Christmas Day Dilemma. Help Please.

(16 Posts)

So

He doesn't really like your children
He's only bothered to see you twice this year even though he presumably doesn't live that far away
If you visit him, he won't make you and your children feel welcome and comfortable
He refuses to visit you
You told him you'd only be making a short visit and he DID NOT say "oh please come for the whole day, I'll miss you so much if you don't"

Why are you feeling guilty about not spending Christmas day with him?

I like to keep Christmas day for people who enjoy my company and whose company I enjoy in return.

I think you should invite him to your house on Boxing Day. If he refuses, say "aww, shame, never mind then".

lade Sun 10-Nov-13 10:38:47

I agree with the others - stay at home and let him come to you.

I think pre children, it's fine t go round all of the family, but once children have arrived, they don't want to be dragged around everywhere, they want to stay at home (or at least in one place) and enjoy their presents.

If you're at home, they everyone can relax, the children do not have to be on best behaviour, and they can play with their gifts etc, and your dad is free to go home when he has had enough.

snowqueenrollo Sun 10-Nov-13 09:45:47

Does he actually like Christmas? Some people do prefer to just get on with the day without much fuss. Is it possible that he's not said much to your offer of a short visit because actually he doesn't mind?

Slainte Sun 10-Nov-13 08:26:00

You're hardly abandoning him if your sister/s will be there.

If he wants to see you, he can come to yours, your DC will be so excited and will need to be free to run around enjoying themselves.

TantrumsintheDiscoteque Sun 10-Nov-13 08:14:15

Thanks for your replies. He will have my sister and possibly my other sister there as well.

I just can't help feeling like I'm abandoning him even though I know it will just be work for DH and I.

Is there a good reason he doesn't want to come to yours? Unless it's something like he has a disability that your house isn't adapted for, I don't think you need to go to him at all.

I think that you have invited him, if he chooses to not come then that's his preference and I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like a miserable visit for you and your little ones, break the habit now!

MissLurkalot Sat 09-Nov-13 19:26:43

I think you should stick to your guns.
You have two good reasons to have Xmas day at your place, and he is being unreasonable and slightly selfish for not seeing why you want things to change.

What are his reasons for staying at home, potentially alone on Xmas day? Did he actually give you any?
Could you or your OH collect him and take him back for the meal part or for the whole day or two?

Or, how about you agree to go to his place for this year, BUT next year you will be at yours and he is to come to you.
Is he stubborn? Would he meet you half way?

Are there any other family members?

SquidgyMummy Sat 09-Nov-13 19:16:29

Enjoy Xmas day with your Kids at home and see your Dad on Boxing day

TantrumsintheDiscoteque Sat 09-Nov-13 19:04:17

He won't come to ours . He would rather stay home.

raisah Sat 09-Nov-13 18:45:16

Invite him & anyone else to yours for dinner. I find that inviting and mixing up different sets of people from your life often breaks the ice & awkwardness. As you will be busy you won't have time to dwell on silences, the noise fills any awkward gaps. My inlaws behave well when there are other people at my place but not when it's just them. So I fill my house with guests when they are around to encourage good behaviour!

IAlwaysThought Sat 09-Nov-13 18:38:15

A short visit sounds like a great idea. I would ignore any complaint from him. You can then choose to stay longer if it's going well.

Do NOT feel guilty smile

wonderingsoul Sat 09-Nov-13 18:11:04

i second.. third the ask him tyo yours.. it'll be more relaxed as the kids can just go and play, its yor own turf so you wont have to worry about them getting into things.

Blu Sat 09-Nov-13 17:56:50

Can't you invite him to yours?

ChasingSquirrels Sat 09-Nov-13 17:56:19

Can't you invite him to yours?

Hassled Sat 09-Nov-13 17:55:55

Can't he just come to you for the day?

TantrumsintheDiscoteque Sat 09-Nov-13 17:54:47

I have 2 DC aged nearly 4 and 1.5yrs.
we usually go to my fathers for Christmas (mum died a while ago).

However, Ive only seen him twice this year and he isn't greatly fond of children!

I know Christmas day will be awkward and I'll be constantly pulling the baby off things and worrying about dirty handprints everywhere.

We won't get to enjoy lunch as we will be trying to keep the kids entertained.

I'm thinking of forgetting the dinner and just going for a short visit, but now upon suggesting this to my father I feel awful.

He didn't really say much and I feel guilty. AIBU to do it the way we want?

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