Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

(1001 Posts)
FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:02:01

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

coatgate Fri 24-Sep-10 17:03:26

Oooh count me in - but need to get DDs birthday weekend out of the way first. I'll be back......

SoupDragon Fri 24-Sep-10 17:03:52

I'm not convinced that fellatio will result in a poncetastic Christmas. One that your elderly aunt Josephine may not forget for a while, certainly, but not poncetastic.

.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:08:46

confused C'mon don't be shy ASLD. You know you want to.

QueenofDreams Fri 24-Sep-10 17:11:36

Don't think we're having a particularly poncetastic Christmas this year. DC2 due Christmas Eve.

So on Christmas Day I'll either a) have a newborn b)be in labour or c) be overdue confused

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:12:42

Lovely. You can call him Jesus.

Eleison Fri 24-Sep-10 17:14:19

the words Fellatio and Christmas together make me think they must be part of a Latin carol.

Something like 'Gaudete, Christus est natus! Fellatio in excelsis!'

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:16:52

QueenofDreams Surely you've got time to hand knit a little poncho with reindeer antlers? Or make some authentic swaddling like the baby Jesus had? Fashion a manger out of wood? It's the very least your baby deserves, plus it scores high on the Festive Ponce Scale.

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 17:21:25

I aspire to a lovely poncetastic Christmas, but have never achieved anything resembling one sad so I have very little to offer...

I am keen though! When I was about 8 I spent two weeks shut away in the dining room carefully making a Blue Peter nativity scene out of mum's tights. There's still some of it left (much to DP's joy).

Am I in?

QueenofDreams Fri 24-Sep-10 17:21:40

grin
My Dad's good at carpentry I'll get him to make a manger wink

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 24-Sep-10 17:22:01

Fellatio I will lurk. We are going to my Mum's and she does a fabulously poncetastic Christmas.

I am gathering ideas of my own though in preparation for the year I make the break and invite them to come here rather than us going there.

I do decorate here though, so I may steal your idea about oranges grin

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:28:01

Yes yes all welcome, even if you are only novice/wannabe Ponces. Watch and learn ladies.grin

There is a Christmas topic you know.

I love gravy granules.

Would rather shrivel and orange in an oven then try ot get all the white pith off it - easy peel my arse.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:32:02

Is there? Where? Should we move? I'm going to look.

This is my first Christmas. When I say that I don't mean that I've been living in India for the past 30 years, but I am for the very first time in CHARGE! Only me and husband to cater for but that won't stop me cooking for 10 and filling the house with guff.

So I need an action plan. When do I need to order my goose (never had it for Christmas and reckon it' probably a more manageable size).

Also how do I prevent the inevitable getting smashed on Christmas Eve on mulled wine and G&T, given I don't have a 7 hour bus-tube-train-plane-car journey ahead of me as normal, which normally delays the drinking until 10pm?

Also Christmas cards; how do you organise them? Does anyone have a mail merge jobbie?

woolymindy Fri 24-Sep-10 17:41:12

'table centrepiece triumphs'

I have never had one of these......

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:43:28

OK, I'll start you off with our HIDEOUS Christmas tradition called 'The Snowman'.

First of all you fashion a snowman out of a lidded bucket/receptacle of some sort, or make it out of a cylinder of stiff carboard, cover it in cotton wool/duvet filling/whatever, woolly hat, face, etc.

For every person present at the lunch table you must have one small token silly gift. Wrap it and attach a name label, and put it in the snowman.

After lunch/dinner everyone in the family has to do a 'turn' of some sort. It can be reciting a poem, telling a joke, singing a song, playing the recorder, a card trick - you get the idea. (It's best to start practising now - the potential for humiliation is enormous) and after each person had performed, they get their present from inside the Snowman. It's wonderful and excrutiating all at the same time.grin

And you can video people and laugh at them for years to come. And I do. And it's very sweet looking back on your kids doing their turns when they were little.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 17:44:56

Stick around woolymindy and you will.

That is super hideous. Especially the filming grin

I have just made chutney from the apples and will be putting it in tiny jars with gingham labels and tomorrow will be buying silicon chocolate moulds from Lakeland to make bespoke slabs of 80% cocoa fairtrade chocolate with ginger which I am currently soaking in syrup and cointreau.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 18:09:28

This thread was MADE for you whomoved. And you are super organised as well. You are already ahead on the Festive Ponce Leader Board.

I might copy the chocolate.

FattyArbuckel Fri 24-Sep-10 18:11:30

OK this is the first year I am going to make my own christmas pud. What recipe should I use?

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 18:12:14

I'm a wannabe ponce, doing Christmas at our house this year rather than the parents' so it's down to me. I would love it to be lovely.

I have already made beetroot and ginger pickle.

And I have thought about making the cake.

I am already on the look out for 'nice cards' (in the fashion of 'nice ham') but am thus disappointed. Have handcrafted cards before but frankly they looked shoddy.

hah I am bottling sloe gin and bramble vodka, and intend to make limoncello and citrus whiskey, to give as gifts with pretty tags

I make the most amazing lemon curd too

I dry orange slices and make decorations with dried chillies and drilled cinnamon sticks

Today I got the Christmas tree biscuit stack from Cox and Cox (they sell it in Lakeland too - cheaper angry)

here

Decorhate Fri 24-Sep-10 18:21:42

Do you know anyone selling Phoenix cards MC? Always get lovely ones from there.

Am going to lurk on this thread in spite of the Aunt Bessie ban (dcs will only eat AB roasties)

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:22:04

Ok, I need clarification about shrivelling oranges.
Any type of oranges?
How long for?
Oven temp?
I'm assuming you slice then dry?

I do love a poncetastic homemade wreath on the front door.

In my house there will be:
Gingham
A string of punched tin Christmas tree lights that I bought in sale from Laura Ashley
Holly
Candles

There will be no:
blue Christmas related lighting <shudders>
Tinsel
Chocolate advent calendars (if I have my way but am always thwarted by well meaning relatives...grrr...)
Inflatable novelty santas/snowmen

Ave Maria

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:23:28

Oh, Ave Maria was to end my post. There will most certainly be playing of Christmas Carols, The Rat Pack Christmas, Phil Spectors Christmas Album (greatest EVER) and of course ipod mix of Shakin Stephens, Slade etc.

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:25:37

OH yes, Delia's Christmas cake, DEFINITELY.
Also, home made gingerbread house (decorated with sweets bought from local old fashioned sweet shop where you chose sweets from big jars)
Boys - can we have lemon curd recipe posted. We all LOVE lemon curd in the VonRumple household.

MrsMadWriggle Fri 24-Sep-10 18:27:37

Do you know this is on "most active" threads?

[shudders to think what it'll be like in December scrooge emoticon] wink

mathanxiety Fri 24-Sep-10 18:28:41

12 weeks shock

<hyperventilates>

itshappenedagain Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:06

ooooohhh! count me in. i went and purchased all my jars and christmasy decorating bits for them last weekend.

MrsDoofenshmirtz Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:26

marking place

RumourOfAHurricane Fri 24-Sep-10 18:30:58

Message withdrawn

notso Fri 24-Sep-10 18:33:24

Loving the ponctastic Christmas.

DC3 is due on 23rd Dec but I have already finished work so hopefully have plenty of time for ponctastic prep.

I am going to buy calico bags and paint/embroider them to use as gift bags.

I am gathering storage jars and tea trays to make sugar, spice and all things nice gifts.

Can someone reveal the secret of orange drying because mine always look shit.

MarshaBrady Fri 24-Sep-10 18:34:08

This sounds lovely. I don't have to do anything this year other than do a long flight and wear a nice dress.

My mother is doing it all. She has started preparing now. Plus has a new kitchen to do it in. We will fly there and she will be tense and require order, but it will be good.

how to dry orange slices

Microwave Lemon Curd:

Am assuming a 750 watt microwave, amend accordingly.

Ingredients
Grated rind and juice of 4 (unwaxed preferably) lemons
100 g butter, diced
450 g caster sugar
4 eggs, beaten

Method
Mix together lemon juice, rind, butter and sugar in a pyrex-type glass bowl. Cook on high for about 4 minutes until butter has melted. Give it a stir and then stir in the eggs.

Cook on high for 5 - 7 minutes
Stop and whisk every minute
Do not overcook or you will make egg toffee
When the curd coats the back of a spoon then it is ready

Cool for 5 miutes, whisking every minute then pot into sterile jars.

Keep refrigerated for up to 2 weeks.

om nom NOM

bellavita Fri 24-Sep-10 18:36:00

Well, I started a couple of weeks ago looking through my back copies of the xmas editions of Woman and Home and Good Food mag to get some ideas of what I can do to get ahead again this year..

My apple sauce is already done and in the freezer. Will order some red cabbage on next weeks shopping and will be able to get that done and in the freezer too!

Shiney, get with it love grin

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 18:37:47

For the gingham ponces

Mine arrived last week.

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 18:44:01

I've spent the morning sewing felt tree decorations, can I join you?

Poncetastic things that I do every year include going for a walk to find greenery and twisting it through fairly lights throughout the house. Surely that earns me my place on the thread?

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 18:45:54

Thanks BALD smile

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 18:50:52

Crikey, you lot are really keen aren't you? You're making decorations and stuff already?! <impressed>

I want to know how to do decorations so my house looks like Nigella's rather than Waynetta's.

<licks pencil and waits for experts to dish>

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 18:54:46

I'm toying with making proper advent calendars too. I refuse to pay £30 for this when I can make a nicer one.

greenlotus Fri 24-Sep-10 18:54:49

Gingham - check
homemade rustic decorations - check
Handmade wreath - check
Candles - check
Country Living Christmas issue - check

Any of DH's family prepared to drive for an hour to admire it? Never. angry grin

Think we will just have tinsel and baubles from Wilko this year and be done with it.

Goldberry Fri 24-Sep-10 18:56:51

I'm dreaming of a poncetastic Christmas ... just like the ones I used to know [cheesy music emoticon] . Except I've never had one. DH is a Christmas scrooge. He thinks it's all a big waste of time and complains every year that I insist on having a tree! sad
However, I love Christmas and it's my first one as a SAHM, so I'm bloody well going to dry oranges and everything. Stuff him <stamps foot>. Am I in?

greenlotus Fri 24-Sep-10 18:58:03
MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:04:58

I made very simple advent calendars a few years ago that were small organza bags sewn onto a long piece of ribbon that I draped on the bannister. They were only meant to be a temporary measure but we are still using them. Will make new ones this year.

PhillipeVonRumple Fri 24-Sep-10 19:05:50

YY country living christmas edition, possibly House Beautiful too.

Green Lotus - STEP AWAY FROM WILKOS...

Look: ooooh gingham Christmas

yum

may be too much, a combination of the cupcake/bunting genre AND poncetastic Christmas

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:11:08

Like these, but not socks.

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 19:12:26

More links please, I'm getting poncily excited.

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:12:58

G?? Fuck me, I could make some money here

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:13:17
MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 19:29:12

Dammit OP I have been waiting all year for a Poncetastic thread so that I could say something like the second poster on this one grin

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 19:45:53

I wasn't here in 2008 MAM but that OP on your link was clearly a woman after my own heart. grin

I have just bought a food dehydrator so I have found a new way to preserve lemons/oranges too so I suspect I may well have to incorporate preserved fruit in the melange of ponceyness.

And I organised the christmas dinner last month so you are all lazy slatterns for leaving it this late! wink

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 19:50:07

Turkey or goose?

geordieminx Fri 24-Sep-10 19:52:20

Loving this thread. Am working this year so need to be super organized this year.

Nigellas turkey in the brine bath is well worth doing if you are considering it, as are her star topped mince pies

Beef actually. I am not keen on either.

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 19:55:41

arf, Phillippe, forget the felt Christmas puds, I'm going for the full on hand-crafted festive Stephen Hawking

grin

trumpton Fri 24-Sep-10 19:55:56

I knitted these littlecottonrabbits.typepad.co.uk/free_knitting_pa tterns/mini_knitted_christmas_stockings/ a few years ago and hung them from mantlepiece. Could also be advent type hangers but there is NO way i would knit 24 of them. But really satisfying to do .

Incidentally does anyone have a recipe for very hard biscuits - I have promised to make DD big iced gems for her birthday - except I can't find my recipe for the bases.

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 19:58:29

It's a fantastic thread - I've saved it blush

Oh I wish we could recover the one about the Poncetastic family who rowed along the river on Christmas Day to deliver gifts to their neighbours.

It descended into a glorious festival of piss-taking and hilarity. Does anyone know if it was saved?

I've already bought cornflour for the potatoes from Waitrose if that lets me into the club...

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 19:58:48

Now this is my kind of thread

A few months ago I told DH I wasn't cooking, I wasn't hosting, we were going to a hotel. Now I seem to be catering for poncetastic Big Gay Brother and his lovely partner, all four DCs, DH, me, Ex-DH, Ex-DH's fiance, possibly DH's parents. It will be a riot.

And I can't possibly get through it without a food dehydrator. Now I know they exist, I want one.

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 20:00:18

MistsandMellow - I do remember that thread - the rowing nutters were initially featured in a newspaper article about their lovely lovely house which featured lots of lovely lovely driftwood. It was brilliant .

Lakeland £50. Only online all the stores are out of stock.

mrspear Fri 24-Sep-10 20:02:44

I love it count me in ... i will be classy this year ... no more wilko's!

LowLevelWhiingeing Fri 24-Sep-10 20:03:30

They are cute trumpton. Sadly my hands are too clammy to sew sad

Ex-DH and Ex DH'sW??! shock how very modern!

A question for the experts here:

You know when you make biscuits for the tree? Well, do they not go all manky and rank? Or can you eat them at some point?

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 20:04:33

Thanks Hassled I do remember the driftwood and I'm very glad that I'm not the only one. Oh it was wonderful. PonceyMcPoncy of the clan McPoncy they were...

trumpton Fri 24-Sep-10 20:05:49

AND I am thinking of following Marney in giving my family some gentle hints on how to help like this 4th story down entitled Thanksgiving letter.

Treats Fri 24-Sep-10 20:06:01

Oooh, ooh, ooh. I've found some fellow travellers!

I have already made the Christmas chutney (note the 'the' there) and have bought the yarn to knit DD a stocking. I've got card and present lists already and (following a pompom making workshop at work today) am thinking about using up some of my leftover knitting yarn to make either a decorative pompom garland for decorations, or to add a decorative flourish to gifts.

Very excited about Christmas already........

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:07:02

Excuse me GreenLotus if you mention Wilko again I shall be forced to ex-communicate you from my thread without further ado. At least pretend to be a Festive Ponce.

For Baby Jesus's sake.

Right well I'm on the outlook for new garlands to add to my collection that I drape round the bannisters and oh so artfully allow to hang down just a little. Currently the colour scheme is deep russet and gold.

I will be making my own pudding to my grandmothers ancient recipe. I will be buying a turkey from the farm shop (heavens preserve us from the frozen dried out horor mil dished up a couple of years ago) and I will be making Nigellas cake and rough icing it then situating models of appropriate animals au naturel in the 'snow' 2008 featured a polar bear striding across an iceberg. Last year had mummy dear and baby dear - this year - an arctic fox family? Who knows....maybe a mooose or two.

Oh dear lord that's DEER not dear blush

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 20:17:23

Can we at this early stage come to a unanimous agreement that all Christmas tree decorations should be only red and gold? Can we agree that blue and pink are a travesty and not in the spirit of poncetastic festivities at all?

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 20:17:29

Quite right. I have it on good authority that the Baby Jesus grizzles endlessly at the mere mention of the Pound Shop and becomes inconsolable when the 99p shop is brought up because he feels the pain of the under-age workers and the cost to His beloved planet.

When he reads posts such as the latest from Treats he beams! smile

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:17:53

FattyArbuckle I would recommend Delia's Christmas Pud (in fact almost everything Delia that is Christmas related knocks all other sleb chefs inot a cocked hat.) I do advocate adding extra alcohol though.

Not that hers is dry, just that you can never have too much alcohol in Christmas pud.

DinahRod Fri 24-Sep-10 20:19:44

Very worried, my raffia stockist is out...

Am offering up mulled wine kit as a gift whilst stealing perusing your ideas

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 20:20:47

Hassled is there no room for silver and duck-egg at all? Red and gold just won't work in our sitting room

<frets>

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:21:04

Has anybody tried Nigella's gingerbread and bacon stuffing? I wouldn't use it for Christmas day - that would be sacrilege obviously, but I might like to have some on Boxing day with leftovers. It sounds so camp and ridiculous (like most things Nigella) that I just can't resist it. Bought the stuff for it last year but booze/hectic schedule got the better of me so it never got made.

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 20:22:34

There's still time to redecorate, Mists. Ask yourself - what would Baby Jesus do?

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:23:09

I think silver and duck egg would be ok? Some people have tres moderne homes and the green/gold/red thing doesn't sit right. Just don't allow any neon blue. That is a sackable offence.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:23:59

PSML at Hassled.

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 20:28:22

Baby Jesus might well kill remonstrate with DH for decorating a North-facing room in eggshell and duck-egg blue. I'll help him in fact hmm

We had a lovely sitting room in the last house which lent itself to wine-reds and gold and silver sad

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 20:29:34

I have a duck egg living room too Mists. We'll get through it together.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:32:57

Does anyone do a nosegay? ('what's a nosegay?' I hear you all cry). OK, if you insist:

Honestly do I have to do everything around here? hmm

A nosegay is a little posy, and it is traditional to go out into your garden (don't wear bright coloured crocs and leisure pants for the love of God, go in green Hunters and a Hacking jacket or a velvet cloak or something) and the game is to pick a little posy of whatever is in flower in your garden in late December. It's a challenge I know, but aim for scented Sarcacocca, hellebores, v.v. early narcissi, winter pansies, ivy, etc.

If your garden isn't up to it you have failed. FAILED I tell you.

LadyBiscuit Fri 24-Sep-10 20:33:24

I am hosting christmas for my entire family for the first time in my life ever. I am expecting this thread to deliver warm and happy hearts on the drive home (with a little sprinkle of heartburn thrown in).

You'd better not disappoint me angry

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:34:19

I decorated a north facing room in duck-egg too. It looks shite.

Haha another wannabe ponce here. Made lovely hampers for presents last year with homemade jam, chutney, lemon curd, chilli sauce, biscuits, miniature Christmas cakes etc.

Am torn between going the whole hog again this year and saying sod it. Don't think I'll get round to the handmade cards this year as I have about a hundred invitations for my Grandmother's 90th birthday to make by the end of November hmm

MarionCole Fri 24-Sep-10 20:36:31
FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:36:50

I don't think it's obligatory to make everything TLM just showing willing with a few well chosen touches is sufficient.

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 20:36:50

I don't think I'm up to a nosegay. But the points I lose on the nosegay I win on the profusion of holly and ivy I have in the garden. My garden is in fact pretty much only holly and ivy. It's wreaths-a-go-go round these parts.

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 20:37:42

<sucks teeth at that travesty of a tree>

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:38:43

I'm not up to the nosegay either if I'm honest.blush

But I still judge all of yous for not managing one.

(did I just say 'yous' ?confused)

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 20:43:55

Oh I am happy to have support thanks MC and FN.

Didn't it look lovely and light in the summer? hmm

Reminds me of the penguin enclosure at the zoo now sad but yes, we will get through it, perhaps by putting and keeping Christmas decorations up for longer than we might otherwise?

I'm not talking about in November or anything, I was always taught that the third week in December was "appropriate" because of Twelfth Night / Epiphany.

But... I am leaning towards earlier in December now. Shall I do it?

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 20:48:02

My only preparation thus far has been to make sure that I finish work on Christmas Eve and do not have to go back until well into the New Year.

However I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of my shiny alphabet biscuit cutters so I can fashion MERRY CHRISTMAS from salt dough and get dd1 to decorate them and cover them in far too much glitter so I can string them from the mantelpiece a la Kirstie Allsop Christmas 2009

Theme is red and silver in the living room, silver and white in the dining room and pink pink and yet more blummin pink in dd1's bedroom aka the room that taste forgot.

Next week I will put the sprouts on.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:48:08

If I started my decorating in the tird week of December it would be Easter before I'd finished.hmm

I don't advocate excessively early trimming, but I do need to have them all out of the attic and laid before me by Dec 5, so I can ruminate, and fiddle, and replenish. It has usually come together by Dec 15. Any later than that is barely worth the work, frankly.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 20:49:44

Yes, whoever it was that asked about tree biscuits going mouldy - you need salt dough. not edible, but they won't go soggy.

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 20:53:02

Would brown paper stamped with festively shaped potato stamps by the children be suitably poncy do you think? Or would it just look shite?

greenlotus Fri 24-Sep-10 20:55:03

You need OTT wrapping with raffia, holly twigs and berries and gingham ribbon to pull it off (the brown paper)

this is out then

Can I come and play??! I've nagged endelessly asked nicely for all new decorations this year so we're going from "jewels of the orient" to full on victorian, the only thing that we'll be keeping is our nigella bucket!!

TigerFeet we did the salt dough letters a la Kirstie Alsop last year they were lovely!

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:00:11

raffia and gingham ribbons and so forth we can do

I suspect the contents may well be a disappointment after all the effort that goes into the wrapping.

Unless of course I make everyone I know an ickle Christmas cake to wrap up <lightbulb>

Glad to hear they work well in RL MrsT

I always go overboard on wrapping and have in the past heard DH warning DBiL to comment on the wrapping blush

Little bells in the bow are loved by the DCs in our famly

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:04:50

TigerFeet I think childish potato stamped decorations would be charming so long as you stick to a naive rustic theme and don't mix and match with sexy glamorous stuff. That would look shite. I favour the dual tree approach: One for the cuddly lovely random homemade stuff, (Sarah Raven/Kirsty Allsopp) and one for the ever-so-slightly- control freak. (Me)

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:07:10

My Mum said to me once "Your presents are so beautifully wrapped" - no comment on the contents - but that's OK by me, they look lovely under my tree until pressie doling out time. I shove all the non matching presents we are given before the big day to the back blush

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:07:55

MrsT How the flying fuck did you even FIND that? shock

Newspaper is groovy for wrapping stuff and trimming with raffia. Especially the FT.

Not the Sun. OK? hmm that wouldn't do the trick.

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 21:09:14

I wish the next book would be called, "Nigella's Bucket"

It would be a great pun on the bouquet of herbs which goes into it.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:11:34

I'm just coming out a 'jewels of the orient' phase, in favour of baubles that are deliberately distressed to look 50 years old. Trouble is, they look gorgeous on their own but they don't really 'sing' on the tree. It's a dilemma. Truly.

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:13:02

ahaha @ x post on Christmas tree/present control freakery grin

Good point about the clash of present styles. Only room for one tree sadly. I need to put some more thought into the overall feel of the present/tree/decoration theme for this year.

It's good to start this sort of thing before the end of September. It takes time to make this sort of decision.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:15:54

So if we only have room/budget for one tree, what is the ultimate look to go for, people? We need a tree that is all things to all men. The little black dress of trees.

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 21:18:53

I am considering imprisoning my parents until they find the baubles they had when I was a child. I know they have them somewhere.

They were dangerously fragile things which H&S would never allow these days.

I want them. And the tree lights all Quality-Street coloured.

It isn't extreme, it is important.

taffetacat Fri 24-Sep-10 21:19:56

chutney made
pink grapefruit marmalade next week
pompoms made last year in grey and bright blue stored from last year for front door
alliums dried and awaiting silver spray
Delia Xmas cake next month
Pre Christmas drinks party date booked with friends
french ribbon and raffia aplenty
presents wrapped in tissue paper
pondering goose - but whats the maximum number a large one would feed?

dislike gold - this is a cold, icy, winter colours house grin

HowsTheSerenity Fri 24-Sep-10 21:21:42

Poncetastic? I can give you poncey. I am delivering myself to my mother for Christmas. I have been away for 5 years and am heading back home.

Should I wrap myself in nice red paper with baubles and holly attached in an a la Martha Stewart fashion?

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:23:39

Hmm it's tricky isn't it? Anything remotely tasteful just doesn't stand out and it's hard to avoid the "tipped a box of tinsel and associated crap over the top" look when one has small children who wish to help. At least dd1 has grown out of the hanging-all-the-baubles-in-one-spot-at-the-front phase.

I may have to view some Christmas tree porn and get back to you.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:24:29

Geese are a bit crap TBH. They are seriously Poncestastic, it's true, but so little meat on them, and not much decent jiuce for gravy - only pints and pints of fat. Fine if you are two, but if you cater for the masses a goose will give you a nervous breakdown. Embrace the free-range bronze/black turkey. You know it makes sense. Have a goose on NYE if you must.

taffetacat Fri 24-Sep-10 21:25:30

my perfect tree:

MASSIVE
in the living room surrounded by tastefully wrapped presents ( yy to naff ones hidden at the centre )
white lights
our collection of decorations from many years, many travels, children's past efforts - a real mishmash but all have meaning and memories
sprayed silver alliums aplenty

My mum always liked a tasteful tree. My sister, aged 4, helped decorate it one year. My mum had her posh friends round for afternoon tea and one of them politely pointed out my mother's decorations were unique and thought provoking. She took it as a compliment, it was only when they left she noticed 3 tampons dangling artfully from the branches.

Fellatio google images christmas tree themes

this one you could put up in october

I'm a hider of dodgy looking present too! And the DS's get their fix of poundland/dodgy beautiful decorations made at school in their bedroom!

I know where your coming from with the not singing, I worry my tree might lokk slightly dull this year!

trumpton Fri 24-Sep-10 21:27:19

DH was 6 months old on his first Christmas and his father bought fairy lights and hung them round his cot. We have them now and although very delicate still work , we put them on the mantle wreath and only have them on for an hour an evening. They are little plastic bells in all colours and have little pimples on the bells.

I think heirloom fairy lights are poncetastic.

trumpton Fri 24-Sep-10 21:29:38

HowsTheSerenity aw that's lovely. May I suggest a red ikea fleece made into a poncho and reindeer antlers . There WILL be tears ( of happiness )

Mists I've spent the past 5 years telling my parents its time they bought new decorations, now I really really neeeeeed their decorations!!

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:31:23

TigerFeet you are obviously a Novice Festive Ponce. Didn't anyone ever tell you our little control freakery tip? You allow the DC's to think they are doing the tree, then you rearrange it all after they have gone to bed. Or, for the few items that really require total removal, you do this: go to Wilko/Homebase (whatever the current equivalent of Woolworths is) and buy them a very small crap fake tree, and put it in their bedroom and tell them they can decorate their OWN tree in any crap haphazard fashion they like. They will be very happy and so will you. Job done.

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:33:32

Dear Santa,
For my Christmas present this year please can I have an enormous Victorian house with large rooms and high ceilings and bay windows. Enough reception rooms to have a playroom for the dd's would be nice, so they can decorate their own horrible tacky tree in there, a dining room in which I could have my tastefully sparkling tree and a living room which would have a more rustic affair not too far from the roaring log fire.

I have been a very good girl

YOur friend

TigerFeet

xx

TigerFeet Fri 24-Sep-10 21:36:35

lol Fellatio, I have done that before but last year dd1 was 5 and she a)noticed and b)protested so I'm not sure it will work. She has her own tree, but insists on the same sparkly mismatching shite on both. I need to put my foot down, don't I? After all, Christmas isn't about children, it's about me decorating my house to my own standards.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:41:02

My Grandpas died in 1997 and when it came to divvying up his belongings all my sister wanted was Grandma and Grandpa's Christmas decorations. I thought she was a bit barking at the time, but now I SOOOO want them.

She is the least poncetastic person ever, She only wanted them for the memories - the fool. (OK, so I'm the shallow one. let's get over it and move on) but now I could kill her for them. They are absolutely ancient, all fragile, yummy faded paper bells and robins and such like that open up concertina stylee, and properly faded vintage baubles, and multi-coloured petal shaped fairy lights circa 1965. envy

SharonGless Fri 24-Sep-10 21:46:14

Hi can I join you please
I too am in the unenviable position of house of cream and duck egg blue. However MarionCole has taken a lovely photograph of my tree from last year!
That photo was actually my inspiration for my tree.
DH and I nearly came to blows when he carefully draped it with tinsel after I had artfully arranged in quarters. Tinsel...I ask you.

TigerFeet - can I please live in the matching house next door to you. That would be my dream

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:47:39

My friend, who is a very laid back boho/trendy type lets her kids put all manner of shite on the tree and it always looks charm, and trad, yet hip. I go home and look at mine and it looks a bit contrived and suburban in comparison.

I need the secret to the holy grail of trees.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 24-Sep-10 21:50:15

Right, I'm up for a poncetastic Christmas in theory - just marking my spot here to help me put it into practice!

Anyone know if you can get ponsey tasteful, Christmassey covers for high backed dining chairs?

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:53:04

I meant 'always looks charming' - sorry.

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 21:53:44

Of course you can join Sharon Gless if I can fancy you? I am a child of the 80's.

So many of us with eggshell / duck-egg rooms!

We will find the solution eventually.

I would go with plain white or uncovered with some sort of garlandy thing on the back!

sorry not that helpful!

or there's always these

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 21:59:01

Tree is not allowed to have LED lights, must be the old twinkly soft (quality street descriptor v good- whoever said that!) type.

My theme will be red/white/green. Leaning towards paper garlands (red or white), bushy greenery and pine cones everywhere. Lots of xmas themed yankee candles burning and I have already changed my curtains from blue to red <pities the duck egg blue ppl- ffs why did you not paint your walls WHITE>

In this house we do not to gingham, that is for summer.

FellatioNelson Fri 24-Sep-10 21:59:16

The thought of 'Christmassy' chair covers is bring me out in an itchy nervous rash.shock I would go for plain cheap calico, or even decorating dust sheets, which are nicely neutral and natural, and you can tie them on with raffia, or knot them, or whatever. I hope you were not thinking of a Santa theme, or some polyester printed Holly pattern when you said 'Christmassy covers'?hmm

Please say No. grin

Fallatio have you seen my link up there a little bit preceded by a more classy option I might add

CaptainNancy Fri 24-Sep-10 22:01:10

the led lights are vile, aren't they?

feeling a bit linktastic tonight found these too!

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 22:03:11

glitterkitty - you speak a lot of sense . Duck egg people - why did you not think of Christmas when you were first viewing your house? I despair.

LED lights are only for festival pushchair n our house! they look amazing on that!!

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 22:04:22

Hideous, Captain. Like putting blue kebab shop lights on your tree (disclaimer: have never, of course, eaten a kebab- only passed by the shop late at night after a hurried trip back from theatre to see first night or similar hmm)

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 22:06:26

Mrs ticklemouse... festival....pushchair?

<tries to imagine nameless festival that involves a led lit pushchair>

IwishIwasmoreorganised Fri 24-Sep-10 22:06:59

Loving the Santa seat covers grin

I think if I let DH have a say on this we'd end up with something very similar, but to fulfill my poncetastic dreams, the calico and raffia may fit the bill!!

Hassled Fri 24-Sep-10 22:08:08

We need to hear more about the festive pushchair. Is it for Baby Jesus?

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 22:09:31

<spits hoegaarden> at hassled grin

pmsl... we went to Camp Bestival this year, my first ever festival so went a bit wild!

The hood was edged with one of those little battery operated LED light strings, looked amazing, had loads of comments and no drunk people falling over navy blue pram in the dark!!

Camp Bestival= tres child friendly and middle class

SharonGless Fri 24-Sep-10 22:11:25

Of course you can fancy me - I only I have eyes for MaryBeth tho ;)

Festival pushchair - come on spill the beans.

Hassled - have to say that Christmas did not ffigure in my head when I was tastefully decorating. I have rued the day for the last 5 Christmases

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 22:11:26

Hassled my DH painted the North-facing room in eggshell and duck-egg deliberately!

Can I kill him now?

Mind you, it was a rather warm nicotine yellow from floor to ceiling before. Literally decorated with nicotine <shudder>

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 22:11:56

why were you at bestival, you could have used that time to craft some hand stiched tree decorations or something... sigh...

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 22:12:24

grin at SharonGless, I'll have to cope sad

Something Christmassy did happen wait a minute and I'll show you take a pic....

glitterkitty Fri 24-Sep-10 22:14:00

You see MAM, you could have gone for gold with that nicotine theme.

Fellatio do you know you're wanted here!!

shock that put all my links to shame!

taffetacat Fri 24-Sep-10 22:33:06

lol BALD my sister must have a new career

I never knew there were so many things that could be done with a tampon I thought DS2's recent habit of attempting to eat them was strange!

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 22:36:59

urrrgh. ^^

I am the proud owner of two duck egg rooms. Christmas trees love lovely against such a colour, however red and gold are far too tacky for my tree, so no chance of clashing.

BALD quite apt

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 22:42:17

ah, these might go well BALD.

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 22:44:33
loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 22:46:36

Right, we need to discuss lights.

White, non-flashing, non-LED, obviously, but what lights can your neighbours see?

I have one set of (tasteful, obviously) white star curtain lights, viewable from the street. Is this acceptable, or tacky? I've never been sure.

for those of you who go away for Christmas my MIL actually wore these last year

this is tacky I tend to not like window lights but yours do sound quite nice, not too ott

loopyloops Fri 24-Sep-10 23:04:10

nice glasses.

other link didn't work

MistsAndMellow Fri 24-Sep-10 23:05:59

White lights are best, yes.

I think. But I am a grown-up.

But I keep remembering the lights of my childhood which were just like Quality Street chocolates all jewel-like!

You know if someone was to manufacture Quality Street Tree Lights, emerald triangles, golden pennies then they should read this and pay me royalties.

NickOfTime Fri 24-Sep-10 23:55:51

not those blue ones. they make my eyes bleed.

we're guaranteed snow on the day, so nosegay not de rigeur in these parts <pleads to be excused nosegay>

dh and i always bicker about the goose/ turkey thing. last year the deli was doing 'turducken' (lol) which i thought would be the answer to the argument (and appease the 'is it chicken, mummy?' dcs). i was outvoted. <sigh>

now, tell me - is turducken poncetastic or just chav? i need to know whether to bring up the discussion again, or just order one now on the quiet?

MistsAndMellow Sat 25-Sep-10 00:07:05

Oh God knows about the mixed poultry, it's a minefield.

We have a chicken because DS doesn't eat, I might have one slice (usually non-meat for me all year) and DH and DD er, like Chicken. It's smaller and more tender than turkey although we've yet to experience Nigella's bucket grin

DH uses oranges and lemons, butter and fresh rosemary.

On the chicken, obviously.

NickOfTime Sat 25-Sep-10 00:09:32

grin

obviously...

mathanxiety Sat 25-Sep-10 03:52:37

Duck egg people, I'm sorry to have to suggest it, but at least you have time You may have to go Gustavian and forget English frippery altogether.

charmander Sat 25-Sep-10 04:39:42

If you want lovely handmade cards but want someone else to make them please can I suggest:

this website

The Christmas cards are not there yet, but the ones I got last year were beautiful and for a very good cause - helping women and children in Sreepur, Bangladesh.

Treats Sat 25-Sep-10 07:17:41

I've had duck egg in previous homes and found that a garland and little clumps of holly worked well. It can still be poncetastic!

But - partly with Christmas decs in mind - we painted this living room in Dulux's Egyptian Cotton, which is the fabbest colour ever. It's neutral but depending on the light it can look either soft grey or taupe. But most importantly every other colour really stands out and looks vivid against it. Last year's Christmas tree looked amazing (no pics alas!). There's still time to redecorate.......

<<also begs to be excused the nosegay - I have no garden. Wants to join Fellatio in judging those with gardens that don't do nosegays though. Looks sternly over glasses>>

nooka Sat 25-Sep-10 07:38:49

None of you are really poncetastic enough IMO. My parents always had proper candles on their Christmas tree, and no other lighting is comparable. I'd love to have candles on mine but you can't buy the holders any more because of the fire hazard. We'd light them on Christmas evening and then all the evenings of Christmas (decorations all went up on Christmas Eve and down on Twelth Night). I miss the smell really (you'd always get at least a bit of the tree catching fire, so that lovely pine smell), but they had lots of glass decorations and it looked beautiful. Plus no wires (I always have problems hiding the wires on my tree). We'd always have a couple of buckets of water and sand just in case.

Alouiseg Sat 25-Sep-10 07:43:15

Country living Christmas Fair anyone? Christmas doesn't start until I've been.

I have a Poncetatstic Christmas every year, its what i live for. grin

FellatioNelson Sat 25-Sep-10 09:00:51

OOh - I'll come with you Alouiseg! I'd love to go. That's if I'm allowed to go, if you already go with your other proper friends and can handle a gatecrasher. grin

MrsT I love those chair covers. We all should have some just for the children, or the breakfast table, at least. Just to show we can be hilariously ironic and not too up ourselves. I do have a set of Christmas character glasses and napkins so such reasons.

Mathanxiety I love that Gustavian link - very me. And see that uber-ponce wooden stepladder in the shot? I have one of those painted white, and rotten and peeling naturally shabby and distressed, from being accidentally left out in the garden for too long. Last year I brought it in and hung silver glass vintage style baubles from the rungs using lengths of ivory lace. That was my Festive finest hour.

RE Advent Calenders.

I sat down on night and Blanket stitched 25 Little felt stockings in lots of Christmas Felts.
I thine got a Cork Pin Board and covered it in some Old Christmas Fabric and then stapled the stockings onto it, we have had it for 3 years now and its still going strong.
I either put a 'Christmas activity' in it (usually only at weekends) or a small Chocolate of gift.

I'm not a natural seamstress so i was quite chuffed at how it turned out.

I have also just made 2 giant and i mean giant stockings in darling Christmas fabric for my children to use year after year, i didn't like the gaudy Santa themed ones i got from Asda many years ago!

I have already made many Chutneys and Pickles and am saving the rest of my jars to make Snow Globes with the children as one of their Advent Activities.

I will do paper chains and Popcorn and i will reserve one night where i will get my Star cookie Cutter and print little stars onto my rustic Brown wrapping paper, it will be tied with dipped Gold String and a little bunch with a Cinnamon Stick, Holly, and a Pine Cone... <pone>

Loving this thread. And I think so far Titaslina wins hands down!

We usually go to my family in Dublin for Xmas but this year are staying here in Budapest where it will be just DH, DS and I for Xmas Day. Was always a bit afraid of that being a bit sad but am actually really looking forward to it now. And I can be as poncetastic as I like!

Starting to think about chutneys etc and Xmas cake. Have had a look at the Cox and Cox website and am planning on ordering a few things.

Will hunt out all my Xmas magazines tomorrow I think and start my pre-planning. We are going to UK for half term so I can buy anything then that I won't be able to get here.

We move back to UK next year and bought a house in Somerset last year. While viewing it I could imagine where I would put my Xmas tree and I am already planning decor that will work well at Xmas!

SharonGless Sat 25-Sep-10 10:30:07

OOOh yes Xmas magazines. Which is your favourite?
I have to say mine is Ideal Home and have kept the last 2 years Xmas editions -can't wait for this years to come out.

Buda - am very impressed with your long term planning. In my defence I was pregnant when I went with the duck egg/neutral theme. I have to say though am bored of it now so this thread has inspired me to redecorate

Xmas magazines - I like Ideal Home. And Good Housekeeping. Lots of them seem to do a total Xmas special now don't they? I keep all of my Xmas magazines so have a large pile now! Also like Good Food and Delicious.

Am glad you like my long term planning. We actually bought sofas in the summer which will go in the Living room and they are a grey colour and I was wondering out loud what would go with them and DH said red and I immediately thought yes but I will save that for winter and Xmas and put another colour with them the rest of the time! Haven't told DH that yet. He will be a bit hmm.

LadyBiscuit Sat 25-Sep-10 10:36:27

I am awestruck by some of you. Titsalina you are the goddess of the poncetastic xmas, truly.

DuffyMoon Sat 25-Sep-10 10:45:01

I yearn for a poncetastic Christmas but I have a dreadful confession to make...... My name is DuffyMoon and I decorate the outside of my house blush in my defence m'lud it is in soft, white and non flashing lights..... Am i automatically blackballed from joining the pocetasticness

MarionCole Sat 25-Sep-10 10:47:54

Can we talk Christmas cakes please?

I don't like alcohol-flavoured things, my mum always steeps her cake in brandy (quite right) but it makes it inedible to me.

Anyone have a recipe that soaks it in something else? Tea for example?

Treats Sat 25-Sep-10 11:03:40

Delia recommends using orange juice to soak the fruits if making a Christmas cake for non-drinkers. Haven't tried it myself.....

Blatherskite Sat 25-Sep-10 11:13:48

Marking for future ponciating

This year, I shall be attempting a fully iced gingerbread house complete with stained glass windows to go with the usual Christmas cake. Also tried Christmas pudding last year but it didn't go well. Need a new recipe - please

BalloonSlayer Sat 25-Sep-10 11:14:58

Marking my place

We won't have a poncetastic Christmas. (Roast Chicken, paxo and Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes, anyone?) We know what we like.

But I luuuurve the run up to Christmas. And buying Christmas cards, and presents, and decorations. So will watch the thread for that reason.

Does anyone try to get a really nice picture of the DCs to inflict on send to interested people in the Christmas cards?

Hassled Sat 25-Sep-10 11:19:55

DuffyMoon - a couple of years ago I would have completely scorned all outside lights. But last year I saw some really nice ones and thought actually, it doesn't have to look like Santa's Grotto if Santa had taken some LSD. I might have to buy some myself. What's the consensus?

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 25-Sep-10 11:23:42

I really want to have a go at poncing it up this year. We have moved into an ancient victorian terraced with real fireplaces (the walls are even made of real bricks which is new to us) so I am currently on the hunt for a chimney sweep who can come out this side of Christmas. hmm

I shall take down my regular cotton bunting and replace it with felt and gingham Christmas bunting.

I shall hang real knitted stockings on the mantel.

There will be candles, real holly and fircones.

There will be egg-nog and mulled wine.

I will make mince pies and a cake when the thread starts. (Or have I missed it? )

hehem <shamless plug> Recipes

I will update with more very soon. My Xmas Pudding is always a hit though.

FoundWanting Sat 25-Sep-10 11:41:40

Marking my place.grin

I have a duck-egg blue dining-room, and turn it into a "winter wonderland" for the festive season. Lots of siver and glitter, white fairy lights everywhere.

Walking through Debenhams home dept. last week, DD spotted some sparkly diamond table jewels (can't find them on website, but sooo gorgeous).

Then had to listen to this:blush

DS1: She wants them.

DH: I think she's dribbling.

DD: Mum, are you going to scatter them artfully on the Christmas table?

DS1: Any more on the table and we won't have room for the food.

DH: Eight quid a box. They saw her coming.

DS1: Oooh. You'll need at least three boxes, won't you, Mum?

They just don't understand <<sob>>

FellatioNelson Sat 25-Sep-10 11:49:06

I'm all for outside lights so long as they are understated and tasteful, and preferably plain soft white - although I do occasionally coloured ones that are very pretty. But it's a tricky business, pulling off coloured lights, inside or out.

For people who find Christmas pudding too heavy, or faffy to make, I'd like to offer up Panettone Bread and Butter pudding, made with loads of double cream and a good slug of Advocaat or Baileys or Brandy. Also nice for festive poncetastic dinners that are not actually on Christmas day, and especially good for New Year, if you are left with a lump of stale redundant panattone, which is how I came to discover it.

Alouiseg Sat 25-Sep-10 13:17:54

Or Panettone trifle with a hefty slug of Frangelico.

LadyCad Sat 25-Sep-10 13:21:39

page upon page of poncetasticness in the extreme.

LadyCad Sat 25-Sep-10 13:26:39

I'm so terribly sorry everyone, I didn't realise one had to ask to join.

How rude of me.

May I?

LadyCad Sat 25-Sep-10 13:33:06

I love this

TinyPawz Sat 25-Sep-10 13:49:51

I wanna join.....although I am stuck in my ghetto tacky uneducated roots....I hope you ladies will take me under your wing and enlighten me.

I didn't ask i just swanned in with all my poncetasticness.... <haughty sniff> grin

FellatioNelson Sat 25-Sep-10 14:00:51

You don't have to ask, my child. Just knock at the door of Ponce and ye shall be taken unto our bosom. You just need to offer yourself up for mind programming, and reject the tinsel.

(sorry - I've been on too many God-Squad v. Atheist threads these last two weeks.)

joining and watching... i've only read up til page 5 so far but am going back to finish in a minute after i.....

go up into the loft RIGHT NOW to remove all the tinsel that dp bought last year... it will be in the bin within 5 minutes from now grin job done... why oh why do men love tinsel?

done! grin

now, lets get started <excited>

i can never decide on colour schemes and also how to find nice not tacky red and gold stuff... (low budget, i'm a wannabe ponce)

SharonGless Sat 25-Sep-10 14:43:03

It is definitely a male thing. I got rid of his the first year we were together. He actually went out to buy some more. Never ever does he buy anything for the house except sodding tinsel

I found this website for decorations if you need ideas for different colours www.christmastimeuk.com/themes08.php?category=Chri stmas-Tree-Decorations&cat=102

Heals is usual pretty good

I copied this garland idea for my stairs but wound it round the bottom rather than the rail iyswim www.idealhomemagazine.co.uk/inspiredecor/gallery/v /christmas/Hallway.jpg.html

For those of us with duck egg blue this table looks quite good.

cyb Sat 25-Sep-10 14:44:55

I am collecting vintage Scrabble tiles to make into individual name place settings for Christmas lunch

We are having the Farte-Worthingtons and the Minges over for the second year running.

Last year was SUCH a success. My antique lace napkins made from one of Queen Victoria's bridesmaids headresses were quite the talk of the town.

The cocoa beans are coming along nicely in the orangery, ready to be ground and made into hand poured chocolate baubles covered in gold leaf for the tree which I have already ordered from Arsons in Ashby De la Zouch.

Hope your preps are all going as swimmingly as mine

oh cyb I am genuinely taken with idea of vintage scrabble tiles for names

blush

MrsDoofenshmirtz Sat 25-Sep-10 15:08:51

cyb you are ace grin

huffythethreadslayer Sat 25-Sep-10 15:21:01

Just bookmarking my place. Love Christmas. Aspire to be poncetastic. Probably won't manage it, but if you don't take the first step....

FellatioNelson Sat 25-Sep-10 15:30:35

cyb, I was believing you up until Queen Victoria. I'm crestfallen now. sad

ChippyMinton Sat 25-Sep-10 15:40:12

A poncetastic xmas thread with nary a mention of the high priestess of hand-wrought or vintage loveliness, Martha Stewart?

Thanks to her, I have a collection of snowmen on ice-skates fashioned from pipecleaners, MIL's woolworths tree decorations and candles from the 1960s, perfectly executed triple-hand-tied bow on my visible-from-space door wreath, needlepoint stockings etc etc.

PS Lidl do a fab gingerbread house kit for £4.99 (hide the box in the recycling)

ChippyMinton Sat 25-Sep-10 15:43:04

Sorry, half my post went missing:

Martha suggests modelling your own house from gingerbread. here. If this is beyond your talents Lidl do a etc...

trumpton Sat 25-Sep-10 16:01:10

DD made gingerbread church and tiny houses to go on top of DELIA'S cake last year. She put a battery operated tealight inside the church to shine through the sweetie stained glass windows.

sancerrre Sat 25-Sep-10 16:02:44

I don't believe it - you lot have only gone and got me making the Christmas pud today.

I am so easily led.

It won't be poncetastic though, it'll probably be 'orrible.

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 25-Sep-10 16:34:02

Ha! Thanks for that, almost forgot.

Made a gingerbread house last year - will do again!

azazello Sat 25-Sep-10 17:05:50

Brilliant thread. I'm plotting to steal as many of these ideas as possible. We have builders in at the moment and no kitchen for a few more weeks s won't be able to start really upping the ponciness until mid-Nov. Will it be possible?

Blatherskite Sat 25-Sep-10 17:26:37

I want sweetie stained glass windows!! My house should be relatively easy to model in gingerbread - it's nice and rectangular. Ooh, I'm doing it.

Although, we'll probably be at my Mum's for Christmas. Does that mean I should model her house? A 4 story Victorian terrace may be tough in gingerbread!!!

cyb Sat 25-Sep-10 17:28:06

I still have pink burn scar on my hand from a gingerbread rhouse related incident

Lets just say that melted sugar gets effing hot

Treats Sat 25-Sep-10 20:12:27

Oooh - LOVE Gisela Graham decs (can't remember who posted link - sorry!) I have some gorgeous things of hers. I buy one new tree decoration every year, and spend unnecessary amounts of time browsing all the poncey shops deciding which lucky bauble gets to be taken home to the Treats Tree this year. I have a limit of £5, so that I don't get TOO carried away, but I'm building up a beautiful collection.

Glad to see that an official ban has been pronounced on tinsel - it's the black hole of ponciness - the anti-poncetastic. I have a tree 'necklace' though (a garland of gold beads). Is that allowed confused.

I was going to mention Martha Stewart Living in the christmas mags list. Recipes aren't as good as Delia, but the crafts are so much better than any British mag. And no distracting articles on 'fashion' or 'health'.

MistsAndMellow Sat 25-Sep-10 21:08:03

Ahem Fellatio.

That yellow colour on your inbox at the top of the screen.

It means there is a message in there.

Not a great one admittedly.

You should embrace it, I was talking to Royalty last night!

LadyBiscuit Sat 25-Sep-10 21:22:02

This is the Lidl gingerbread cake we made last year. I was quite proud of it (even though it wasn't v poncey). I haven't made my own wrapping paper since I had children but I'm willing to embrace the capacious bosoms of xmas ponciness

greenlotus Sat 25-Sep-10 22:09:11

Don't forget, only 46 days until the Big Event

omnishambles Sat 25-Sep-10 22:17:19

<creeps in after arranging homemade chutney presents in cupboard>

NickOfTime Sun 26-Sep-10 00:50:18

<taps fingernails irritatingly>

...still need a decision on the ol' turducken, ladies. poncetastic or gold-plated chav?

i need time to menu plan around, y'see...

AbricotsSecs Sun 26-Sep-10 00:57:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime Sun 26-Sep-10 00:58:37
NickOfTime Sun 26-Sep-10 01:01:07
AbricotsSecs Sun 26-Sep-10 01:06:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AbricotsSecs Sun 26-Sep-10 01:08:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickOfTime Sun 26-Sep-10 01:24:35

blimey, hooch - i've saved that whole thread! i may have to cancel the poncetastic christmas and just sit it out with several bottles of cranberry gin and christmas pudding vodka... somebody wake me up in january!

AbricotsSecs Sun 26-Sep-10 02:23:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blatherskite Sun 26-Sep-10 07:31:11

OOh, might have to make Christmas Pudding Vodka!!

And then cross fingers furiously that DD goes with my 'stopping BF by 1st birthday" idea so I can drink some!

mathanxiety Sun 26-Sep-10 07:40:05

While waiting with fingers tapping nervously for an answer to the question of the gold tree necklace, and wondering if I'll have to rehome all of mine and make some popcorn garlands instead, I've become addicted to this; I feel bound to warn you, it may come between you and your nearest and dearest. Of course, it is no substitute for the real Christmas experience.

Tippychoocks Sun 26-Sep-10 08:10:13

I feel I can compete on the ponce scale.

I have a tree (blue spruce normally, dragged home laughingly from local field. Probably wearing scarf) which has decs from my childhood and glass baubles and NO TINSEL. DD has a mini tree for tat.

We(DD and I) make cards and only display nice ones, pinned to special ribbon with special pegs. We are also painting dolly pegs in a festive way now for bigger cards and Christmas artwork from school.

I have a citrus wreath with cloves and nutmeg and cinammon. Tied with raffia. Took ages last year and I may do more and pomanders. I also make two wreaths myself with poncey ribbon.

I wrap all presents in brown paper with real ribbon. I have three shoeboxes of real ribbon. I hide presents with naff paper at the back of the tree and crap cards under other cards blush

DD and I get dressed up for Christmas day. Even though it's just us.

I make spicy nuts, truffles,gingerbread,sloe gin,whisky marmalade etc even though we don't like any of it. I then have to make hasty friends with the neighbours so that I have someone to offload it all on.

I save the Country Livings and start re-reading them all from October. They give me the warm festive fuzzies. I then buy every Christmas magazine available and judge the Wilko/Black tree types in a sneery way.

I force bulbs in vintage teacups and tie bows round them with ribbon and lace.

I have an old school trunk FULL of Christmas carol CDs, DVDs, stories and various other crap things and have a mass unpacking session on December 1st. When we play carols and have mulled wine.

I long to go to the CL Fair. Think of me when you're there won't you?

LowLevelWhiingeing Sun 26-Sep-10 08:56:54

Tippy, I have just fallen a little bit in love with you. blush

wubblybubbly Sun 26-Sep-10 09:21:43

What a fabulous thread - I'm feeling all festive now!

Does anyone have a good recipe for sloe gin or similar christmas boozy stuff? Ideally, something that looks totally poncetastic, but is a doddle to throw together

Last year we made everyone a hamper of homemade goodies, marmalades, old fashioned sweets, ginger wine etc, all boxed up in brown paper and raffia, 'twas lovely but a lot of work for 20 people. I'd like to focus most of my ponce towards home this year smile

amistillsexy Sun 26-Sep-10 09:23:48

Please, please, please can I join in? Have already told DH we're spending today planting bulbs in the pots outside our back door (back door V Christmassy, and leads into big sitting room, so focus of all things Poncey) The blooms will provide the Christmas morning nosegay.
I decorated my sitting room just in time for Christmas whilst V pg with DS2, so it fits the bill nicely, all red/gold with a red enamel stove surrounded with candles.
Am also going to get started on Christmas pudding vodka for gifts, and have heard there's a glut of sloes in a secret location (had to give big Sis an arm burn to get it out of her), so may also get sloe gin on the go this week.
Have often tried to dry my own apple/orange slices, but failed in spectacular manner, as they just cook and then go slimey. Maybe my oven's too hot? Yet another reason to swap it for an Aga, then grin.
Getting so excited about all this poncing, I keep having to get up and wee! grin

There are loads of Christmas Pudding Vodkas about just google it.
I have been meaning to make some flavoured Vodka for years now for my BIL.
Although scanning some of the sites there is a recipe for Bacon flavoured Vodka... <balk>

I just stick to the Mulled Wine or Mulled Ale from my Blog its yummy and really warms your cockles whilst at an outdoor Carol evening or something.

I always make a Gingerbread House. smile

I came here in a slightly scoffing mood but actually much of it seems very appealing blush

cyb Sun 26-Sep-10 09:46:11

All Mnetters who are at the CL fair should be forced to wear red tinsel tied round their heads to show who they are

Tis HILARIOUS at the CL fair. Best people watching anywhere

Tippychoocks Sun 26-Sep-10 09:46:14

lowlevel, was it the ribbon boxes that did it grin?

I want to make a gingerbread house now. Off to Lidl (who already have their lovely Christmas stuff in. yum)

LowLevelWhiingeing Sun 26-Sep-10 09:54:09

Tippy, you had me at "vintage teacups" grin

Tippychoocks Sun 26-Sep-10 09:54:47

grin

HerculesPoirot Sun 26-Sep-10 09:58:11

Oooh can I join too please? Hosting Christmas here this year for DH's family wo want to make a good impression and as it will be DD's first birthday earlier in December I need to be organised.

I am a dab hand at making Delia's Christmas cake so that will be fine. Thinking about making her Christmas chutney - has anyone used that recipe? Is it good? Do you have better Christmas chutney recipes?

HerculesPoirot Sun 26-Sep-10 10:12:55

I meant "so want to make a good impression" obviously not "wo". Good start.

Blatherskite Sun 26-Sep-10 10:28:25

Yey, Hercules

We've got a first birthdays and a poncetatsic Christmas to organise! We're going to need all the help we can get

ChippyMinton Sun 26-Sep-10 10:43:16

mathanxiety I'll take a chance and pronounce tre necklaces poncetastic, as I have several in the approved quality street colours.

Not sure about all this hand-crafting going on tbh. I prefer the 'clever cheats' route eg Lidl gingerbread house, Lidl flavoured oils (soak the labels off and replace with own beribboned tags), Lidl stollen has quite a hand-made appearance when re-warpped in greaseproof and tied with ribbon...and what could be more poncetastic than authentic German produce wink

omnishambles Sun 26-Sep-10 10:46:47

I am going to be making apple and blackberry jam today - not particularly christmassy but will put poncetastic labels on them for presents. Can you tell we have apples to use up...

TheBolter Sun 26-Sep-10 10:50:37

Marking my place. Will be back later.

Hassled Sun 26-Sep-10 10:51:15

I still have last year's Christmas Pudding Vodka in the freezer. It's not really very nice - but a great concept, and we did manage to use some up as fuel for lighting the Christmas Pud itself.

TippyChooks - I'm delighted to find someone who treats Christmas poncery with the full seriousness it deserves. The bulbs in vintage teacups is inspired.

Haha I am 45 and have never hosted Xmas. The secret to getting away with this is: always live somewhere that's too small to fit other people in.

huffythethreadslayer Sun 26-Sep-10 11:10:31

I like your style SGB. Sadly, our family is so small that the average shoe box would be large enough to host Christmas in. Add to that I'm the only one in the family with a child and suddenly, you're hosting Christmas for 10 years without a break.

Mind you, Mil's Christmas is definitely NOT poncestastic, but is full of Aunt Bessies and Iceland goodies (?)

I'm just soaking up the ponciness of this thread and hoping some of it will rub off.

I confess to doing Jamie's Christmas Dinner. I watch the DVD on the laptop on Christmas Eve while I make flavoured butters and chop up my veg.

I'm hoping this year will be a bit classier than last....but can't imagine making yorkshire pudding when I can buy Aunt Bessies blush

MrsChemist Sun 26-Sep-10 11:35:05

As far a turducken goes, if you make it yourself from scratch, then it's poncetastic; if you get the frozen £9.99 one from Aldi, then it's really not at all poncetastic.

Have I left it too late to make Sloe/Damson gin?

I am endeavouring to make all my presents this year. DB will be particularly difficult because he can take or leave most of my gift ideas which are:
Sloe/damson gin
truffles
jam and preserves
biscuits
mulled wine gift set type things.

I've decided to make him some homemade Jack Daniel's barbecue sauce, because he likes that.

However, I don't like barbecue sauce, and have never made it. DH will have to do it.

Tree necklaces poncetastic for sure. I have some! NO tinsel though. My Dad uses tinsel liberally and laughs at my tinsel aversion.

Trees. Yes plural. Main tree is decorated in mainly red, gold and green but have been adding silver to it to lift it a bit as it was a bit drab to be honest. I have been collecting decorations for years. From little brass bells that I bought in a market in London the first year that I was living with DH and we had a tiny tree to ones I have bought in Thailand and Vietnam. Lots of memories when I open the boxes.

A few years ago I had all my family coming for Xmas and went totally overboard. Saw lovely tree decorations in Ikea that year in lime green, hot pink and turquoise and bought them and had a second tree in the hall with them on.

Last year we were away and were going quite early and we decided not to put our tree up as too much faff. So I bought a cheap as chips black one (I know I know!!) from Tesco with silver and turquoise decorations and we put that up. I would never use that as main tree but it was a fun one. Looked ok but not my usual. I think I will keep it and use in it hallway of house in UK. Bright pinks etc will go in kitchen/dining area and traditional one in living room. Is 3 trees a bit much? grin Have until next Xmas to decide that!

I also have a large collection of Father Christmases. Ceramic ones, metal ones etc. I used to put them all around the place but then stole an idea from a friend who has similar and has them all on the top of one cupboard. So I clear away photo frames from console table behind sofa and put them there.

the Xmas pudding voddy will deffo be better if you make it now and drink it next Xmas, the same with the cranberry voddy

The Citrus whiskey in Hocchie's link is DIVINE and will be ready for Xmas if you make it now

Jamie's method of cooking turkey using veggies as a trivet makes the most amazing gravy as well as delish meat

kormachameleon Sun 26-Sep-10 11:38:58

I aspire to all things poncey

This year I would like to givenhomemade hampers to family.

Links for materials would be most appreciated

Also ideas for what to put in them , so far I'm thinking candles, biscuits, mince pies, jams,

Any other ideas ???

wubblybubbly Sun 26-Sep-10 11:48:48

little tiny biscotti are a great idea for gifts.

They're easy, lots of christmassy recipes, look fab tied in cellophane and keep, so you can make them in advance. We made these last year and they went down storm.

We've decided to make christmas chutney this year, found this recipe which sounds delish and, again, made in advance.

kormachameleon Sun 26-Sep-10 11:56:02

Thanks wubbly

MrsChemist Sun 26-Sep-10 12:02:47

Where do people get their sloe/damson berries? I have every berry under the sun in my garden, except those two, and I've no idea where I'll find any bushes either.

wubblybubbly Sun 26-Sep-10 12:05:01

You're welcome smile

Cinder toffee is another one, easy to make and cheap. Or fudge? This Nigella recipe is nice and can be made in advance and frozen.

Anyone noticing a theme here? grin I love the idea of making something every week, makes christmas last for ages, rather than a mad rush in the last 2 weeks.

TrickyWoo Sun 26-Sep-10 12:35:07

Ooohh. I have found my spiritual home.

We have a festive moustache above the mirror on the mantelpiece. It is twiggy and greenery and lovleyness, and we hang glass baubles that hold tealights from it.

Our living room is wrong for gingham, however yes to hiding presents with wrap not up to scratch, and shoeboxes of ribbon (labelled boxes natch as dh will not let me label shelves in airing cupboard. Meanie).

Tippychoocks Sun 26-Sep-10 12:43:57

I am glad my poncery is fully appreciated on this thread. I don't eat meat tho so I feel that much poncery is lost to me.

Sloe/damsons in most hedgerows at the moment MrsChemist, go forth and find them grin.It's usually one or t'other in your area I've found though. Good chance to scope out holly bushes too.

One thing I will say about poncery though is that it gets old very quickly after Christmas. I start early but am bored of it all and everything comes down the day after Boxing Day. And I hate New Year.

Sloe's being picked on school run here [terrible mother emoticon]

Tippy I'm with you on everything down day after boxing day!

poncey advent calender that you don't need to fill yourself!

Foody gift ideas

Not convinced of its poncetasticness but will impress the children here

More the idea that the dodgy recipe here

I promise they are better than they sound

HerculesPoirot Sun 26-Sep-10 14:57:51

kormachameleon - Dh and I were thinking exactly the same about making hampers for presents. So far we had thought about making christmas chutney, cranberry sauce, apple sauce, biscuits, chocolates/truffles, fudge, christmas puddings, mince pies, mulled wine, some sort of infused olive oil and fruit in alcohol jars (eg peaches in brandy etc...). Seeing as we now never go out of a weekend and have realised saturday night tv is rubbish we are planning on spending our saturday evenings making and baking!!!

cyb Sun 26-Sep-10 15:07:28

I'm thinking of getting a faux fireplace in my fireplace-less front room JUST so I have somewhere to stand my gilt 'N O E L ' letters

Prinnie Sun 26-Sep-10 19:24:04

[jumps and waves madly]

Can I join in please please please?!

I'm just planning my festive gift hampers

Also - what food should I serve at my poncetastic christmas drinks party extravaganza?

FellatioNelson Sun 26-Sep-10 19:49:04

Ooooh I have so many lovely canape ideas to pass on - so glad you asked! Must go and peruse special Festive Poncetastic canape books now. Be back later.

Canapes are whee i come into my own.

This is what i did last year.

2 Large Garlic and Rosemary Focaccia cut into strips drizzled with divine Olive Oil.

I got out my Huge Rustic Stone platter that i like and put a home made Cranberry Hummus and a Herb Dip in the middle then put tons of different rainbow Veg around it for dipping.

I did tiny puff pastry tartlets with Goats Cheese, Caramelised, Red Onion and Pesto.

I had huge homemade Crust loaves cut up for people to enjoy and of course a beautiful Cheese Board with Grapes and Wine.

Some Spiced Christmas Nuts which went down a storm..

I will think of the rest and come back to you.

Or if your doing a Sit down dinner Party i have a lovely Venison and Juniper Stew recipe and a gorgeous Pork and Cider Stew Recipe, goes lovely on the table with a pile of Warm bread.

I am loving the random capitalisation, Tits

Both Stew recipes, please

deepdarkwood Sun 26-Sep-10 19:59:29

Marks place to return for Christmas poncery

We have no fairy lights on the tree, just real candles in German holders. Even if I were to decorate everything else in wall-to-wall multicoloured tinsel (you know, that sort where one colour is inextricably longer than the other) I still reckon that gets ponce points...

FellatioNelson Sun 26-Sep-10 20:01:01

I want real candles on my tree. OK, I know the house will burn to the ground but I really want them.

Prinnie Sun 26-Sep-10 20:01:02

Wow - it's canape ideas I need the most but venison and juniper stew - that sounds bloody fantastic!

Love the rustic stone idea with hummous and the cheese board. I'd thought as well I could put out a massive platter of cured meats - like an antipasto kind of idea....and also maybe a platter of smoked salmon - I mean SURELY smoked salmon at Christmas is poncetastic? (with lemon wedges scattered around?)

deepdarkwood Sun 26-Sep-10 20:03:03

grin Fellatio, we do keep a number for the fireman handy. What's more cheering at Christmas than a houseful of firemen?

FellatioNelson Sun 26-Sep-10 20:08:29

The number for the fireman is 999 surely?!confused Even I know that without keeping it handy!

You could make them all kiss you one by one under the mistletoe as they come in with their huge ahem spurty hose.

I set fire to my house with my poncestastic Christmas foliage and candle display in oasis last year. Hand-made, it was. It was on top of the piano, we left the candles to burn too low, (alcohol related oversight) no-one WARNED me that oasis is highly flammable, even when soaked in water, and it was all very dramatic.

That display was really good as well.sad

deepdarkwood Sun 26-Sep-10 20:11:59

smile We have a fireman mate who always says he is on standby from the day our tree goes up to 12th night - but yes, I believe 999 tends to work well wink

Is wet oasis really flammable - how peculiar.

I don't know where the random Capitals come from, i touch type and my Brains works quicker than my fingers and they just pop out!

The Recipes are here by the way, i have had a few people ask me for them recently so i have added them to my blog makes my life a lot easier! grin

Prinnie Sun 26-Sep-10 20:41:12

Just browsing poncetastic Christmas choral music (for carols) and ratpack style (non carols) on i tunes.

Almost exploding with excitement!

bladders Sun 26-Sep-10 20:53:43

Thank god I have found this tonight. I spent this morning waving my tilda Crafting Christmas Gift book at DH asking for his opinions on the nice little gingerbread man garland. He had a desperate look in his eyes, so probably best to keep that kind of chatter to this thread from now on.
Can I join in? I am hosting Xmas for the first time ever and I have been planning for ages already. It's a bit sad but I just don't care.
Am going scandinavian this year. Not exactly original, but nice.
Will also probably cause a family rift by not cooking 20 types of sodden veg, I think a few foofed up will suffice. Brussels with chestnuts etc.
Usually make delias cakes and puddings every year for mum and mil, this year I shall be trying stollen and nigellas Christmas morning muffins as well, anyone done those?
I don't think I will cope without a tin of quality street though.... Am I still allowed to play?

CDMforever Sun 26-Sep-10 20:57:07

I have already made beetroot and ginger chutney, bought DD christmas eve pjs, have numerous stocking fillers for DCs and am diligently reading Nigella's "Christmas" most evenings. Surely due for a Pulitzer IMO.
Deep down I'm just a wannabe Ponce as DH does all the Christmasand Boxing Day cooking. MIL makes the pud, Mum brings over the veg all prepared. That said I make the christmas cake,table display, muffins and this year Buche Noel (is that poncey enough for you??!)
I have also started buying Christmas grub such as After Eights, M and S tin of Shortbread etc.
DS aged 3 has already developed the ways of the Christmas ponce and sent a letter to the man in red last week. It had no words, just a picture of a pile of golden coins. He already knows the true meaning of Christmas!

We have to have Quality Street so the children can decorate things with the wrappers later in the year...... well thats my story and im sticking to it!

CDMforever Sun 26-Sep-10 20:59:27

Bladders,
I made Nigella's muffins last year and tho I do so love La Lawson (see above) the muffins weren't great so I'm looking for another recipe this year. DH usually insists on scrambled egg with smoked salmon but some of DCs not that keen.

bethjeff Sun 26-Sep-10 21:01:37

Marking my place... Xmas is always poncetastic in Bethjeff land.

We had to drag our REAL xmas tree up 3 flights of stairs in our duplex last year.

It had lost half of it's spindles by the time we got it up there.... we're getting it craned through the french windows this year- not making that mistake again!

Were still in our grotty, tiny Flat this year, just wait until i have a house then i can spread my Xmas wings in real poncey style! <dreams>

Bladders I did Nigella's muffins last year and have to agree with CMD they weren't great, I think this year I will use the holly leaf idea on normal fairy cakes for Christmas fair or something

ChippyMinton Sun 26-Sep-10 21:17:15

We are gutting the front room next week and I need a fireplace (faux or real) to hang the DC's needlepoint stockings from.

To my shame I made DH peer into someone's front room whilst walking down the street last night, to admire the fireplace that caught my eye.

bladders Sun 26-Sep-10 21:47:31

Oh, shall have to think of something else for Christmas breakfast then. I tried nigellas apple kuchen thing once from the domestic goddess book, that might be nice. With sparkles.
Oh god, am in danger of self combusting. I really love christmas. Off to check decorations for rogue tinsel........

deepdarkwood Sun 26-Sep-10 22:00:22

Another vote against Nigellas Christmas muffins - dry and uninteresting I thought (a shame, as it seems like a lovely idea...

Alouiseg Sun 26-Sep-10 22:27:49

Marking my place, poncetastically of course.

fluffyguineapigs Sun 26-Sep-10 22:45:27

Ooh please could I join too? For this recession-chic Christmas I have:

already made several batches of blackberry and apple jam and jelly and spiced crab-apple jelly (boiled jam with mulling spices in muslin). I may well go extra poncetastic by making another batch of crab-apple jelly and decanting it into baby food jars (cunningly saved from last year) which I will decorate with restrained christmas motifs with glass paints to make little stocking fillers / votifs.

I have got into silver wire work and have made sterling silver beaded hearts threaded with ribbon to hang on the tree - or wherever throughout the year.

I will make beaded sterling silver earrings as stocking fillers.

Our tree does not have a theme, but is not tastefully decorated with assorted Christmas baubles that I was given as a child until now for Christmas.

I have a fantasy that we will get round this year to making the Dr Oetker pack of gingerbread Christmas trees with boiled sweet stained glass windows to hang on the tree.

We always make chestnut stuffing on Christmas Eve and may gather them from the forest next weekend (instead of Asda).

Love the idea of salt dough decorations and dehydrated oranges. Possibly Too Much though? Should poncey stuff be used sparingly for full effect?

<MrsT half waves at Alouiseg just in case she's not who she think she is!>
Welcome to the ponce!

What is quite nice and I think Nigella will go check in a minute is Christmas pudding truffley things that look like this but are made like this

125g best-quality dark chocolate, finely chopped
350g leftover, or freshly cooked and cooled, Christmas pudding
60ml sherry
2 x 15ml tablespoons golden syrup

Line baking sheet with clingfilm or foil. Melt the dark chocolate
Crumble the pudding and mix in a bowl with the sherry and golden syrup, stir then mix in the melted chocolate.
Roll into little balls
Melt white chocolate and spoon on top.
Decorate with red and green glacé cherries

fluffy, am envy at your forest of chestnuts, if only the conkers we have in abundance round here were sweet as opposed to horse!! And your ability to make earrings, might have to add that to list of stuff to occupy myself with whilst DH is on tour!

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 08:55:31

Right - I need poncetastic stockings for the kids. I made one for DS when I only had a PFB but a) it's rubbish and b) I don't have the time to make one for DD - I need to buy some.

Need tips on decorating fast too. DD's 1st birthday is the 17th December, birthday shenanigans happening on the 18th so I can't decorate for Christmas till the 19th and need to get us looking suitably, poncetastically, festive in just a couple of days!

Need to find Nestle Free After Eights too. I love them but we support the boycott. M&S do some similar don't they?

Which reminds me of my poncetastic hint - Christmas Pudding Wine from M&S (if you can get it!) It's lovely with all Christmas desserts. Was very disappointed that our local M&S wasn't one of the ones chosen to stock it last year so I couldn't get any!!

trumpton Mon 27-Sep-10 09:03:05

Ah yes Christmas Pudding Wine . YYY .

Also a word to you all planning stockings ....
Make or buy 2 per child. One goes on bed or wherever other is filled earlier and then just swapped over during the night. Trust me, I wish I had done that. It would save the tiptoeing in and the frantic stuffing of said stocking whilst having traditional hissy fit with DH at midnight .And then tiptoeing back in to replace on bed.

Blatherskite, yes M&S do after eights, very nice they are too, not quite as good as the original but as a fellow boycotter they will do nicely!

Christmas Stockings Some more ponce than others but in generally I love everything that website has to offer!

As for decorating fast, I suggest sending the DH out with the DC's, getting yourself a nice, but moderately sized, glass of mulled wine and cracking on in peace broken only by suitably festive music!

QuiteFickleDobby Mon 27-Sep-10 10:38:00

What do you all fill Christmas stockings with? <Christmas virgin>

Loads of people on here have duck egg blue walls! Mine is more duck a la orange! (meant to be "mocha" hmm) What colour theme? Do I have time to redecorate?!

None of us really like turkey! What to cook? Not keen on duck or goose either. Chicken? confused

Crackers - please dont tell me you all make Christmas crackers...

<combusts>

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 10:49:10

I was about to ask about fillings for home-made crackers blush

Our stockings are filled with all those little bits I find that I think DS/DH will like...boats for the bath, little books,toy cars, gorillapods...and chocolate coins

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 10:50:29

Oh and our lounge is terracotta/cream (will be a far more stylish off-white by this Christmas) and we have gold/red/purple decorations. Might work with Mocha?

dinkystinky Mon 27-Sep-10 11:00:58

I am in awe at all you domestic poncessas <wonders what the collective term for a gathering of christmas ponces is... a pudding?>

Have never yet hosted christmas - and wont be doing so this year either as having to move to small rental flat while gutting our house - but my inner ponce yearns to be set free. What would be the best failproof start to set me on the way of christmas poncery - homemade schnappes or christmas biscuits?

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 11:55:08
Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 11:58:43

Homemade gifts without the hassle of having to go out and get the bits here

minervaitalica Mon 27-Sep-10 13:40:45

Marking my place here. Do not live in the UK but I can still have a poncetastic Xmas can I? 5-6 courses' meal (including home made dessert pudding decorated with gold leaf last year as a dessert amuse bouche before Xmas pudding), coloured lights banned, big open fire, red and gold table set, 15 half drunk family members around the table.

Oh, and we may have real snow by then. Can I join? grin

mathanxiety Mon 27-Sep-10 16:00:22

Christmas breakfast chez Anxiety is not complete without warm homemade cinnamon rolls drizzled with vanilla glaze.

This year I'm hoping my little gingerbread stars will finally make it to the tree. The first year we made them we forgot to add the holes in the top for stringing a ribbon through blush, and last year they all got eaten somewhere between the kitchen and the living room. I think the solution will be to make literally hundreds of them. They will look ever so attractive alongside the handcrafted straw angels, a little like this only angels, that we picked up in a Kriskringle Market (oh the gluhwein!) a few years ago.

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 16:45:45

Recipe please anxiety!! Pllleeeaaassee! They sound yummy

Tippychoocks Mon 27-Sep-10 16:49:28

oooo yes mathsanxiety, they do sound good.

mathanxiety Mon 27-Sep-10 17:43:58

The stars or the rolls? (both are delish actually)

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 17:47:31

The rolls please

Or both if you're feeling generous

bladders Mon 27-Sep-10 18:04:06

Another request for cinnamon rolls pls. That sounds like just what i am looking for.
Mmmm. With hot chocolate. and a shot of amaretto to start the day off. Ooooooooh

PiggyPenguin Mon 27-Sep-10 18:18:15

I really really want to join, pleeeeeeeeeeease?

Have just moved into older house with 3 reception rooms and a conservatory to decorate for christmas. Nothing from old (modern) house seems right and having invited all parents around for christmas it needs to be good.

I made Delia's christmas cake last year with help from some ladies on here and will definitely do it again this year, but otherwise I feel like a poncetastic yule-tide virgin next to you lot. I have learnt not to decorate a room duck egg blue from this thread already though.

taffetacat Mon 27-Sep-10 18:25:32

oooh I made Nigella's cinnamon rolls last weekend and they were yum, do share your recipe as they were wolfed down v sharpish. We have a boiled egg tradition here on Christmas morning, but a breakfast pudding wouldn't go amiss.....with hot chocolate maybe......whats the best hot chocolate?

I am looking for something tasteful to put on my iced Christmas cake, yes I know its much more poncetastic to have glazed dried fruits and almonds etc but we are marzipan fetishists here so I'm having none of it.

I saw this which is kind of what I'm after in a Scandi style but its a bit too much I think. Anyone manage to source any tasteful Xmas caketop decorations?

mathanxiety Mon 27-Sep-10 19:39:12

All right, here is the recipe for the cinnamon rolls. It was originally a recipe for cardamom rolls but I got tired of crushing cardamom seeds with mortar and pestle. My recipe mixes up metric dry measurements and imperial fluid measurements as some of my kitchen equipment is out of date old.

ROLLS
1/2 oz active dry yeast
4 fl ozs pretty warm water
4 fl ozs milk
1/4 lb (115 g) butter
1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
115 g castor sugar
1 tsp salt
2 eggs
400 g - 500 g plain flour

FILLING
115 g softened butter
115 g sugar or more to taste
1-2 Tbsp cinnamon, plus a pinch of ground cardamom (optional)
Pinch of salt and pepper, strange but true
(Mix cinnamon, optional cardamom, S & P and sugar together)
Chopped walnuts optional

GLAZE:
220 g icing sugar
2 fl oz milk
1/2 tsp vanilla

METHOD
Sprinkle the yeast over the warm water, stir to dissolve; set aside.
Heat milk to just simmering in a small pan; remove from heat; add 1/4 lb butter, stirring until melted.
Stir in 1/2 tsp cinnamon, castor sugar, salt. Allow to cool until warm.
Pour warm milk mixture and yeast into large mixing bowl.
Beat in eggs one at a time.
Add about half the flour, beating until smooth. Add enough of the remaining flour by hand, unless you have a heavy duty mixer, to make a dough that is easy to handle but not gloppy.
Turn dough out onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 5 (long) minutes.
Place in a buttered bowl, turning to coat all sides with butter.
Cover, let rise in a warm, draught free spot until dough is doubled -- this may take up to 2 1/2 hours, but check after an hour, depending on where it is.

*** Heat oven to 180', gas 4, grease a 13x9 ish pan with sides that are about 2 inches high, or two 8 or 9 inch cake pans with high sides ****

When risen, punch down and turn dough onto floured surface again.
Roll out into a 12 x 18" rectangle. Spread the softened butter all over the rectangle, then sprinkle the cinnamon sugar plus the pinch of S & P over the butter. Sprinkle on chopped nuts if used.
Roll the dough up like a Yule Log with the short side forming the curled ends.
Don't even think of trying to cut rolls with a knife -- use a thread slipped under the cylinder to cut 12 - 15 rolls, one at a time (cross your arms and grab ends of thread, then uncross arms with thread slicing straight through the dough).
Place the cut rolls, cut side up and down, in greased pan. Do not pack the rolls tightly.
Cover; let rise until doubled in a nice warm spot, 45 mins to 1 hour.
Bake until golden brown; check after 20 minutes. Should take no longer than 30 mins. (My oven tends to be hot so I can't be precise about the time)

I find the rolls have a good flavour if made the day before and then warmed up before adding the glaze.

Make a glaze: Add vanilla to icing sugar, then add milk gradually, stirring constantly until drizzling consistency is achieved.
When the rolls have cooled a bit, top with glaze and dig in.

Optional extra = chopped nuts

I'll have a look for the ginger stars recipe and post it when I find it.

taffetacat Mon 27-Sep-10 20:05:07

yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum sounds lovely

MrsChemist -re sloe hunting - you need the blackthorn bush. Spiky, prickly often used as hedging in areas like allotments, sides of fields etc.

MrsSchadenfreude Mon 27-Sep-10 20:11:31

I will have a poncetastic Christmas simply by doing all my shopping in Rue Poncelet. grin

sandsad Mon 27-Sep-10 20:15:46

How I love this thread grin

I have the Christmas Lakeland catalogue, and am expecting my Good Housekeeping mag any day.

However, I am going to let the side down by having an illuminated reindeer family on the front lawn this year. I'm so sorry, but this is the first year we have had the house with the front garden and a real chimney (for which I will be sewing the childrens stockings) and I have longed for the LED reindeer family.

Tat-tastic grin

bladders Mon 27-Sep-10 20:24:15

Thank you for the recipe, that sounds lovely

I went to a NT house called Calke Abbey in Derbyshire several months ago and came back with a bootful of the biggest pinecones ever. They are sitting in the shed awaiting the dusting of gold shimmery glitter and some red ribbon so I can hang them off the tree.

I live in a 2 bed flat, any tips for having truely poncetastic decorations in a small space?

We always have Christmas lunch and supper at my parents house so must admit I go mad with the table decorations over there. Not sure what to go for this year.. Did gold candleabras (sp?) with faux crystal droplets last year. Was most impressive, neeed to go one better though!

Oh yes must ask, if I was to go out and pick some sloe berries now (me and my dad are very eager to make some sloe gin!) Would we have to wait until next year to drink it? He said we would, but like I say im very eager!!

taffetacat Mon 27-Sep-10 20:43:02

ferret - no two months is fine. You need to prick them add sugar and then turn the gin bottle over every week or so. I like a silver sprayed giant allium head or two on the table. you can also spray other veg eg runners/artichokes.

has anyone mentioned the most wonderful poncetastic Xmas book on the planet?

Its my Christmas bible and its only a fiver!!!

Thank you, shall tell my dad tomorrow and we can go out and pick some, I will probably have to do the majority of it, he out his back out when we went blackberrying. grin

Blatherskite Mon 27-Sep-10 20:58:56

Thanks for the recipe anxiety. I might have to have a 'trial run' of those just to test them

Am thinking a lone, fondant icing snowman on the top of the (royal iced) Christmas cake this year. With some pretty ribbon for a scarf. Maybe with a sprinkling of edible glitter for the frost. Simple but still appealing to 3 year old DS.

Did the cake with bought decorations last year blush In my defense I was about a day off giving birth when I iced it!!

Prinnie Mon 27-Sep-10 21:11:07

sandsad thanks to you I have just lost 55 mins of my evening drooling over the Lakeland website Christmas section!

Booboobedoo Mon 27-Sep-10 22:06:43

Am cross that I haven't seen this thread until now.

I am an aspiring Christmas Ponce, and will be unable to fulfill my ponce potential this year, as my (as yet) unborn DD will be about six weeks old on Christmas Day.

However, I've already written and addressed my carefully chosen Christmas cards, done 80% of the Christmas shopping, knitted cashmerino wool Father Christmas hats for DS and newborn DD and bought this years New Decoration.

(I, too, buy one or two really lovely ones every year, and eschew tinsel).

I make pomanders, Delia Christmas cake and pudding, mincemeat and chutneys.

For the last two years, I've used an adapted sweet pastry (with icing sugar and egg-yolk) to make my mince pies, and home-made flaky pastry for my sausage rolls.

My south-facing living room is duck-egg blue, but has a fantastic fireplace which was MADE for Christmas. It can definitely carry red and gold. <defiant>

Love the sound of Tippy's Christmas. You are a Ponce after my own heart.

MinkyBorage Mon 27-Sep-10 22:09:36

Oh I am so here, I got the Delia Christmas book out of the library today, altready have the nigella one. I am soooooooooooooooo excited. Only slight problem is that I'm vegetarian at the moment.

Great thread!!!

SunshineOnLee Mon 27-Sep-10 23:03:27

I am totally inspired by this thread - I aim for poncetastic-ness but don't always achieve it.

I will try much harder this year.

mathsanxiety - I love the sound of the rolls, I will try them but how do I know if my warm water is pretty or not?

ABF (and anyone else in the midlands) Calke Abbey also do a fantastic christmas tree trail just before christmas - go after dark and its all lit by lanterns, its one of our christmas traditions.

fluffyguineapigs Mon 27-Sep-10 23:32:51

smile at Mrs Ticklemouse. The place I know is lovely, it's a campsite during the summer but now just empty of humans and full of deer - we'll probably see a herd down there.

silver earrings are sooo easy to make - you just need three jewellery making pliers (round nose, needle nose and blunt), fish hook ear wires, jump rings, head pins or chain and beads which you can get from ebay.

argeybargey Mon 27-Sep-10 23:40:08

Ooh, lovely thread - Yes, I'll join you all in getting Christmas well and truly ponced up.Let Poncification Commence..

minervaitalica Tue 28-Sep-10 08:06:53

Uh uh - yes Xmas cake decorations an issue this year. Last year it was igloos, penguins and snowy pine trees (my grown up dsis took real pleasure in biting the head of the penguins off... ehm). I need sth that DD (2)will like but PONCETASTIC. Ideas pls????

Also tree last year was red and silver, but will be investing in a new EXPENSIVE tree anyway (old one was bought in Bradford city centre in 1999 for 12 quid... Has a history but does not look too great any more). I am thinking rustic theme: keep the red stuff but add on pine cones, home made decs which I have received, raffia thing... Not sure where to find those though, as the fashion is for lime green etc.

Does anyone have a recipe for the dough to make frosted biscuits?

FellatioNelson Tue 28-Sep-10 10:15:15

MinkyBorage I LOVE the fact that you are a vegetarian 'at the moment.' You sound like you could be so easily led, and up for defection at the drop of a hat!

And let's face it, a truly Poncetastic Christmas would be wasted on a vegetarian.

I might hang a brace of pheasant outside my door. I don't really like pheasant but you've got to admit they make the perfect poncestastic outdoor Christmas decorations.

dinkystinky Tue 28-Sep-10 10:22:24

Fellatio - you should go to borough market in the run up to christmas. You can get game galore to hang up - including pretty much an entire dear! Made the mistake of taking my veggie sister there one year just before Christmas blush grin

taffetacat Tue 28-Sep-10 10:26:22

ROFL @ pheasant door decorations. they'd be kicking off come twelfth night.

I need some Scandi Christmas websites to drool over. Can anyone oblige?

Ooooh, my kind of thread

I would like to join by virtue of having already made loads of jams and pickles as presents (including the über-poncetastic "Strawberry Jam with a hint of Balsamic Vinegar and Black Pepper"), as well as strawberry vodka (which is so nice I'm not sure how many bottles will actually make it even to December...).

I have also done an early autumn walk in the woods with ds and dog to collect small pine cones which will duly be sprayed with tasteful silver spray and have little ribbons attached onto them to make utterly rustic and poncetastic decorations for my tree.
Last year, due to having a rather large tree for the first time, I ran out of decorations and rushed off outside to gather various twigs and sprigs which I then spray-painted and artfully arranged between the sadly-bare branches of the tree.
The result was stunning, even if I do say so myself

GetOrfMoiLand Tue 28-Sep-10 11:23:15

Fellatio - this is a great thread but I am not coming on here to contribute until LeQueen comes on and tells us what she does at chrimbo.

Look, the woman puts lavender bags in herdoor handles at NORMAL times. Can you imagine what she gets up to at Christmas? She probably has a tree better than the ones to Norwegians give us.

SHE is the poncetsastic Christmas standard holder in my book

<waits for someone to come and tell me LeQ is Jewish>

GetOrfMoiLand Tue 28-Sep-10 11:25:10

Blimey I have just skimmed it and I don't belong here!

I am very ponce re food and really go all out, but don't deoctare the house (apart from a tree) and don't make jams etc. i made pomanders once but the cloves cut my fingers.

Get Orf our poncey thread then GetOrf!!! wink Unless you want to stay around and be educated in true poncetastic style? I just aspire to ponciness tbh. I say I will make chutney etc but it never happens. I do go all out decorating the house though. LOVE it!

GetOrfMoiLand Tue 28-Sep-10 11:34:00

Oh, I can't be doing with chutney making and sterilising jars.

I do heartily recommend the Nigella Turkey in brine (a la Feast) and her red cabbage recipe. I put a lot more spice and oranges in the turkey brine however. I then baste it with more butter than she days to. But it is perfect turkey.

I think we are getting our turkey delivered cooked from the Four Seasons Hotel here in Budapest! Oven not big enough to cook one and everything else.

Blatherskite Tue 28-Sep-10 11:36:24

Recipes please Hope

DottyDot Tue 28-Sep-10 11:36:27

can't believe I've only just found this thread....

I'm not really very poncetastic, but more poor, so end up being poncetastic by stealth - I handmake jewellrey for all the women, knit hats for the men and generally Create Things for Christmas.

But I'm looking for a Christmas tablecloth - we have a large oval table and have 9 people round for Christmas dinner every year - any links to lovely tablecloths much appreciated! smile

dinkystinky Tue 28-Sep-10 11:44:39

Just out of interest, how do you sterilise a jar?

Getorf - am not a chutney maker/baker either but do like the sound of that christmas pudding vodka earlier on the thread...

taffetacat Tue 28-Sep-10 11:57:39

dinky - Sterilise a jar by running it through a hot dishwasher and then potting jam/chutney in it whilst the jar is still hot and the jam is still hot. Seal with a screw top lid whilst its all steaming hot. This forms a vacuum and seals it.

I have finally found where I belong grin.

I decorated my living room with Christmas in mind.

We have 3 trees - MY living room tree that the boys decorate and then I redo so it is beautiful and artfully arranged. Kitchen tree that has lovely gingham, felt and wood decorations on in lots of colours and the boys tree in playroom with their handmade decorations, tinsel [shudder] and coloured fairy lights.

I only hang tasteful cards that match my colour scheme and presents we have been given that do not match don't get hidden at the back - they get rewrapped so that they do match blush

Tippychoocks Tue 28-Sep-10 12:20:21

3 trees is richness indeed grin

Much respect 2gorgeousboys, even I do not rewrap presents.

Poncy Strawberry Jam with Balsamic Vinegar and Black Pepper:

bascially just made strawberry jam as usual (pureed strawberries, cooked with jam sugar) and then added a few tablespoons of vinegar , which made the colour darker and richer, but did very little for the flavour tbh, maybe just took a touch of the sweetness off (like lemon juice would), and a good few twists from the pepper grinder.
I thought you could only just taste this, but I think it gets hotter as it keeps as I gave some to a friend to taste about 2 weeks after I'd made them and her dh knew immediately that there was something hot in there!

Strawberry Vodka (Liqueur):

Ingredients:
• 3/4 lb very ripe strawberries
• 1 (1/2 inch) vanilla bean, crushed
• 1 3/4 cups sugar
• 1/2 cup water
• 1 1/3 cups grain alcohol or vodka

Directions:
1. Wash and stem the berries.
2. Place in a 2 Quart jar with tight fitting lid. Add the remaining ingredients, seal, and steep for 1 month in a dark place. Gently shake them once or twice a day during this period.
3. When steeping period is complete, strain the resulting liquid through a fine mesh sieve, discarding solids. If that does not filter enough of the mixture for your satisfaction, you can then line the fine mesh sieve with clean cheesecloth or a coffee filter and filter the mixture again.
4. Transfer the liqueur to a clean container. Cover and let stand for 1 week. Filter liquor into a decorative bottle with a tight fitting lid. Age for at least 1 month before serving.

I suspect you could do the same with any soft fruits (I'll be trying it with the last of the blackberries).

dinkystinky Tue 28-Sep-10 13:24:54

Cheers Taffetacat

MinkyBorage Tue 28-Sep-10 16:22:38

yes, I think I could be easily swayed! I think I may have eaten horse by accident on holiday, thinking it was pork. It's still sitting heavy itkwim!
Anyone got any poncetastic recommendations for a good collection of classic christmas carols. Like the look of this but I think it might be a little too poncetastic with it's emphasis on latin 'classics'!

MrsChemist Tue 28-Sep-10 16:26:55

Does anyone have a truly poncetastic recipe for christmas pudding? (sorry if it's been mentioned further up the thread, I've a memory like a sieve)

I looked at Delia's, and the one on the BBC food website, and they both look good. I need to give it to my parents a little earlier than Christmas though, because my mum will go out and buy one otherwise.

I'm just making a list of all the things we will be making; ingredients and equipment required; how long they'll keep and when I need to start making them.

Next I'm on the hunt for cheap jam jars and bottles. Wish me luck!

FellatioNelson Tue 28-Sep-10 16:40:15

Yes, Getorf, when is LeQueen back? It feels like she's been gone for weeks. What if she never comes back? I can't bear to think about it. What will we do? Who will we look to for poncetastic festive guidance? sad

aquavit Tue 28-Sep-10 16:51:55

I do love my poncetastic Christmas and would love to join this thread but I feel obliged to DEFEND TINSEL.

I have some lovely thick dark cerise tinsel and when it's wound deep inside the branches (with coloured lights nestled round it) it looks gorgeous.

I'll get my coat.

Alouiseg Tue 28-Sep-10 18:04:56

Banishes Aquavit to a far away land.

Oooh, just marking my place, am aspiring to poncetastic Christmas due to general poverty. Will be back later...

bladders Tue 28-Sep-10 18:20:38

Delia Delia Delia all the way for pud. I make it every year and have to put up with the rather unponcey purchasing of that dodgy Gold Label hardcore barley wine that tramps drink. It's worth the walk of shame to the checkout though as the pudding is really lovely. It's not stodgy at all and most lovely. This year I am going to try the punch sauce she recommends to go with it.

I heart Delia, even with her let's be aving you outburst. All her festive stuff is so nice. The sticky toffee puddings in her first Poncemas book are so great.

bladders Tue 28-Sep-10 18:23:34

I must say, rewrapping presents wins for me so far. That really is commitment to the cause.
I need a Christmas outfit to wear on the day. What will you all be wearing?

PiggyPenguin Tue 28-Sep-10 18:25:17

Have decided to add to this years poncetastic-ness by having handmade bunting to drap tastefully around house.

So I have between now and december to make god knows how many mini christmas stockings in tasteful colours. Dad is very keen on the idea though as apparently his dad (very poor family) made bunting/tree decorations from left over wool every year. He has volunteered to make some pom poms to go with it. Bless! (obviously in the spirit of the thread any non appropriately coloured ones will be hidden in down-stairs loo).

I was all set to go out sloe hunting this evening after dh got home from work but he has scuppered this by deciding to be late home. Does the man not realise there are less than 13 weeks until C day!

Although may have to relegate sloe gin in favour of strawberry vodka - thanks for the recipe sounds yum!

orienteerer Tue 28-Sep-10 18:32:18

For an alternative to Christmas pudding try Delia's fruit compote, sorry can't find link so here's a cut & paste:
Christmas dried fruit compote
This is Christmas pudding lite, with all the flavour and none of the stodge. You needn't stick rigidly to the fruits I chose. If you are lucky enough to live near a Middle Eastern deli, it may have some more unusual types. My nearest has one called "silk road trail mix" containing baby figs, green sultanas and even dried mulberries. Supermarkets often sell dried cranberries, cherries and blueberries. Be creative.
1 lb/450g dried fruit (I used equal quantities of apricots, figs, prunes, raisins and sultanas)
10 fl oz/250 ml dessert wine (I used port)
2 oranges
10 fl oz/250ml warm water
This is a breeze to make and I recommend doing so a day or two ahead of the big day. Soak the dried fruit with the dessert wine and the juice of one orange. Set aside. Cut the other orange into quarters and then slice as thinly as possible. Now drain the fruit, reserving all the boozy liquor.
Heat the water and simmer the dried fruit in it for 15 minutes. Remove it from the heat, add the boozy mixture again and allow it to cool before serving. I like this with crème fraîche.

rnbsmum Tue 28-Sep-10 18:48:32

What fab ideas - I feel a chutney moment coming on!! Read a little about sloes the other day which suggested collecting them at the end of October as a slight frost improves the flavour. Have never tasted sloe gin myself before but this is the year! Have had a pudding making party the last few years with friends, their kids and cheesy Christmas toons and this pudding has been a big hit. Really tasty yet not as heavy as some puddings.

SunshineOnLee Tue 28-Sep-10 22:03:19

Can I just say I vote for Nigella's christmas pud - I love it and even like it sliced cold!

Aquavit <whispers> I have tinsel too - it can look good done correctly, but we may have to start a whole new thread . . .

FoundWanting Tue 28-Sep-10 22:31:46

Aquavit and SunshineOnLee now that you have 'fessed up, I feel brave enough to admit that I too have tinsel.

Not on the tree (*never* on the tree). I have really thick silver tinsel which is wound round white fairy lights and pinned all round the picture-rail in my duck-egg blue dining-room.

Despite the fact that I have nearly broken my neck putting it up and taking it down for the last three years, it has to be done to give the 'winter wonderland' effect I am after.

Blatherskite Tue 28-Sep-10 22:41:36

Me too FoundWaiting. No tinsel on the tree but I do wrap it over the cables of my white lights that wrap around my mirror. You'd be able to see the nasty green cables otherwise and that just would not co-ordinate!! shock

FoundWanting Tue 28-Sep-10 23:00:44

grin

Bloody green cables. Curse of the Ponce.

My other bug-bear is not receiving cards which co-ordinate with the colour scheme. Some people just don't think things through.

minervaitalica Wed 29-Sep-10 08:11:46

Sorry not a fan of Delia/Nigella's Xmas pudding - we use family recipe based on soaking fruits in Guinness. But family recipes = ponce surely?

What do we think of stickers on windows? Kids want them, but I only allow them if they are of the appropriate colour scheme...

Decorhate Wed 29-Sep-10 08:14:24

I do window stickers but they are tasteful (obv)!

I do window stickers on patio doors in kitchen. Cox and Cox have some nice ones.

fairy lights with white cable

I do window stickers in kids room, the cox and cox ones, and I'm very tempted by these for the kitchen

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 11:28:10

I love you, MrsTicklemouse.

I do window stickers. Gold stars in the gold-based room.

I have a magnolia tree in the front garden and have an urge to wrap it in fairy lights. Should I just go for it? And what about the little olive tree by the front door? One or the other? Or both?

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 11:39:28

Ladies I am here for your help. I have a very serious situation on my hands. I am LOVE a poncetastic Christmas but alas I have married the King of TAT. I decorate the tree with homemade decorations/biscuits/orange slices and ribbons, turn my back to feed the christmas cake and my tree turns into an abomination. My bunting and homemade garlands get covered in tinsel (blue for the love of little baby Jesus) and he laughs at my homemade chutneys/chilli sauce and candle. sob sob sob.

taffetacat Wed 29-Sep-10 11:47:05

orienteer - I am envy of your Middle Eastern deli. That compote sounds gorgeous.

rnbs mum - I love the idea of a stir up party with friends and children. Do you all make stuff, take it in turns? or do you have one industrial sized stir up and then divide it up?

what do people give the DC as pudding on Christmas Day? Mine aren't mad keen on Christmas Pud and Yule Log just seems a bit naff. I made my own Yule Log a few years ago but even then its basically just a posh giant mini roll.

aquavit Wed 29-Sep-10 11:49:48

Well I confess that the tinsel was an imposition by DH but I have grown to love it. He is also the one who insists on coloured fairy lights. The thing is that when you embrace it and pile lots of glittering jewel colours onto - no wait, crucially, into, they must sit deep within the branches - a good bushy tree, it does look lovely.

Tis all in the application.

Mind you I burned my orange slices last year and the home-made fudge was a bit on the dry side, so I am not exactly queen of ponce.

Foundwanting, you see, this is where things go wrong. One tree with little lights can look lovely. But more than one is, surely, de trop.

oopsandbabycoconuts - I do not say this lightly but I think you may have to get rid. Do you have a patio you could bury him under?

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 11:57:52

Oops - I think it may just take time, gentle education, show him pictures of what you are aiming for, as many articles sneering at tat as you can find. Start now. Good luck!

I also need some help - I wish for tasteful garlands/decorations/something for my fireplace but don't know how to do it - pictures/recommendations please, colour scheme red and silver or gold also something to wind up the bannisters in the hall colour scheme black/white/silver so no greenery.

Also how does one fix a wreath to a uPVC door? I haven't managed yet and can we recommend any nice white/silver ones?

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 12:01:10

Sunchine - I used epoxy putty to attach a small brass picture hook to our uPVC from door - during the rest of the year I hang a little blackboard on it to leave messages for people when we are out in the back garden/DD is sleeping/DH best not come in because I may kil him

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 12:01:23

foundwanting if you do your magnolia I'll do mine grin but I need outdoor battery powered lights as no power source - do they exist?

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 12:06:40

Sunshine - I got some solar ones - they work on daylight not sun necassarily - and some battery ones from B&Q last year.

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:08:33

House of Fraser have got 3 for 2 on their Christmas stuff.

What do you think of these to decorate my little olive tree? Would they be ok outside but under cover? My wreath is going to be green and red so it would tie-in colourwise.

Oops can't you let DH have his own little tree? In a shed perhaps? Then he can have all the tinsel he wants and you won't have to see it.

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 12:08:49

Thanks Oops does the putty come off or would it have to be permanent? I like the blackboard idea but not sure DH will go for it!

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:10:25

I guess the link would help.

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:13:03

For the wreath, Homebase had some suction hooks last year. Friends used it and their wreath stayed put.

Where do you get solar-powered fairy lights, please?

allthatjazz Wed 29-Sep-10 12:16:29

Oh my word I have come home! I cant believe it took so long to find you lot I hope you don't mind me joining you. I was rather poncetastic-my family just ignore it now.
As soon I work out how I'll pop a picture up of my lovely garland I made for our stairs last year inbetween m.s spells. Please also coo over my 12 week old ds while you are there.
I'm still thinking about a theme this year. I'm dressing ds up as a pudding grin well he cant protest at 5 months old!
I prefer Floyd's xmas pudding( we now do it in his memory).
sunshineonlee I think John Lewis do outdoor battery operated ones. I cheated last year and just used indoor one to cover the bay tree.
Will carry on reading the rest of the thread asap.

PiggyPenguin Wed 29-Sep-10 12:29:23

Foundwanting I think that is very pretty, and as long as you think it will stand up to being outdoors I would go for it.

I need a new wreath for this year. Anyone seen any fabulous ones?

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:30:45
FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:32:46

Thank you sybilvimes. I thought so.grin

I got some from HofF last year which were tiny cystal flowers but too delicate to risk outside.

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 12:39:53

FoundWanting I was looking at those lights - think I will need to see them in the flesh to decide.

Suction hooks would be good if they actually work!

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:41:31

Lots of wreaths here

Judging by the number of pics 'coming soon', the implication is that we are getting ahead of ourselves.hmm

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:45:37

Sunshine what about one of those door hook things that you can get for indoors? The ones that go over the top of the door. Or would you wreath be too high?

Maplin have got some solar powered lights on their website. If I let DH go there for gadget shopping I think the chances of getting my lights are pretty high.grin

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 12:52:08

I tried one of those hooks - doesn't fit because of shape of the door. I wish I had a wooden door again

Blatherskite Wed 29-Sep-10 12:57:38

I've disgraced myself sad

Gave in to DS and bought chocolate coins in the supermarket blush

If I only use them sprinkled between lovingly chosen/home made treats in his home made stocking will I be forgiven?

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 12:59:07

Someone wanted a black and silver garland.

Any good?

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 13:00:38

Someone please tell me to stop browsing Christmas web-sites. I have no money this year and I've already got a loft full of stuff anyway.

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 13:12:29

The garland was me - thanks that's perfect, have you used the website - always a bit wary of sites i don't know

This is wasting all my time - I must log off and do something useful/play with DS grin

Blatherskite - yes its fine, wrap them in homemade organza bags

Blatherskite Wed 29-Sep-10 13:14:30

Thanks Lee

Should NOT have look at the garland website. I found this I want it for my tree now!!

littledawley Wed 29-Sep-10 13:14:51

Please can I join? I've only just found you. Here are my credentials;

* I have booked to go to 'Spirit of Christmas' in London already
* I have booked a mini-break to Brussels for a Christmas market
* My fave book ever is Nigella's Christmas
* I have bought several presents already
I decorate the house and garden (I think) beautifully BUT* (and I fear this might disqualify me from joining) - I <<<whisper>>> have an artificial tree in the kitchen.....

In my defence, underfloor heating, lots of glass and an Aga mean that they just shrivel and die and I do have a lovely real one in my grown up living room. Please can I still join? Please?

littledawley Wed 29-Sep-10 13:15:56

Oooh, strange things happened in bold! Sorry!

allthatjazz Wed 29-Sep-10 13:32:11

I would really like a new felt hanging advent calender. Realistically would it be cheaper to make one or buy one and hope dp doesnt laugh at my attempt.

Dorothyredboots Wed 29-Sep-10 13:43:24

I'm marking my place here too.
I have today purchased a Portmeirion Christmas pudding bowl in which to make my Delia pud. The holly and ivy etc on it determine that it will remain in its cardboard box for the remainder of the year.
Do I qualify?

MinkyBorage Wed 29-Sep-10 15:25:00

How early can I make my pudding?

greenlotus Wed 29-Sep-10 15:29:54

I'm marking my place because this very important thread has dropped off TIO.

allthatjazz TBH probably cheaper to buy than make since the first rule of poncey decorating is that by the time you have gone to all that effort & bought all the special materials, it would be cheaper to buy it in Tesco.

but this is gorgeous grin

bobs Wed 29-Sep-10 15:49:43

I'm making sloe gin...again..and am going to try Limoncello as gifts. Does anyone know of any other good/easy/cheapish boozy drinks to make??
Xmas cake already made after fruit steeped overnight in a bottle of rum (smugsmile)

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 16:05:01

Minky - I am making mine this weekend

Cake is on the agenda for a few weeks time, DD2's advent calendar is being made bit by bit - 24 felt stockings with a number stitched on.

Decorhate Wed 29-Sep-10 16:10:45

Oops, sorry but a PVC door just will not do. You must immediately replace it with a wooden one painted in a sludgy F&B colour. grin

Fayrazzled Wed 29-Sep-10 16:19:17

Hello, ponces. Just marking my place too.

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 16:42:41

Sunshine No, haven't used the site for anything other than festive porn. I think I might though...

Blatherskite Love that garland. I think I'm getting swayed by my love of shopping and fogetting my poncey aspirations.blush

However, there was a crochet thread the other day that linked to a crocheted Here Do you think I could make some in gold yarn either for my tree or even as gifts?

FoundWanting Wed 29-Sep-10 16:44:53

I'll try again.

Crochet Robin

mathanxiety Wed 29-Sep-10 16:46:08

Taffetacat, I always serve tiramisu on Christmas Day, plus meringues and whipped cream, and a pumpkin pie as the DCs are American. Tiramisu being a sort of trifle anyhow, my reasoning goes.

Nothing makes warm water pretty like a bowl of unsurpassed Christmassyness.

rnbsmum Wed 29-Sep-10 16:51:53

Taffetacat - it's always a larf!! Two enormous bowls with the ingredients divvied up and then the scrummy mixture is shared between us, usually about 6 puddings. (Would be more if the various kids' stirring didn't result in so much on the floor grin.) Am loving the truly ponce-fabulous advent calendars.

Blatherskite Wed 29-Sep-10 16:54:57

Is the garland not poncey then?

How can teeny golden birds with feather wings not poncey!! confused

It would co-ordinate so beautifully with my Gold/Red/Purple tree

rnbsmum Wed 29-Sep-10 16:58:21

Foundwanting - I love that Robin!! I made two of these the other weekend - only took 15 minutes or so and they look rather poncetastic if I do say so myself!

mathanxiety Wed 29-Sep-10 17:06:20

The problem with birds in the tree is that they all end up upside down, in my own sad experience anyhow. Unless they're hung with threads from individual branches..

greenlotus Wed 29-Sep-10 17:12:15

UPVC door - get fishing line or transparent strong thread, it goes over top of door and is tied/taped to the inside, leaving a long loop outside to which you can attach the garland. Job done.

Pudding mould for proper round pudding plus Ten10 gets 10% off everything until 9th October

Blatherskite Those birds are terrifying!

bobs do you make your own limoncello, if so I need the recipe!

FoundWanting I love you! I think that robin will have to be my first venture into crocheting!

loola2shu Wed 29-Sep-10 19:48:42

Have I died and went to poncey heaven?

You are all ladies after my own heart!

I have tickets booked already (along with hotel and train) for Country Living Christmas fair, and I have just bought a dresser to display all my poncey christmas decs in the kitchen!
My Christmas chutney and chilli jam are all done, christmas cakes possibly this weekend and puddings on stir up Sunday.

I am just about to finish bunting for my neice and I am intending on trying the pudding voddie amongst others!

I am also unpatiently waiting for a delivery of wax so I can make lovely chrismassy smelling candles.

I really love the idea f the advent calendars earlier in thread, the ones which are stockings or little bags on ribbon? I think I'll have a go!

please can I stay and drool?

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 20:10:23

Mrs Ticklemouse - you read my mind! I have just ordered a round pudding mould and several 1 pint plastic ones for pressie puds. Now I just need to find a cake tine that makes little cakes then I can make my little cake without making the family eat tins of beans for week on end.

MidnightsChild Wed 29-Sep-10 20:24:03

Blatherskite I think your golden bird garland is dead poncy ... but then I have gorgeous individual clip-on birds (12 white and 10 red) which I bought from V V Rouleaux a few years ago.

Sadly, now that I'm living in a one-bedroom flat, I've not only already had to scale back my Christmas stuff (which is stored in my mother's house as there's no room for them here) but I haven't been able to purchase anything from this utterly fabulous emporium of ponce for two years ...

Can I join this thread and live vicariously please?

sandsad Wed 29-Sep-10 20:30:55

oopsandbabycoconuts - I saw some little cake tins somewhere today - I'll have a look. Lakeland have 3 x 2 pint pudding basins with lids for £5.29.

My Good Housekeeping came today - with the 'get ahead' recipes. I am very much looking forward to my evening. grin

oopsandbabycoconuts Wed 29-Sep-10 20:36:11

Sand - so did mine, I like the look of the peppermint creams and chutney.

pinkpetrol Wed 29-Sep-10 20:38:08

i looooove this thread! Can i join the poncetastic club i have just spent an hour browsing all the lovely websites!

FellatioNelson Wed 29-Sep-10 21:22:13

loola where did you go for your wax? I need some wicks and moulds as I have been patiently saving all my melted wax from my lovely Kenneth Turner votive candles to re-melt and re-mould them with new wicks. Far too expensive and lovely scented wax to just throw away and the wicks burnt through really quickly.

oops [http://www.headcook.co.uk/catalogsearch/result/?q =silverwood+multi+cake+tin over here]]

aaaaggghhhh try again here

SunshineOnLee Wed 29-Sep-10 23:01:49

MrsTicklemouse - that has decided it definitely mini christmas cakes as presents this year, only iced on top I think and tied with wired ribbon as wide as the cake is high, hmm . . . .

LadyCad Wed 29-Sep-10 23:13:14

bladders, Toast pyjamas in this house, no guests you see.

oopsandbabycoconuts Thu 30-Sep-10 07:01:32

Thank you MrsTicklemouse - that is perfect I have ordered the 4 inch square ones and too much other stuff!

Sunshine - that is what I do and the little tins are use to cutthe right size icing and marzipan pieces for the top.

FoundWanting Thu 30-Sep-10 09:42:25

Blatherskite The garland is seriously poncey. Go for it.

October tomorrow so I feel I can let my festive ponciness run free without having to hide it from others. I've got a new notebook for all my many lists. Going to sit down and list, list, list.

Can't wait.

MidnightsChild Thu 30-Sep-10 11:10:28

Oh the Christmas notebook <yearns>

FoundWanting Thu 30-Sep-10 11:42:21

grin It is gold and shiny with a red ribbon page-marker.

Festive, no?

bobs Thu 30-Sep-10 11:48:20

"MrsTicklemouse" - re the Limoncello, I haven't made it before so can't recommend a recipe but there's loads online so just google it! Apparently you're supposed to use really strong vodka but I'm just going for cheap and cheerful supermarket's own smile. It's be ready by Christmas (hic)
Any other suggestions for boozy recipes gratefully received...

oopsandbabycoconuts Thu 30-Sep-10 13:33:58

The new Good Housekeeping has a few boozy recipes in it - let me know if you want me to post recipes

Blatherskite Thu 30-Sep-10 14:27:39

Does anyone have any utterly poncetastic home-made greetings card ideas that I could make with a 3 year old?

We've done upside down green handprints with sequins on for Christmas trees and cotton wool ball snowmen, I need inspiration!

oopsandbabycoconuts Thu 30-Sep-10 16:08:04

We did little white handprintd as angels wings and a foot (toes down) as her body, little pink face and a face - gold glitter halo - but we did have atiny baby last year a 14 year old's feet might be too big. grin

oopsandbabycoconuts Thu 30-Sep-10 16:13:08
FoundWanting Thu 30-Sep-10 16:14:29

Brown paint foot-print for reindeer face and red hand-prints for antlers. (Heel makes the muzzle end.) Draw in eyes with marker pen.

Blatherskite Thu 30-Sep-10 16:15:41

Who hoo! We made 'Hot Threads' on the roundup grin

PlumBumMum Thu 30-Sep-10 16:22:20

Oh can I join the farmer next door has just told me christmas dinner has arrived,

I am making sweet treat hampers for adults,
so far I am thinking of the list
white choc & cranberry fudge
ordinary fudge
malteaser crunchies
hot Chocolates & marsh mallows
(oh actually I wonder could I make my own marsh mallowshmm)
maybe homemade honeycomb

and was thinking of Bailies fudge but will need some tips, need to know how long it will last for

Might do christmas cakes if I have time

oh why did I see this thread

PlumBumMum Thu 30-Sep-10 16:29:35

oh and my credientials are I tutted in disgust at my MIL when she suggested I get a window seat made in bay window

ME: eerrrmmmm don't think so where will my christmas tree go????

she thinks I'm barmy

Lizzzombie Thu 30-Sep-10 16:33:08

Loving this thread.
Slightly gutted I will be 39 weeks pg and missing THIS so will have to make do with the Christmas Issue only.

I made my own stockings for DP, DS & myself 3 years ago. And...(get this for poncetastic) even cut out another stocking should another baby come along...which it will have done, by the end of November this year. <<smug>>
So looking forward to being on maternity leave over the festive period and going all out on the home made decorations. As I live by the seaside, I'm thinking driftwood type garlands with pinecones and fairylights.

Just wish I had a house I could actually fit a proper sized Christmas tree into!

PiggyPenguin Thu 30-Sep-10 18:53:00

I am loving those crochet snowflakes rnbsmum, but have only ever knitted before, are they tricky? They would go really nicely with my knitted mini stockings.

I really like your robins too foundwanting but mum has a bizarre fear of ornamental birds. Mad woman.

I am thinking of some gold bells tied on red ribbon, does anyone know where you can buy them?

Noofette Thu 30-Sep-10 19:43:34

Thrilled about this thread - Im pretty sure I qualify. Handmade cards, handmade crackers, handmade gift tags.

I spend about a week cooking for every stray family-less friend in London. I recommend they starve themselves for a week in order to cope with the volume of food involved.

I can live without presents under the tree with my name on them - but please please let me be the hostess with the mostess grin

Highly recommend making your own crackers - its very easy to do - and the kids can help (if you'll allow them near your masterpieces)

It also saves you a fortune - crackers are so expensive and not nearly as nice as a handmade one with a hand picked tiny present inside.

FoundWanting Thu 30-Sep-10 20:07:44

sybilvimes What about a reindeer?

FoundWanting Thu 30-Sep-10 20:13:47

Or a pudding?

PlumBumMum Thu 30-Sep-10 20:21:47

Oh why oh why did I click on those links I CAN'T CROCHET, I love them, they would even be beautiful little gifts for someone or attached on to present as part of the wrapping

sybilvimes I have bought goldbells one year in Homebase & another in BnQ only a few £ for a tube load

koekje Thu 30-Sep-10 20:38:30

I did this stamping of brown wrapping paper with red and green holly and star-shaped stamps some years ago, but foolishly decided to wrap presents before stamping to achieve the optimal aesthetic effect for each parcel.

The bad news? The paint soaked through onto the gifts...

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Thu 30-Sep-10 21:19:24

Oooooooh, am loving this thread.

I've already got the brown paper bags, ribbons and little bells for wrapping up the presents.

DH has been building our extension and my main input into the design was to have a power point outside for the Christmas lights grin

SunshineOnLee Thu 30-Sep-10 22:12:26

Oh Oops I want to make white handprint angels cards - and I have a baby so i can, hooray grin

happyland Thu 30-Sep-10 22:38:47

What a lovely thread, I can't wait to started on some of the ideas.
xx

rnbsmum Thu 30-Sep-10 23:44:35

How lovely are those reindeers Foundwanting?!! Marvelous! sybilvimes - I do lots of knitting but am very new to crochet so the snowflakes must be very easy if I can manage!

rnbsmum Fri 01-Oct-10 00:00:53

Am so sorry, clearly it should be "reindeer" without an 's' blush

PiggyPenguin Fri 01-Oct-10 07:54:39

Right, I so need to find someone who can teach me to crochet. It is obviously essential to my having a truely poncy christmas. Those patterns are fantastic foundwanting

Thanks for the tip on bells PlumBumMum I will keep my eyes open over the next few months.

My mum and dad turned up yesterday with a bucket load of sloes so will be buying cheap gin later. Is it ok to put them back into a screw top gin bottle?

DRT Fri 01-Oct-10 10:43:22

ooh, what sort of syrup?
Can recommend Mary Berry's Turkey Chin Chow recipe for left over turkey otherwise not usually very imaginative.

KathH Fri 01-Oct-10 10:47:30

We bought a new fire with a surround and hearth this year specifically so that I could decorate it with tat tasteful decorations and hang stockings from it.

Tippychoocks Fri 01-Oct-10 11:10:50

I found lots of poncetastic Christmas magazines in the charity shop yesterday so am having a good wallow. I am also eyeing up the Country Living Christmas book on the shelf - too soon?

My fireplace has progressed from a jagged hole to a neater hole and swept chimbley. Coming next week - actual heat! And a place to swag stuf too.

sandsad Fri 01-Oct-10 11:39:35

I bought the decorations for the fire place last year, even though we didn't know we were going to buy this house. But I knew we were moving and whatever house we bought was going to have a fire and somewhere for stockings to be hung.

And a hallway big enough for a Christmas tree.

Probably not everyone's criteria for making a property purchase grin

PiggyPenguin Fri 01-Oct-10 11:59:28

But every sensible persons criteria sandsad surely? grin

TriangleDeb Fri 01-Oct-10 13:08:03

Have finalised the design of this year's cards. Purchased the materials. Not started making them yet - any day now ;)

FattyArbuckel by tradition you should make you pudding on Stir-Up Sunday, this year 28th November (is a variable church date) so lots of time to research the best recipe. I use my Grandmother's recipe. Elderly female relatives are always a good place to start with this sort of thing - lots of make-do and mend experience!

TriangleDeb Fri 01-Oct-10 13:09:56

Have finalised the design of this year's cards. Purchased the materials. Not started making them yet - any day now wink

FattyArbuckel by tradition you should make you pudding on Stir-Up Sunday, this year 28th November (is a variable church date) so lots of time to research the best recipe. I use my Grandmother's recipe. Elderly female relatives are always a good place to start with this sort of thing - lots of make-do and mend experience!

barristermum Fri 01-Oct-10 13:21:50

Cracking thread!

But got so carried away with the festive fun I've just spent over £100 shock on the Cox and Cox website. I lost all control! blush

It is the first time ever I will be hosting Christmas for my folks and DD is nearly 3 so will be beyond excited. I am trying to decide what our Christmas traditions will be - can you decide these things or do they grow of their own accord organically?

But my most certain decision is to make my own bread sauce and not waste stupids amount of money on the infinitely less pleasant and more sloppy lazy buy from M&S!

OutnumberedinHants Fri 01-Oct-10 13:23:54

OK, F....Nelson,or BoysAreLikeDogs, please can you tell me how to do the rustic orange strings. Mine went mouldy last year in the bottom of the airing cupboard. Not very pretty.
I have however already made spiced plum chutney and crab apple jelly. And I have the hyacinth bulbs and pots ready to plant so they will flower at Christmas or soon after. I am also about to pickle chillis a la Sarah Raven.
V popular last year.

PlumBumMum Fri 01-Oct-10 13:48:57

rnbsmum I have just watched how to crochet on about.com, I can knit, so ermmm need a crochet hook, although I think I did learn how to crochet years ago

Tippy we got a new fireplace last year just before christmas I was sooo excited about decorating it

FoundWanting Fri 01-Oct-10 13:54:52

Bought a crochet hook this morning and have started a robin. Not difficult stitches, but very fiddly. I suppose the finished item has to be quite solid.

rnbsmum: your library will have a book about crochet, it is easier to learn than knitting.

I agree. You should never buy a house if you can't immediately visualise where your Xmas tree will go!

Aargh. Missed a page I got so carried away! That comment was to sybilvimes!

BinkyB Fri 01-Oct-10 14:19:46

I love this! Just wish I'd found all you fellow ponchos sooner.

I am excited about hanging up the garland I bought in Paris... Handmade, wooden, says merry Christmas in French which makes it seem much more poncetastic than just boring old English. We are hosting for 10 this year.

Anyway please can you suggest ideas for things my boys can 'make' (ie have minimal input in but maximum cute factor) for their grandparents, uncles and hairy godfathers..? They are 18 months. Last Xmas I made a twins calendar with photos of them that I'd staged e.g. Playing at Wimbledon for June (I even made a scoreboard), at school desks for September, making pancakes for feb etc. I can't top that but must try!

Will be making cards using their green paint handprints to make a Christmas tree. The kitchen will be destroyed in the process no doubt.

In laws will be getting truffles and chutney from me after all the recipes on here have inspired me - thanks!

barristermum - I am dying to be able to do my Cox & Cox order! I live in Hungary and they charge a fortune for shipping overseas but am going back to UK in 3 weeks and will be ordering stuff to be delivered then! DH will not be impressed!

What did you order??

Golly, this thread is making me feel a bit faint....

but I'm marking my lace wink

Trumpton's link at Fri 24-Sep-10 20:05:49 contains some seriously poncadelic letters, the US always go that bit further than the UK, no?

That 'p' is playing up again - place

SunshineOnLee Fri 01-Oct-10 14:54:43

Did we have a good truffle recipe on here yet? Am definitely making christmas cakes, little puds and I think truffles for presents.

BinkyB am in awe of your calendar

Still need suggestions how to decorate my fireplace.

Must be getting ahead of myself - I keep going into shops full of christmas cheer only to find they are full of halloween crap stuff

barristermum Fri 01-Oct-10 14:57:45

Buda---zone - I got the napkins on a roll, 2 sets of the angel place markings (thought 7 a very odd number to include - for a usual setting of 8 places you have to by more than one set or not give yourself a place marking!), lots of the window snowflakes, a nativity peg doll set for a goddaughter, the Christmas CD (I allow myself a new one every year as I have a ridiculously large collection), a blow football game (tee-hee), the wooden Christmas stamps for my daughter to run amok with, and the Christmas cake decorations for when I make my first ever Christmas cake! Woo-hoo!

On such a rainy day here in London, it has quite brightened me up!

barristermum Fri 01-Oct-10 15:02:29

Can I also suggest a post Christmas dinner alternative to the usual pudding - the ice cream version where you marinate dried fruit (esp cranberries - yum!) in alcohol of choice and then stir it with some chocolate buttons and slivered almonds into softened good quality vanilla ice cream which you then freeze in basin. You can then tip it out pudding-shaped after placing for a few seconds in hot water. It's not so heavy after huge dinner but looks fab (decorated with holly or something even more inspired from threads like these) and can be done in advance and require less bother than re-heating....

sandsad Fri 01-Oct-10 15:02:34

and the C&C pudding charms ...

barristermum Fri 01-Oct-10 15:05:49

ooh yes!

Blatherskite Fri 01-Oct-10 16:19:12

Ooh good. My issue of Good Food has arrived and includes a 16 page, make ahead Christmas Special. I'll let you know if there is anything good in it

Sounds good barristermum! I did a 'pretend' order and got to 160 pounds!!!! Some presents. None of the items you ordered and some general bits for house.

I might email them and ask when they need my order to ensure it arrives when I am in UK.

Wow this thread has got huge! I am making bunting tonight, either that or i might make a garland of Christmas trees and tiny stocking in my uber poncetastic material i have...

kellestar Fri 01-Oct-10 21:32:49

eveyone thinks I'm bonkers, I like to plan christmas so far in advance. I have most presents made. I love making little crochet star decorations in thread. They look so pretty. I'm on the look out for little glass baubles in all sorts of colours to go with the thread stars.

I've made runner bean spiced chutney, sloe gin and beetroot chutney. We've got our honey as well to go in the hampers.

I've crocheted hats for the kiddies and men and mittens for the ladies.

Card blanks made, making pretty wire stars with seed beads which I will then attach to the blanks.

I'm due DC1 on 12th December so trying to make sure everything is done. We are being cheeky this year and having Christmas dinner at mum's and boxing day tea at MiL's. Just don't think I'm going to be able to do a full dinner and cope with either baby/labour or being overdue

DH has poopoo'd all festive names though

I love cox and cox, never spent anything there, just in case I get carried away.

When I went to Montreal a few years ago for our honeymoon in June, I found a cute little chrismas shop and bought quite a lot of festive canadian accessorise for the tree and house. I have some really cute orange peel moose.

FellatioNelson Fri 01-Oct-10 22:04:19

Wow kellestar you is committed girl.shock Way to go.

swissmiss Fri 01-Oct-10 22:30:15

Just browsing about, saw this and thought it'd be an appropriate addition to this thread!!! Way out of my league but heigh ho!

I might just manage something out of here.

Or there's even this, i'm guessing for the real hardcore amongst you.

DoNotFeedMeBiscuits Sat 02-Oct-10 09:42:46

swissmiss Your third link arrived here in the post yesterday - does that mean I get to be hardcore and join the thread, or do I actually have to make it first?

swissmiss Sat 02-Oct-10 12:47:15

DNFMB dunno as I'm def no where near poncetastic enough to be gracing this thread wink what where you planning to do, prop the book up on the mantle piece and have that as your nativity scene

Astrophe Sat 02-Oct-10 12:54:00

Oh what a gorgeous thread

BUT...heres a challenge for you all. How does one poncify one's Christmas in the antipodes? Summer just doesn't lend itself to ponce nearly as well as winter does

Help ponce me up?

TechLovingDad Sat 02-Oct-10 12:55:29

Only read title, wronly, as I thought it said Fellatio for Christmas.

I thought it was a waiting list. Sorry.

sandsad Sat 02-Oct-10 13:25:51

Astrophe, I've had some fantastic Christmasses in Sydney, but usually ponced up with 18 course meals at friends houses!

It is very different, but wonderful in its own right. Spending the morning shucking oysters, drinking fizzy red (much more popular there and delicious), cricket on the beach ... thank you for helping me remember those happy days!

Astrophe Sat 02-Oct-10 13:44:47

oooh, yes, fizzy rose.mmm. Shall get some in. Not an oysters fan...maybe prawns though. In terms of decorating though, it always seems a bit false to fill the house with ginghamy/robiny/silvery/wintery decorations...and yet the bringht summer colours doesn't seem as Christmassy...

sandsad Sat 02-Oct-10 14:01:04

It may be deemed more tacky than poncy, but decorating the outside space can be lovely as the sun sets on Christmas day and you are feasting in the garden! Lovely candles, some tasteful lights.

A trip to the Sydney seafood market a day or two before.

Happy days!

FellatioNelson Sat 02-Oct-10 14:04:07

You'll have to get in the queue behind my husband TechLovingDad he's patiently waiting for Christmas too, as his birthday was ages ago.wink It doesn't do to spoil him too much - he'll start to get used to it. I like to keep these things for special occasions.grin

TechLovingDad Sat 02-Oct-10 14:42:12

Christmas AND birthdays? I got a wink and a cheeky offer on my birthday. I think the offer has a date on it, but I haven't been told what that is. grin

Blatherskite Sat 02-Oct-10 15:53:02

I have a great opportunity here - we're decorating hr lounge this weekend. Painting the walls off white and getting new white furniture. What colour do I accent it with to really set off my Christmas decorations?

grin

SunshineOnLee Sat 02-Oct-10 15:56:34

Red or purple?

TechLovingDad Sat 02-Oct-10 16:28:51

Gold.

FellatioNelson Sat 02-Oct-10 17:15:44

I love the way you feel you have to contribute to the serious issues on this thread now you've come on here justo lower the tone.grin

How long can you keep it up for?

FellatioNelson Sat 02-Oct-10 17:16:23

The subject of christmas decorating I meant. shock

DoNotFeedMeBiscuits Sat 02-Oct-10 17:23:25

swissmiss I was thinking of starting it with an aim of finishing it before next Xhristmas, but actually, I'd probably get the same amount of credit for your idea, as for actually making it!

TechLovingDad Sat 02-Oct-10 17:23:40

Sorry, didn't mean to annoy or disrupt.

sandsad Sat 02-Oct-10 17:26:42

dotcomgiftshop - not poncetastic, but Santa loves it.

FellatioNelson Sat 02-Oct-10 17:29:45

No, carry on - be my guest! You might get ex-communicated if you don't make it Poncetastic and Festive though.

Ooh, speaking of which, I found [[ http://www.find-me-a-gift.co.uk/knitted-willy-warm er.html these]] this morning, and though they would make charming home-made Christmas gifts for the men in your life, all you knitters.

FellatioNelson Sat 02-Oct-10 17:31:18

Bugger. here

TechLovingDad Sat 02-Oct-10 17:37:25

Too small, obviously.

I'll end it there, I'm in a daft mood so won't be able to contribute effectively. I'm in denial that Christmas is even happening this year.

sandsad Sat 02-Oct-10 18:23:51

Techdad, you'd do well to embrace the Christmas ponce and behave appropriately.

Might speed you up the waiting list with your OHwink

oopsandbabycoconuts Sat 02-Oct-10 20:55:14

All my Christmas pud fruit is soaking, I am doing 3 varieties this year drambuie, amaretto and brandy - YUMMY!

oopsandbabycoconuts Sat 02-Oct-10 21:06:01

I have just bought a couple of packs of these they will be perfect with white muslin around them tied with a pretty tartan ribbon.

Ohforfoxsake Sat 02-Oct-10 21:54:28

That is a really good price!
My pud and cake ingredients were meant to be here today but the online shop stuffed up. Was really looking forward to making them. But at least I can get the basins now. smile

loola2shu Sun 03-Oct-10 09:49:55

Fellatio Sorry it's taken so long to reply, I have been poncily making salt dough decorations with the DCs

I ordered with candlelights (co.uk?) over a month ago and paid a hefty £9 delivery, however I never received my goods and I have had no reply to any attempt at communication with them. I have had to raise a claim through Paypal. angry So I wouldn't bother with them. If you don't need much, maybe Ebay would suffice?

While I am here can I just share this homemade wreaths etc ideas How hard do you think this lot would be to do? May have to try!

TiredofTelford Sun 03-Oct-10 16:54:21

Oh dear, thought I was doing well in the Christmas ponce stakes with homemade Tablet and Clootie Dumpling but I see now that I am a rank amateur and will have to up my game. Christmas dinner is at mil's so how can I enhance my ponceiness?

becaroo Sun 03-Oct-10 17:08:09

I am getting the dc to make chocolate rudolphs and our own (recycled) wrapping paper...is that poncetastic????

OutnumberedinHants, sorry sorry for missing your post

dry the orange slices in the oven, very low heat, overnight

girlywhirly Mon 04-Oct-10 10:01:03

Made my own garland from a fake undecorated fir type garland, attached fairy lights, decorated with baubles, fake berries etc. Easily changed to a different style/colourway each year, and is unique in design. If you decide to do a fresh garland it will take a lot of time to collect all the foliage and cut it to the required sizes, and bind to the base cord or wires, so allow plenty of time! Bear in mind that in a home with children and pets, real berries will drop off and pose a poisoning risk if eaten, so fake berries are best. I make a table decoration from fresh foliage and flowers, usually with battery powered fairy lights woven into it, as they are safer than candles. But then our cat is fascinated by the tiny bulbs and tries to pick them out!

I also make my own fig and sherry mincemeat and sugar crust pastry for mince pies which sit in Christmas foil baking cases, and get the icecream machine out for proper vanilla (with egg custard and double cream) We have chestnut stuffing made from scratch, prepared in advance and frozen, and other veg prepared from fresh. I start a list in October of all the items I need. DH carefully studies the Christmas catalogue from The Wine Society, and decides which wines to buy. I browse all the Christmas home styling magazines for decorating tips and also good recipes.

I'm wondering how poncetastic it would be to have a Christmas throw for the sofa, or would it only be truly poncetastic if I made it myself?

Ohforfoxsake Mon 04-Oct-10 11:44:38

My Christmas gift to you:

BCW103

Use this for 25% off Cox & Cox.

grin

daddywillbehomesoon Mon 04-Oct-10 12:12:07

we aim to be fairly poncetastic but am in awe of everyone on here!

am starting to plan at the moment - teeny tiny issue is that we moved to SA in jan and all our lovely decorations (we went all engraved glass last year) are packed in storage. And decorations in SA are not poncetastic at all.

Am thinking of country christmas - lots of red and white gingham, salt dough stars with ribbon etc. managed to stock up on lovely red and white gingham wrapping paper 3 months ago - always try and use something like that for the ds's gifts and stamped brown paper with raffia for adults.

christmas is going to be mid summer so no big trad roast dinner - am totally stumped on food already!

Would a chilli tomato jam (homegrown tomatoes and chillis) be acceptable enough for gifts does anyone think? with lovely labels etc.

DH is santa each year at the ds's nursery but schools finish too early here (2 december) to do that so we are throwing a christmas kids afternoon before everyone goes away to the beach, and the big man will show up then I think.

I'm well and truly in the delia camp for christmas pudding and cake. am aiming for rustic iced cake this year with child assisted nativity scene on top.

dinkystinky Mon 04-Oct-10 14:00:40

I am a novice ponce (as admitted up the thread somewhere) so v excited to find a craft shop in london that will teach me how to unlock my inner xmas ponce here Let the craft making extravaganza begin...

BinkyB Mon 04-Oct-10 14:33:37

Those of you making your own cards, have any of you found nice brown paper envelopes and cards? I can only buy white locally and think brown would look more rustic poncetastic.
Merci

MummyBerryJuice Mon 04-Oct-10 17:44:58

Why oh why have I only found you ladies now? (Clearly do not spend enough time on MN!) I am new to it but have always been a Super-Ponce in my heart of hearts. We will be in South Africa with my family for Christmas but I've already made some chutney and the sloes are in the freezer.

Can I join please?

PiggyPenguin Mon 04-Oct-10 18:29:55

Upped my ponce-ness this weekend by making sloe gin and learning how to do those gorgeous crochet snowflakes linked to earlier in thread

ohforfoxsake - now I obviously have to go an order those window stickers (and probably loads of other stuff) so thank you from me - but not dh!

Having read this, I really need little bells for wrapping. Anyone seen any?

I also need a kilo or so of tiny buttons to make decorations - any ideas?

Ponces off briefly

TPF - John Lewis haberdashery

I spent a FORTUNE in there on saturday

FellatioNelson Mon 04-Oct-10 19:53:47

Yes, I've ssen bells. Buy they are round the necks of the Lindt chocolate reindeers. You'' either have to eat an awful lot of novelty chocolate. Or take up partial shop-lifting.

If anyone sees a report in the local paper that some crazy paerson has been going into supermarkets and removing all the bells fom the chocolate reindeer you know who to blame.

MummyBerryJuice Mon 04-Oct-10 21:25:45

Daddywillbehomesoon I have just realised that you have moved to SA. I am the fount of all SA poncetasticness, as I have been doing SA Christmasses my whole life! (Last year was my first year in the northern hemisphere)

You are right the decorations (as much else) in SA is dfinitely not poncetastic, unless you do an 'African' theme - think wire tree.

Hand made beaded decorations perhaps made by AIDS charities.

Family at home still does a traditional dinner (for this Nigella's bucket is imperative as you will not find a fresh turkey and will have to make do with frozen) but we have it on Christmas Eve as a late dinner. Thus avoiding the worst of the heat. Christmas day it self is spent around the pool with delicious salads made from left over turkey and ham.

Someone mentioned the Christmas pud icecream earlier in the thread - this is a must for a successfully festive pud in the warm weather.

Whereabouts in SA are you?

FoundWanting Mon 04-Oct-10 22:17:56

Poncy-poncetastic ponce alert!

I have made one of these.

A bit smaller than the pattern says, and I used embroidery silk for the leaves and berries for a shiny, christmassy feel.

I am so pleased.grin

Oh vair vair poncey. I like a lot.

girlywhirly Tue 05-Oct-10 08:25:02

There are bags of assorted sized jingle bells in Hobbycraft now, quite a lot in a bag. Lots of 'blank' hanging ornaments to decorate yourselves in wood, papier mache, ceramic and glass, nice if you want to personalise them.

I would caution you against their make your own cracker kit though, I bought one last year and the card shells are very flimsy and break easily, even before they are pulled. Although last year they sold bags of snaps so that you can make from scratch like Kirsty Allsopp did.

Bit shocked at Hobbycraft Christmas fabric prices, £10.99 per metre!! Am thinking about buying a plain throw and customising with applique/embroidery/beading for the sofa.

Someone wanted buttons, markets often have a haberdashery stall, lots of buttons, bundles of gold and silver ribbon etc.

OMG - I have all these knitted puddings, Santa and snowmen - vintage don't ya know wink.

Tbh I thought my mom knitted them when we were little because we were poor shock.

grin

MummyBerryJuice Tue 05-Oct-10 08:53:21

girlywhirly I like the idea of applique cushions. I'm thinking plain bold colours in the same vein as these Boden baby tops. But with 'Christmassy' theme

Perhaps more suited for children's room though?

Blatherskite Tue 05-Oct-10 11:18:23

Oh I wish I could crochet! I need a Christmas pudding bauble!!

Astrophe Tue 05-Oct-10 11:43:15

Really love the chrochet bauble too envy. Can't crochet though.

Christmas cake making ladies - advice please. How often, and how much to feed the cake? I made my first ever on the weekend

Also, while I'm here - I used Delia's recipe, which said not to check cake before 4 hours. Luckily I did - it was ready by 3 hours. Anyone else found this? Or was my oven just too hot?

PiggyPenguin Tue 05-Oct-10 11:59:44

Apostrophe, possibly it was a bit hot. I made my first Delia christmas cake last year and it 7 hours. Then dh accidently dropped it and it smashed all over the floor. The second took about 6 hours I think. I think it depends on how boozy you want it with regards to how often you feed it iyswim?

Astrophe Tue 05-Oct-10 12:25:50

wow, 7 hours!!! What temp? (I got the recipe from the internet, so perhaps I took it down wrong? Think it said 140.)

So, with the feeing, are we talking, weekly? Monthly? daily? A table spoon? 1/2 cup?(sorry, clueless)

Astrophe - I feed mine every Sunday, I use a large syringe (50ml?) I got from the vet (clean and fresh BTW ) and just squirt it on in stripes making sure I don't forget the edges I do the Delia one too and it takes about 4.5 hours on average.

PlumBumMum Tue 05-Oct-10 14:16:49

Ok today I went out and bought 2 crochet hooks so getting this thread back so I can try some snowflakes later
I keep telling myself IF I CAN KNIT I CAN CROCHET, please tell me its true

and I'm going to get some felt and make some decorations in the christmas cupcake style, but mine will be puds!

PlumBumMum Tue 05-Oct-10 14:19:42

TheProfiteroleThief I buy the bells for wrapping presents and the last couple of years I have bought them in B&Q or Homebase can't remember which, maybe both