Sorry. Not the most cheery start to the day, but I wanted to offload some feelings and set up a group hug for anyone who feels the same way.
My parents were the most wonderful people I've ever met. Sadly, both have passed away, not recently, which makes the way I'm feeling today all the more odd. I think maybe it is the result of being a parent now myself - I look at my DCs and it makes me think of what it was like being their age. I can't remember a lot, and that annoys me because I was clearly sleepwalking my way through my childhood without any sense that it wasn't forever. I'd love to go back now and do it all again, and pay attention!
We were talking about our plans for December last night and putting key dates on the calendar. But once I went to bed I started thinking about my childhood Christmasses and all the happy times we had. And I want them back! [I know there was a thread here a while ago in which people talked about their less than happy experiences - I think I was one of the luckiest children alive sometimes].
I can still feel the anticipation, and that spinetingling sensation of waking up on Christmas morning. I can smell the Christmas trees, and recall that moment where the lights were switched on and didn't work, then worked, then didn't work. I can picture an advent calendar propped up on the shelf - no chocolates, but still a marvellous thing. I can rememember the year that it snowed on Christmas Eve night and we had to cancel plans to visit family the next day which seemed like the worst thing ever but how it turned into a lovely family pyjama clad Christmas. We didn't have central heating, and I remember the feel of rubber hot water bottles leaving warm patches in the bed and being able to tell that morning had come when the bottle felt cold. I can now appreciate their willingness to have glittery decorations that I had made all over the house, to listen to me murdering Christmas carols on the violin as if it was an orchestra playing, and to stay up for hours on Christmas Eve putting together a dolls house, so that it would be there when I woke up. I remember bouncing into their bed with my filled stocking, and the year that I opened my bedroom door to see a mini tinsel tree, with lights and baubles, left by Santa. I still put it up in my own house when I was in my 20s!
I want to hug my parents and say thank you for all the wonderful times. I feel sad about the way that 'life goes on' - here I am, doing all these things, and not able to share them. I haven't had the sense of there being empty seats at the dinner table for a long time, but something has got inside my head this week, and it makes me want to be 7 again. Actually, it also makes me want to give my DCs the same happy memories. Most of what I remember is not glitzy presents and extravagant gifts. I remember excitement, anticipation, the smell of Christmas backing, falling asleep at midnight mass... I wonder if my parents worked hard to create Christmas magic and traditions, or if the good stuff somehow just 'happened'.
Hug, anyone?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.
Christmas
Thinking about childhood Christmas & feeling a bit sad that my parents are not here
13 replies
workatemylife · 19/11/2014 09:59
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.