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I know we're not meant to favour one, but deep-down, do you? And what is it about that child which makes you feel just that tiny bit fonder towards them than the others? And how do you hide it from the other children?
Yes I'm afriad it is my middle son. He looks most like me and is totally unconditional in his love (my other too are a bit choosier and sly, altho delicious in other ways)
I've only got one, and he is my absolute faavourite ....but I suspect that many parents tend to favour the one who seems to need it most, and that will vary from time to time, so it evens out in the end. I'm one of six, and grew up feeling that the older ones plus the very youngest were favoured. Now that we are old enough to discuss it, we think they tried so hard not to show any favouritism, that we all felt we were the least favourite one.
maidamess, it's so interesting you mentioned that your middle child looks like you... My DS1 looks most like me, and I think I do favour him to DS1.
Plus, I had PND with DS1 and (looking back) that really hashed-up the bonding. With DS2, I feel happy. With DS1, I just felt guilty and/or scared all day and night.
I popped my middle son out like a pea from a pod...births one and three were not straightforward at all. This may contribute to my easy feelings about my son..who knows?
I desparately try not to, but I suspect deep down I favour DS2 who is still 'my baby' (youngest); looks like me; was an easier birth; and is just generally easier-going, loving child.
By comparison DS1 was a traumatic birth, PND afterwards, VV bright child, but incredibly demanding, moody, high-maintenance.
I guess I'd say I LOVE them equally, but like being around DS2 a little more.
yes whichever one happens not to be screaming and shouting and fighting and whinging at that moment in time. when all of them asleep, then all my favourite
Mmmm thats hard to answer. I don't favour any of my children, but i find my second daughter more easily lovable if that makes sense (although that sounds horrible!).
dd1 is a complex character and its hard to tap into her psyche whereas dd2 wears her heart on her sleeve and is very easy to 'work out'. Or, maybe its just that she's a LOT like me and so i understand her better?? Not sure really.
dd1 is a daddys girl whereas dd2 is mine through and through. dd2 showers me with affection daily and dd1 adores her dad and he can do no wrong in her eyes. To outsiders it would appear that dh favours dd1 and i favour dd2 but thats really not true. Its just hard not to recipricate. Not sure if any of that makes sense??
My dd3 is the apple of everyones eye, and is going to be a tinsy bit spoilt methinks
That's SO like my DS1! V bright but picky as anything -- "No, Mummy, that is not correct" 100 times a day -- and just a bit prickly.
DS2, gurgles away, rarely cries, and grins so hard he could split his face open.
Maybe the birth and PND really affect bonding, and what we're describing are babies we've bonded with, and others we haven't...? Or is that a bit extreme?
No I don't - truly. You can't help the way you feel if you do 'prefer' one dc over the others as long as it is well hidden I guess.
I am feel quite fortunate that this isn't an issue for me. I find my dd's company easier but I still love ds as intensely as her (despite the challenges he sometimes presents)
They are honestly all my favourite for different reasons:
dd - firstborn, my only girl, very like me which is a bad and a good thing , helpful, sensitive soul, beautiful to look at.
ds1 - very like his father, I took a while to bond with him due to PND but now love him to bits and he's just sooo cute in his manner and his looks I just want to eat him!
ds2 - the baby, so very chilled, giggles away, huge saucer like eyes, no trouble at all up to now but he is only 4 1/2 months old!
I only have 1 so no. But eldest DB and I both think middle child is mum's favourite - he is although wild horses would never make her admit it - since I had a child she has admitted how hard she found him as a baby and I think she has been making up for it ever since.
OMG, I am really shocked that people have a favourite. My dc can be quite moody but that balances with deep thinking and percepticve about the feelings of others and looks like my dp for his first few years now he's like me, DS2 looks just like me and is a little ball of happiness but that balances with drama and dd1 (youngest) looks just like dp and is very funny balanced with very angry. I have no favourite not on any of their best or worst days. No judgements, just shock. Tsunami hits which one do you save? See you don;t really have favourites.
i think I buck the trend on the traumatic birth / pnd / bonding thing. and while I love my girls differently I don;t love either more
dd1 - hideous birth, love at first sight (literally), like me in many ways - feel that I know her, love her like my first born
dd2 - easy birth (but perhaps a little frightening - born at home before the midwife/ambulance got to us), found meeting her quite odd, borderline pnd, but fell in love more and more the more I learned about her, I am in awe of her. love her for who she is
I like/prefer the company of one child more sometimes. But don't love her more. And the next day/week prefer the company of the other. But still love them both the same. A friend of mine asked me - she just has one child and was curiousl - and I really do think, for me, it's about prefering the company - the same way you might do with friends, sometimes.
I know my Dad vastly prefers my brother's company to mine. I once (recently) asked my brother, "Why is Dad so tense all the time?" and he replied, "He's not -- it's only when you're here."
I read somewhere that the children who are most like you, annoy you the most.
I only have one dd who I adore so don't have to think about favourites.
When I was growing up my brother was always my mum's favourite and I was always in his shadow. He was chatty, straightforward, practical funny, outgoing with a huge appetite (like her!) On the other hand I was shy, secretive, complicated and a terrible eater (all traits she dislikes to this day in anyone she meets).
The way she loved us both has continued into adulthood and her bond with my brother remains stronger than her bond with me.
I can't help but wish she'd made a bit more effort to get to know me as I feel as though her attitude did knock my confidence a lot as a child. I always felt 'wrong'.
(not suggesting that anyone on here with a 'favourite' is doing this with their kids).
My dp is a favourite he is one of six (fourth in line) and kept his head down and kept quiet, as the others before him were quite outspoken and this caused lots of rows etc. Because of his placid manner he was/is a favourite but it certainly did him no favours he needed to shout and scream but felt it was best not to.
he is the odd ball! a complete wierdo - not the best looking -not the cleverest- not athletic just funny
he took some 'getting' and had a few 'issues' for a year or so though all ok now
dont know why he is my favourite but oddly a lot of family friends dote on him too. one friend told him he is her favourite child in our town - she is crazy - but there is something about him!
I do think i'm alot harder on dd (pfb and only girl) mainly because she is so like me and I can see her making the same mistakes I did as a young child with friends etc. I realise I need to step back and let her make them herself but it's so hard!
No faves, both crazy little people who have wonderful qualities. They are treated differently because they are different people, what one needs the other doesn't, I alter some of my parenting for each, but only because it suits that child.
My Mum has a favourite, the middle child, my dad has a favourite, child from his mistress!!
Ds1 is because he is my first baby, my oldest one, he is so responsible,and handsome, but then... dd is because she is my girl, the brightest most beautiful girl I have ever met, but... ds2 is, because he is so full of laughter and love, and I can't stop kissing his cheeks!
When DD2 was born, I had PND and she was a really hard baby so I definitely favoured DD1 for a while. Now she is so adorable it is hard not to favour her over her stroppy 8 year old sister. But I really don't have a favourite. In that I love them both as much but I do constantly assess how I treat them both. DH says I allow DD2 to get away with a lot more than DD1 ever did, so I am trying really hard to be a bit easier with DD1 and a bit firmer with DD2.
Yes, secretly I do have a favourite. She is just so loving generally chilled out but bright and eager and we get on so well and are totally in sync and I never have a minute's annoyance or bother with her.
no!!!! i love all my boys the same but they each have different characters.
eldest ds my pfb was v ill when born hes now 14 and gorgeous but has lack of confidence with girls which means no girlfriends but loads of girls as mates hes fab at football and a bit of a boffin in fact my friend shocked me she said she was going to marry him in 10 years!!!
middle ds a real character not academically gifted just middle of the road but real charmer with huge personality and with NO fear unforunately he has M.E and has periods of ill helth
our surprise ,,,,hes 7 nd a mix of his brothers v loving cuddly and funny.
I am blessed with my children 17 years ago i had no-one no parents or sibs my nanna was distant and now here I am head of a busy house of boys - and love it!!
I was only thinking of this subject yesterday and how we never mention it in real life because even with your closest friends you can't admit loving one of your children more than the others.
In answer to the question, yes I do have one of my three who I love more than the others, but try always not to act on the feelings. From the second he was born I have felt it, and it never deminished.
Have felt guilty about it over the years, but as I said I think the other 2 are unaware of it, and I would never mention it to anyone, ever. I do treat them all equally though, it's just my little secret.
Definitely have no favourite but as ds4 is only 2 weeks old and has that lovely baby smell and soft skin I do look forward to cuddling him just a little bit more!
DD2 (3) is the one who brings out the most emotion in me, she makes me laugh every day (I mean hysterically), she's so funny, she makes me cry, she's very loving but a real monkey, very independent to the point where it exasperates me.
DD1 (5) on the other hand is the total opposite, she doesn't really make me laugh much and isn't really funny, she doesn't make me cry. She is very loving, she is doing great at school and appears bright, she does as she's told. She's very compliant and caring of her family and isn't afraid to stand up to people when others are picked on.
I love them both very much and I don't think I do favour one over the other. I have in the past but not recently I don't think.
DH blatently favours DD2 <annoyed emoticon> and unfortunately I think DD1 has picked up on it though she doesn't appear to mind cos she says she loves me best and that I love her best too.
NO, I love my boys equally, finding different bits of their character endearing. Sounds trite I know, but it's true. DS1 is 4 and am realising that he's off to school soon, and he seems so young! He is kind and caring and has taken to calling me his "Princess" several times a day. He is sensitive and my heart goes out to him sometimes, esp when he is feeling insecure about a situation. DS2 is 2 and very funny, very cute and cuddly. He's at that age when the Cuteness factor is skyhigh so very easy to love (even when he is having one of his many tantrums). He has always had a quick temper but is not a sulker.
my kids are so totaly different from each other, its actually amazing the vastness of the difference between them - and i love that they are all individuals. My dd now she is older is great to talk with - but when she was younger she cried all the time - i mean all the time, so even though i loved her i can't say i liked her an awful lot and i really like her now - i think thats saying something.
ds1 has always been mature, my rock and my support - always. sometimes he can be unbelievable stupid and i worry for him more now as an adult than i ever did when he was a child.
ds2 - is weird. i like weird. i like him - he is so different and he disagrees with everything i say - just cos - he is deliberatley anoying most o the time. But he is great.
just wrote a load of shit and not answered the question.
i think i really like all my kids - and thats just fabbo
I don't think I have a favourite but I find DD2 impossibly cute and really enjoyed her babyhood, purely because I was more relaxed second time round I think and not working so spent more time with her. DD1 is bright and funny but more demanding and needy and so can wind me up easily but I think it might just be her age. Both are very loving and affectionate and so are easy children to love.
I'm pg with number three and it will be interesting to see whether DD2 stops being my baby once she is the middle child.
I love them all the same but as dd3 is only 7 months and cant actually be naughty yet i prefer her at times! Dd1 is 6 and doesnt need me so much, dd2 is a daddy's girl and i had pnd when she was born, she is easily the hardest to like at times.
I think favourites change with mine. I am sooo close to DD1 cos she was my firstborn and we are so alike but she is too much like me so we clash all the time. But there is a bond like no other.
DD2 is so clever, quirky, odd and amusing that I can't help but think she is my favourite too. Not so needy as DD1... more insular, so harder to think of her as a favourite but because she is so clever and independent, my heart bursts with pride when I think of her!
If you have two of the same sex it is easier to answer the question of whether one of them is a favourite IYSWIM.
No, but I am the daughter of a woman who made it clear to me whilst I was growing up that she had a favourite and it wasn't me.
Luckily we have resolved our issues and I'm not scarred by the experience but it is not a great thing to be the child who is not favoured, trust me on this. And I am absolutely certain that neither of my kids would ever have to experience that feeling.
Don't have a favourite and love them both the same. But when DD1(3 years) is having one of her off days and just cries and moans all the time, I do prefer being around my happy smiley dd2 (8 months)
I really don't think I do. I love them all the same but sometimes it's easier to be around one than the other.
That's all I'll say is, if you do have a favourite, make sure you keep it to yourself and NEVER let the children know it (as if you don't already know that ).
I prefer being around DS as he is just so utterly cute, funny and adorable. He also looks like me. DD who is older seems more highly strung, is much more demanding and I find her much, much harder to be around. So in that sense I guess you could say DS is my favourite, but I love them both equally and DS might get less cute and more demanding as he gets older so things could change.
Feed your family Fabulous fish cakes for a fiver. With our Fabulous fish cakes recipe you really can feed your whole family a delicious meal for less than a fiver. This is just one of five brand new purse-friendly recipes from Sainsbury’s. Take a look!
) but still adorable 
