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Mine doesnt but she will one day. If its on a route where lots of parents/kids do it then he will be fine. all the kids that do so at our school our watched by us mums (and if the kids aren't sensible that has been known to be reported back!) its good prep for senior school - if you give him a bit of independence at this age he will cope so much better when he is a bit older I think.
Well, DS2 (8) and DS3 (10) have been walking to school and back home alone (a five minute walk) for the whole of this school year with no problems whatsoever, unless you count having to be sent back for missing coats and trainers. You're doing the right thing getting him used to more independence before he goes to secondary school. I've not been aware of much criticism from other parents - they generally approve. It's a good idea to let the school know what you've arranged - they tend to like to know, and it should ensure your DS isn't kept at school one day because a teacher doesn't believe him when he says he's allowed to walk home on his own.
Our twin 9 year olds walk home alone (5 minute walk).
They will be fine. Most children are hit, burnt , abused and mistreated sadly by someone they know in their own home. Out and about is often the safest place to be yet people get so worried about children being out. It's good for them to learn how to cope with risks. Children of 5 and 6 walk to school alone in Germany I believe.
Worrying is normal. I worried about letting my 10 year old walk five minutes to and from school, but she is 6 months later quite responsibly playing out with hr friends for an hour or so after school.
The deal is...always know where you are/know your route (so you can make a quick getaway if needed), stick to main streets, never ever use the alleyways, and if you are staying out, then make sure you have a friend with you. Safety in numbers, yadda yadda.
In our area, there are so many children walking to school at the same time, and they all know each other, I think it would very be difficult for an abductor to pass unnoticed.
I was very happy to let dd (10) and ds (7) walk together last year; sadly, dd is now in a wheelchair (no! not a school-walking related incident), so I have to come out to push her.
Tbh I'd rather they started practising independence before they get to secondary school, while they're still sensible... IME 9yo haven't quite developed that teen idea of being invincible.
here in Japan, all children walk to school on their own from age 6. In Tokyo they ride the train/subway/bus from that age... I know, its a different country and much safer here in general, but it gives them such a feeling of independence and confidence. Your DS will be fine.
mine didn't go to school at this age cos they were home educated but they did walk to shops and round to friends house alone. I was pretty nervous at first but they enjoy it. Now they are 14 and 12 and catch a bus into town for school and the ledest (now 16) was catching trains all over the country alone at 13.
Where I am children walk to school from the age of six. They often walk together with other classmates and not alone.
Prepare you son for the walk, and tell him if he see somebody he knows from his school or class, he can go join them so he doesnt have to walk alone. Tell him about not walking out into the street, and make sure he knows how to cross the road safely. (Get him a mobile phone for emergencies and your reassurance if you can, with your number on speed dial)
Mostimportantly, tell him: If a stranger in a car stops and drives slowly next to him, run away. If the driver opens the window and start talking to him, even if it is asking for directions, RUN. And do never go into somebodys car, if offered sweets, a ride, etc. EVEN IF HE KNOWS THEM. He should just say "nah, its ok, I want to walk" and walk away.
He'll be passing a high school, so there are lots of teenagers around at that time of day. I'm not sure if that makes things better or worse. - When I've walked passed at that time of day, they have all been well behaved, but seem to have no road scence at all!
I gave him the lecture of not getting into anyones car, even if he knows them. (With the exception of one of his grandparents).
I did wonder about a mobile phone. Would it make him safer? I'm imagining him being mugged for a £10 phone. I'm quite against mobiles for chidren. I really can't decide on this one.
He will be fine. Mine DD does and she's just 9. I admit she walks with a friend most days but not always. However there are always plenty of other children and parents going to school on the same route. That helps.
He'll only be mugged for his phone if somebody knows he's got one iyswim. When dd was still walking, but her joints were wobbly, she had a hidden mobile in her bag so she could call for assistance if her legs suddenly went. She knew it was for this purpose only, so did not bring it out at school. Not even her closest friends knew she had it.
Ds (nearly 9) walks alone occasionally -- usually dh takes him, which I do prefer, but mainly because it's nice for them to have the time together.
But he can walk by himself, has gone on the bus by himself (I put him on at the bus stop) and could in an emergency come home on the bus by himself (less keen on that, as it involves crossing two roads). From September (Y5) he will probably come home by himself more regularly, rather than going to after-school club which he hates.
My (just) 10 year old DS has been walking back from school some afternoons since September, 10 minute walk, only one biggish road, lots of other mothers and kids. He's very responsible, he's never been late. My heart was in my mouth the first few times, but now I relish not having to do the pickup! He loves the responsibility. He doesn't have a mobile because I'm pretty against them. He knows that I am dialling 999 if he is not ringing the bell 20 minutes after school ends (I wouldn't really, but it's just to impress upon him the importance of not fraying my nerves by dawdling). I have become strangely cool about the whole thing, and am considering letting him cycle to the barbers and back by himself this afternoon.
Your DS will be absolutely fine.
DH wants him to do a 30 minutes bus ride back from tennis at 6.30pm on his own. I think the top of my head blew off when he suggested it. Mind you, DS was taking buses around London on his own from the age of 7, so he and I are coming from different places on this one.
Dd1 walked with a friend from Y5 onwards -- it was a shorter journey (different school) but contained one nasty road with a dodgy zebra crossing. I'm happier with ds's journey, as it's safer even though longer.
My 8yo dd does sometimes, it's a 5-10 minute walk. She's dreamy and vague but I think it's quite good for her, even when she forgets what she's doing she always arrives at home or school sooner or later.
The main problem we have is the other parents worry so sometimes she comes home accompanied by a concerned friend's parent.
I used to wal home from school on my own - from about 6. I don't think the "bundling into a van buy a sex pervert" crossed my Mum's mind. The thing she worried about was traffic (which is much worse now then it was then of course). Everyone went to and from schoo on their own - there wasn't any of this huge crowds of parents hanging around the school gates.
My DSs are 4 and 6 and then maight as well walk on their own as they always run on ahead of me although they do stop at the roads. I can't wait for them to manage on their own although some of the roads are a bit daunting - especailly in the morning
Mine walk to and from school on their own. They are (just) 9 and 10, but have been doing so occasionally since they were 7.
It's about 0.6 mile and there are several small roads to cross, and one rather busy one.
Now they sometimes also go down to the library on their own (or together) after school or at weekends to use the PCs for an hour (ours is doddery). It's great for them to have some independence.
In summer ds1 will have to walk/bus/walk to secondary school in the next town on his own, so he needs to be confident to be out alone.
dd has been walking home on her own for a while now - she's a year younger than your ds (but it's only 5-10min walk). Sometimes she asks us in the morning to come and get her - the novelty has worn off!
Like Fennel, it's the other parents who are worried, and if dd's bringing home a friend we usually go and meet them.
He will be fine. Good on you for letting him do it when so many people can be disapproving and judgemental. I too think that giving them independence at this age is much more sensible that waiting until they're in their teens.
My son (10) goes to the local shops by himself (5 mins away, 3 roads to cross). School is a mile and a half away, and he doesn't have a bike at the moment, but once he does he will be coming home by himself. Pretty soon we'll probably let him go to the cricket nets at the park with a friend (across a horrendous road).
Of course you worry, and that's normal, but it's all outweighed by their happy faces at having done something by themselves and their growing confidence - makes it all worthwhile!
My point is that unless he wants to buy drugs, nobody is going to sell him any. Lots of underage kids buy fags and booze in corner shops as well, but I'm pretty confident my nearly 9yo would prefer to spend his money on sweets full of e-numbers and a copy of the Beano.
Erm... I grew up in West Berlin, drugs capital of Europe. I used to step over or round junkies in the station at that age. Oddly I never felt the need to buy any gear myself.
Ridiculous scaremongering!! No, heroin addicts are not born junkies in the gutter but most have social or mental healthproblems before they even try the stuff. Recreational use doesn't start until they are teens and the predatory pusher is a largely mythical figure
No, but kids don't randomly start doing drugs. They start because they are hanging out with other kids doing drugs, and it seems like a good idea to join in. Not because some random drug pusher accosts them on their way home at the age of 9.
I'd be more worried about the big kids hanging out on the corner stepping on him than offering him drugs. If you're an uber-cool 15yo, 8yo are practically invisible, along with 30-something women pushing buggies.
The real risk years for taking drugs and having dodgy sexual experiences are the early secondary years. And from what I can see of dd1's friends, the kids most at risk are the ones whose parents exercise only minimal supervision and haven't taught them how to handle freedom and make good choices.
apparently walking past a secondary school is the new gateway experience. Kerry I was a kid once and yet amazingly I was not existing up to age 18 with the intelligence function of an amoeba.
If your child would be tempted by drugs by the simple action of a) being out of your presence and b) offered it I think that is an issue to look at at home.
My 14 year old travelled to school by minibus and train in the presence of children always 13 and over and has managed to abstain.
I am not niave. But I know that my influence upon my children exists when they are outside my physical presence.
I love you dearly Kerry but whilst you are entitled to your fears for your child it is unreasonable to dismiss everyone who does not share those fears as niave. I am not niave about my boy. I am a pretty tough mother ( in a Penelope Keith type way not a gangsta rap way) but I don't share your fears about my kids moving around independently. DS1 takes DD ( age 5) to school on Fridays and she will be walking to school on her own as soon as we feel it is appropriate for her to do so. Your concerns are understandable but don't be rude about those who don't share them. Play nicely or you have to go to your room.
Kerrymum - no-one can tell you what to think but do you seriously believe there is a pervert on every corner and a drugdealer outside every high school waiting to pounce?
At what point do you think it is safe to allow your child out alone?
Last year on the road at the top of our estate a white van pulled over and tried to force two girls walking home into said van. They escaped.
There is a man on our estate who offers candy and booze to the neighborhood kids (I have heard him myself) and asks them to come up to his flat. He sits in his window all afternoon watching the kids play.
Just down the road is a man who has painted the window frames of his house bright pink. Last year it was baby blue. He walks up and down the road chatting to all the children. He recently has put up a sign on his house that states he has cctv camera on now....
my kids are outside playing now.
they get plenty of fresh air and sunshine. I am not hovering over them.
Kerry your howm town sounds quite frightening. What is the cctv camera thing mean? Do the police have his house under surveillance? in which case why would he put a big sign up about it or was he forced to?
Well he came home, safe and happy. KerrMum, utill last week I would have agreed whole heartedly with you. The last time the media reported a 9 yo girl missing, I smuggly commented that my children don't go missing because I drive them home.
As I mentioned earlier there is a long story behind why we are letting him walk, but actutually, it was much more lovely to be able to walk home with DS2 and his friend than drive around the corner, get dd out of car, get dd, DS2 and friend into car, go to ds1 school, pick up ds1, come home, all arguing and hot.
DS1 said he saw his "friend" Todd who goes to the high school. Aparently he's in y7, DS1 knows him from junior school, and apparently he lives a few door up from us. Personally I've never seen Todd, but you never know, he may have some drugs in his blazer pocket.
I don't worry about DS1 and drugs.....he doesn't even eat sweets because they are bad for you, and god forbid anyone who might smoke! DS2 is another matter, though. We are already putting away money to pay for his visit to the Priory.
Kerry, at what age would you let your children walk home from school?
DS1 was just 11 when he went to high school - on the bus, I couldn't take him because I have to take the other two boys to primary.
Had we not let him walk home from school during that last year whilst he was 10 (admittedly slightly older than lynette's DS, he would have been facing a completely new environment at school AND the prospect of walking half a mile to the bus stop, etc etc.
Or should I have totally freaked him out and shown him up in front of his friends by taking him round to the bus stop in the car/god forbid walk him round?
unknown when my DS started at his senior school ( aged 11) we had a welcome meeting with all the boys and parents. One boy's mum put her hand up and asked how he would get home as whilst she would obviously travel with him on the coach to school how would he travel back - would a teacher travel with him ? The boys are now in their 4th year at that school. When he turned up for the rugby tour meeting one boy shouted out " blimey x did you come on your own ?" poor boy
Oh dear Lord. That poor boy. Mind you, it doesn't surprise me. It reminds me of the weeping mothers in the playground when their children go off to school residential trips. You'd think they were going on the Kindertransport or something instead of to a lovely centre with kind teachers FOR TWO NIGHTS.
just reading the drugs bit. My two lads catch a normal city bus into town of a morning, one is 14, one 12. No-one has ever tried to sell them drugs. In fact, my doctor told me to get canabis cos of my MS and I cant farking find any!). There's probably drugs in their school but they aren't interested. Even dd1, who lives in London and is 16, and walks to school through Ealing, thinks drugs are for stupid people. My main worry is cars. Drivers are lunatics and teenagers are often in a world of their own but I just lecture them preiodically. You cant cotton-wool kids. they develop street smarts by doing it.
dd2 of course, has an escort in the taxi that takes her to school and will have till she's 18. But I don't think cerebral palsy is a worthwhile price to pay for that little luxury!
It's a bit like diving off a high board, letting your DCs have freedom of that sort. It terrifies you in prospect but once it's done you feel liberated. And the longer it goes one without mishap the more convinced you are it's the best thing you ever did. My 11 yr old goes everywhere on his own know - with his bike or skateboard. It means he can see his friends when it suits him rather than when it suits the rest of the family. If he wants to do one thing and my 5yr old wants to do something else, both can be made happy. He's started going kayaking on the canal recently off his own bat because he can go while we are dashing around doing Saturday morning chores. My 9yr old DD has some freedom but not as much but I am confident that she will have it when she gets old enough.
You are actually making them SAFER in the future by letting them have some freedom now because they will develop a nose for something not being quite right--people acting oddly, etc. Then, when they're adults commuting on the tube or something, they'll know to change carriages because there's a nut-case on board, or not to walk down a particular dark alley, etc.
Children who've been mollycoddled won't have developed this instinct.
riven DS2 has an escort on his transport too. I think that having a child who will never be independent really clarifies how valuable and just wonderful independence is. It is a particular type of freedom isn't it.
Last year I caught DS2 heading very slowly down the drive, hands clamped over his ears heading to town. He was so very scared but so wanted just to be able to head off on his own. I caught up with him and we had a chat and a hug but it broke my heart. He is 11. The same age at which his brother started 'big' school and heading off to town on his own. there are risks of course but we should teach our children and minimise them. But I think sometimes there are worse things in life than risk. I think our children are starting to pay for our fears with their childhood. There is nothing in life as exhilirating as being a child heading into the world on their own. We know what a loss that is don't we
KerryMum, surely more people get hooked on drugs when they're 16 or 17 than when they're 9? So does that mean that you are not going to let them go out alone when they're nearly adults? How do you imagine you can keep them safe if you never let them make their own decisions? IMO most children are more open to safety advice before they hit the hormonal teens and think they know it all, so it's a good time to get initial training in.
Surely the number of well-brought up children from functional families who start taking drugs at age 9 is exceedingly small. Children who start that young on drugs are almost always from troubled families, with bad models in their immediate neighbourhood. Walking from school alone has nothing to do with it.
beinf the over protectiv emother that i was untili met dp, ds wasnt allowed out of my sight really until he was 10, the second time he was allowed out he fell of a 20 foot high bridge and nearly killed himself - literally, i blamed dp (i didnt really) for trying to instill in me that i couldnt keep ds wrapped up in cotton wool for ever
dp was however right, despite what happened
my lesson - by not allowing him any freedom i created a child who decided to test the boundaries to the extreme when he finally got some freedom
aged 11 he started walking to school, although he didnt start this until he started secondary school, he has met friends along the way and now has company most of the way, he is 12 and in first year of secondary, i also let him go to town with his mates on the bus (although he faces the embaressment of having to home home every hour on the hour)
