I am fussy, how much should I let my host know?

(34 Posts)

I am going to spend Christmas at my MIL's house for the first time this year. I am quite fussy regarding food though. I don't eat meat because I don't like the texture, I don't eat carrots and I don't like most herbs and spices.
DP says that normally for breakfast they have bacon sandwiches. I have suggested that I have jam or peanut butter on toast instead, and I am willing to prepare this myself.
For dinner they have the traditional turkey, roast potatoes and all the trimmings. I have suggested that I have everything except the turkey and the carrots, there's no need to make something special for me.
For tea it's a snacky buffet thing so I will be fine there.
Is this an ok plan? I don't want to put MIL out of her way but I want to be able to enjoy the food.

I'll admit, I do tut a bit at this kind of fussiness but you sound like you have alternatives ready. Just smile lots, praise what you do eat and I reckon you'll be fine.

pinkbunny2012 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:05:39

I think this is ok, im personally quite easy going and wouldn't be offended but some people might be. What is ur MIL usually like? do u get along well with her? I myself am really fussy with food, and understand where u are coming from, which is why I usually host Christmas dinner for my inlaws or I go to my parents ( who know what im like haha)

pinkbunny2012 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:06:05

I think this is ok, im personally quite easy going and wouldn't be offended but some people might be. What is ur MIL usually like? do u get along well with her? I myself am really fussy with food, and understand where u are coming from, which is why I usually host Christmas dinner for my inlaws or I go to my parents ( who know what im like haha)

MincedMuffPies Sun 15-Dec-13 19:06:53

Just take some stuff in your bag to fill up in your hungry. As for breakfast maybe buy some croissants and nice jams and bucks fizz as your present for thanks for letting us stay here's my contribution.

LIZS Sun 15-Dec-13 19:07:36

Let her know you won't be eating the meat as it is one less portion to buy for.

ThisIsMeNow Sun 15-Dec-13 19:07:56

Could you have a word with her and explain that you don't want to cause any fuss on the day so is it easier for you to bring something or to make something yourself on the day or help her while she's cooking?

superbagpuss Sun 15-Dec-13 19:09:06

tell them you don't eat meat

otherwise you may find most dinner items have it hidden (potatoes cooked in meat juice, meat stuffing etc)

MothershipG Sun 15-Dec-13 19:10:09

I'd tell you DP to give his Mum the heads up, I'd be mortified if this was sprung on me and I had nothing to offer. In fact, could you not take a ready prepared nut roast or something that just needs warming through? Are you ok if the potatoes are cooked in animal fat?

Smartiepants79 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:10:29

Have you never eaten at her house before? How long have you been married?

lilyaldrin Sun 15-Dec-13 19:12:15

Make sure you let her know you don't eat meat. Maybe offer to bring an alternative to the turkey for you? I wouldn't make a fuss about carrots or herbs though.

yomellamoHelly Sun 15-Dec-13 19:18:42

My PIL wouldn't notice. So would choose the keeping schtum route. (Have told them many times I dislike turkey and can't stand brussel sprouts. Have same conversation every other year when they offer to pass me said items at the Christmas table. There's always plenty of other stuff for me to fill up on.)

BabyMummy29 Sun 15-Dec-13 19:21:11

I think your plan is acceptable as you're not expecting her to provide any alternatives to cause her extra expense or inconvenience.

Everybody can't be expected to like everything

Floggingmolly Sun 15-Dec-13 19:23:58

Yes, what everyone else said - just tell her you don't eat meat.
Nothing else is a problem; don't help yourself to carrots if you'd rather not.
I'd be a bit bemused to be informed in advance of someone's dislike of carrots, leave them on the plate confused

I think you're plan is fine but you really need to let your pils know so there's no surprises/ upset on the day, at least they'll know what to expect.

MerryMarigold Sun 15-Dec-13 19:27:35

Why aren't you just a vegetarian? Then you have perfect reason for not eating messy and they will probably get you something else. I'd ask of it's for me to bring a veggie dish which everyone can share (cauliflower cheese? Nut roast?)

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine Sun 15-Dec-13 19:28:05

Does MIL know that you don't eat meat? If so she may be planning to cook you a vegetarian option, so if you're likely to be too fussy to eat it then you should talk to her in advance. If she chooses and cooks something especially for you and then you don't eat it she could be hurt.

missmapp Sun 15-Dec-13 19:28:36

Your plan is fine, but this kind of fussiness does annoy me. As a guest, I have been served many things I don't like, I eat them politely , don't take a portion or only take a small amount. As it is only one day, you will be fine.

MrsEricBana Sun 15-Dec-13 19:29:47

Tricky one this. My SIL has interesting food preferences and I always do Xmas and as the one bearing the cost and effort I would rather she just ate the bits she can and didn't take the rest. Are you actually vegetarian? If you are I'd be happy to provide veggie alternative to the turkey.Presumably MIL knows if you are veggie.

kitsmummy Sun 15-Dec-13 19:30:13

Just tell them you're veggie?! You really should let them know in advance, everything else is manageable. You could always offer to bring a veggie dish that just needs to go it the oven

iklboo Sun 15-Dec-13 19:31:28

Wouldn't be a problem for me - you wouldn't have to make your own toast. If I'm making bacon butties it'd be no hardship to stick a couple of slices of bread in the toaster for you. I'd just ask you how you like it. Sane with no turkey / carrots. As long as you were happy & full at the end of the meal.

Tell them you're veggie. Or just be veggie!

Everything else I would just grin and bear. I think it's terribly rude not to eat what's prepared for you in someone else's house, vegetarianism/allergies aside.

mathanxiety Sun 15-Dec-13 20:39:19

I cook for a crowd at Christmas, and I have to say if you were a guest at my house I would be counting the seconds until you were gone. Then I would talk about you afterwards while making faces like this ----> hmm
When you're a guest the name of the game is contributing to the jolliness of the day, not your own worries about food texture, etc.

Don't get in the way in the kitchen making yourself a sandwich in the morning or some alternative for dinner. Eat something before you go or just take the bacon out of the sandwich and eat the bread and drink a cup of tea. If you think you will faint from hunger because of avoiding almost everything the MIL cooks, bring something for yourself but don't expect anyone to move stuff around in the fridge or make room in the oven for it.

I like the idea of bring croissants and fancy jam as your contribution to the festive breakfast.

For dinner, if you don't bring something, just take a small portion, or eat what you want and leave the rest, and do not draw attention to yourself or make the hostess feel she has to cater to your fussiness. She will be busy enough cooking mounds of food and hoping everyone is having a good time. Say you never eat much and just be a friendly and cheerful guest. Offer to help with clearing up.

If you tell her in advance you are vegetarian or don't eat meat she will probably make something veggie for you on the basis that she won't want you going hungry on Christmas Day, so I would not advertise the fact that you don't eat meat. It's only one day to just accept what is there and not to cause extra work for someone else.

hallowisitmeyourelookingfor Sun 15-Dec-13 20:42:45

You're making a fuss over nothing - just eat what you want. You can make yourself toast instead of bacon rolls, ignore the meat on your plate and don't eat the carrots.

pinkyredrose Mon 16-Dec-13 14:18:04

* have to say if you were a guest at my house I would be counting the seconds until you were gone. Then I would talk about you afterwards while making faces like this ----> hmm *

You sound lovely hmm

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