Spend extra day with my family or in laws?

(11 Posts)
MotherDuck23 Mon 07-Dec-15 14:03:49

My husband and I live next door to his parents. His parents are hosting Christmas with his two brothers coming (one lives long distance the UK the other lives abroad). My husband and I are going to my parents' this year, they literally live the other end of the country so we only see them a couple times a year (we do 1 in 3 Christmases with my family as my job means I have to work most Christmases).

We've seen my husband's brother (1) a few times this year already. The brother (2) who lives abroad has not been back this year but is coming back again next Christmas.

My dilemma is this: my in laws have asked me to leave a day earlier than planned at my mum's so that she can have 'all 3 of her boys' together for just the one night (brother number 1 has to go back on the day we're due home due to work commitments so we'd just miss each other) but brother number 2 will be there when we get back. Aside from us having to pay to change all of our tickets as we go on the plane then train, is this fair of her to ask me? I know it will upset my family before I even tell them as they don't get to see us much.

Sorry if it's a bit long - I do tend to worry over the slightest thing!

notenoughbottle Mon 07-Dec-15 14:07:33

What does you're dh say? As you've already booked tickets is be tempted to tell her no. I can understand where you're mil is coming from but surely it's not you're faults that bil 2 can't be there?

Hygge Mon 07-Dec-15 14:09:43

I can see why she would ask, but as it's going to cause you some work and inconvenience, and cost you some money as well, not to mention possible hurt feelings from your family who hardly ever see you at Christmas, I don't think she's been entirely fair to put you on the spot.

What has your DH said?

Duckstar Mon 07-Dec-15 14:11:40

I can understand why your MIL has asked, but it seems a bit late in the day to be suggesting this. Maybe I am incredibly organised, but I am surprised by the number of threads where a couple of weeks before Christmas people want to make massive change of plans. Fair enough if there is illness or emergencies, but this isn't the case.

You've already booked flights etc and made plans with your family. Can you even rearrange your flights for a day earlier? What does your DH want to do? Is it an option for him to go home the day earlier and you and the children continue with pre-existing plans?

Personally, if it was me, given that the brother who lives abroad is coming next Christmas I would say, "really sorry, can't change plans this year because of cost etc and agreed with my parents who are very excited, but lets get organised early next time so that we are around next year so you have all 3 boys together for a period of time'.

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Mon 07-Dec-15 14:13:52

Well, surely if the brothers all really wanted this, they would have organised it themselves?

I actually do feel for your MIL wanting to have all her children together, but as other posters have said, it is just too late to ask. Also, I don't think it is fair to limit your family's time with you. So say no.

SushiAndTheBanshees Mon 07-Dec-15 14:18:41

Why don't you suggest that DH change just his travel plans to come back a day earlier? DC can go wherever they want: stay with you or go with dad.

MotherDuck23 Mon 07-Dec-15 14:20:10

I'm going to speak to DH tonight about it as although we can change our flights etc it will cost us an admin fee to change them. It's the brother from abroad we will get to see, not the brother from the UK (who we've seen a few times already this year). I agree with the person who said it's very last minute - I've had all this booked for months! MIL thought we were coming back a day earlier (I don't know why) and it was only recently when she mentioned we'd all have one night together and I told her we wouldn't that she realised. She casually reminded me today that I 'needed' to sort my tickets out this week if I was going to!

ImperialBlether Mon 07-Dec-15 14:26:17

Can your husband go on his own?

BillMurrey Mon 07-Dec-15 14:28:20

Imperial makes a good suggestion, I'd go with that.

Finola1step Mon 07-Dec-15 14:30:51

Can your DH leave your parents' a day earlier? He could take most of the heavy stuff with him if that's an issue (esp if you have dcs in tow).

ajandjjmum Mon 07-Dec-15 14:52:50

Could the one brother not change his plans to stay an extra night, so that it is one person inconvenienced, rather than your whole family?

Do have sympathy with MIL, but your parents will surely be really upset if they get you for a day less.

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