What can we get for recently widowed DM?

(14 Posts)
Gallopingthundercunt Mon 07-Nov-16 19:52:17

Just that really sad
DM was widowed unexpectedly in September. Things are starting to return to normal now and she is adamant that we are all to still go to hers for the holidays (I think she wants to visit DDads grave so needs to stay close by)

The problem is, DDad always spoilt her terribly at Christmas. She's had a quite hard life in the past and he really went overboard, to the point where I felt sometimes she was a little embarrassed at the excess. So this year there will just be us to buy her presents and in all honesty, I can't imagine a Jo Malone candle or whatever actually making up for her loss.

DDad has left her with more money than she's probably ever seen let alone had for herself, so it's more thoughtful small gifts I'm after, rather than a couple larger, more extravagant ones.

Any help would be greatly appreciated thanks

Blue2014 Mon 07-Nov-16 19:55:15

How would she feel about something of the two of them? A photo or something?

QueenOfTheNaps Mon 07-Nov-16 19:59:23

A locket...
a very old fashioned gift, but to me so perfect.

Blue2014 Mon 07-Nov-16 20:03:23

Pamper products? A day or weekend out with you?

Gallopingthundercunt Mon 07-Nov-16 21:15:30

blue I've already got a nice photo to be framed for her, though I think that's probably not a great gift for her to open on Christmas morning IYSWIM? As for spa treatments etc, I think she would consider that she's been through enough trauma this year grin
queen I actually think a locket would be perfect. I'd never have considered it but if I left the windows empty it would be less of a smack in the mouth when she opened it, then she can put her own pictures in when she feels up to it.

TheCakes Mon 07-Nov-16 21:30:39

Locket is a lovely idea.
My mum's been widowed twice and honestly, the best thing you can give her is your time. Christmas is a lonely time to be on your own. If you are all going up there, that's perfect.
I find planning some new traditions to start is good too. My dad died at Xmas and the old traditions always bring a bit of sadness. Since I've started new traditions there has been more happiness in my little family.

MackerelOfFact Tue 08-Nov-16 13:08:29

It might be a bit naff, and it depends what your DM is like, but how about a large teddy or even just a lovely soft blanket that she can snuggle up with on the sofa or in bed? If it's picked by the DCs (if you have them) it'd be even more special. Or you can get photo blankets.

Maybe a fruit tree or rose or something she can plant to remember your dad by might be nice?

A fancy letter writing set and a nice pen so she can reconnect with people she might not get to see/speak to often?

Something you can do with her, like theatre tickets or an afternoon tea voucher?

Kpo58 Tue 08-Nov-16 14:08:41

I'd also say a fleece blanket. One wrapped around you does feel like a hug.

Gallopingthundercunt Tue 08-Nov-16 16:32:54

Thank you thecakes, I really like the idea of making new traditions for this year. Not too sure what these could actually be, though she is having friends round for a Boxing Day get together for the first time so that's a start wine

Leeds2 Tue 08-Nov-16 19:44:08

Afternoon tea at somewhere posh invitation?

NotAMammy Tue 08-Nov-16 20:02:20

It might be a bit too upsetting this year (although, from experience, Christmas day will be super shitty regardless) but you can get bears or cushions made from FIL's old clothes. This could be nice for again.

Otherwise, time, noisy kids, new traditions and also a little time to herself to be alone with thoughts of him.
We sometimes give our Mum tickets for something a little bit in the future so she'll have something to look forward to, and arrange who is doing it with her too, e.g. one (or both/all) of you or a friend or sister, etc.

Gallopingthundercunt Wed 09-Nov-16 00:13:33

See not, I have a suspicion that there will indeed be periods of utter shitness whatever we do sad

OTOH, DH and I were discussing how it's more likely the run up to and aftermath of Christmas that will be harder for her in terms of loneliness. I've found an advent calendar with 24 individual envelopes pegged to a string so was going to find a photo to go in each one for her (some of her and DDad, some of DS, some old ones, some silly Christmas ones etc) With that, she will hopefully feel a little less alone in the run up to the big event.

LeftRightUpDown Wed 09-Nov-16 04:17:57

I do photo calendars for my mum and inlaws. Could you do one and put some photos of him in too. I always include my Dad in the photo's.

A hamper made up of little gifts like naice jam, posh tissues, handcream etc. I did one for DH last year and as he is into running and biking I filled it with energy bars, chocolate shots, running socks etc

LeftRightUpDown Wed 09-Nov-16 04:20:07

I did a photo blanket for my Dad when he was terminally ill. He loved itsmile

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