We were in MOthercare just now, where they have one of those hideous ride things that eat money and bounce the kids around for 10 secs. THe children were sitting on the new ITNG one, whinging for money, I was a bit distracted looking at summer pyjamas, trying to find two summer pairs that weren't going to disintegrate in the tumble dryer. Anyway, next thing I know, dd is having a ride on the thing.

I said to ds1 who is 6, 'how did you do that?' he said 'I got a pound' 'where?' 'from your purse.'

So I read them the whole riot act, didn't get the pyjamas they wanted, got them into the car, gave them the whole lecture about stealing, it being wrong, going to prison for stealing, in the old days children would be hanged for stealing blah blah blah (was really mad), and ds1 suggested he could give me the £1 back from his money box. I said that would be a start, and he is prepared to do this. But do I need to follow this up any more? Or should I just let it go? I'm going to get them to tell dh what happened, and he will be angry - I don't want this blown out of proportion - ds1 didn't try to deceive me about where he got the money from - but he did take it from my purse when I had said no.

Any thoughts? Thanks!

Ds1 has just come down and announced that he has tidied his room - he is obviously trying to do penance...

i wouldn't be as angry as you are and tbh, if DH is going to be very angry too i would be concerned that your children will think twice about confessing in the future.

perhaps an explanation of why not to do it and no pj's would have been enough

I think that you might have got the message across. I like your response to your ds1's offer of giving you the pound back "that would be a start!" And telling dh will be the rest.

I would have been v. angry too, but it sounds as if they have learned their lesson, which is what you want, isn't it? And all credit to your ds1 for owning up straight away.

But if he ever does it again . . .

A young boy has voluntarily tidied his room?
I think you've made your point!

Oh dear. i can understand your frustration, but my initial thought was - what a resourceful chap.

Perhaps he didn't thinkof it as stealing, more of a way to keep the little one happy without disturbing you. He probably thought he was being helpful. I wouldn't expect a 6yo to really consider the contents of your purse to be yours and not family proprty (ifykwim). I'd try to explain that he shouldn't take money from purse without permission (as money is needed for essentially etc) and leave it at that.

Agree you've made your point - no need to carry it on imo

I wouldn't mind them doing this. It shows spirit. I'd probably laugh and then ask them not to do it again

I would be inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt and hope he was just trying to do a nice thing for his sister?

your riot act has obvisouly worked hence the room tidying, he told you the truth when he asked and is willing to pay it back from his own bank

I'm not belittling it in any way but he is being a wee bit of a sweetheart?!?

sorry - probably not what you wanted to hear

Agree with the others - you've been very straight - he's got the point - and you've got a tidy room out of it!

If he's repentant, I'd emphasise the positive to dh about how honest he was and how hard he has worked to pay it back. End it all on a good note.

Come on, it's not that bad is it?

Come on, it's not that bad is it?

i think you have said enough to deal with it.
if it was the first time ds1 did steal anyhting then he is unlikely to do it again.

I'd give it a rest now, talk to him normally at bedtime and let it go.

they are here to test us!

I agree. Tell him you appreciate his honesty, take the pound and leave it at that.

i think no more punishment needed

you have explained your reasons and they have apologised

no need to continue if gone out and mugged someone i could understand keeping this going

but child done silly thing and has now been told apologised and feels upset as you cant seem to let it go

i know its upsetting and stealing but still young and now understands it was wrong

keep yourself quiet for a while and dont keep the punishment going sometimes we have to know when to draw the line and think you have said and done enough already

speak to them calmly again and explain why you got so mad then kiss and make up and say you dont expect it to happen again

it's hardly stealing is it ? he is 6

Ok, have calmed down a little now, it is good that he owned up straight away. What made me mad was that having said no, he thought the solution was to get the money without me seeing. I think he does understand that it was wrong, which is the main thing. They are all being very quiet and good now...

Part of me being so cross is because everything is so expensive atm that we are trying REALLY hard to save money, and I had just had to buy him some new sandals for £24, and I know £1 isn't much, but those machines are SUCH a waste of money!!!

Anyway, thanks for the responses, I think they are all good suggestions, and I do appreciate that being TOO cross may have the adverse effect and make him not confess in future. I think probably a calm chat is needed to iron out what was wrong about what he did...

I agree that it's not stealing. I think you have benn a little bit ott

notjustmom - I think it is stealing, 6 is perfectly able to understand, I had said no, but he took it when I wasn't looking. But obviously not the sort of stealing you would report to the police, no!

sorry I think you were totally OTT. He's just a child. A gentle No and explanation probably would have sufficed I dont think you needed to get into hangings etc. Sorry I dont mean to sound harsh I just think it was a bit OTT.

It's just a bit chheky, I wouldn't say in his mind it was stealing

No, the hangings was a bit ott...but was really cross!

yes, a nice calm chat.
" DS, mummy is sorry for being cross but i was upset that you took the money when i had asked you not to. money is important as it is what keeps us in our house and food in our tummies. please don't do it again darling"

give him a cuddle and don't tell dad

i know how hard it is when money is tight, but little ones don't understand it and thats the way it should be

I would have been furious too and probably would have done exactly the same as you. I don't think you went too far at all.

true, but then I need him to know that he can't just take my money when I've said he can't have something. He understood what he was doing, he is nearly 7, and he is an intelligent child.

However he is trying to put things right. And he is not intrinsically bad, but I do need to be able to trust him to know that if I've said no, then it is for a reason.

tortoise - i understand re stealing but i wouldn't think it was malicious, it's just a kids trick

I'm going to get him to tell dh, but tip off dh not to get TOO cross - then ds1 has to put into words why it wasn't right, and hopefully he will then remember.

No I don't think he was malicious, just not respecting my 'no'. So he needs to understand that there are consequences to actions.

I wouldn't get him to tell DH tbh. It's over and you've dealt with it. You've punished him, he has shown he is sorry. If you let it carry on it will appear a much bigger deal than it is. As another poster said, it may make him think twice about owning up to something in the future.

yes absolutely, i agree he needs to learn there are consequences. and only you know your DS

make sure you give him a cuddle though tonight

I agree with Meemar. I do think he was really naughty though but it is over now.

Personally I wouldn't bring your DH into it. You have dealt with the situation, he has made amends and obviously now understands what he has done wrong. I would now let sleeping dogs lie

Well, we've had a calm chat, he came and had a cuddle, we talked about it being my job to teach him what was right and what was wrong. I DO think it's important that he talks about it with dh, so we will do that - not so he gets a second bollocking, but because I don't want to get into a whole 'don't tell dad' scenario, which could easily escalate in the future. However I will make sure he doesn't get too mad.

It is so hard being a parent sometimes - I said to ds1 that if I didn't love him then I wouldn't care about what sort of person he grew into, but that I did love him, and I wanted him to be a good person, and that was why I got so cross. He is being very cute now, lots of cuddles etc, so I don't think he is traumatised. I just hope he understood the message, and didn't think 'haha, got away with that one nicely'.

For what it' worth, I think you are doing brilliantly.

did he know taking money from your purse was wrong? I think you have told him off and he has tried to make it right by offering you a pound. I would say that was as good as the legal justice system. I think he is reformed

oh bless him. well done tortoise

cosima, I was so mad, I was trying to calm myself down in the car by reciting in my head the 4 aims of punishment that I learnt for GCSE RE - retribution, reformation, protection and rehabilitation...don't ask me why.....

Thank you savoy!!

he sounds like a lovely little boy, and you are doing a good job

check where you put your purse to stop it being stolen by a pickpocket - putting it where it's hard to get could a good outcome from this

hate those machines - such a waste & expensive

I know I am probably the worlds softest mum but I am allowed cos my lo is only 12 weeks, But I also teach teens who are excluded and are really naughty!! and they have had such hard lives with parents being so horrible to them and telling them off and punishing them since such an early age and consequently have such low self esteem and I just think its important to get some perspective
and teaching children that people are forgiving and generous and light hearted is important and certainly at least if not more important than teaching them what is wrong. And I always have to stick my oar in on these punishment threads I just hate these how should I punish my child threads it makes me so sad. I would want to go on one of those stupid machines if I was a child

Cosima, I guess everything is affected by perspective! Dh and ds1 have had a chat now, and all is now settled, he has given me his £1, and understands that the thing he got wrong was taking it when I had said no. He is also being very sweet, so I think he knows he was wrong. He is basically a sweet boy, just sometimes drives me mad!

But, to quote Anne of Green Gables, tomorrow is a brand new day with no mistakes in it yet!

Oh tortoiseshell I wasn't having a particular dig at you, I just like to stick my oar in for all those parents that punish their children too severely for tiny things

Make sure he gets a cuddle before bedtime . Never go to bed on an argument .

i think you went a bit ott with the hangings and going to prison cos it wasn't that sort of stealing but otherwise i would handle it the same as you.

tortoiseSHELL I am impressed that you can remember your GCSEs and quote Anne OGG!

Think an apology and you getting the £1 and a tidy room is amazing (makes me think I have a lot of work to do!) however the real answer would be to have not let dcs realise those things move.
My lo don't seem to realise that and are just happy to sit there.

Of course the best answer would be for Mothercare to get rid of them

Well, ds1 went to bed happy, we are still friends! But I think he has learnt a valuable lesson (I hope). Thank you for all responses!

there are FIVe main aims of punishment from the gcse and i've been trying to remember it. I usually teach it but have forgotten and only been on maternity leave for 5 months! Did you have Deterrence?

oh tortoise, your boy sounds really lovely - tidying his room. Bless, you must be doing something right

aha, deterrence - that would be the other one then!!!

lucyellensmum - thank you! All is forgotten today, as I really don't like these things carrying on into a new day.