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Mumsnet Discussions: Relationships : I'm trying to be tolerant but its hard (11 messages)
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Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By Cormier on Thu 15-May-08 14:16:19
My partner moved in with me 6 months ago and ever since I have tried to be tolerant of his habits but I'm finding it so hard and it depresses me because I wonder if I'm actually meant to be with someone or be alone for ever.

Everytime I buy milk he pours it down the sink for no reason at all. He'll open the bottle, says it smells funny and pour it all down the sink. He does it every time I buy any so the kids nver have cereal for breakfast and I never have milk for a cup of tea. I have told him to leave the milk alone or if he thinks its off (which it never is) to just leave it for us anyway, he doesn't have to drink it but he won't, he insists on throwing it away before anyone has had a chance to use it.

He also pokes holes in the bread so "see if they're still soft". He does this as soon as I buy them too so before the pack has even been opened the bread is full of holes and finger marks. The last one it looked like he'd been kicking it around the room, it was all mashed up, the bag was ripped and all the bread was squashed together. I get so mad but he makes out that he's being normal and I'm being a drama queeen and he's actually had me wondering if it is me or him with the problem.

He stabs holes in the potatoes to "see if they're bruised" but obviously once they've been stabbed and left they go manky anyway.

I know it sounds trivial but should I really have to put up with this from a 33 year old? My mum says it sounds like he's doing it on purpose to get to me but why? I don't understand.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By hullygully on Thu 15-May-08 14:17:22
You have gone too far...never over egg the pudding.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By mumblechum on Thu 15-May-08 14:18:47
Sounds barking.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By Tanee58 on Thu 15-May-08 14:20:30
This is weird behaviour. Have you thought of getting him a separate fridge for HIS milk, bread and potatoes?

Or just get yourself a separate man grin!
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By Brangelina on Thu 15-May-08 14:21:10
Has he got weird food issues? I suggest a lock on the kitchen door...
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By AttilaTheMeerkat on Thu 15-May-08 14:46:02
Cormier

What's he like in other areas of your relationship?. This business with the milk and other food sounds controlling in nature.

Whose idea was it for him to move in?. Was he pushing to move in with you?.

I would personally start thinking long and hard now as to whether you think there is any sort of future with this man. This is not good for your children to see either - what if they start copying him?.

You don't need this behaviour or him and nor do your children.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By littlewoman on Thu 15-May-08 14:54:19
I have some very peculiar issues with food, to be honest, so I can understand to some extent his peculiarness.
However, I also know that whilst care is sensible with food, the lengths I go to are ridiculous. I do know that. It sounds to me like he doesn't know it, and it would benefit you all for him to find out.

I don't think he is doing it to wind you up (of course, I don't know the whole relationship, but I know I certainly don't do it to wind people up, yet my behaviour did wind up my xh enormously and I had to try to modify it).

Is there any way you can sit down in a calm moment and ask him to explain his issues about food. If he is to change, he needs to admit his behaviour is not normal and that you will support him.

Attila is right, children do pick up on this behaviour. That's why I try to control mine in front of others.

On behalf of us food nutters, sorry he is annoying you
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By madamez on Thu 15-May-08 14:59:21
THis is the behaviour of someone who is not entirely psychologically sound. Either he has some form of OCD or he is a potentially very nasty abuser: the fact that he doesn't drink the milk but deprives your DC of it rings major alarm bells with me: the worst sort of abusers keep this kind of unacceptable behaviour up constantly while telling the partner that she is the one with the problem.
Tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable and he can either get some counselling or pack his bags. End of.
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By getmeouttahere on Thu 15-May-08 18:57:07
hmm is this for real ???
Contact the poster Contact mumsnet about this post By hullygully on Thu 15-May-08 19:01:33
clearly not. puddings and over-egged.
Contact the poster See this person's profile Contact mumsnet about this post By littlewoman on Thu 15-May-08 20:58:12
Oh, well, if the post is hmm I'm so glad I just announced to all and sundry that I am a nutter!!


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