They are 1 and 2. When I have one on their own its bliss - we play, we talk, we have a laugh. Often when I'm with both of them I'm really just dealing with them rather than interacting. They get on well but I'm permanently having to stop one doing something (innocently) dangerous to the other and trying to prevent one pushing the other off my lap. The two and a half year old year old should be making cakes and controlled messy stuff but she's often having to wait because its simply impossible to organise such things with the one year old climbing onto the kitchen table and nearly falling off or putting paint and playdough in her mouth. I cant leave the younger one to her own devices - even if she'd let me - but equally I cant expect a 2.5 year old to paint by herself without getting bored and distracted in 10 minutes. She needs encouragement. I realise that the problem is thier ages but I feel like all 3 of us are missing out on the best bit because its all crowd control rather than positive parenting.

BUMP! oi! sheesh

Sorry - no words of wisdom, but sympathy! I've got two DDs 2.6 and 6m and have the same problems. Eldest goes to nursery 2 mornings which gives me time with DD2, but no time alone with DD1, which I really miss (DD2 rarely sleeps during the day and is quite unsettled, which makes prolonged focussed activities with DD2 a bit hit and miss to say the least). Have so far really just made do with including both in activities as possible (i.e. reading to DD1 while feeding DD2) and going out a lot which they both enjoy.

thanks diplodocus I suppose my problem is slightly different in that one is 18 months and the other is 2 and a half - the 18 month old is nearly old enough to do loads of things but to do them she needs to be hovered over every second whereas the eldest is more than capable but still needs lots of attention. Everything that the eldest is just getting ready to try is fascinating to dd2 and yet she can't do any of it without tears of frustration.

My fault for rubbish family planning I realise

Can you put the baby in the high chair at the table with something messy to do while you do activities with DD?

I found baking a bit of a struggle until 3.5 anyway.

Do you have a garden? Put the baby in the sand pit and play with DD or carry baby while you play football etc.

Swimming (baby in raft thingy, toddler with arm bands).

Park (baby in buggy /on grass/in swing while you help toddler).

Can toddler go to play group to give you baby time?

I did manly joint activities when mine were this age but alternated between focus on one the other. You get chance to do more one to one stuff when they are older.

I didn't have such a close age gap so not speaking from experience,so this might be a crap idea. Have you tried getting the older one to act like "mummy" with the younger one - e.g. passing the little one bricks/stacking cups, showing her how to do it, clapping when she does etc, just like you do? With you advising the older one what to do next? I know it won't work all the time, but might be one little thing to try?

scatty - the 'baby' is 18 months and the eldest is only just a year older. As I say, rubbish family planning. Carrying her and putting her in a highchair would just cause howls of fury!

lilo - thats something we could try I suppose dd2 would feel pampered and dd1 would feel special. I'll have a go.