Tweens, Peer pressure and Good Old Santa.

[r3dh3d]

sigh

So, DD2 will be 10 a few days before Christmas, and we always struggle to come up with enough gift ideas to cover Birthday and Christmas from us and all the various elderly relations who can't get to the shops or don't have the faintest what to buy her. And Santa, of course.

DD2 doesn't help much because she's not really that into "stuff" - she's more likely to invent complex games with dog-eared packs of cards and tokens drawn on cardboard hauled out of the recycling, or sit rereading "Asterix in Egypt" for the 1,000th time. So at this time of year when you ask her to write a list she is no help whatsoever, coming up with things like "chocolate" and "a time machine". To be fair, these two would probably be at the top of my list also, but it's not much help with the shopping. She is fairly susceptible to peer pressure though, so by the time Christmas rolls around her list eventually includes one or two more mainstream things that her friends from school are getting, and most years we buy them and she doesn't play with them and it's frustrating but not enough money to get upset about.

This year she wants one thing and only one thing. She has been talking about it since Easter. It is absolutely and entirely about the peer pressure. It is an American Girl Doll. (I had to Google it, they are ££££ - or, rather $$$$, you can't get them in the UK. Apparently a few of her classmates' parents travel to the US a lot.) It is also absolutely and entirely the wrong thing for DD2, who has never shown much interest in dolls; she asked for a Barbie one year which just sat, and still sits, ignored on the shelf.

I tried to talk her out of it over the Summer, saying how expensive they were and she wouldn't get value out of it and we could get her several other presents for the same money, when she pulled out her trump card. I wasn't to worry about the cost, because she would ask Santa for it. She had been talking to the other girls at school and they all agreed that because Santa makes toys, not buys them, then it doesn't cost him anything and you can save your parents a lot of money by putting all the really expensive things in your letter to Santa. She was delighted by her own brilliance. I said I wasn't sure even Santa would be able to manage it (hitherto the main presents have come from us and the stocking is mostly silly stuff and socks) but she was adamant he could because he was bringing another girl in the class (who already has several of these dolls apparently) a bed and bedding for it costing ... wait for it ... $200. Oh yes. This doll is the thin end of a very painful wedge. Thank heavens for good old Santa, eh?

Now there is a whole other question which is how on earth do a group of children this old still manage to believe in Santa? In a more innocent age I rumbled the whole thing aged about 7, so how this lot are clinging on to their delusions I have no clue. But I don't want to be the one that wrecks it for them.

So here we are. DD2 is confidently expecting Santa to deliver an unobtainable expensive waste of money on Christmas morning. DH refuses to countenance it because it is an unobtainable expensive waste of money. If I explain why she can't have it, she will tell all her classmates that there is no Santa and I will be The Grinch That Stole Christmas.

Gah. What would you do?

[VimFuego101]

Those dolls do seem to sell second hand for a fair amount of money, so you could always offload it on eBay later... Tough one. I would get it if I had to but I'd do my utmost to change her mind and tempt her with something she'd actually use.

[RB68]

Tell her relatives and you might have to help Santa out with this one so it limits other stuff??

Mine was 10 in Aug she is into make up and beauty stuff - thinking straightners or curlers from us (Santa has been abolished thank God, only recently but this is the child that at 3 was asking why Santa had the same wrapping paper as Mummy - no not the same in the same style but from the same pack and clever miss put it together!!), clothes/money from Grannies & grandads (she wants to go to the sales!) and Aunties and Uncles are pretty good so don't really need help but books or vouchers, just nic nacs and pretty things generally

[RB68]

Oh the other thing was thinking of was a dressing table

[scarlets]

I suspect that they don't believe in Santa but are unwilling to admit it. My son is the same age (Y5) and the other parents and I are finding this. Maybe they think they'll receive fewer presents if they admit to having rumbled it?

A "nice" doll could be kept for the future generation I guess. Your daughter will grow out of dolls quite soon.

I love your description of her activities. You might have an inventor in the making!

[TigerFeat]

Just say no.

My 10 year old is after a IPhone from Santa. That's not happening either.

[AGrinWithoutACat]

Read this thread then out of curiosity googled the doll, Amazon have mini versions of the doll for a more achievable price if that would work for your DD?

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1609585356/ref=mpsa12?qid=1444396939&sr=8-2&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=american%20girl%20doll&dpPl=1&dpID=41tlKOypezL&ref=plSrch&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[girlywhirly]

You could tell her that only stockings are from Santa. I'm sure it's just a group of girls egging each other on with their fantastical idea. It's right up there with store cards offering young women the opportunity to purchase items immediately so that it seems like 'free' money.

I think that if your DD has always known that main presents were from you, she can be reminded of that and she can play along with her friends if she likes about Santa, but each family only spends what they can afford, so maybe the classmate will only be getting the doll bed and a stocking for Christmas? I don't see the harm in pointing out that some things are out of budget, especially if she has shown no interest in dolls previously. This just seems like trying to fit in with the other's interests. Would she find the DesignaFriend dolls an acceptable alternative, available from Argos? Dolls from £19.99, outfits between £9.99 and £12.99?

[Snausage]

Gah! I really feel for you, OP. No other doll will do if that's what she's after. It'd be like buying a kid who has their heart set on a pair of the latest designer trainers a cheap pair from the market. I think the emotion would be so strong that it would probably get thrown on the floor.

I think it's going to take a strong will on your part to sit down and maybe burst the Father Christmas bubble, or just explain that he does not bring big, expensive things like that. The difficulty would then be that he brings those things for other kids! I honestly think the kindest thing would be to explain that Father Christmas is not real

[girlywhirly]

I've had another idea, if you are prepared to import the doll. If the relatives are prepared to contribute money in a joint present with you, you could buy the doll, but it would be the only gift she would get, from you and the rellies, because it is expensive. I am not sure that she understands just how expensive. Does she get weekly pocket money? Could you explain that the cost of the doll is worth x weeks of pocket money? Does she think a plastic doll is worth that?

FWIW, having looked at the American Girl dolls on Amazon USA they look very similar to the Argos dolls, so you could argue that if it will be difficult for you to buy one from the US, it will be the DesignaFriend or no doll at all.

[Mehitabel6]

I always made it plain that although Santa might listen to suggestions he had his own ideas that might well be different!

[nooka]

I think at 10 they all should and probably do know that Santa 'is just your parents'. I'd actually slightly wonder if they just trying it on as a way to achieve their desires, not necessarily in a malicious way but more of a 'if I say this, perhaps it will work'.

We have never done Santa, and as far as I am aware my children have never burst any bubbles, but I don't think it's actually a problem even if she does given the age of her friendship group. I'd use this as an opportunity to move away from a literal Santa to more of a 'it's a nice tradition' line, and explain that some people have more money than others (presumably this has already happened with birthdays?'.

Then I'd ask her if she wants the doll so much she is prepared to have it for all her presents together (if everyone who might otherwise give her a present is prepared to pay towards it) plus maybe some savings money (if she has any) or future birthdays/Christmas presents if she can afford it.

I have to admit personally I would just say 'no'!

[SconeForAStroll]

In our house Father Christmas sent invoices after Christmas. Mostly as a result of ds pulling this exact same idea although in his case he wanted a PlayStation, dream on

Is she year 5?

[SconeForAStroll]

Or, having just had some inspiration, order one from China like this which will look almost identical and be a lot less spendsy.

[ahbollocks]

She is playing you

You have one smart little girl there. No advice but wow, clever girl!

[MythicalKings]

No NT 10 year old I've ever known has still believed in Father Christmas. I suspect she doesn't either.

[iseenodust]

No way she or her friends genuinely still believe in Santa. Tell her Santa never buys plastic cr*p made in China.

[SconeForAStroll]

I must know some very gullible children then.

Perhaps the OPs DD has heard some of that "if you don't believe you don't receive" stuff that flies around?

Either way, isn't it nicer to try to give her what she would like, as the Op has already said that she isn't a typically grabby child?

The ones on AliExpress that I linked to earlier look a match to me, and are more like $50.

Poor DD, it's never nice to be the one left out. I am still slightly scarred by not receiving a cabbage patch doll at that age didn't want one other than to fit in, but was unequivocally told it was tat and no, and was hideously left out at primary school as a consequence

[FourFlapjacksPlease]

my 10 year old still believes in santa! I know plenty that still do.

I'd get an aliexpress one too. I do always try to get what they have asked for, even if I think it's shite. It's the only time of the year I would do it. The rest of the time I just say no to requests I think are daft or a waste of money!

[80sMum]

I don't believe that a 10 year old could genuinely still believe that Father Christmas is real. Surely by that age she will have long since sussed it out?!
Anyway, regardless of whether she does or doesn't, the simple fact is that the thing that she's asked for is too expensive, so she can't have it. It may sound harsh, but lines have to be drawn.

[SconeForAStroll]

But 80s mum, why shouldn't OP consider the AliExpress one? I don't understand why there needs to be a blanket refusal when a cheaper alternative is available.

My DD figured it out earlier this year. She is now 12. She is not worldly, but that is fine by me - I don't want a streetsmart tween. And yes, she is NT.

[SevenSeconds]

I agree with the posters saying you don't have to tell her Santa doesn't exist (whether or not she really still believes in him).

My DD wanted an iPad from Santa when she was 6. No way was she getting one, but no way was I going to ruin Santa for her at that age! I just came up with some waffle about how Santa gives the present he feels is right for each child, not necessarily exactly what is on their list. Or, as others have suggested, you could say that Santa needs a little help with this one as they're so hard to "make", so if she really wants one it will also have to be a birthday present or from you / other relatives as well as Santa.

[Mehitabel6]

It seems mad to me to give the impression that a list for Santa is anything more than suggestions. Mine had things over the years that I totally ignored. They are perfectly happy on the day because in the same way you think of things they would like but haven't thought of.

[IndefinateSingleton]

My daughter is also obsessed with American Girl dolls, I agree that they are ridiculously expensive but they are well made and do hold their value (especially if you keep the box).

I bought her Grace Thomas for her birthday, brand new in box from eBay for her birthday. She cost just over £100 delivered. The generic 'just like me' or 'truly me' dolls are a little cheaper.

Santa is bringing her a Truly Me doll for Christmas, she wanted outfits too which I've bought from China for around £3 each delivered rather than £35+ for the real thing.

I appreciate that everyone's budgets are different, I'm lucky that she is my only child and I've had time to save for this as she's liked them for months.

If you're not sure that your daughter will really recognise the difference between the dolls then take a look at design-a-friend from Argos, they are £20 each, come in a doll box and clothes/accessories aren't extortionate. We have a couple and they are fairly similar to AG.

[Isitchristmasyet4]

I think you have to weight up the pros and cons of getting the doll or not getting the doll, you are the mother and whatever decision you make I'm sure you will make the right one as it is your child.

[Buttercupsandaisies]

I understand exactly how you feel. Dd will be 10 before Xmas and is also obsessed with AG. She spends hours watching their home made you tube videos and acting similar sciences out!

Her and all her mates defo believe in Santa, no question. Did still believes in the tooth fairy! Most of year 6 do too.

My girls (9&8) have been into Argos design a friend for years and have them all so it's not a fad, but like you I've looked at AG and once you add import costs etc it's well over £140 to get a popular one here.

Have you looked at Our generation in smyths? They are the UK version of AG. They feature on you tube on the same adverts so kids can see the link. They're exactly same really only UK names rather than the more American ones. My dds have had loads of stuff from this range. The dolls come with the matching character book just like AG to and cost on average £30-35.

I have bought AG accessories like DVDs, play school book set (£20 or less) on Amazon to go with them.