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We're watching Finding Nemo and my three year old asks (not sad, very happily) where Nemo's mum is. Well, Nemo's mum is eaten by a big fish in the beginning of the movie (I've always fast forwarded this), what is the right thing to tell her? When do children start asking about death and how do you explain it to a three year old? Any advice would be great.
Why can't you tell her the truth? Death is a part of living and I feel that it should be treated normally just as birth is. At 3 she isn't going to be able to realise the permanence of death or that it causes sadness. She is likely to accept, " the big fish ate her" without further explanation at her age. Children do tend to have a period of being afraid of death and dying but not usually until they are older.
We do talk through the scary stuff in films sensibly too though. And have explained our cat dying in 'truth' terms - it's just that, handily, you can skip the whole issue in Nemo.
(PS she does get 'miss the cat' and that it is sad, but that you can remember and mummy and daddy can give her cuddles etc).
When my dd asked about it, I was pretty matter of fact about the death of coral like Layla just posted. When she asked why, I said that alot of animals and fish eat other animals and fish to live. I also say that Coral has gone to the fish spirit world, so there is the idea that she has just gone somewhere else... and that she is remembered and not forgotten.
I told DS aged 2 (now 3) that the big fish ate her. He was fine with that (although his bath toys do regularly eat each other now, so I may have created a monster)
I told 3yo DD1 that a big fish came and ate her and all the other babies apart from Nemo she doesn't mind that bit but theres a bit in Garfield where Pooky the dog gets lost and she always cries at it.
The whole point of the film is to explain why marlin is overprotective of nemo. skipping the first bit is just pointless. its a fish eat fish world. Mind you my kids love those wildlife programmes where animals eat each other.
this actually reminds of the friends episode when Phoebe finds out her mother cut all the ends of films short to protect them from the sad bits. poor Phoebe couldnt cope with it all in a typical Phoebe way lol.
I told my dd the fish ate her but my dd now insists the shark spat her out and the mother is lost somewhere. She is just 3 and has been asking about death quite a lot. Questions like "Will I die?", "Does not for a very, very long time mean never?", Does it hurt when we die?", "Do our bodies go black when we die?"
I try to tell the truth but I don't want to scare her.
dd3 loves 'scary' bits in films. she sits there yellign at the tv, and is very very funny. 'awww poor fishy got eaten' 'why is that lion biting that other animal'
she also has started to ask for the birth programmes on discovery home and health, and yells 'puuuuuuuuuuuuuush' at the ladies on there. (i watch with her)
misdee - sounds like my DS. for a while there he was a big fan of Walking with Beasts, and we had to react scenes such as "the shark eating the monkey". needless to say, I always got to be the monkey.
watching nemo in our house is a disaster...only lasts out 20 mins with all the skipping chapters...first bit where mummy and eggs are eaten...bit with sharks...bit with scary angler fish...i also skip the scary bit at beginning of monsters inc...always starts on chapter 3!
I am a wimp though, i cried at Jaws when they killed the shark - the sea was HIS house mummy!! Oh and at pepe le pew, because he smelt bad he would never get a girlfriend and be really lonely - so as you can imagine, bambi and nemo, with dead mummies all over the place - not a great idea in this house
