Firstly, what is the ideal Christmas meal for your group? Does everyone want and/or expect turkey? Are there any veggies or allergies or fussy people (not to roll them all in one exactly, but that may need something different)?
Decide your main meal. A roast, yes? Turkey, yes/no? Beef, lamb, a different bird? I would be inclined to try and stick to only 1 meat, (unless you want something like spiced beef or ham, cooked and eaten as a family meal the day before and having cold slices on 25th alongside turkey).
Stuffing? You can make that ahead of time and freeze (either breadcrumbs or complete stuffing) - and either put some with the bird or have a separate dish for once the bird is out of the oven.
Sides: I presume potatoes, and roasties at that? Do you want all roasties or a pot of mash as well? Or some other type - a gratin could be made in advance for example. But you only NEED 1 type, and only add a second if you think you need loads or some person won't have your main type.
Veg: What veg does everyone like? Are there any "traditions" in the family that "must be observed"? (Hint: no they mustn't, but you might want to include 1 if you are feeling like it).
Things like roasted root veg could go into the oven when turkey comes out and while roast potatoes are finishing off.
Brussels sprouts can be steamed or boiled, and tossed with bacon in a pan if you like.
Cauliflower can be steamed/boiled, and cheese sauce poured over, serve as it is or brown under the grill if you like, it doesn't need to go in the oven.
A plain dish of frozen peas or plain boiled carrots could be useful if there are fussy people, and also easy to boil/steam at the last minute on stove top.
Accompaniments:
Do you WANT pigs in blankets? Buy them in.
Gravy - needed! LOTS. If you are used to cooking roasts, making stocks etc, fire ahead with that ahead of time (even weeks ahead and freeze the stock), I often use the water from boiling carrots for gravy making for an extra bit of flavor too, and a glug of wine (I know not everyone likes wine in gravy). If you are not used to it, the packet versions, with the added juices from your roast, do very well.
Other sauces? Bread sauce? Cranberry? Mint? Whatever else you have as traditional or normal with your choice? Either whatever you normally do or buy it in, or else practice in advance and prepare in advance if you can at all if you insist on making it yourself (you really don't need to!).
Starter: None at all (if oven space, a tray of "nibbles" like M&S party food, to eat while enjoying pre-dinner drinks can manage any pangs while waiting for people to get home from Church duties or finish admiring the presents etc).
A big pot of soup, made in advance so it only needs reheating on the day.
Cold platter - smoked salmon on brown bread/melon and parma ham/prawn cocktail etc. (One, not all!).
This is an ideal course to offer out to MIL.
Cheese? If you are a cheese family, just pick maybe 3/4, some nice biscuits and fresh grapes. Don't go overboard.
This could be ideal to offer out to FIL or BIL - no cooking involved! (And they may buy nice port to accompany!).
Desert:
Traditional pudding?
Something different or something for those who don't eat/like pudding? A bowl of jelly for the DCs or icecream?
A bowl of fruit salad?
A cake of some sort? Cheesecake maybe?
Steamed puddings other than fruit ones - syrup or treacle etc?
Sticky toffee pudding could go in the oven while you eat main course and be prepped in advance.
Something that can either be prepped totally in advance or just needs heating/cooking on the day, no prep work.
This is an ideal course to offer out to MIL.
Afterwards:
Tea and coffee?
Mince pies or chocolates? Or a tin of biscuits or some cookies you made 2 days ago?
Will you need snacky things for later in the evening (sausage rolls or whatever) or will you eat later in the day (and maybe need more crisps and dips or party food before the main meal)?
Alcohol?
Will you want it?
If you do - what type, how much, different things for different courses or 1 bottle/type for the whole thing, red and white or just 1, do you want bubbles before eating, or port with cheese, desert wine with pudding, or a baileys after eating, does MIL like a dry sherry or a sweet sherry, does FIL like a G&T, does BIL only drink beer, what soft drinks and/or mixers/sparkling water will you need for everyone/DCs/drivers....These are questions to consider, not expectations you should have.
What do you already have in the cupboard of those things you decide you do need?
Of what you need, is there any that it would be a good idea to ask MIL/FIL/BIL to bring?
Now that you've decided the menu, what do you want to make yourself and what would you prefer to ask others to do or buy in already prepared?
Also, look at the dishes needed. Will you plate up everything at the kitchen counter or put dishes on the table (that covers meat, potatoes, and veg aspects - each needs its own decision).
How many serving dishes will you then need, and do you need 2 smaller dishes of some things for each end of the table or 1 larger one? You may want 2 spuds, but only 1 cauliflower cheese for example.
Gravy boats - if you only have 1 and want more, ordinary jugs are fine once heatproof.
Regular plates, cutlery, glasses.
Salt and peppers.
Jugs for water.
And decorative elements - tablecloth, napkins, placemats, name cards, candles......do you have these already, do you want nice paper ones, do you even need them (placecards are vital for some, I've never used them!).
Have a sit down and think about what time you want to all eat at.
Work backwards from there when things need to be ready (e.g. starting at 1 means soup reheated by 12.55 to serve, but expect to serve main at 1.20 so turn off oven at 1 but leave spuds, veg in then; veg needs to go in oven at 12.45, maybe you are taking out part-baked bread rolls then to cool, which go in 10 minutes before that, turkey comes out at latest 12.45 but can come out 12.20 or even earlier - wrap in tin foil and pop a clean bath towel folded over onto it to keep it warm and allow to rest......)
Decide in those musings how much of each thing you want, to ensure you have sufficient for everyone's likely appetites, and any leftovers you want, but not enough leftovers to feed the 500 and have to waste.
Also think about when you want people to come - will they sleep in your house (before and/or after) or just visit on the day? Do you want them to come in time for Church or not until at least you are home later?
Also, apart from Church, are there any other things you really want to do (as a family, an extended family, or just yourself) given the opportunity to be at home - a long walk, particular visits locally, something special that the Church might do, or even a gap between the main meal and desert?
And would you prefer to work alone in the kitchen with ILs entertaining DCs, or have some working with you/keeping you company? Do they have particular talents in any areas to harness? Who will do washup duty later - as cook, you should have a chance to relax at that stage.
Make your lists.
You'll have one for timings and master planning of the meal.
You'll have one for what dishes (veg, spuds etc) will go in what dishes (crockery). And check that you have enough roasting tins/pots etc for preparing the meal - might you need to borrow some or buy some tin foil roasting trays or additional real roasting trays.
You'll have a master shopping list, with quantities. Remember non-food things like loo roll, bin bags, washup liquid/dishwasher tablets, matches etc.
You'll have another master list with general timings for the day, and also the days beforehand on household jobs to accomplish (cleaning, meal prep, making sure you schedule time with the DCs and DH and some peace for yourself and fun events or community events you really want to get to locally, not fill every moment with work).
Identify what beds may be needed and that you have enough spare sheets/towels etc. What juggling may you need to do for this - does DCsmallest need to give up their bed for BIL and have an airbed and sleeping bag, or do you have enough guest beds etc? Have you a bundle of clean tea-towels and cleaning cloths handy for willing helpers to find?
The house does not need to be gleaming. Try and get decluttered and reasonably clean by the week before so it's only needing a quick swish of the bathroom and rub of the mop/hoover during Christmas week to maintain it. Have your clean sheets/towels ready in a pile to just grab when you need them, make up the beds in advance if you can. I also try to, even if there's only a few things, run the dishwasher before big meals like this (so after Christmas breakfast) and also put in the powder again when I empty it, so that it can easily be restacked as the table is cleared and set running again if it doesn't interfere with the next course. And while I am working on cooking the meal, I have a sink full of hot soapy water to wash as I go along if it suits (somethings do, others don't, but a slight lull can see a big dent in the tidying needed later, or a helper in for a quick chat can easily do a bit too, especially if there are gloves/apron to protect nice clothes), or even just soak pots that need it rather than mashed potato or cheese sauce drying on and being harder to get off later.
People can sit on garden chairs, a long bench with cushions on the top for one side and put the extra chairs from there along the other side, you could get a few folding chairs (buy them, borrow from neighbours or parish, etc). You can extend a table with a second table at the end, or using a large single sheet of plywood over the top - you won't even notice with the cloth and dishes on it. If there is a height difference, use books or magazines under the legs of the shorter table (we have an extended family numbering over 20 so this is a regular- National Geographic magazines replaced Shakespearean plays when 1 DAunt realized and had a conniption!!).
I have always tended to prep the veg and potatoes the day before big meals. Peeling and chopping, marinating if needed, preparing flavoured butters, making stock or gravy or sauces, all that sort of thing. Most veg keep fine when chopped in cold water, and so do potatoes - I just leave them in covered pots on the cooker top. Brussels sprouts I leave in a Tupperware tub with no water. Frozen veg, I just take out when there is space on the cooker and let them defrost in their pot at that stage (although they cook straight from the freezer just fine).
Ahead of time, the things I tend to do are making breadcrumbs, occasionally even the complete stuffing, and freezing that, making a fair amount of ice cubes and popping them out into a tub in the freeze, making and freezing stock if I have bones, flavoured butters also freeze well etc.
One trick I learned was, as we only ever tend to want 1 or 2 slices of a lemon or lime, to slice the rest and freeze it, and then use them straight from the freezer for G&T or plain jugs of water. So I tend to make sure I have plenty before big gatherings.
It's only a roast. Despite the length of my post. The important thing is to plan ahead, and then enjoy. And pace yourself - don't expect to do EVERYTHING, rather, see what you really want to do yourself and what you are happy to outsource (within the family or to buy) so that you can all have a nice day.
I use the Schwartz sachets
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I hadn't realized my post was so long! Sorry.