Say you have three or four DC and your Dsis has one or twoDC....

(29 Posts)
LynetteScavo England Sat 24-Nov-12 22:02:20

Do you spend four times as much on your DN, than your Dsis spends on your DC?

If not, is it fair that your DSis has to spend out, say £80 on your DC when you are spending £20 her DC?

I have more DC than my siblings, and feel a bit guilty that they have to buy more nephew/nieces presents than I do. If DB buys my DC a £10 gift each, should I therefore buy his DD a £10 gift or £30 gift? confused

But, then as I have more DC and earn less, I have a smaller disposible income....confused

I'm over thinking this, aren't I. hmm

Southwest Mon 26-Nov-12 00:33:13

My aunt has fewer children than my Mother she uses to give gifts added up exactly so she told my mother she would spend £5 on us and expects my mother to spend £10 on her kids

My mother goes along with it mind you she has given my cousin 5 engagement gifts (1 for each)

WinklyVersusTheZombies Sun 25-Nov-12 22:18:02

Over thinking. I spend a fair bit on DSis's two, but not necessarily the same amount. Big age gap between them, I just buy what they like and what I can afford. She spends nothing on my children, because I don't have any smile

bondigidum Sun 25-Nov-12 22:13:35

Sorry, this reminded me of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory grin

Way overthinking it. Highly doubt your DB will be interested in how much you spent on his kids versus how much they spent on yours, not really what Christmas is all about.

My mum's elder DB had tons of money but was just a stingy bastard and would get me like a nightgown in size 12-13 when I was 15 because it was knocked down to £2 in a sale, and would get my DB a play doh set that clearly still had the marked down £3 sticker on it, or worst still just a selection box lame. If he was poor then whatever but he was far from poor, just really fucking stingy. Mum just used to laugh it off. His presents were the ones we were allowed to open on Christmas Eve and were the butt of everyones jokes.

So you know, as long as you're not being a tight bastard when you can afford it all is well. Just get what you can afford and don't fret it.

lljkk Netherlands Sun 25-Nov-12 19:21:11

DH buys one gift for his brother.
His brother buys 6 gifts for us (one each).
It bothers me but DH thinks it's all completely normal.

TeaOneSugar Sun 25-Nov-12 18:30:27

We spend about £22-£25 per small child (depends what their parent says they want), older nephews/nieces/god children usually get £20 cash.

The number of children in a family is irrelevant, it's per child.

As someone said up thread, DC know if their cousin gets a bigger/better present but won't link that to how many dc there are in a household.

As a child I was aware that my aunt and uncle bought more for dc on her side of the family than his (mine) - its not nice.

Takver Sun 25-Nov-12 18:00:31

Definitely don't worry! I have just the one dc, don't mind at all buying for lots of cousins esp as they're smaller & its fun buying for little ones smile

WineGless Sun 25-Nov-12 17:56:17

Lots of cousins here but we have 2 DC. All spend equal amounts and which I think is fair. Especially if they are opening presents together on xmas day.
We don't exchange presents for adults.

mathanxiety Sun 25-Nov-12 17:22:42

We used to do a family gift exchange among the children. Each child picked the name of one cousin out of a hat, and only gave a present to that cousin. In my case, with 5 DCs, I bought 5 presents even though the DCs have 17 cousins. The IL family with only one child only bought one present for a cousin. We dispensed with gifts for the adults altogether. It worked out well, especially as there was an unspoken understanding that no-one should spend more than about $15 on any given child (twas in the States).

soverylucky Sun 25-Nov-12 13:16:58

I have 7 nieces and nephews. I spend the same amount on each of them. I spend what I can afford. My brother buys nothing for my children as he can't be bothered afford to.

Oh we have this in our family. I have one. One sis has 5, another has 3 and the other has 1. I buy for all and am lucky enough that financially we are comfortable and I also enjoy doing it. I tend to buy when ever I see something - have been known to start in the summer. The sis with five buys for all and always gets something nice for mine and my other sister with one. The sis with three decided last November that she wasn't buying for anyone. She knew I had already bought for one of hers but said she didn't care!

Money is a bit tight there but I have to say I was a bit annoyed. She could have bought them all an annual or a selection box or something. It was the lack of effort that annoyed me. As I say money is a bit tight but not that bad. I worked out that she could have bought an annual and a chocolate Santa or something for all for around £20.

No idea what she is planning this year. I have bought for hers. My other sis has too. We don't want her DCs to miss out.

Fun isn't it? grin

I don't think it's the monetary value, but the thought. If someone bought my ds a gift for €2 and it was something that they knew he'd like, such as a paper plane modeling kit,then I'd be happy they took the time and care.

However a bag of sweets is a bit of a cop out, isn't it?

Especially when your putting time, love and hard earned savings into others.

The secret Santa idea sounds brilliant.

alemci Sun 25-Nov-12 11:57:23

also do you tend to stop after the child reaches 18. My DS has suggested this as they have 1 child and have 6 nieces and nephews to buy for. I am quite happy with this, makes sense.

I think I do spend a bit more on my nephew and on my DS and her DH to compensate but TBH they have alot more disposable income than us.

I agree giving is about giving and if they don't give much back then so be it but this isn't the case with us.

strumpetpumpkin Sun 25-Nov-12 11:46:59

since when was christmas presents supposed to be about monetary value of each gift??

MunchMunch Sun 25-Nov-12 11:39:41

I spend about £15 on my dn but my sil (db has no control over money) spends £15 between my 3 kids. Last year dd's present cost £2.

I know you don't give to receive blah blah blah but it has pissed me off (not so much the amount but the lack of thought that went into sweets) and this year there is an extra person in their family (teen) for me to buy for so I will spend £15 on her too. I will see what my dc get this year and next year I will say I'm not buying for their family. I say this every year though, for the past 5 years!

As someone on another thread said, don't make someone else a priority when they only make you an option. (I'm sure those were the words) grin

CharlieUniformNovemberTango Sun 25-Nov-12 09:25:15

Keep the spend per child the same. Kids wouldn't do the math of who has more children etc. But they might notice the one of their cousins has a more expensive gift from you.

We just do the kids in our family. And keep it all the same sort of cost.

LynetteScavo England Sun 25-Nov-12 09:19:56

Thanks, chicaguapa, that drawnames is brilliant! smile

JoJoH1 Sun 25-Nov-12 08:51:48

my db has 4 dc i spend about 80-100 on them closer to 100 if including db and dsil although we are not including adults this year to keep costs down. he spends about 40=50 on my one dd as he feels that is only right but it wouldn't bother me it xmas not a time for tit for tat smile

chicaguapa Sat 24-Nov-12 23:45:38

Www.drawnames.com is good for organising a secret Santa. We do it for the adults and the DC but have a budget of £10.

ILoveOnionRings Sat 24-Nov-12 23:38:51

With DH's family we now do a family secret santa,it was agreed with everyone that £30 per gift/person was reasonable. For example there are 3 in our family so we buy for 3 people, SIL has a partner but no children so she buys for 2 people. Nephew and partner buy for 2 people, but other BIL has 5 in his family so he buys for 5 other people (albeit 2 children are grown up and working and therefore are having to buy for 1 person each this year). It works quite well.

Also when the draw is made you do not buy for someone in your immediate family, eg if I drew DH or DS I would put this back and try again for for someone else.

notso Sat 24-Nov-12 23:24:39

BIL's wife was telling me her and SIL have a budget per household of £60.
£60 between us would be £10 a head but £60 for SIL and her husband would be a £30 gift each.
We usually budget for about £25 on adults and £30 on children, however on DH's side we are doing secret santa this year so we just buy a £80 for one couple, much easier!

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Sat 24-Nov-12 23:12:56

Definitely over-thinking. And exactly what strawberry said ^

Yep, over thinking! Buy something you think they will like at a price you can afford. It's the though you put into gifts that makes them special not the price!

makemineapinot Sat 24-Nov-12 22:56:55

We take it as a rough value of the gift so f u get on BFF , 3 fr 2 etc two kinda roughly count it as the original/normal value but we don't get too caught up on it. I buy for 5 people in total for db's family and they earn loads. I'm single mum and they buy for 3 of us but we give gifts of similar value to everyone.

nappydaysagain Sat 24-Nov-12 22:52:57

I have 2 siblings one has 3DC the other has 2DC and I have 3DC. We've set a family budget of £40 (each family) to be split however. This includes a small gift for each of my sisters and their husbands. Works well for us. I usually spend £10 on the adults and split the rest of the budget on the children.

ScramblyEgg Sat 24-Nov-12 22:08:31

I'm in the opposite position to you - I have one DC, my sister has 2 DCs.

She always spends about twice as much on my DC as I do on her DCs, but it makes me feel uncomfortable (even though she has a much larger income than me). I think the spend per child should be the same.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now