A good while back I found out the Dh was having an affair. He was also having online relations that led to a phone relationship if not more with another woman.
My life fell apart. I had trusted and loved DH like no other and I couldn't believe it was happening to me.
Right in the middle of all this going on I met up with a male friend. I had fun, I felt like my old self and I was able to not think about what was going on in my life. We spent the day shopping and laughing. We spent the evening in the local pub, we talked for hours. When it got late we headed back together. He held me in his arms and I slept, I hadn't slept so well in a long time. In the morning we made love, we didn't have sex we made love.
Anyway when it came to DH and I making the split final. We just couldn't do it. There was something there a small spark of hope that we held on to. With lots of talking , relate sessions and lots of hard work we pulled through this time.
18 months on and we are still together, the trelationship is going okay and the trust is building.
Yet through all of this talking I have never said what happened with my friend. I couldn't bring myself to say what I had done.
It's too late now. I feel awful because that day/night was so right ( I know it was the wrong thing to do). I feel that I have betrayed DH by not telling him what I have done, that we have worked so hard getting over what happened. I do love DH. Yet I keep thinking about the time with friend.
I expect to get slated for this and have name changed, I don't expect any sympathy. I made my bed and am now laying in it. I just had to not keep the secret anymore.
Thanks for listening in advance.

Does anyone else know?

I read your message and thought you'd done something totally understandable after a big betrayal. Hows your relationship with your friend now?

I don't think there's any reason t confess unless you think someone's going to tell your dh.

I'm off to bed now- not ignoring you!

You craved love and affection, that man gave you all of that. Your husband betrayed you by not being there for you. I'm not saying that what you did was right, but you were at a low ebb and that one night with this man was a kind of healing for you. It gave you back your self-esteem and perhaps even the strength to give your dh a second chance.

I would now put all your energies into making your marriage work. Look upon that one night as a healing episode, a one-off experience that can never be repeated. And learn from it, so that if there is a next time, you'll seek help sooner rather than trying to cope with it all yourself.

I think your move was necessary for you to get where you are now with DH. Don't tell him. Or ever feel guilty. Just let yourself bask in the warm afterglow whenever you need to. Hope your friend feels fine about it too.

Please don't kick yourself over this. We are just having a lovely chat on another thread talking about all this kind of stuff (having a big ding-dong actually!!)
Accidents happen, especially at times when we are most vulnerable, which you were. Don't tell dh. Put all your effort into making things happy with him, if that is what yuo want.

Don't forget that you had sex with your friend when you were feeling very low. He would necessarily have been very tender with you because it was not the time for throwing your ankles in the air and swinging you from the lampshade. If you'd had sex with him 500 times like you have with DH, it would be boring, Trust me!

I nkow you feel you have betrayed your dh, more by not telling him this rather than the act itself, and this is whats hurting.

yet remember the most strnage, hurtful, unfair thing was doem to your marriage by what your dh did. It was out of character, but he did it, andnow you have both got back to a relationship thats working.

What you did, was soul comfort, you know it was 'wrong' but it wasn't snidey. Give it time.

I don't think you need to have a guilty conscience. I really don't believe you did anything wrong.
You haven't hurt anyone. By "confessing" to what you did you could just be giving your DH justification for his behaviour (this kind of happened to me!).
It is obviously a memory you cherish, so don't ruin it by letting it cause more upset.
If you are serious about your relationship, you need to look forward and be positive about the future. Leave the past where it is!

Thank you I was expecting to get slammed.
Friend and I are still friends. He and I are happy with being friends and it causes no problems.
I feel so ashamed that MN was my only outlet.
Friend would never tell a sole, I know and trust him, he is a darling kind private man.

I wouldn't give it another thought.

Fab that you and your dh are back on track.

Your friend sounds lovely too.

is friend single ?

I am happy that DH back on track. I know I can never tell him.
Yes friend is single, in his 30's and bloody good looking LOL

Perhaps it wouldn't have been boring after 500 times then

dont worry about it and just move forward i think that if youre only hurting yoursef thats punishment enough -good you re working things out with your dh x