 and bring him 'home' to the refuge, so would have been gutted not having a camera.

Lego is def good, small, doesn't make a lot of noise or space that will disturb other residents. Not all have their own children or like other people's children, so I def felt pressured to keep dd fairly quiet and not annoying others. I wouldn't get anything noisy.

I'd have also been horrified by the clothing tbh. After I left, I bought dd clothing from charity shops. £18 for a rugby shirt!! I'd have felt slightly sick, and it probably wouldn't have been worn, since we were hardly in a position to be going out nice places.

Very insightful post thank you

Not seen the rugby shirt on the list but (having had ds in trouble recently for not having a rugby shirt) is this perhaps an item someone needs for school?

I may well sound bitter, I wasn't living in one of these places due to being in danger, my mother moved us all into one in order to push herself up the council waiting list. We were all traumatised and I think she regrets it. Anyway she left to go and live with her man. The one who was allegedly beating her up, they got married.
I just know people are generously giving at a time when it's not so easy to do so. I'd hate to think of people being ripped off one way or another.

The most useful donation would be take your freshly washed spare sheets, pillows or duvets to the local refuge or homeless shelter. I wouldn't have let my dog sleep on what's provided.

Only tonight have I put a set of bedding that dd no longer likes in the recycle bag. It's perfectly good. Recycle come tomorrow. How would I find where to take it instead?

I don't think you can find the refuge hostels in the phone book but you could call the probation department and see if they'd direct you to the homeless hostels or phone shelter maybe ?

I wouldn't have the first clue how to find the local refuge Mosman.. it's not like you can call them and ask them for their address.

Is there any other way you can donate things like sheets or clothing?

I'm not out to rip anybody off Mosman, I resent the implication that I am somehow benefitting from this (yes, you did imply this upthread). I think the JL list is appealing because someone can buy something that will get to a shelter, and hopefully help.

Thinking about it, I do have some nice sheets that I'd donate - if anybody knows how I could get these to an actual shelter?

Ah, xposts.

I really don't want to sound like I'm having a go Mosman, but you really do sound v angry about this thread, and it's whole intended purpose.

It has kept it going though I suppose

here they have an office at the housing association where you can leave donations. They are VERY particular though, so check with them first. They don't take anything where there is the slightest chance that it's a message from an ex p. They also wont accept it if it's dropped off by a man. They treated my like I was some dodgy person hired by someone's ex p to drop off stuff that'd be recognisable as from an ex p to someone in the hostel when I tried to leave christmas donations.

Jack I am in no way implying its you ripping anyone off or john Lewis aside of their no so brilliant choices of "gifts"
I've repeatedly made my point, others have concurred. Some of these items are expensive and would be a lot of money to be wasted.

Ok, fair enough. Perhaps its because you've mentioned it repeatedly that you're coming across as arsey and resentful. After your other post I'm not surprised though, sounds like you had a really shitty time

I just wanted to share the link so people could donate things to refuge, because its really difficult to do it any other way.

JackThePumpkinKing - I have gifted two gifts - one for a young boy and one for an adult. Every little helps hopefully. Those of us lucky to have good partners, family,friends and a decent life need to do what we can to help those who are not as lucky as us. Thanks for posting. The process was really easy.

I don't understand all this hand-wringing about whether gifts donated in this way will be sufficiently appreciated/ used/ resold. I dunno about anyone else on here but the knowledge that some charitable donations to poorer parts of the world may somewhere along the line be misappropriated by those in power doesn't make me stop donating . It's an act of giving - once you do so you place your faith in the hands of the charity, surely?

Bought some gifts - the list is a great idea. Just to check though, that I'm not adding to the gift pile of a random recipient rather than Refuge: it said 'charity gift list of miss jessica madeley'. Is that right?!

Mosman it is extremely hard to get the address of a refuge. Taxis will be told to pick up a short walk away... Anyone coming in to contact with the refuge is heavily vetted. I used to be on the Management Committee for a refuge and I didn't know where it was! I didn't need to. The Probation Service etc are no more likely to give the details out.