So looks like I am a lone parent now.
I moved out at 2am on monday night, after xh finally admitted he was seeing someone. I took my son to my mums, only stopping to key his car and his 2 thousand pound guitars.

I actually think he is going through a mid life crisis or nervous breakdown or something. He is not coping with life at all, spent no time with me and ds etc et cetc

His new woman is 10 yrs younger than him, and is ME 10 years ago. We even look alike. He has told many people it nevr got physical, and they only met twice outside work, etc etc, and he is quite possibly telling the truth.

But now he is pushing for separation, our house sells in 3 weeks so he has to find a flat, and all I can think is that when he is alone, guess who will be there with him. I want to hurt him as much as he has hurt me, and the urge to go and kick her ass is SO strong I might just do it.

TBH I dont hink he knows what he wants. I dont know what I want. I am looking for a new house for me and ds.

Please tell me it will get easier.

i can tell you that you don't have tosell the house sweetie

tell him to fuck off and get a flat with no equity

he has to still give you child support and youare allowed to live in the family home until yor child is 18

see a good lawyer

and screw him where it hurts

his pockets wont have any money and i bet your life she won't be playing pocket pool with a no hoper with no money and a second family - oooh sexy ..,.not

actaully, I have seen a solicitor. He has agreed to give me all the equity, so I am looking for some contract for him to sign. And he says he will support me and ds - I asked for £550 a month, and he agreed (I didnt talk to him, might key c* on his face if I did).

I have moved out, and in the 48 hours since I found out have sorted out so much. I am looking at 2 houses tomorrow. I cant stay n our old house, for many reasons, and have moved to the town I work in.

But it's all going so fast.

And all I really want to do is kick her scrawny little 23 year old ass. I reckon I could have her.

What sort of a bitch tells a man with a 15 month old son that she loves him?

it will get easier,in 6 months when he is bored of the slapper young lady and begging you to come back to him,and you are laughing with pity at how pathetic he is and thinkingof how wonderful your life is without him in it,you will look back on this time and think 'fuck-i cant believe i was so angry over that tosser that i keyed his car!oh well,who cares?'.

visualise the scene of you laughing at im while he begs,it may make you feel a little better.

OMG Rats just seen this!!

I am so for you right now. What a total waste of fucking space.

Custy talks sense (as usual) Look after yourself and S - he did fuck all anyway.

I am on MSN if you need to chat.

diva - the visualisation will help!!

I dont even know if I want him back anyway. I am just incredibly angry. My short term aim is to quit fags, get back into martial arts, practise sparring til I am as hard as I used to be, then kick her ass.

Maybe I wont kick her ass (I would lose my job as a primary teacher), but its good motivation.

It has been such a shock.

In a year's time you'll have the house, your job, your mojo back, and she'll be stuck with him and all his baggage.

Good for you keying his car.... know exactly how you feel. I wish my Ex nothing good and would have torched his house and his business if i wasnt found out. You WILL get over this and through this.... it will get better.... YOU are at the bottom and can only go up ! wishing you hugs , luck and best wishes . Stand your ground, be assertive, tell him he is a shit and make him feel dead guilty. things will def. get better . XXxxxx

Oh rat I am so sorry but you stick to your guns and screw the little bastard to the ground. Fancy him putting you through relate. Please pop over to the post natal thread you will get lots of good advice on there x

FWIW I don't think you'd be out of order keying c* on his face . And hers . So sorry Rat

Rat - can't believe he's doen this what a complete and utter t**t to lose you and S over her (whats the beeting she'll lose interest when he is skint and 'available') you are being incredibly strong and positive, please keep doing that and am glad you have managed to get him to release equity, will you be able to get a place you want in the town you are in?

Anything we (post natel) lot can do to help please let us know, keep strong, keep sorting out whats best for you & S and dont waste anothe rminute on 'd'h

sorry to hear about this ratbunny. imo you should go get your hair done, buy a knockout dress leave the dc's with your mum for the night have a great night with your mates and forget about him for at least that night! its the least you deserve!

oh and remember if she is ten years younger it prob wont work any just think in a few years he will be wanting quiet nights in front of the tv she will still be out partying with her friends and wondering what she found exciting about him in the first place (probably the fact that he was married) and will therefore find another married man to leave him for

Oh Rat, just seen this. I am so sorry. What an absolute and total f*cking w*nker. And she deserves a good kicking too. Stupid bitch.

Sorry but infidelity is UNFORGIVABLE, physical or otherwise. Especially when there is a little child involved.

I really don't know what to say other than we are all here for you on the PN thread if you need to sound off. Big hugs sent your way x

So sorry its come to this RB.

You are so much better off without him.

Just screw him for all you can now. He's the one at fault not you and thats how the courts will see it too.Kx

i am sure you are absolutely furious and devastsated and i don;t blame you one bit

BUT< be aware you could be charged with criminal damage and made to pay for the damage you ahve caused if your H wants to get even more vindictive, so tempting though it is, don;t damage any more of his stuff

i cant believe you keyed his car
rise above it ffs before you get yourself in bother

I keyed my XH's car too. It's easy enough to say control yourself, it's not so easy to do it when you are so angry and hurt that you are temporarily beyond your own control. Hence the defence 'temporary instanity'. (I'm not saying you are insane, RB, but I certainly was out of my tree when it happened to me).

And a keyed car is better than a knife in the head, so he should look on the bright side, because that was actually what I wanted to do to him.

On the other hand, several years down the line, I'm a bit ashamed of myself for doing it. I wish I could have made out that I didn't care - it would have been less of an ego-trip for him.

You have my sympathy, Ratbunny. I hope you are okay, this is an awful awful thing to go through.

Sorry you are suffering, but do not commit any more criminal damage and definitely do not assault anyone. Is this man worth going to jail for? Sexual jealousy is not a defence against charges of assault and vandalism, nor should it be.

What Elisabethberesford said!!

But please don't do any more damage to things or people. Not worth it.

please stop damaging property.
You could be in serious trouble.
I hope things work out for you.

I don't think she should damage anymore property either, but I think she was incredibly restrained and the police are often very understanding of things like this.

For example - I heard of a case where a woman had stabbed her partner in the stomach as he had smacked her child, and she got off with a caution!

Restrained?
You can't be serious.

It is not the police she has to worry about. If he presses charges of criminal damages ( if I was him I would )the police attitude will count for nothing in court.

hello.
I promise I wont key anything else, or beat anyone up <halo emoticon>. I do laugh to myself that he now drives round with a description of himself on his car.

I have found myself a house.
I dont want it.
But I will have to move on sometime, so I will go for it.

Life is shit

Wait until you get into your house and make it your own, it will get better, it just takes time.

Life is not shit. HE is a shit.

Life is actually quite good when you have got rid of shits like that messing up the view.

Give a pillow a good kicking and imagine it's her or him. Better than being violent in real life. It gets rid of the worst of the anger if you really let rip. You might have to do it a few times in the coming weeks and months.

What a vile man for doing this to you. Pathetic.

Jasper - the woman I used in my example didn't go to court, it was all dealt with at the police station.

I very much doubt he will press for criminal damage. And i stand by my statement that Rats was restrained - she could have done a lot more and a lot worse.

I'm on MSN most nights Rats, or you have my mobile. Give me a shout if there's anything i can do. xx

in my previous life i saw a woman prosecuted for just such a thing.. it happens..

good luck with everything, ratbunny, i am sure that at the moment it is very raw, but you will be ok x

I agree with UrbanD, it was incredibly restrained, because I'm sure in reality she wanted to murder him (know I did. Actually had to ban him from my house incase I stabbed him in the head. I kept having visions of it every time he turned his back on me ).

IF he took her to court over his car, after all he just did, he would truly be the most amazing git in the world.

Urbandryad, attacking someone in order to protect your child from assault is a very different matter both ethically and legally from attacking someone because they no longer want to have a relationship with you/have been having a reltaionship with an individual you thought of as your property.

i think having the desire to kick shit out of someone whos been at it with your husband while you were looking after the small child you had together is pretty natural,myself.acting on it would be wrong,but im pretty sure ratbunny is aware of that.

madamez
...have been having a reltaionship with an individual you thought of as your property.
I certainly dont think of him as 'my property'.

I am pissed off at both of them because I AM HIS 15 MONTH OLD SON'S MOTHER. I look after him, nurture him, and have made lots of sacrifices so I can do so. What they have done to me, and breaking up my son's family is just F**** disrespectful.

ratbunny, chill. I don't usually get into personal things with posters but madamez adopts views so broad minded that I'm surprised she fits through doors. Except when people disagree with her, then she calls them scum.

You are doing really well. Don't sweat stuff on here, just hold on to each day and the importance of being strong for your DC. My DS is 14 months and it is the most incredible age, just try to find a little bit of joy in each day.

Having angry feelings is understandable, acting on them (ie assaulting others and damaging their property) is entirely unacceptable.

I always liked the story of the scorned wife who, while her husband was on a business trip (with mistress) sowed grass seed all over the house carpets, watered them and left.
He came back to find his carpets had a lovely lawn, and a tree in the bedroom.

Style.

love miggsies story!! So sorry you are going through this, but you sound like a strong woman who will come out the other side with your dignity and self respect( and of course your beautiful son) whilst he will be a sad, cliched middle aged fuckwit. Good luck xx

Frozen prawns inside the curtain poles much much better - they'd never find the source of the smell.

I don't understand why it is not acceptable to act on feelings of rage, when it is acceptable to act on feelings of lust. It seems a little one-sided.

You can't damage somebody's car, but to screw their head up is perfectly ok. The law's an ass.

good post,littlewoman

my personal view(as i am not overly-concerned with upholding the law)is that although its nice to imagine doing these things,or to read about these things having been done to other cheating twunts men,actually doing them would be stooping to their level.much better to keep your dignity and retain the moral high ground,then laugh at them when they get whats coming to them.

Littlewoman, I agree entirely!

Ratbunny, congratulations on your restraint

I admire your strength, you are doing all the right things for you and your LO. Please don't slide too far into thoughts of revenge. I know it isn't easy but try to draw a line. You've made your views known to him and she doesn't deserve a second of time (in thought or reality) which could be spent with your LO. It's a slippery slope! From one who understands and is still wavering in and out of the virtual vengeance trap xx

Ratbunny-I'm so so sorry what you're going through. FWIW you are doing unbelievably well. These first few weeks will be a bit of a blur and a rollercoaster ride. I actually think we go onto some sort of automatic pilot to look after DC's. I know I did.
As far as keying his car goes-so what. The anger you feel and incredible energy needs to be channelled. I screamed and cried for weeks (months ) You keyed his car. I can honestly tell you-4 years down the line that whenever I see his fucking porsche parked up somewhere I have vivid fantasies of writing cock across the bonnet in paintstripper!! It would give me SOOO much pleasure but I'm afraid he really would press charges. I think you're doing just fine and anger towards the other bint is also entirely natural....but at the end of the day he was the one in a relationship with a baby. (but I still hate her with a passion that takes my breath away sometimes!)
Anyway, finding a house is good. Stay strong.

People are doing alot worse things in life than ratbunny keying his xh car give her a break her dh has been a dick and if it was me he would have had a brick through the windscreen.

personally, i would bide my time, get back to normal, build a new loving home for myself and Dps and then paintstrip the car a few years down the line, when he might not necessarily relate it to me. revenge, being a dish best served cold and all that.

Rats, all the best with your wonderful new life!

had a chat with h last night, after a friend made me realise that I basically went from married to single mum in the space of 2 hours. I felt I needed some closure so I could move on.

Well he maintains that he wasnt actually 'seeing' her. He met her outside work once, and then apparently that made him realise that he really wasnt happy at home and that something needed to be done. So, while things arent actually good they arent as bad as I had thought.

the long and the short of it is, that we cant live together. He wants his freedom and I want a family and we argue constantly. He is basically lazy when it comes to the household.

So I will move on. We have agredd to stay friends for the while. He is seeing ds, and for the first time in his life he was EARLY for something.

Not sure where things will go from here, but I hurt less.

I'm glad that you hurt less, RB. Wishing you strength ((()))

RB...he sounds very selfish, childish and lazy and you are well rid...although it will take a while for you to feel sanguine about things.
Once you get over your misery you will be able to meet men who actually do want a family and want to engage emotionally.

Hey, RB, glad there's been something slightly less shitty for you. Did he mention the car?! Bet he soon discovers the grass isn't any greener, and he's been a selfish, immature dick; not that that helps