It has been a while since our last confessional.

<deep breath>

I once took dd to a&e because she had a bruise.

A fairly small but hard bruise on her side.

I thought she had broken her ribs.

Forgive me

Now join in and let me catagorically state that this PFBness is open to ALL parents and ALL dc despite how many you have. Come on you know you've all done something cringeworthy in retrospect.

dd1 only ever wore white. when she was about 4 months old we visited friends and their 6 year old boy asked me why she was always dressed in white. I realised then that perhaps it was time to allow some colour.

I made a&e x-ray my pfb dd1s head after a bump and Would Not Leave until they had done so ...

DP once forgot to put the tongs in the steriliser, so that meant that we couldn't use them to get the bottle/teat/collar/lid out.

Made him re sterilise.

AND I said

ahem

'I kept him safe for 9 months, don't you dare put him in danger'

I used to work at a private day nursery pfb went there for a week (even tho id left long before)whilst i had ds2 also perfect .

2 years later dreadfully shortstaffed they sked me to 'help out'.

one mum came with her ds a big pfb and a huge list of instructions all plastic coated and everything was spotless and sterilised (she left 11 nappies per day assuming i would chnge him every hour on the hour and had a chart to see if hed weed or pooped in tht hour)now bearing in mind i was called in as favour and as a mum of 2 i had most experience this peturbed me as head of the baby room and after one morning being told he must not sleep longer than 20 mins after lunch (5 mins of which he was to be nursed) i vented my frustration at my manager .....ohhhhh says she ...fussy mother hmmm??? and produced 4 pages of A4 id written listing all the requirements of pfb and reminded me of the fact id made dh take a huge bottle of water every day s pfb didnt drink tap water,pfb didnt drink sugar drinks,pfb was not allowed crisps only finely sliced carrots and pfb ws to gently brush his teeth fter snack and lunch.........i crawled shamefaced away ......

haaaaahhaaa

'put him in danger'! hahahahahahahaaaa

My dd also wore white but also cream and beige I not that bad

<reserves seat for Plonker on wasting NHS resources bench>

i also demanded an emergency appointment at the dentist as pfb had cracked a back tooth i was yet again humiliated to see it wasnt half a broken tooth it was half a developing tooth.

The beauty of PFBness is in the shame afterwards.

Come forward and be cleansed

<with cool boiled water and cotton wool>

I took DS to the doc to check that his cough wasn't something more sinister, like aspirated dinner on his lungs (we'd had a bit of a fight about dinner and then he got the cough) - was told it as only a cough, lungs as clear as a bell. <but he did find a small murmur which was followed up and found to be nothing, thank god)

Also, took DS to be checked for upper lip frenulum being too tight/short/thick over his top gum, as was worried that it woud affect speech and his teeth - managed to get to see a consultant who breezily dismissed my concerns and said we'll review in a year. DS's front teeth (now through) have quite a large gap between them at the mo.. (DS = 9.5mo)

'I kept him safe for 9 months, don't you dare put him in danger'

i still use that line 15 years later lolol in fact i said to ds1 i took the time to grow you for 9 months you could at least turn down your ipod '''you do know i grew your eardrums