Your best jokes for Chrismas crackers

(17 Posts)
ethelb Sun 20-Dec-15 12:30:03

For some reason I decided to make Xmas crackers this year. I have everything except the jokes. Got any good ones?!

traviata Sun 20-Dec-15 14:42:23

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.

(or do you want Christmassy jokes?)

OSETmum Sun 20-Dec-15 14:44:52

This is ds's favourite and it's great for disgusting little boys grin:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Europe
Europe who?
NO you're a poo! 💩

ethelb Sun 20-Dec-15 17:04:19

Christmassy would be good!

sidsgranny Sun 20-Dec-15 17:08:16

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snow balls!! (appreciate it might not be child friendly but does make me chuckle!)

FadedRed Sun 20-Dec-15 17:10:45

Not seasonal but topical:
"What is the internal temperature of a Ton Ton?"
"Luke warm."

anyoldname76 Sun 20-Dec-15 22:25:55

who delivers the presents to baby sharks.........santa jaws fgrin

TotalConfucius Sun 20-Dec-15 22:45:54

My one and only joke.
What's pink and hangs out of men's trousers?
Their feet.

Or I saw this one on FB, I think it was posted by Michael Rosen.

Someone has taken my German Christmas cake. It's been stollen.

cece Sun 20-Dec-15 22:53:25

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

Can you smell carrots?

elephantoverthehill Sun 20-Dec-15 22:59:00

Darth Vader to Luke Skywalker ' I know what you are getting for Christmas - I have felt your presents'.

MelanieCheeks Mon 21-Dec-15 20:05:00

Why do elves go to school? To learn the elphabet.

What do you get if you eat the Christmas decorations! Tinselitis.

What did the grape say when the elephant trod on it? Nothing, it just let out a little whine (wine)

oneowlgirl Mon 21-Dec-15 20:09:28

What do you get when you cross a snowman & a vampire? Frostbite

oneowlgirl Mon 21-Dec-15 20:10:48

How do Snowmen travel? By icicle!

oneowlgirl Mon 21-Dec-15 20:11:16

What do you call a 3-legged donkey? Wonkey!

HashtagMe Mon 21-Dec-15 21:49:37

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

There was a weigh in the manger!

HashtagMe Mon 21-Dec-15 21:51:39

What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas lunch?

Twerky!

Wigeon Mon 21-Dec-15 21:57:03

What are Father Christmas's helpers called? Subordinate Clauses!

What do you call a reindeer in a yoghurt pot? A moose!

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