Christmas Eve for single parents

[Muddlewitch]

If you are a single parent, can I ask what you do on Christmas Eve?

I have been single for a few years now so should be used to it, but I still find I get sad on Christmas Eve once the kids are in bed. There is no one to share the magic and do the last minute toy building and stocking stuffing with, and everyone one else is with their loved ones. I love Christmas Eve daytime but come the evening I start thinking about things far too much and usually go to bed upset.

I know I sound pathetic, but I wondered if anyone else was in a similar position or has found a way to make it special even if you are on your own.

[MillieMoodle]

Not a single parent but for you. Could you have a glass of something special and watch a new film you've got just for you? Or have a bubble bath with some posh bubbles and pamper yourself a bit? Sorry if these are crap ideas. I am usually in a panic as I have too much wrapping left and not enough paper/Sellotape. DH gets bored and goes to bed so by the time everything is finished and I'm feeling calm and Christmassy, DH has been snoring for a good hour. I usually have a glass of wine, turn the lights off except for the tree and watch some cheesy Christmas movie on TV for a bit before going to bed far too late.

[MakStout]

Ive been a single parent for 2 christmasses now, but both i stayed at my parents over christmas with the kids. This year im properly alone, the kids at their dads.

I might go to the pub.

[SunnyL]

Not a single parent either but DH works shifts and is often at work. We go to the christingle service at church which is v welcoming and magic, then we have steak and chips. DD goes to bed and i watch a good film while wrapping.

Honestly i love it

[HellKitty]

When I was single I'd let them stay up and we'd have nibbles and watch cheesy films.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

I'm not a single parent and so I apologise if this sounds emotionally insensitive, but I suspect that in most homes it's the mothers (single or not) who do the last minute magical things for Christmas anyway. I normally recoil against gender stereotyping but women do seem to generally be better at the finishing touches than men IME. DH and DF follow this trend anyway - they have both always been asleep before anyone else on Christmas eve!

Would it help to think of yourself as part of a nationwide (indeed, time-zone wide) network of women who are simultaneously finishing off the stockings and setting out carrots and sherry? That seems like a better spin to put on it all

[Shockers]

Not a SP, but DH always works until the early hours of Christmas Day. We go to the theatre, or cinema (independent-both in the same building) in the afternoon. There's either a Christmassy type play on, or It's a Wonderful Life. After that we go to the local spaghetti house. We often meet up with friends for this. Home for Christingle, then a quick drink in the pub with other families. It's a full day! I've done this since the children were small; they're teenagers now, but they still enjoy it.

[godsavethequeeeen]

this will be my seventh Xmas as a LP. I make sure there's something I want to watch on tv, mini bottle of fizz, some nice choc for pudding, new primark pj's and generally spend all evening flitting between here and gearing up for stocking duty.

If I feel crap I remember that XP would have buggered off to the pub leaving me alone anyway. And I never have to stand in a cold taxi queue with hoards of Xmas revellers again.

[theconstantvacuumer]

Could you invite a few friends over for drinks and nibbles, even if it's just for an hour? Or try and sort out presents etc the night before Xmas Eve and then let the kids stay up late on Christmas Eve with a good film and hot chocolate?

[FriedFishAndBread]

I've been a sp for most of my dcs Christmases. I like Xmas eve though, I normally take the dc to a pub for dinner where there's a softplay to wear them out. We don't get until at least 8:30/9 and then it's bath and straight to bed in new jammys.

I then finish off the presents with a film and baileys with the lights on. I make the living all special and wrap the doorway up! It's Christmas day when everyone's coupled up and Christmas day evening that makes me feel lonely.

[Mrsj70]

Been on my own with 3 DS for 12 years and Christmas eve is my fave day of the year. From the first year on our own we had a routine for the whole day. Get up, huge breakfast.Prepare veg for Christmas dinner. Wrap up warm, take the dog to the local pinewoods/beach, walk for about three hours. Home, bath/shower, dressed for Christingle in church. Home (where Father Christmas has left a new DVD), takeaway for tea. Set table for Christmas dinner. All into new christmas pyjamas, all the christmas treats, sweets, chocs etc, out and all watch DVD. Leave drink/snack out for FC, DS's off to bed. At that point I sit with a large glass of vino and watch a bit of rubbish TV. Stockings put out ready for the morning then off to bed.

[Sidge]

It is a lonely evening when you are a single parent. Spending it alone because your partner is working isn't the same as spending it totally alone IMO. (and I've done both!)

I tend to get the children to bed then try and have a bubbly bath with a good book, a glass of prosecco (or 2 or 3...) then watch a film with some nice nibbles. Then do the stockings and off to bed myself.

[AriNi31]

I am watching this thread with interest. I'm quite scared about Christmas this year. My husband decided (totally out of the blue) that our marriage was over on New years Day this year. So this Christmas will be my first as a single mum. I want to make it special for DD (2) and DS(7) but also am very aware of feeling lonely. I love Christmas - its always been my favourite time of year but this year I'm kind of dreading it a bit. I've got to buy lots of new stuff - decorations and everything - but I think I'm going to try and make new traditions. Maybe thats what you could do too muddle - maybe something just different on Christmas Eve that could become a tradition?

[godsavethequeeeen]

we go to church on Xmas eve too. lots of churches have an afernoon or early evening Crib service that are totally child friendly and not too long.

We also go to town on the 23rd and the dc's are allowed to choose any tree decoration they like, they're always reduced by then.

[UpNorthAgain]

I like LaContessa's idea. My DD and I always go ice skating with some of her mates, and when they've gone home we watch the cartoon version of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'. She's sixteen now, but it's an integral part of Christmas Eve to us

I always count my blessings that XH isn't there, being grumpy / sulky / watching crap on the telly and generally being an @rsehole. Better to be by myself than have his company. I don't have good memories of Christmas with him, so I love the peacefulness.

[ssd]

I feel for you op and I think some of the posters here are missing the point, which is you feel sad theres no one to share Xmas eve with. To me thats totally understandable. I've lost my mum and dad and it breaks my heart I cant share Xmas with them and all the cries of but I dont see my parents at Xmas or anyone saying I'm glad I dont see my parents at Xmas anymore, wouldnt help me feel better at all.
Its shit op and you have my sympathy. I hope you meet someone decent to share these times with soon x

[IThinkIveBeenHAD]

There is no one to share the magic and do the last minute toy building and stocking stuffing with, and everyone one else is with their loved ones.

I do have dh but this line struck me, because I think I would get more of this without him.

Every year for past 8 since dd I have dreamed of leisurely wrapping presents, dressing them up, glass of champagne, soft music, twinkling lights, as we lovingly set things up.

Its not like this.dh hates wrapping, gets stressed, drains all joy for me, has no interest in it, ( never had FC as a child) and doesn't get all this preparation for it...the excitement, the secrecy. The only thing he is good for is getting stuff from the attic.

its not enjoyable.

so whilst you understandably feel sad, you must try and conjur these feelings for youself.

even if you meet a wonderful man, they may still not be - your xmas eve ideal like mine.

[CatMilkMan]

My mum is a single parent and comes to stay with us now, if we go out she either comes with us or goes out with friends/stays in.
I know that's probably not helpful but I'm sure at some point in my life she has felt the same as you.

[Shockers]

I apologise OP if those of us who are alone because DPs work at Christmas made you feel worse by sharing our CE routines.

I had 7 years as a SP and that's when I first established routines, with DS1. We always went to the theatre and then for dinner. It was special and it was just the two of us. We also decorated the tree that evening because I could get one for pennies! The next day was filled with extended family, so the eve was precious.

It's become bigger now, and friends are involved, but once the two teens are abed, DS1 and I enjoy being together... like we always did. It's a special evening that was made when it was just the two of us.

I hope you and your children find ways to love Christmas Eve too x

[Muddlewitch]

Thank you everyone, no one has made me feel worse at all don't worry.

The DC and I do usually have a nice day time on Christmas Eve doing all the festive things, putting out the mince pie for Santa etc. It's really when they go to bed and I come back downstairs and sit here on my own that I get a bit down. I think the fact I am only single one in my street and circle of friends probably makes it worse as I think of everyone else around me with their partners. I do realise they are not all having a blissful time, and wouldn't want XP here at all, it's just not having someone to share it with, even the crappy bits.

I agree with pp that Christmas Day evening is lonely too.

I think the wine and trashy film idea would probably be a good plan.

[CatMilkMan]

If trashy film and wine doesn't work try YouTube and vodka.

[starlight2007]

I am a LP..Have been for all but one of my DS(8) christmasses...

1st christmas eve..Ex swaned off to pick the goose at 10am and returned pissed at 4pm threatend to take DS then went to sleep..

We have lots traditions..We make gingerbread house every year and eat it for breakfast..Usually go to the theatre now he has got older. We go to church.. We watch a film together..

I do understand about what you mean about the evenings.. I do remember a thread on here about how vulgar it was to put pics of xmas gifts on FB... However if I didn't put it on FB no one would see it ( except DS who is the main person I want to see it)

I tend to spend the evening on hot bricks worried he will wake up and come down and see the presents.

One year I ended up in bed at 9pm as DS had a cough and woke up and wanted to get in bed with me..I couldn't let him come downstairs.

[thehousewife]

When I was a SP we used to go to the cinema then for dinner out and then home earlyish, it was tradition to have new pjs, a hot chocolate and get bits ready for the next day. And once put out Sandra's bits and bobs. If I got bored I'd do silly things like leave icing singer around a boot so she thought it was his footprints

[thehousewife]

Not once I meant obviously!!!
You'll be fine, just embrace it. I spend a few years getting my knickers in a twist about it but then had a reality check that no one really has a "perfect" Xmas.

[NeverNic]

I'm in a similar boat to IvebeenHad. My DH sucks all of the enjoyment out of pre-Christmas. He's fine Christmas Day but I find I get left with all the pressure to make it magical and I've ended up upset with it all getting too much. We've been known to row about me doing too much and us going to bed furious with each other. I know thats not the same at all but I'm making the magic for myself now. I arrange something with friends or family in the afternoon, sometimes seeing panto, going to church or meeting for lunch. We have a fish and chips tea with bubbly, then do the Christmas eve traditions with the boys. Once they're in bed we watch a Christmas special, normally Gavin and Stacey. Oh then passes out. I now refuse to do any wrapping or assembly of toys on Christmas Eve now because it just pss me off that he sits there. Instead I turn all the Christmas lights on. (I have them nigella style in the kitchen), put Smooth on the radio, pour a glass or two of bubbles (finishing the bottle off from tea) and potter around the kitchen making either the starter or baking something simple and christmassy for Christmas morning. I sing to the radio, dancing around and generally feeling a bit merry. I lay the table for Christmas breakfast, bring down the presents and stockings and enjoy the twinkles and helping Fc out with the goodies before heading to bed. Music and lights always give me the christmassy feeling.

[GREYCROW]

Last year I put prepared stockings out, had a glass of wine and sobbed for a couple of hours.

This year, I'm spending at my Dad's so I think it will be much more exciting (adult company yayy!)