DS knows the truth about santa -How to make Christmas magical for him?

[krisskross]

DS is a very innocent 10. He's had his doubts about santa for a while but loves Christmas and believed in him.

This morning he found out about the tooth fairy and then worked out about santa. He's feeling quite sad I think and feels like the magic has gone from this special time.

I'd be really grateful for any tips to restore a bit of magic please.

Please no bashing for lying to our kids....am already feeling pretty crap!

Thank you.

[girlywhirly]

I’d get DS involved in the preparations. Choosing what to eat and cooking, helping with choosing presents and wrapping, helping with decorations. Now that he is older, he can help create magic. He will still get presents! What about selecting a gift for another child, to be donated to a charity that distributes them to families in need?

You can change how you do presents, maybe introduce a small surprise gift at the table after lunch, or a Boxing Day gift on the Christmas tree.

[TidyLike]

I love girlywhirly's ideas!

[SatsukiKusakabe]

It is make believe and that doesn’t have to stop if he doesn’t want it to. I’ve never directly told mine there is a Father Christmas, but I have followed their lead in playing pretend to make it magic for them. I never thought F.C. was actually real as a child, but I was the biggest “believer” when Christmas came around, looking out the window, and asking for stories, thinking just maybe it could be true... Don’t even think of it as a lie, it is a game you play together.

Christmas is a storytelling time, that’s what the Nativity play is, that’s what Carols are, that’s what traditions are really, the story of your family, and this is the same - a story you tell every year, to create the feeling of the season and link the past with the present and bring some magic to the darkest month. It isn’t ever “over”

[iseenodust]

DS age 13 still gets the stocking at the end of his bed. It always contains something chocolatey, a satsuma (which he always jokes about), a book and a couple of small things. It's a transition from childhood awe to appreciating the love in family traditions. When the decorations go up & you watch a Christmassy film he'll find his festive mojo !

[EllieMentry]

Agree that it's a game and a magical tradition that you and your child have no reason to stop.

I think the words 'truth' and 'lie' are misleading because most children in families that 'do' Father Christmas, the tooth fairy etc. have their doubts from early on but enjoy the magical feeling surrounding them anyway.

For me, it's more undermining of the fun tradition if it's over-analysed and discussed, but that could just be my family and my children! They are adults now but we never did have the conversation about FC.

[EllieMentry]

Sorry - forgot to say that my tip would be to carry on with all the festive traditions you've always had and your son will get the Christmas vibe!

[Whyamihere]

Dd was about 8 - 9 when she stopped believing but even now at 13 we still do the whole Santa thing - stocking at the end of the bed etc, the last few years she would still even put out a plate with snacks and a drink for Santa, although I don't think she will this year, we've just treated it like a story or a make believe game, even to tracking Santa on Norad, just because the believing has stopped it doesn't mean the magic has to.

[Annwithnoe]

My three all figured it out within a couple of weeks of each other this year. We had very frank and honest conversations and I answered all their questions (and had a good cry afterwards). But since then I've just referred to Santa as I've always done. I get a knowing look off them so it's evolving into a game now that they're happy to play.
Santa, I'm hoping, will come as usual and do all the things he's always done. It may not be as magical but I hope it will still be fun.
There's always been an element of surprise because Santa is very good at bringing things they haven't even thought of asking for, and always makes some kind of scandalous mess and there is usually trouble of some kind caused by the reindeer. They'll know it's me and it'll probably feel more like waking up on April Fools day to see what pranks I've left for them, but it will still be fun.

But I have made them aware that not all children are as fortunate as them and this year they'll buy gifts for the giving tree in our local supermarket. Before now they assumed santa took care of all that.

[BearSoFair]

Does he have any younger siblings?

When DS1 worked it out we told him that it meant he could become part of the magic for DD and DS2 and got him really involved in doing their stockings (he still gets one too!) and writing them little notes from 'Santa'. He loved being involved in the secret and even now (15yo) is happy to play along for DS2. He still checks the NORAD Santa tracker every year and keeps us updated on where 'he' is DD stopped believing last year and is thrilled that this year she'll get to stay up a bit later than usual to help put presents under the tree! I do admit though, I hope DS2 believes for a couple more years yet!

[krisskross]

Thanks to all of you for all of these lovely ideas. My eyes have welled up again reading them. I just wished I known some of them this morning when we had the conversation.

There are lots of lovely ways here to continue our little family tradition. We have a younger DD and DS and i think older DS will actually maybe enjoy being in on the secret and helping (sob!).

Thanks everyone

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

I never really believed in Santa. I still loved my stocking and found the whole thing magical.

Please still give him a stocking. It's part of Christmas whether or not you believe IMO.

[krisskross]

Raisins don't worry he will be getting a stocking! 😁

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

Excellent! :)

It really doesn't stop Christmas being magical because you don't believe in Santa you know. It is magical!

Christmas was just the most exciting thing ever as a child, in retrospect because of the effort my mum and made to make it a special day. Nothing OTT just nice stuff they knew we'd like.

And simple but special things we did no other day - like having a real fire in the hearth (not really meant to because - London!), eating chocolates off the tree, and peppermint creams. Waking up at ridiculous o'clock and opening my stocking knowing it would have - like every year - a cool new Lego toy, chocolate and satsuma and a load of other stuff. Eating chocolate all by myself and making my Lego toy before anyone else was up felt really special (this was, I'm sure a cunning ploy by my parents to delay the inevitable early wake up - I'd wake aboiut 5am on Xmas!) Waking my sister and comparing stockings.
Going on a Christmas walk .after dinner with my dad and seeing the world differently - shops shut, hardly any cars.
Playing with my Christmas toys with my parents and sister. My dad making the brandy lighting into an event. Crackers. More chocolate.

All of those things were so magical and special to me. Irrelevant whether Santa was real or not!

[BrieAndChilli]

DS1 is 10 and no longer believes, we had a lovely conversation today where he agreed to be my little helper, his main job (as he his always the first person to get up by about an hour) is to check the wooden advent calendar and make sure I've put chocolates in it!
He also decided he's going to tell the others he has seen an elf, and is going to think of some more ways to keep the magic going for the other 2,
He has ASD and isnvery factual and hates any sort of make believe so seeing him voluntarily being involved is lovely.

[krisskross]

Thanks raisins...you are quite right, it's about special time together.

Thanks brie ...yes he will also enjpy being my helper like your DS

Thanks again everyone i am feeling a bit better now.

[KC225]

We have had that this year. My DS (age 10) stopped believing last year but had his suspicions the year before, his twin sister was a bit suspicious last year but definitely doesn't believe now. I think I am sadder than they are. They seem ok about it, Santa only bought the main gift in our house, they know I did the stocking and so they will still get them.

I agree with getting him involved in the preparation. One of the things mine love, is building our 3 cats a cardboard house (although they say this year it will be a spectacular fort) they decorate it and keep or hidden sprinkling it with catnip for the cats Christmas present. Get him involved in the wrapping and gift making/choosing. Take him shopping to think of and choose or a small gift for grandparent or sibling/neighbour is a nice way to introduce excitement of choosing and giving a thoughtful gifts.

[bingolittle]

I love all these suggestions, particularly the ones about choosing presents for underprivileged kids' charities etc. Maybe you could sell the situation to him in terms of his being in on the secret now - he's old enough to move on to 'being' Santa.

Saw on another thread something about donating to food banks, feeding the wild birds, etc. Bit random but it's all about spreading the joy, which is quite magical in its way.

[krisskross]

Totally agree bing and KC. Thanks

[Louck]

My son(9) is starting to have his doubts so I have been preparing myself for this!
I read a lovely post a while back which said the woman wrote her son a letter and left it on his pillow explaining that yes, santa the person isn’t real however each and every person fulfils the role of santa by keeping the magic alive for other boys and girls. Now, he has now grown from believing in santa and all that went with it to being santa. He is now part of this magic that we all create for each other.
She let her son read it when he was going to bed one night.
It was such a lovely letter welcoming him into the magic of Christmas rather than suggesting the magic was over.
I tried to find the link but can’t see it... will post it if I find it