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Natvity nightmare

7 replies

sosickofthesoundofscreaming · 21/11/2011 09:23

My 3.5 year old DD's nursery teacher approached me this morning to ask whether she could say a sentence at the nursery nativity performance a week on Friday, she had a slip of paper in her hand with the script on it all ready to hand over. I had to say no. Sad

DD goes to the nursery, attached to a school, all day Monday, all day Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. I work Thursdays and Fridays in a different part of the country, and she and her brother attend a different nursery on these days. There is no way I can afford to lose a days work and 2x nursery fees for the day to allow her to take part.

I am unreasonably gutted, I think. I am feeling a bit fragile today as I had a migraine last night, and probably need to get a grip - but I am so upset about this. It is her first nativity, all her friends are taking part and they will be rehearsing during the days that she is in - she is going to know all about it, and that she is excluded.

I can't be the only one, either. The children are split into four groups at the nursery - some do mornings, some do afternoons, some do first part of the week (like my DD) and the rest do last part of the week (Wednesday afternoon, all day Thursday and all day Friday). Anyone attending either afternoons or first part of the week whose parents have work commitments are going struggle to attend. The performance is scheduled for 9am on a Friday.

I don't want to make a big fuss, as the nursery is generally lovely. It just seems so unfair, and makes me so very sad. Sad Sad

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ChesterDraws · 21/11/2011 10:44

I wonder why the nursery are not doing 2 performances, one at the beginning of the week and one at the end.
I wouldn't worry too much. Your DD will not really know about the performance as such. Myabe you could ask why they are only having one performance.

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Katisha · 21/11/2011 11:01

Don't beat yourself up about it. When you work outside the home there are certain things that can't happen - you do not have to wrack yourself with guilt about it.
You are doing the best you can for DD and you just cannot do every single thing that nurseries and ,later, school lay on.

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sosickofthesoundofscreaming · 21/11/2011 12:44

Thanks for your answers

Chestofdrawers - They only do one performance because it is filmed, and the DVDs sold afterwards. It is a big thing as it is a cofE school that the nursery is attached to.

Wednesday seems a better choice of day to me - when all the children attend for at least half a day and there is more chance everyone could come. Most other events (sports day etc) are scheduled for Wednesdays. Wednesday is the reception class nativity performance this year.

Katisha - You are completely right, it just seems like an uneccessary lack of planning on the nursery's part though. Her best friends (twins) are Mary and Joseph, there is no way she is not going to notice. Not the biggest issue in the world but it does still make me sad. I will plan something wonderful for the Christmas holidays perhaps, something that we can do together and make it a memorable year for other reasons Smile

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sunnyday123 · 21/11/2011 13:45

i would certainly ask the nursery why they are only doing one - dds one was filmed last year but there were still 3 showings? i would ask if you can go see the rehearsal and make a big deal of that as presumably they are rehearsing during the week and they are not likely to exclude dd for that- people did that at my dds nursery last year. It would be very unfair for them to refuse under the circumstances.

When dd was in reception last year it was shown on two days and also to other kids in the school (when parents didnt go) - will they let you watch one of those even?

If they are showing the play to the school kids too during the week like in my dds school (we were even aware of it as it was during school time) then she will feel like shes been in the show at least on some level?

I wouldnt worry too much though as there's always going to be things we have to miss in school - the reception play is probably the more important one

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sunnyday123 · 21/11/2011 13:46

'we weren't aware' that should have said!

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Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 21/11/2011 17:57

Don't cut yourself up, you have to earn a living.

There will be school nativity plays every year to come, and they have multiple sittings and you can get organised in advance.

My DS is in a play this year, and as I have missed every other year through trips long hours meetings etc, I have informed the world that i will not fecking be in work I will be switching off my phone and walking out at 3pm to attend.

It just takes experience. Next year, when you know there will be one, you can start asking the how and when questions after half term, and get yourself sorted.

Isn't the other nursery doing anything on the other days?

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sosickofthesoundofscreaming · 21/11/2011 21:24

sunnyday123 - you have given some really good suggestions, and I will check them out. (Just as soon as the migraine fug lets go of my brain!) Thank you.

DD came home today full of excitement about it all, describing how all the parents would be there etc. It felt horrible telling her that neither she nor I would be. I made sure that I told her clearly that it was because it was on a Friday, that I wasn't sure why the nursery had picked a day when not everyone was in, and yes, I also thought it was terribly unfair. Just another two weeks of bursting her bubble each afternnon she comes home...

Binfull - well done on getting to your DS's performance this time around. Unfortunately, advance warning wouldn't have helped me. Fridays are just a non-negotiable no-can-do for us. The other nursery is a very mixed cultural environment, so they don't go overboard on the Christmas stuff, and definitely don't do any sort of play or nativity. There is an end of term party there, though, which we will definitely do.

Next year will be simpler, I think. DD will be full time at school, DS will only be at one nursery(if at all), and I probably won't be working (although we will have other problems, like poverty, to contend with)!!

I am leaning towards a live-and-learn attitude now I think - though DDs teachers will not be getting anything half as nice as they might have done for an end of term thank-you gift Wink

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