Podgelet you have been incredibly brave and i don't think anyone could shoot you down.
Keep thebag somewhere safe and i hope he can make the changes you have asked.
Good luck.

so sorry this has happened to you. I do hope this works out. I also think that you should get out now as odds are it will happen again and you and your kids deserve more.

I hope this works out for you- but please be careful! I have been in that situation and no matter how many times they say they will not do it again/that it was YOUR fault/that you made them do it/that they are sorry and love you (yes, I`ve heard it all), they WILL do it again, because they know they can get away with it.

Please stay safe.

You sound like you know what you want, so good for you.
By his actions he has made himself the person lowest on your priorities - and thats his problem.
Look after yourself and post if you need any support. X

you have your head screwed on hope your ok xx

Hi podglet...proud of you chicken and he has seen just how strong and serious you are.....a lot of women would just back down and then walk on eggshells til it happened again....he has seen just what you are capable of and wont take any sh*t!!! you keep that confidence at its highest hunni...so proud of you!! and yes...I agree with what was said above about making sure he sees someone ASAP...no good putting it off til nxt wk or the wk after..it'll get brushed under the carpet!

thinking of you xxxx

well done podglet you are incredibly brave and strong

excellent idea re the bag and the money - probably store them somewhere that he knows nothing about though

stick to your guns girl - you are amazing!

Podglet - well done for being so clear with him about the support you have sought and why, and I am pleased he has responded.

I agree with the time deadline...and would suggest that you ask him to stop all drinking within that time.

Good for you - there is no reason to bail out if a constructive solution can be found. You are taking a brave step, and if your DH wants to save your marriage, you have given him a wonderful gift by giving him this chance - you deserve for it to work and I wish you the very best of luck with it.

Podgelet - don't forget I am in Colchester and available for coffee and a large shoulder to cry on if you need it. Keep strong.

I think you've done really well podglet. Stick to your guns and make sure he gets the help he's promised to get.

I hate to ask this, but would a DNA test help put the parentage question to rest once and for all?

Podglet - what an amazing woman and mother you are. And what an amazing resource of wonderful women Mumsnet is.

Just checking in and sending you lots of love !! for what its worth i think that you have made the right decision! but it must never happen again and if it dose then you realy must leave ! xxxx

Good point TPL. We all know how a combination of pressurised GP services and a disinclination to make that call can get in the way of making tricky appointments.
Do make him stick to a deadline, podglet, please.

Hi Podglet

You have been so brave and strong throughout this, I am really impressed. Can I just make one small suggestion? That you set a very tight deadline for this help your H is going to get, and for improvements in his general behaviour or attitude? Because otherwise you may find that tomorrow becomes next week, next month, next year etc. People with alcohol problems (my dad did and he also made his own home brew - it is often a sign that things have progressed quite far) don't usually seek help quickly and you don't want to risk this ever happening again. There will be a weekly AA meeting local to you, make sure he attends it THIS week, and sees his GP, as a minimum.

Best of luck

I don't think you should keep the bag in the house keep it at your mums and enough money hidden in a bag/ coat to be able to get a taxi to your mums. Don't tell him about the bag or the money.

oops - I meant his paranoia - not that there was any doubt that your ds is his!

I really admire you - sounds like you're doing incredibly well and keeping it all together. Look after yourself though and allow yourself to get upset, tired etc over the coming weeks.

good idea re: emergency bag and cash - will your dp know about it - I think he should, so he knows you'll be out of there with the children if anything ever happens like this again.

does your dp realise it's the bigger issues like stopping being so ridiculous over your ds's parentage that also needs to be tackled? Can you both get to some counselling?

Good luck anyway and keep posting.

You have a good exit strategy there Podglet and well done for telling him everything you did.
Keep that fund topped up and promise us that you will follow through and throw him out if he ever does anything like that again.
Has he made an appointment with the GP to discuss anger management and help with his drinking?

Hi Podglet. You are being very strong and very brave and I admire your determination. You seem to be doing what is right for you. You did well to discuss everything that you had done with your husband, so that he knows that you have somewhere to turn to if he ever turns on you again. Keep being strong and as the other posters have said I hope you never have to use your emergency bag.

I'm shocked you are allowing him to stay but it is your decision.

He hurt you really badly at a time you needed it the least, a time when he should be loving and supporting you the most

Love is blind.

I really hope you don't get ground down by his verbal abuse (which is also unacceptable and not good for your dc's to hear so please make sure he stops that too) and find yourself so weak the only way you can get out is with counselling and ad's.

Please keep coming back here so we can help to keep you strong x

Emergency bag and cash a very good idea. As otter said, hope you never have to use it.

And well done for being so honest with him and saying exactly what you have done

Hi podglet

as long as you are happy with your decision thats all that matters. It might be that you can work this out but at least you have logged the violence and made it very clear to him that its unacceptable.

Hope you never have to use the bag either xxx

Morning,

So, we got through last night. He came home and asked how I had been all day. So I told him what a rotten day we had had, dreading him coming home, very teary etc. Then I told him exactly who I had spoken to / left a message for. He was so chocked, it really hit home what he had done.

So, long story, lots of talking later, rightly or wrongly, he is staying here. I have told him that he needs to sort himself out, get help with the anger / drinking etc and he has agreed. I think I dealt him a real shot across the bows by what i did during the day. I have said that even one step toward any form of abuse would see me and the children leaving.

I have packed an "emergency" bag which I hope to God I never need and today will be taking some money from my savings for an emergency.

I know I am probably quite mad for agreeing to this so please don't shoot me down or judge me. I have printed this thread off to put in the bag with all your advice on.

Podglet, wondering how you are this morning and how it went with not-d p last night? Hping you are coping OK.

Podglet, only just saw this through our AN thread. I'm so so sorry. Thinking of you and please say if there's anything more practical we can do - seriously. Am so proud of you and the strong steps you're taking for you and your babies. C xxx

My sister recently left a man who tried to strangle her so badly that she had to stay off work for three days until the bruises died down.

He also smashed a glass and stuck it into her arm and back badly after she stood up to him for verbally abusing her.

She refused to go to the police (or even to admit this had happened) for a long time, so we contacted the police to report this on her behalf.

The told us that the strangling was actually classified as attempted murder.

He was also an alcoholic, like your partner.

Please don't stay with this man podglet - he has opened a door here that you can't close, and it is very likely things will get worse.

Onebatmother-
spot on. Harsh but so true. Whatever it does to Podglet staying in this relationship it will do more damage to the kids. Sad to say, but you owe it to your children to get out (or get him out) I know it's easier said than done but you have to stay strong. xxx

I've only just got home and read your email. I hope things are starting to look brighter now. I'm here if you need anything.

You sound so strong, I'm so pleased you have had this recorded. You can get through this.

Its not your fault and you are not to blame for your partners bad behaviour. He has a problem and it will continue and you may suffer at the hands of this man, unless you act and do something soon. I have been in a very similar situation and it does get worse. You Must find the courage to seek help and either leave this man or get him to some serious councelling and anger management training, If he will go. Wishing you lots of hugs and positive vibes and hope things get better for you. Dont let him bully you, be assertive, stick up for yourself. Any more aggression and call the Police. He needs to stop his bad behaviour and NOW !

Please keep working towards a more permanent resolution podge as i know how easy it can be to trick yourself into thinking they've 'got the message' or are 'truly sorry' and regret their actions...some things are unforgivable and require bold action.

Your husband was verbally abusive before he became physically abusive and he sounds like an alcoholic. Do your children a favour and make sure they're not exposed to such damaging behaviour. You cannot have a relationship with this man and he certainly can't be trusted to supervise or be around children with such unpredictable behaviour.

You are right to want to stay in your house but please don't let property rights become an issue that threatens you or your children's physical or emotional safety...i'm not in any way judging you and have no idea how i'd react in your situation- i am just worried that by being in the same house with a man who has called you horrendous names (grounds for divorce alone, in my opinion), beaten you up and has a drink problem, you are exposing yourself to more harm. Please be safe x

Another 'well done' from someone else who would've saved herself much grief if she'd dealt with a similar situation with as much strength & determination.

Chin up...

Absolutely.

Well done for getting so much done! you are so brave and strong. You are an inspiration.

podge dear - it's really nothing to do with what he's drinking. It's to do with him, and his capacity to STRANGLE you. Please, please get out, right now.

You have dealt with everything so bloody, bloody brilliantly. But please don't consider smoothing things over.

I've thought long and hard before posting this, because I know that it is scary. I am expecting to be flamed for this. But more than one woman just like you is murdered every week. By a man that no-one has shopped to the police, because he doesn't look like a murderer. Doesn't look evil.

Every week, small children are left
motherless.

The statistics say that your situation is not going to get better. The statistics say that your situation is going to get a lot worse.

As someone else has said, his abusive behaviour appears to have fixated on the paternity of your oldest child, and - though I know it's hard to bear this - your ds is already suffering from you being involved with a man who abuses you (and him) by questioning whether he's his father. He is likely to suffer a lot more, because the statistics show that men whose insecurity cause them to question paternity are likely to physically and emotionally abuse their children, or worse.

The long-term impact of this situation - believe me - is so MASSIVELY worse than you leaving right now, that I can only express it in capitals.

If you leave now, DS might say 'mummy, why doesn't daddy live with us?' If you don't leave, he will pretty soon stop asking you anything. Because he will be too emotionally scarred to bear the answer.

Please, for your sake, and for your ds's, get out now. This is not going to get any better.

Sending lots of love and hugs your way podglet xxx

GOod luck. You can do it. YOu're doing really well already and things can only get better.

well done Podglet, hope you can stay as strong when you see him tonight!

Just to add my support, glad you have some support in rl as well as here.

Thinking of you Podglet, you're doing all the right things.

Very proud of you for having the strength to do the right thing. it's very brave and takes a hell of a lot of courage. Well done and I hope that you feel strong in his presence tonight.

Good on you Podglet. You've done the right thing.

He'll hit your kids one day too, if you don't stop him now.

Bset of luck.

Podglet - what a hellish time you're having, sending you lots of love and support. It sounds like you're being brave and doing the right things, well done you, I can't imagine how hard it is. Keep your chin up and know that you deserve nothing but love and respect. Hugs xxxx

Podglet I really admire the way you're handling this. Your last post sounded so strong and determined - hope you hold on to that feeling when you see him, keep it up!

I'm glad you're doing ok and are planning to get him to move out.

If you fancy a break away though then you'll always be welcome in boring old Wellingborough

just popping in to see how you are and and tell you how ace I think you are for doing something about this. He doesnt deserve to have a lovely wife and DCs xxxx

My DP has a father who sounds very similar to your H, he denied that his DD1 was his and was violent etc towards both the kids and DPs mum. It was only when he nearly killed DP's mum that she left him. DP still gets upset about it now and worries that he'll become like that.

thinking of you podglet

you've been really brave and strong to get all this done. you should feel proud that you have acted like this when it may have felt easier to just brush it all under the carpet. stay strong and good luck. keep posting.

good luck sweetheart((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

stay in your home and maybe when you are ready, maybe you might think of moving to a new home and making new happier memories for you and dc's. good luck sweetheart xxxx

so sorry for you podglet.
My ex tried to strangle me when i tried to stop him smacking our DD just for getting water in her wellies!!!!!
He wasnt physically violent before but did get verbally abusive sometimes. He had been drinking vodka and smoking pot that day. he swore it would never happen again and i gave him another 3 months.
but every time he lost his temper i flinched, every time he had a drink i walked on eggshells and eventually walked away with DD because i wasnt prepared to live under the shadow that it could happen again.

Unfortunately i tried to keep it quiet for HIS sake until DD blurted it out to my family as she had witnessed the whole thing.

stella is known as 'the wife beater'.

Nothing excuses his behaviour and it is appaling that he shows no remorse or has apologised.

do think fully if you can live with the stress of 'worrying about another attack'. it is hard starting over but surely it would be better to be happy and feel safe & secure.

good luck

Sorry I haven't been on to update but been doing tea time / phone calls etc.

My HV rang back to check I was ok (she is quite lovely) and by this point I had left msgs for the womens refuge and the Domestic Violence unit lady person. The womens refuge rang back and I spoke to the outreach worker who talked me through all sorts of things and left ms her direct numer to call again if I wanted.

The police lady was not on shift but they have logged that I have called and she will call me next week during the day. I didn't want her to call at the weekend incase DP was / is around.

I have decided to stay here for the time being. This is mine and my children's home and I am not upsetting them by leaving and taking them somewhere strange. If he wants to move then he can. I have had an apologetic email and phone call but I have said it is not enough and we will talk more when he is home. If he heads straight for the bottle then there is no discussion. He can drink elsewhere.

Incidentally, it wasn't stella (he won't drink it because it makes him nasty ) it was home brew cider at around 8% - he had 2 litres of that plus a vodka then a glass of wine. He is big (6'4 and 18 stone) and i'm not (5'3 and um, not 18 stone) and he was terrifying.

I won't be back on here tonight but I promise I will update again in the morning.

well done for talking to the HV. Did you speak to the police woman? Stay strong - you and your children deserve to feel safe in your own home. Email/ring me if i can do anything at all xx

oh crikey podglet

please ring the locksmith, tho they may charge for call out fee. if you are a tenant, ring your landlords (or landlords agent) and see if you can get them to do it.
i'm sorry i can't offer any more advice atm but i will keep popping back in. (((((((((((((((((podglet))))))))))))))))))

YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Podglet - so sorry.

Have you rung the police Domestic Violence Unit? I am sure they will be very helpful - and contacting them may help you with the non-molestation order Freckle mentions. Freckle is a lawyer v experiecned and sympathetic in thse matters!

I do think it is very very bad that he isn't even sorry and is blaming you for defending yourself

just popped back in to say i am still thinking of you x

Podg hunny...how awful for you...I am so mad for you and also very upset for you....was hoping to see that he crept like a vile slimeball and overly apologised NOT that it would make a difference...ffs he HIT the mother of his children and his wife!

I just popped over from AN thread to offer my support and to say all of the advise on here is overwhelming...what a lovely lot of ladies...it's very touching to see all of the support.

What time is it due in from work?

Please hun...take note of the things said on here (((hugs))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Well done Podglet, glad you've done something about it. Definitely think about the locksmith. Also, do you have a neighbour with a big strong husband just in case he turns funny? Forewarned is forearmed (and a good forearm comes in handy )

Praying for you...

I see my message has been removed - I hope you've made a note of my mobile number I'm usually awake all hours of the day and night, and ALWAYS have my mobile with me - just ring it ANY time if you need to.

Well done on ringing those numbers

Podglet - we were going to have a meet up once, with JARM and it got cancelled. I am in Colchester too, and I am on your facebook I believe. Contact me if I can do ANYTHING to help. If you FB me, I can give you my mobile number.

So sorry this has happened.

Wow, you're really brave well done.

podglet, well done. You've done all the right things. Thinking of you, good luck.

Podglet I don't any advice for you but I think you've made a brave step in consulting the HV.

I think you should tell him to find a flat and stay in it - your children are at risk, even if he never hit them, they will still suffer dreadful damage if he around them and doesn't change. And he's v unlikely to change, imo.

How did the phone calls go?

Podglet, I'm so so for you.
Just wanted to send hugs to you from the AN thread.
I can't imagine what you are going through but you have had some excellent support and advice on here.
Do you what you need to to protect yourself and your kids.
Thinking of you
X

Podglet, I just want to echo what everyone else has said about leaving now, and say how sad I am that your relationship has broken down so quickly. I would very seriously caution you against ever accepting him back if you decide that this is it. Men like him just get worse if you give in to them. He is abusive (and frankly I don't give a flying monkey what he was drinking- whatever it was didn't make him be violent to you, merely exacerbated what was already there).

He needs counselling, anger management and a raft of other things.

You need to feel safe, and to be rid of this man who will only ensnare you further if you give in to this "isolated" incident (no such thing imo, it will happen again and get worse each time). He has already been abusing you for some time, in the way abusive men do, by trying to break your self-esteem. Has he told that no other man would even look at you yet? I know he's made references to your weight, but has he told you are ugly and lucky to be with him? They always do eventually. Tossers.

Bad timing I know, but sadly not worth spending any more time with. My sister and I often wished we could kidnap her ex, drug him, and have "ABUSIVE MAN" tattooed either onto his dick or his forehead, or both, just to warn other women.

Keep photographic evidence, text messages, voicemails, anything that evidences any past or future abuse. If you have any bruises, take photos of them. Honestly, you will be glad of it later. Follow the advice on here about saving important documents by posting them somewhere safe, and please please get yourself out of there and safe, preferably before he gets home. You may feel safer with the devil you know, but honestly you are not. Take care of yourself.

podglet,
i just hope you will be alright..
talk to your close friend/relatives abt this matter if you can trust them and dont let your dp hurt you again..

xxhugsxx

I can't believe that he placed the blame for the hits to the head on you because you tried to get his hands from round your throat! So presumably, if you'd left his hands there and let him strangle you, he wouldn't have hit you .

Change the locks, report it to the police and get a non-molestation order asap.

locksmith is excellent idea...

podge- listen to your instincts, if you're feeling weak speak to people or log in. Don't let yourself slide back into a relationship with this man. You don't deserve to be in this situation at all and i hope you find your way out if it- there are alot of people willing to help you so please let them.

Podglet, I just want to say I think you are handling this so brilliantly.

Great that your HV has called and you're getting on to registering this . It must be so hard but you ARE doing the right thing

Hi Podge. I am another Colchester girl and I know Eeny, Pooter and PF. I have just read through the thread. I am going away on holiday tomorrow, but if you need anything today, I can help. Email: hjscho at hotmail dot com My Mum is coming over later, so she can have my kids whilst I do something for you if you want...let me know.

PLEASE contact one of us if you need anything.

Ok, HV has rung. She was quite helpful.
She has given me the numbers for the local Womens Refuge and a Police Officer who deals with Domestic Violence. They both give advice over the phone.

She also has to log the call on my record.

This is so hard but I know I am doing the best thing for the children. Even if I end up letting him back in and we patch things up (believe me, am not at all sure I want this) this is on record, god forbid, it should happen again.

Am off now to ring those numbers.

got your email podge - PLEASE contact any of us to talk to if you want to!!! The offer of help stands. I really dont think you should be around this man nor your children. Am thinking of you!

I've worked in the Pub industry and Stella does have a bad reputation for making people violent.. still doesn't excuse what he did.

Be safe Pod and please, pleas go somewhere safe.

I would call a locksmith and have someone with me when he returns then call the police if he starts threatening you etc

He hasn't even said sorry (not that it would be good enough if he had!)

You shouldn't need to go elsewhere you have your dc's you have just had a cs you need to be in your own home and feel safe.

You need to sort out being safe then worry about everything else later - believe me i really know how hard this is (I was abused for 2 years before i finally ended it and I was in counselling for 1 year before that, my ex called SS who visited and told me if I got back with him then there was a chance my dd would be put on the at risk register because i would be putting her in harms way.

My best friend stopped speaking to me because she was so fustrated wiht me for not leaving - in a way she did the right thing because i needed her more than i needed him I needed her to make me choose plus I had very good friends who practically babysat me so I didn't phone him and beg for him back!

Looking back I should have kicked him out the first time and it would have been easier, the longer I put up with it the harder it got to get out. His family begged to take him back but I told them "if you love me and dd you need to keep him away from us and let us leave and have a better life he will never change and I can't do this anymore"

I know he has probably worn you down verbally over time and he has chosen the time when you are at your most vunerable to do this, you must show him you are still strong and you can manage better without him there!

We are here to help and support you please don't think you are alone.

Podglet,

I am not too far from Colchester. You are welcome to come and stay at mine if that helps you at all. I will come and collect you before your DP gets home if you want.

Please call or email if I can help you at all.

Podglet I'm so sorry to read this i hope that you are OK (well as OK as you can be) and that you get some support from you mum soon. I have nothing constructive to say but im sending you lots of love and Hugs please take care xxxxxxx

Is the HV aware that you needed to speak to her fairly urgently? It may be worth ringing back if you feel able to, and leave a further message explaining that you really do need to speak to her today.

Don't worry about CBeebies - it's educational and good for him.

Don't forget to look after yourself, have a hot drink and a snack if you feel able to.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Can you hassle the HV?

Have you tried the Women's Aid helpline? The waiting must be awful

Hi,

HV hasn't called back yet
DS in front of CBeebies again

Called the walk in centre and they have said that they don't need to see me unless my headache gets worse / blurred vision etc. But they have logged my call.

Pooter, I have re sent the email. Got the end bit of your address wrong. I am ok at the moment, beginning to worry abit about later and what to do.

Well done for doing something about this. I hope the HV is able to really give you some help and positive support.

I was beaten up by my x and i never spoke to anyone at all about it at the time (not until I met my DH and fell apart). As a result i dont think i've ever really got over it and still have frightening flash backs. I dont have any practical advice to you other than, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF and make sure you talk about it to help get perspective. His behaviour is not acceptable and there can be no excuses.

You're doing really well.

GG - Stella is called Wifebeater in the UK too. I do think there is something in Stella but I don't think it can be held responsible for this behaviour.

A person is responsible for thier actions. One of the actions may have been drinking strong lager, but they are still responsible for it.

If a person was to get behind the wheel of the car and injure another person, they certainly wouldn't be using alcohol as an excuse.... why should it be any different for DV?

Hmm, my ex always used to blame the Stella too... very convenient!

I don't want anyone to think I am being flippant here - I am most definitely not - but it stuck me that in Scotland, Stella is actually nicknamed "wifebeater" because it is implicated in so many cases of domestic violence. I certainly don't believe there are "chemicals" in it though that "made" him do that!! Madamez is right - it is the man, not the drinking of beer.

I have to say, DH goes funny on Stella. I have no idea why or what's in it, but he does get more argumentative.

BUT......

I don't think that it can be used in this situation. Even in DH's worst tantrum, he'd never hurt me. There is a line, and I do feel that it has been crossed.

Plus, Mr Podg isn't even the slightest bit sorry - that (IMHO) is almost as bad as the violence itself. He's actually trying to make out that, if Podglet hadn't tried to defend herself, it wouldn't have been as bad.... That's creepy.

Plus (and I agree about families etc) if I called any member of DH's immediate family and told them that, they'd be over like a shot - as would mine if DH called them about my behaviour. I do find it a bit worrying that his sister had a little think about it and then decided not to come....

anyway, Podglet, just know that we are all here for you and all ready to do anything we can - whatever you need.

My e-mail addy is YCBS @ fsmail . net

YCBS xx

My Ds dad and I drink Stella fairly often. Neither he nor I get physically violent with each other or anyone else when drinking it. It's not the beer that makes him do it, it's the fact that he's a wife-beating arsehole that makes him do it.

Oh FFS. 'chemicals in stella' made him violent and nasty?
Stella is a strong lager. Not in the league of tennents super or special brew but stronger than most. It's not 'the stella' that makes a man verbally or physically abusive, it's the man, under the influence of strong lager. Don't make excuses, please.

Thinking of you Podge, keep posting. X

I have no advice for you as the situation is out of my experience, just hope you can find a solution that is best for you and your little ones.

I have to say that if my brother beat his wife and she called me,I would be 100% on her side - and my brother is one of my best friends! There is no excuse for your partner's sister not willing to help you.

Blaming the beer sounds convenient. A good kind man who thinks well of his wife would never turn on HER, no matter how potent the beer.

I've just remembered. A couple of times I did try to phone the police, I ran in to the downstairs loo with my mobile. My xp grabbed it from me and holding my mouth shut with his hands really forcefully he then flushed my mobile down the loo.

Oooooh the bad old days.

I know what you mean about the stella - my BIL also reacted really badly to it - but the most that got damaged was a door frame, not my sister's head.

Podglet, sounds like you're doing all the right things, keep the momentum going, get all the RL support you can and please listen to the stories being told on this thread from women who've been through it. You've really got the chance to make sure last night was the first and last time he'll ever be able to do that to you. Loads of love and strength to you.

podglet at your awful DH!!!! How are things today? I skim read your thread, and agree with the others, this is totally unacceptable behaviour. You need to get help. Is this the first time he has hit you?
Not that it means anything, but was he drinking Stella Artois by any chance??? (It's known as 'wife-beater'). Before we were married, DH had a night of drinking Stella and was horribly verbally abusive to me (it was a week after we had got engaged). He didn't hit me, but his words were very harsh and very out of character for him. We luckily realised it was the Stella and he vowed never to drink it again, which he hasn't, and things have been fine. He actually gets very embarrassed when I remind him of that night.
I am in no way excusing your DH's behaviour, but if he has been drinking lager like Stella with chemicals in it, it could go some way to explaining his behaviour. Also, I was reading a leaflet the HV gave me and men can get PND too. As I said, I am in no way excusing his diabolical behaviour but am mearly trying to give some explanation for it.
You poor girl, I hope you get some support from your RL friends and family.

Keep us posted.

Podgelet so glad you are following through telling somebody.
Am that he wasn't even sorry and tried to blame you.
I can understand his sis not wanting to get involved but she could have let you know so you weren't on your own all night.
Please tell your mum and ring the gp back and explain they will get you an appointment , even if it is tiredness / stress it's on record then.

Just came across this message, please Podglet, do not put up with this behaviour.
And there are no excuses for it.
You do not have to put up with this and neither should your dc's.

The first time my xp put his hands round my throat and pinned me to the wall was when dd was 6 months old.
A couple of weeks later he attacked me again, this time though he slapped me and pushed me onto the floor, then proceeded to slap me some more and threw me over various items of furniture, threw a wine bottle at me then put his hands round my throat again and then threatened to kill me, needless to say the police were called that night, I moved all my stuff out the same night and that was an instant end to our relationship.

No matter how bad 'his' day has been, you do not deserve this.

Please get some help and get your lovely dc's out of there.

I don't think there is any excuse for putting his hands round your neck, and saying he wouldn't have hit you if you hadn't struggled when he put his hands round your neck, well that's just lunacy really isn't it????

I think most people would struggle if someone had their hands round your neck................

to hit you that hard too, and so soon after giving birth, what if he'd knocked you out then fallen asleep. Who would have tended your baby when she woke, as they are wont to do at that age????

I really do think you need to record this incident with the police, telling them what happened does not mean he'll be arrested or anything, but then when/if it happens again they will see it in your record and it will make your case stronger.

hi podge, i havent had an email from you - maybe i typed it wrongly - DutchOma has my correct email address. Would you like some company today or would you like me to drive you to your mums or stay with you while the HV comes - anything at all.

Podglet i'm sorry this has happened. I am another who has been through this and another who is saying you need to get this on record somewhere (which it sounds like you might be doing, big, hard step so well done).
My story in brief is that I have to let my ex see my son despite him verbally, emotionally and physically abusing me and my son. I was too scared to say anything to anybody but because I haven't the courts will not believe me.
Can't really say anymore I'm rubbish at these sorts of things but please keep talking on MN and take care of you and your children.

podgelet I'm just adding my support too. I've been through this. Please please please tell someone, your HV is a good start, and then please find the strength to tell the police, because he will do it again. Even if you leave him now and never see him again, he will do it to another woman, and police records of past incedents could help.

You are strong and you will get through this. You deserve much much better, as do your little babies.

podglet - ive nothing to add other than support. You need to get out, as other people have said he will do it again.

so sad that you were on your own last night. You do need to speak to someone and get it logged. so sorry for you honey xxx

QS is right. You can do it.

I think you should call the GP back and tell receptionist what has happened.

I remember sitting in my GPs surgery when a young woman came in wearing her PJ and her dressing gown, tangled hair, blood down her mouth, she could barely walk, clutching her back with one hand, and a baby under her arm.

Both receptionist ran to great her and took her into a room on the side.

I think receptionists are trained to handle every possible scenario, withoud judgment, but professionalism and care.

A woman having been abused through domestic violence would be first line of priority.

Take care of yourself.

I sort of expected that from his sister. She would have divided loyalties, you have yourself to rely on to help you out. YOU have to do it. And you can.

nothing to add
Just adding support
Good luck

Hope you're ok now - can't believe you were on your own last night

email gwenick . taff @ ntlworld . com if you need anything

keep strong

You could call the doctor's and ask to speak to one and then ask them to see you at your house.