Dreading christmas!

[chickensarmpit]

This might be long as i do tend to waffle on :D
I'm going to sound like a right scrouge but this year i just can't be bothered. My heart just isn't in it at all.Obviously i'll make the effort for my little people.
Here's why

1- Inlaws! grr who'd have them. My fil and mil don't get on whats so ever (divorced). To be honest he's a bitter git and i can't stand him. He tries to make a show of mil infront of people and i find that disgusting. He told my 10 year old she was a shitstirrer the other day, which i am fuming about.
He's said he's going to pop in at some point on the day but won't give me a time.

2- Still inlaws lol. Mil is great, i get a long with her really well but she has a nack of pissing me right off. Last year she opened her presents and said " where's the bin? Oh, here it is" then chucked her rubbish on my floor.
She has her xmas day with her family on xmas eve so she can go visiting on xmas day. Great except they all turn up at my small house and stay for hours. One year they stood watching us eat our dinner! I end up running around after them, making them coffee's and tending to their needs which i don't really mind as such but they are just so rude about it.

3- Still the inlaws! Mil has fell out with Bil and Sil and they argue in front of my kids! Last year they all turned up at the same time and boy it got nasty.

4- Great gran inlaw turns up and expects that all toys are removed from the living room. It seems that my Oh's family can just turn up whenever they want throughout the day. The whole day is taken up by them lot. My family don't get a look in. His family take all the sits and will stay for hours. Mine end up standing up and in the end they say they have to go and hopefully it will be different next year. This has been going on for 11 years and i'm at the end of my tether with it all. Oh doesn't want to confront his family, he hates conflict.

5- After telling a workmate all my fun plans for xmas eve (my day off) the sly git has booked the day off and now i'm the only one to cover. I feel like throttling him.

6- My 6 year old has been telling me since september that she wanted dolls dolls dolls. She came down stairs this morning and told me she's changed her mind. Great! I've already bought then lol.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
Bloody christmas!

[AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow]

Do something about it then??!! It's your house?! It's really only fair the familys alternate anyway isn't it? and if anyone called my 10 yr old a shit stirrer, they wouldn't be getting in the house again, let alone Christmas, ban him for a start, how does you DH feel??
Honestly, do Christmas your way, your kids young years go so fast, make every christmas perfect for all of you.

[chickensarmpit]

Sit= seats

[chickensarmpit]

I've tried Alien. I've spoken to them, i've practically begged them but they don't give a poop at all. They all live a few miles a way and use my house as a central meet up point.
I have never even been asked if it's ok.

[chickensarmpit]

My perfect xmas would be me, my oh and the kids. That's all i have ever wanted but i'm made out to be a selfish mare by everyone if i bring it up.

[purrpurr]

Then you need to force the issue this Christmas - ensure your own family arrive at a suitable time and also ensure when DH's family come knocking, don't open the door.

Takes some bravery but if they don't give a shit, why should you?

[purrpurr]

Also if you're posting here to let off some steam, but you are resigned to having a fairly rotten Christmas Day again this year, and feel unable to make any changes, do you want us all to just say "Oh dear, that's terrible"? No point giving advice if you are unable to make use of it.

[chickensarmpit]

I need to grow a backbone to be honest. I'm always trying to keep them happy but what's the point if it stresses me out.

[purrpurr]

Do it chickensarmpit!!!

[PostBellumBugsy]

Bloody hell - learn to say no, or go out for the day!!!! You are allowing these people to treat you & your family badly.

There are so many people who have genuinely miserable Christmas's because they are mourning the death of loved ones, separated from their children or partners, are seriously ill themselves etc. Think of them and stiffen your spine & make your own family Christmas a happy one, by saying no to people who are rude & horrible.

[chickensarmpit]

I'd love to go and see my housebound nan on christmas day. I'm going to speak to Oh when he comes in from work and sort this out.

[TeeBee]

How about giving them a two-hour slot if they want to come round, then make sure you have plans at the other times. Be strict. I think you have to deal with it if your OH being crap. Don't let him inflict his family upon yours.

I have been dreading mine for months because I end up feeling like a waitress for my DH's family who totally outstay their welcome. I've rectified it by saying they can come for a buffet early evening, leaving the rest of the day for my family. We've arranged to meet friends in the pub, then planning a nice quiet lunch for four. Buffet and eve celebrations will start at 5pm (they will arrive at 4 nontheless!!), but at least it minimizes my running around after them to a few hours. They will then be sent packing when its time for the children to go to bed.

[TeeBee]

Think you need a schedule of events then, to include your nan. Write it all down and make sure everyone in your immediate family has the things included they want to do. Include an hour or so drop-in time for ILs, but schedule something immediately after that time that you need to leave for. Present it to your DH as a fait accomplis. He, afterall, is being a bit crap.

[DoubleMum]

Tell them they can't just pop in as you will be out (seeing your housebound nan...could be all different times). Arrange a time and tell them what time meals are if they are invited. If not tell them there will be no meal. If both sets of family are still coming at once, make sure your family gets there first to get the seats (although this is far from ideal and not very Christmas-spirited - try to make sure they don't overlap).

[Dolallytats]

I'm sure you don't have to cover for your colleauge if it is your day off. It is down to your manager to ensure they have the right cover....just say you can't do it as you already have plans.

Hope the in-laws behave for you this year!!

[ratbagcatbag]

I would pop for an hour to see nan and then book an Xmas dinner at a pub for you lot, arriving home at 4, and then tell family they can come at 5pm for buffet tea. Do not be miserable on Xmas day.

[UrbanSpaceManBaby]

Her's a plan, issue invite to DHs family to meet in lovely, local pub/harvester for a drink at 11am. Turn up, have drink, go back home.

Play with toys, eat lunch, then go for quick trip to park/country walk to let the kids 'blow off steam'

Blame the children for the new timetable, they can take the heat.

[AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow]

Yes, really it's not out of order at all, take Tees advice, plan your Christmas, and tell them when is convenient to call round, that is the norm anyway

[NotAnotherPackedLunch]

Go on holiday for Christmas. Find a lovely cosy cottage near a pub and job done. Maybe having a year off will break their habit of using your house as a meeting up point.

If you're not able to get away, then arrange to go out for dinner. Failing that, pour yourself another drink and plaster a smile on your face and spend the day planning your escape for next year.

[girlywhirly]

Any chance of spending the day at your parents, and visiting Nan? Lock up your house and don't let the IL know where you're going? Tell the IL that there won't be a get together at your home this Christmas or any other unless they stop taking you all for granted and being so horrible. If DH won't, you'll have to otherwise it will just go on and on year after year

What about having your Christmas a day early at yours with your parents? IL won't be expecting that. Take leftovers to parents and Nan on Christmas day.

[MumofWombat]

I'll join you in the dreading Christmas thing...

1. MIL favours no. 1 Grandson. Having grown up with grandparents who favoured my older sibling I really struggle with this. More will be spent on him, he will get treats, all her attention etc....
   
2. MIL goes on and on about how great boys are and that girls are awful creatures. Having just found out DC2 is going to be the first girl born into our family for generations (DH and I are thrilled about this btw). I will be challenging these statements with a fixed smile on my face.
   
3. BIL is the most self centred person I have ever met. He will talk very loudly about him, what he's done, got, going to do. He will only use a shouting voice to talk to his kids.
   
4. SIL thinks she's supermum. She wont move from the kitchen, I wont feel welcome in there helping. But i know she's not supermum unless supermum has feral kids now does she?!
   
5. One of my nephews is feral. Whinges and tantrums more than my toddler. Gorgeous kid when he smiles, you rarely see this as he's normally sulking. Discipline is something he rarely encounters.
   
6. I'm pregnant so can't drink to dull the pain. I will however be taking many Nana naps....
   We will only be there for 48 hours or so. I will be sucking it up, texting friends the fun things they say to share the pain so I can start laughing at it, and challenging things if I feel it impacts on my family.
   I know they aren't all bad, my DH grew up with them and he is pretty awesome, just small doses of them is the best medicine for me!

[fuzzpig]

Sounds like a nightmare OP. I think the biggest problem is your OH though, why on earth won't he stand up to them?!