Having a small christmas....

[Dollybird86]

Every year we have a large extended family Christmas generally at my aunt and uncle's house and I mostly do all the cooking this year I will have a 7 week old DD (first child) and aunt is very keen to keep to our normal christmas plans but has said she will cook. I want to have a small family Christmas at my house just me dh and dd maybe my mum as my db is going away with his gf to spain. But my aunt is clearly very upset by this and said her christmas plans are falling part! They have also booked a centre parks break with an extra room the week before and expect us to come, they go every year but normally im working.

The main problem with going to them on xmas day is they now have a very small house and 2 very lively boys 5 & 7 there will not really be anywhere to but baby down and I feel as though the children won't be able to play run around and enjoy there day.
(And her roast is not as good as mine) Am I just being pfb and need to chill out or would you have a mini christmas at home?

[roslet]

We stopped going to stay with family at Christmas when I was pregnant. Now we have two young children and love doing our own thing for a few days. You've got to say no one year, so you may as well say it this year.

[jamtoast12]

I'm not sure what I'd do tbh. I can see why you aunt could get miffed, given you've done the same thing every year. However I can also see that its probably quite stressful. I enjoy big family christmas days so I'm probably biased! Quiet christmas as would feel like a normal Sunday roast to me!

A 7wk dd is fairly adaptable and can literally sleep anywhere (probably in everyone's arms) so I wouldnt let that put you off if that's your only concern. If aunt has offered to cook I expect it'll be much easier than being at home. Personally I'd go as dd will likely sleep on someone's knee! It may be easier to do it this year rather than the next 2 or 3 years so you could warn people this year.

Of course if you just don't fancy it you have every reason to just say no but given the young age of your dd I think you'd probably hav a less stressful day there than cooking etc at home. You can always do a shorter visit?

As or the centre parks I'd jump at the chance of a free break but equally just say you don't fancy it. Not sure you can go down the baby excuse though as babies of that stage are generally the easiest to look after, just say you don't fancy the hassle.

[notthefirstagainstthewall]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have a small family Christmas now you are a new small family.
I personally dislike the control freak types who organise Christmas within an inch of it's life and then feel put out if anyone has different ideas.
Just say it's your DD first Christmas and you want it to be small and special.

[HuevosRancheros]

As roslet says, now is the time to make the change if you want to in the future.
If you don't, and next year want a small family Christmas, you will get "but you managed to come last year..."

It is still over 2 months to Christmas, you can hardly be accused of springing this on her last minute and ruining her plans.

If she is reasonable, she should understand that it is now your time to have your own family Christmases.

But is it possible for you to go maybe Boxing Day, or the day after? Or invite her to yours?

As for the 7 week old being fairly adaptable... well yes, but if (God forbid!) you have a bad sleeper like I had (and I dearly hope you don't, but who can say?), you may just want to be in the comfort of your own home, able to do what you want, when you want.

It's just one Christmas, you can re-join the large gatherings in the future when the time is right for you :)

[IreneR]

I have to agree with Huevos on all fronts. You don't know how adaptable your new baby may be, you don't know how tired you might be, and this might be the right moment to say you'd like to keep Christmas at home.

Speaking for myself, I was profoundly exhausted when my baby was born, and I would have loved a small Christmas with just the three of us.

Good luck in navigating it all.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

Seven weeks! I'd still be traipsing round in my pj's with a boob out!


I'd want an intimate Christmas with my new baby and DH.

I would second the compromise - do something on Boxing day. If they are close enough couldn't you meet somewhere family friendly for lunch or during the post Christmas week - where the other DC could have a runaround and you could keep the baby in a pram or sling?

Where's your mum in all this?

[Dollybird86]

Thank you all so much! I have said they can come to us on boxing day and I'll do a nice buffet(or m&s will) that way the kids don't feel so torn away from present and they can stay for 3 hours and head home so it wont be too much if I feel like death.
My mum has said just tell her nearer the time that you don't want to come and not make a big deal out of it but I don't want her to feel as though ive literally ruined xmas and shes so excited about the baby and everyone being together I don't want to upset her.

[Dollybird86]

wally My mum doesn't really do christmas she cant cook and never hosts and doesn't understand why we get so excited for her its a few gifts for the kids and drinking baileys and watching downton abbey.

[WallyBantersJunkBox]

Sorry Dolly, I meant where is your mum in defending you against your Aunty?

Sounds like you have it sorted.

And a Christmas baby - how lovely!

[girlywhirly]

Dolly, your aunt is just over excited and hasn't really thought things through from your point of view, especially with regards to Center parcs. If you go 2 wks overdue baby will only be 4 wk old when you go there. You will be limited as to what you can do energy wise and if you've had a c-section you might not be healed enough to go in the pool; likewise if your post partum bleeding hasn't stopped. Again, some of the accommodation can be quite a walk away from the centre of things if you aren't up to it, and the weather is likely to be against you at that time of year.

You might be in the chalet for much of the time while everyone else has fun elsewhere, and it's not home with all your familiar things around you. If you really don't want to go you must let your aunt know so that she could possibly find someone else to take your room. It's a bit cheeky to book rooms for people without their agreement, but she probably thought it would be nice for everyone to be together. Her intentions are good but a little bit on the selfish side because it pleases her most of all to have them with her.

I think your Boxing day plan sounds great, then at least you can disappear up to your own bed if it all gets too exhausting for a rest.

[peacefuleasyfeeling]

This sounds like an AIBU I ran in the summer about camping with a 7 week old baby (and a 3yo DD). I was really not into the idea, but decided to have a go anyway, having made alternative contingency plans (booking a nearby hotel just in case, paid for by DP who was mad keen to go camping). And it turned out to be a lovely little holiday; as someone said further up, 7 week old babies can be pretty easy-going and can usually sleep anywhere. But you are also likely to be happiest in PJs, breastfeeding at the drop of a hat. As long as you know you can get out of it, at a moment's notice without any fuss, you might feel better about giving your aunt's do a go. But really, if you KNOW that you'd rather not, and feel railroaded into it and overwhelmed by the expectations of others who, it seems, didn't consult you, then by all means stand your ground. FWIW, we did a 'small Christmas' when DD1 was first born, just DP, DD1 and I, and it was very lovely indeed. Best of luck and Merry Christmas!

[GreenTeaDrinker]

Small Christmas sounds lovely. I have hosted family for the past several years (since DD was 1) and am really looking forward to it just being me DH and DD this year. I thought DD might be disappointed it's just us but she's actually v pleased as well.

Have your small Christmas, relax and enjoy it, it will be lovely.