AIBU present limit?

[rhuhbarb4]

So it is getting increasingly closer to Christmas now and as always the grandparents are asking what the children want and what they have already got.

My dm has finished all of her christmas shopping early this year as she has very long working hours in a job she has just started. She has had a bit of a windfall recently and has decided to spend most of it on our dcs for christmas now here's the tricky part.

My husband thinks that we should put a limit on how many presents people but for them to 3 each. I on the other hand think this is being absolutely ridiculous and if people want to but them 100 presents that's fine by me.

Who is being unreasonable here?

[Believeitornot]

He is.

[rhuhbarb4]

Thank you believeItOrNot his reasoning is that we don't have the space despite me showing all the spare room they do have in their bedrooms.

[Believeitornot]

Well you could consider clearing out old toys.

But it isn't for him to dictate present limits for anyone but himself!

[Inthenick]

You are. There is a point where there can be too many presents for children.

[attheendoftheday]

If it's about space I think it's OK to have a 'don't go overboard' conversation with close family, but a strict limit is U IMO.

[rhuhbarb4]

I have already done a massive declutter of the house and got rid of everything I possibly could which was most of the children's stuff.

inthenick I do agree there can be a time where there is too many presents but what is that limit I think 3 is being stingy what would you say is reasonable?

[Inthenick]

I think 1 is more than enough from everyone other than parents. But I know many people don't agree.

[Inthenick]

And even from parents I think one is enough considering Santa brings a pile.

But does it not make you feel a little off to massively declutter just so more crap can be put in the house that you will need to declutter again next year? Children see no value in anything when gifts are piled on them. A few well chosen (can be expensive or not) gifts is far preferable to the disgusting hoards of presents some kids get.

But again just my opinion and I don't care what others choose to do, I just can't understand it.

[Fueledwithfairydustandgin]

He is. Grandparents love buying for their grandchildren. As long as it's not inappropriate tat what's the problem?

[rhuhbarb4]

I see your point of view but I think I would feel mean just giving them 1 present.

I didn't just declutter for christmas I hadn't done a declutter of the children's rooms since they were about 1 so nearly 2-3 years and we still had a lot of baby toys. While I was on a declutter high I then did the whone house.

[rhuhbarb4]

fuelledqithfaieydustandgin no it is definitely not tat it is mostly the more expensive items that they have wanted that we cannot stretch to this year. It is also clothes and smelly stuff so practical items too.

[Misty9]

I agree with pp that one maybe two each is more than enough from extended family - but my lot are tight so maybe I'm used to it! I am also trying to reign it in this year as they just don't need it. My two are pretty underwhelmed by clothes so I'm trying to just get two decent quality toys I know they'll play with. Too many toys is overwhelming for kids and ds is already developing a bit of an ungrateful approach to present opening...

Could they buy some play equipment for the garden in the spring/summer instead? Yours sound young like mine and their interests in toys can change quite quickly but things like trampolines are fab for years :)

[rhuhbarb4]

Yes mine are young I have a 4yo 3you and 10 month old. So they won't be getting masses of stuff. Dm has already brought them a wooden playhouse, swing set and slide for the garden so that's not an option. I know she has brought the youngest a smart trike.

[Chocolatecake12]

Could you suggest a few presents and then if she wanted to spend more money she could give you a gift card for the cinema or theatre tickets. Or merlin passes or similar.
It depends on how many presents she's planning on buying too - kids can get overwhelmed with too many and not appreciate the ones they do get. -also they can grow to expect it every year.

[rhuhbarb4]

Yeah I don't think she has gone too overboard I don't know exactly but from what she's told me I think it's fine.

I think it stems from when he was little christmas wasn't a big deal so he didn't get a lot. Whereas in my household christmas was major and we didn't have alot of money growing up so christmas was the one time of the year my parents went overboard.

My Dm is paying for our yearly trip to DLP next year sor I think that is part of everyone's christmas present aswell

I don't know what he's complaining about though whatever the kids get we get nearly the same amount so I'm sure he will be happy with that.

[SpringerS]

Do extended family really buy more than one gift for each child? I would have thought one gift from each relative was normal? The only real exception to that would be my grandmother who usually gives my DS a bunch of clothing that she has picked up over the last few months when she sees it on sale. And she usually adds a small toy/book, usually from a charity shop so he has something to get excited about. (He's just 4.)

I guess I could see someone giving a gift of two action figures, ie a Joker to fight with Batman or a Barbie to go in the Barbie car, etc. Is that what people mean? Or do they mean that granny would give a Paw Patroller and a Trolls playset and a Thomas track set? If it's the latter it seems excessive tbh.

[J3NN1]

I can see it from both sides. It's nice for your dm to want to spoil the kids and as it's a one off she'll feel so good doing it, and it shouldn't be limited to a specific number.
However, buying things just for the sake of it or things that aren't needed could seem a bit excessive, and the kids could be quite overwhelmed with too many gifts.

I'd strike a compromise, suggest to your dm not to go overboard on actual gifts and to put half of the money she wants to spend into their bank accounts. Or buy practical gifts such as clothing, or things needed for your trip away.
Either way, the choice is up to your dm I would think, and although she probably wouldn't want to step on any toes I don't think it's up to your dh to dictate to her the amount she's allowed.

[CozumelFox]

Overboard Christmassness makes me uncomfortable. Before I had kids I heard stories of my colleagues' grandparents coming out armed with 2 or 3 filled binbags of presents, and children growing bored of opening them all, or wandering off, or getting overwhelmed and crying. I hoped I wouldn't have to endure such a ritual.

Our family aren't that bad, but we do have one who goes to Poundland and goes nuts, buying up the entire toy aisle without a care in the world. And thing is, they're not doing it because they like the kid - they barely see the kid, never talk to it, refuse to look after it and aren't remotely interested in what they might like - so they're kind of doing it for themselves. To look good. It doesn't come from the heart.

I would much rather my children had something they could continue to enjoy, like the cinema card mentioned above, or a pass to an attraction, than a pile of pink Poundland items they won't ever look at. Or three carefully chosen gifts relevant to their interests.

I'm with your DH on this. Obviously don't be rude and snippy about it, just a gentle "Well, how about trying to keep it around 3 gifts each this year?" is perfectly reasonable.

[Chelazla]

My mum buys more than us and wouldn't listen even if we told her not to! She say's grandparents are there to spoil and we can't co plain as we had same with my dgp's! I also appreciated everything and my kids do too so I see no problem!

[nancy75]

I find it really weird that grandparents are thought of as extended family, to me your extend family is a great aunt in Australia or the like!
My parents always buy dd more than 1 present, they wouldn't be too impressed if I told them how they could spend their own money!

[rhuhbarb4]

nancy75 I totally agree my dm is not extended family she is my Los nanans and she is their second mum and my lifeline so she deserves a lot more respect than say a great auntie would.

I am getting the idea that people think that more than 3 presents must be cheap tat which is not true. I guess we will have to have a chat about how many is actually reasonable and then pass on the message although I'm thinking we might be told to shut up its her money and her grandchildren.

[Chelazla]

Ha rhubarb that's my mums actual words!!!😂

[rhuhbarb4]

I think it's something of a phrase you adopt when you become a grandparent. I can see myself saying it in 20 years time and thinking God I sound like my mum.

[VoldemortsNipple]

I don't understand how anybody feels it's okay to tell other people how they should spend their money or have rules over something that's given as a gift, especially when a gift if given with love. I find is just as pretentious as people who complain that they didn't receive enough.


Yes, some kids get too much and get overwhelmed. But you can always put them in toy boxes and rotate them every couple of weeks or donate them to a local playgroup who would be glad of them.

As long as the gift giver doesn't feel pressured into buying too much and they are not putting themselves in debt, which OPs mum doesn't sound either, leave them to it.

OP, we were the same as you. My parents struggled all year but they always did their best for us at Christmas so at least we had something magical and special to look forward to. I always spend as much as I can afford and do the same. Some Christmas' are better than others but it's my money and dh nobody will tell me how to spend it.

[Inthenick]

I don't think more than 3 gifts is necessarily cheap tat but the thought of 3++ expensive gifts for a small child (unless useful things like a car seat, coat etc) seems even worse to me.