Christmas present - too expensive?

(104 Posts)
Netguru Sun 04-Nov-12 10:40:27

I'm married for a second time. My first (replacement) wedding ring had a large diamond in it - I adored the ring but unfortunately, after 20 years, not the husband!

My husband now is an absolute sweetie. My wedding ring has a large sapphire in it which he joked when we bought it that he would replace with a diamond if/when he could. No chance - I adore it as it is.

He's coming into a large sum (just under 100k) in a week or so and wants to spend a little more in Christmas than normal. He's offered to spend up to 4k on a ring for me - and I've found one I like. He's going to buy the kids a couple of nicer than normal bits and himself a new desktop mac. Then save the rest/pay off some of the mortgage.

We are not short of money by any stretch of the imagination but I can't help but think 4k on a ring is a little extravagant. I have looked to find one I like for less but can't - and would feel one which was 'ok' would be a bigger waste of money.

He genuinely wants me to be happy. Can't help but think I should be happy with less. To be honest, if I didn't get a ring I genuinely wouldn't mind. But he's right, we can afford it.

Can't help but wonder what I should do. He wants to share a percentage of his good fortune which is lovely.

I know it's a nice dilemma to be in and we are very fortunate. My BF said I should find something nice that I wouldn't buy myself like a pair of jimmy choos for example, which would be equally frivolous but less expensive. Can't find any inspiration on that but still looking.

Badgersnatch Sun 04-Nov-12 12:12:26

If I were you I'd go for platinum rather than white gold because the gold will go yellow with wear and you will have to have it re-plated.

stinkinseamonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 12:13:35

FGS they're not BURNING 4K, they're considering spending it in a local buisness

and who knows what else the couple do for the community/charity?

Mrsjay Sun 04-Nov-12 12:14:59

It is their money he wants to buy his wife a ring which she likes regardless of cost and even if it isn't 'bespoke' hmm it is their money to do what they want with it,

LemonLovesLilac Sun 04-Nov-12 12:15:29

Go for it why not I wear nearly a 7k worth of ring on my finger every day.....I get enjoyment from it everyday and will for the rest of my life....I can then leave it to one of my dc and they can then get enjoyment from it! If you can afford it then why not you should not feel in anyway guilty...life is short! And hey you look at you hands more than any other part of your body really so they might as well look sparkly!

Mrsjay Sun 04-Nov-12 12:17:03

and the shop has been going for years they make a lot of their own jewellery and when i walk past it I drool my own eternity ring was from there and it is well made and not tacky like some of the posters is making out the ring is,

Kinora Sun 04-Nov-12 12:18:21

To me its not a frivolous amount and £4k is a serious amount of money.

However, given op's situation as she has described it - dp coming into £100k, 2 super holidays booked - our opinions on the amount are quite different.

WholeLottaRosie Sun 04-Nov-12 12:19:47

Get the ring!
No one else has mentioned the first part of your post yet: that you did have a large diamond ring with your previous marriage, maybe your DH feels that he has to 'compete' with it? hence him wanting to buy you large diamonds? (sorry if that's not the case but wondered why you mentioned it if not).
If it makes your DH happy to buy you something nice then it would be churlish to turn it down in my opinion.

The bit about having to keep expensive jewellery in a safe or it's not insured is incorrect. I insured a ring worth more than £4k and the house insurance went up by £35 a year and no mention of a safe at all.

daisydoodoo Sun 04-Nov-12 12:21:16

That ring is lovely. I'm not a jewellery fan but if I had 4k to spend on jewellery then I'd buy it.
I'd say that it's ok to spend that much on yourself. The cost is relative to what you have if the money you were receiving was not much more I'd say there was more useful things you could spend the money on but as its a significant amount then 4k seems fine to me. I'd hope to be able to treat myself in the same way if I came into unexpected money.

noviceoftheday Sun 04-Nov-12 12:22:14

I love love love the ring! I would run out and get it right this minute grin

My engagement ring was about £100 from H Samuels,

I'd never replace it. Even if I had millions.

My wedding ring is from Argos! about £50, same with that!

That bubble ring is awful sorry, If I saw it on someones finger I'd assume it was from dorothy perkins or something blush

NovemberRain Sun 04-Nov-12 12:32:44

Sorry, but if someone just handed me 100K I would be investing it ALL. None of us are immune from the economic problems going on in the country. We too are, in my opinion, are well off compared to most but if I came into 100K I wouldn't touch it. I would split it 50/50 and buy my kids a flat each and rent it out until they were old enough to take it over. Even people with lots of money now just do not know what is in store for ourselves when we are older and retired, or our kids when they hit Uni age and want to buy a place.

Sorry to be a party pooper!! I can well afford a 4K ring, but I would never do it.

TeaMakesItToTheTop Sun 04-Nov-12 13:09:31

Buy it! You love it. Your DH can afford it. You've chosen it.

I wear a ring with a huge rock in it - DH saved for months and the shop sent two rock sizes up when he ordered it because they'd sold out of the size he wanted. I love that it was given with love. And that's what i concentrate on, even though when I saw the valuation certificate I did wonder whether paying off a good part of the mortgage would have been better.

At first I was really self-conscious now, if we had the money, I'd buy a crown to match!

<argggghhhh. I'm in the Christmas thread in November. WTF>

Mrsjay Sun 04-Nov-12 13:15:29

november this isnt about you though ( int he nicest possible way) it is about the op what if the op has bought her children flats already what if her children work and bought their own I could go on , this is about a ring not an investment for the future the OP has been married before maybe she has done all the worrying about children and wants to have a nice time with her new husband <shrug>

NovemberRain Sun 04-Nov-12 13:21:20

Yes, she should buy what she wants. She is asking on a public forum for our opinions though - yes? I did read this thread with interest. I recently read a bit of the book on What's Your Love Style. It seems that some people feel loved when they are bought presents. Are you a bit like that OP. I personally am not like that, not judging you at all. I can see that many women love jewellery. I am just not one of them.

Chopstheduck Sun 04-Nov-12 13:22:42

I'd go to Amsterdam or Hatton garden and get something bespoke made. It is cheaper, and you would get something absolutely amazing for £4k. Dh knows someone who got a ring in platinum made for a few hundred!

I'd go for it too. I'd rather have an amazing holida personally, , but he is offering, and it will be something lovely to keep and treasure forever.

Make sure it fits properly. And you can easily get it insured. I'm with m&s, the top level, and it covers loss and accidental damage, I just have to tell them about any valuables over £1500. My wedding and engagement rings are worth £4-5k combined, and I do wear them all the time.

Netguru Sun 04-Nov-12 13:44:30

Fascinated with the responses. Thanks to all who posted.

I realise taste is a personal thing so not really off put by those who say they don't like it. thing is, I really do and can't find one which is cheaper that I like as much.

I know we are very lucky. I do like nice shiney things, my husband genuinely doesn't care for material things apart from his car and gadgets. That is key I guess to why he is offering me a nice ring and why u am hesitant at that amount of money being spent.

I mentioned former ring just because it was that which made current DH promise that one say he would get me a sparkly ring. I didn't seek the promise or intend to hold him to it - but this why I guess it was his suggestion with the money.

We've taught the children (all mine from previous relationship) an 80/20 rule. Bonus money is spend 20 max save 80 so we are well within that including all our plans.

Oh lord. I know I want the ring. I am just nervous that when I get it I will feel guilty to have spent it on frippery. I must admit I hadn't considered it as an investment in it's own right, but I guess that unlike buying a holiday at least there is residual value which can be released or passed in in future. Thanks for pointing that out.

apachepony Sun 04-Nov-12 13:48:35

I think the ring is gorgeous, you love it, your dh has the money for it - buy it! I don't think it's wildly extravagant in your circumstances. I know plenty of people with less money and more expensive rings (although I live in quite an extravagant country)

stinkinseamonkey Sun 04-Nov-12 13:50:59

I'm not convinced about the "investment" element, its not what I would consider if I was looking to invest.. but OP from your last post it does sound like you love it, didn't really sound like that from your first post, in which case it is worth it TO YOU and sounds like your OH will enjoy giving it so go for it

comethasmybrokentelly Sun 04-Nov-12 13:52:12

Lots of different views here.
I would hate to own something that cost that much, just to decorate my hand. I WOULD seriously rather give the money away.

GrandPoohBah Sun 04-Nov-12 13:55:30

Buy it if it will make you happy every time you look at it.

In the grand scheme of things - I.e the amount your DH is getting - this is not very much money, it's 4% and I don't think that 4% of any windfall is an unreasonable amount to spend on something which makes you (and him) happy. Do try and make sure you're not paying too much mark up on it though, because that will devalue your investment.

mirry2 Sun 04-Nov-12 13:59:32

If he really wants to buy it for you, accept it with good grace.

FerryGirl Sun 04-Nov-12 14:16:34

People are hilarious! That is a lovely ring - and there is no way it looks like it is from Dorothy Perkins?! And it's your money - you and your DH can do what they like with it! I guess you have to expect the usual kind of responses on a forum but it just amazes me that people will happily all pile in to suggest that you use the money to do something more meaningful etc etc, when it is your money and you are hardly suggesting burning it!

It is a great ring, especially if you love it as much as you say you do - just go for it!

Netguru Sun 04-Nov-12 14:29:57

Funny thing is, I rather expected many responses saying 'Don't be ridiculous, of course you shouldn't do it'. Thought it might help stiffen my resolve to say no.

I didn't want to agonise in discussion with DH as this is just ungrateful. Instead, my discussions with bf and on here have helped me question why I would like a ring and, more importantly, whether it is ok to have one.

I like jewellery but most of my jewellery at the moment is sub 1k so this is a big step up. Even my ring from my previous relationship was only £1500 or so but gold and diamond prices have risen a lot it seems.

I think I'm going to try to ensure that the price is as low as it can be, but say thank you very much.

Mybabyseyes Sun 04-Nov-12 14:32:07

I'd rather have an amazing holiday. Your ring as it is has a lot of sentimental value.

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