and it feels so shit. not sure if this should be here or in feeling depressed.

I just feel so emotionally/physically drained, not helping by the fact that we both have bad colds atm. DS was away with XH last week and I spent the time scrubbing my house only for it now to be in the same state as it was before he went.

there's too much crap in the house but by the time DS is in bed I don't have the energy to sort it out for ebay,

this week we've been in on monday - was gardening & DS was sorting out stuff with me.

tues went to a group & DS has been a nightmare when shopping so had to get sorted quickly (he'll either run off play me up or sit on the floor and not move - or want to be carried. in the afternoon we tried to play footie in the park (DS pooped so had to come back lol - but he wanted carrying pratically the whole way there and back) & also cooking

today we went swimming already & will prob be painting this afternoon.

I feel like i'm not paying him enough quality attention and that's why he's playing me up - he's whiney & clingy. we're currently sat having a cuddle on the sofa with him watching balamory for a minute.

I jsut feel like such a crap mum. There always seems to be somehting else to have my time either the dogs, ds the house I never have any for me, & when I did was cleaning!

the worst part is at the mo all I seem to do is be shouting at ds myself, or telling him off for being naughty when really i know he's not he's mischevious but he's a good boy really (well for most people and used to be when were out but he's getting worse atm)

how long does this phase last exactly? have good support from my parents next to none from XH - he'll have DS every other weekend as long as it fits in with his plans, & my nan as well does what she can - which to be fair isn't a right lot as she can't lift DS at all.

what do I do from here?

just feel so shitty & guilty about being a crap mum.

you dont sound like a crap mum to me. you are doing loads with him. dont feel you have to whizz around everywhere with him, will he be happy playing in the garden or helping you clear up?

i started a thread the other day because i was feeling guilty for staying in all day and letting DS play in the garden and believe me I am not alone and was told its even good for them to make up their own games.

you are probably shouting because you are knackered and fed up.

how old is your DS?

How old is he?
Life with toddlers is hard I find.
Is there anyway you can routinely have two mornings a week just for yourself?

he's 2.5. prob doesn't help that here we don't have any friends yet - me or him, have been trying the groups things for a few months but haven't progresed to talking to people outside of them etc.

we only really go out 3 days a week with other kids and maybe twice to family, all ds seems to say is get out, everything is such a struggle/battle with him.

not really, can't afford to send him to nursery & here it's only from 2.9m when he'll go so i can go back to work. pt.

is money an issue?
because at 2 and a half you could put him into a playgroup/preschool for a couple of hours a day.

it is for that yes - could prob find the spare money but tbh don't have it to start with, on top of everything else we already do, as I say around here thou they seem to only take LO's from 2.9m

Whereabouts are you?
Have you tried to find anyone on here that's local that you could make friends with?

I know how lonely it feels when you have an active toddler and no friends around who can listen to you (been there. I sued to ring my bf in Italy and moan in her ears for half an hour).
I'd try to reduce the areas of conflict with him. Try to think at what you really want him to do (hold your hand when out and about, go to bed when it's bedtime etc or whatever) and try to forget the rest. Adults are always in a hurry, but toddlers like to do things in their own time...
You said you get support from your family, can't you not ask your mother to have him one morning a week so that you can shop on your own, tidy up, read a magazine...?

(by the way, I only managed to be a decent mum to my toddlers because we could afford to send them to nursery twice a week)

(((((((((HUGS)))))))) DTM.

Often feel the same. My DS is 3. It's not easy is it?

You sound much better than me. I have been using the TV as a babysitter a lot recently . Just can't seem to get motivated or do anything useful apart from MN a lot at mo. (Makes me feel better tho ).

It will get better and you will get the LEA funding for nursery soon. You sound like you are doing a great job - don't be too hard on yourself.

I always think when you have one (rather than siblings who can play together) it's harder in some ways as they want your attention more and you feel guilty if you need to get on with other things.

ATM, if I find DS hard work I just tell myself it's only a phase and I won't even remember it in a few months.

I think you're doing a fab job.

What your daily routine like?

Mine goes like this

I try to tidy as i go along and have tmes of the day I will do more (usually when thy are napping and after bedtime)

morning - toddler group/ outing
lunch
naps (or if too old for naps do colouring or tv for a bit) while you clear lunch things.
school run (you could do 30 mins at the park or a walk to the shop just to get you out for a breath of air)
do dinner , bath and story bed
then do 30mins housework like clean bathroom/ empty bin/ wash up/ hoover/ put a wash on then at 7.30pm u sit down/ have bath/ MN

The next time anyone has your ds put stuff on ebay/ freecycle dont stress about cleaning GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK!!

When dd was the same age I was struggling in a similar way too, things started getting a lot easier when she turned three and started going to preschool (3 mornings a week at first, later 4). Even easier again when she started school! (Though I was working 3 days by then too.) Keep repeating "This too shall pass, this too shall pass"!

I would say hang in there, and I wonder if an action plan of some sort would help too?
It sounds as if the "crap in the house" is getting to you a bit - decide for yourself that you're not going to deal with it in the evenings, so you can relax without feeling guilty about it, but also make the decision that next time you have time to yourself (when ds is at his dad's or your parents') that you will deal with it. I would also say, give up on the Ebay idea - just take it to a charity shop! I had a whole pile of stuff for Ebay and in the end I admitted defeat and felt so much better having got rid of it, with the knowledge that at least the money was going to charity, not the stuff to landfill!

It also helps to have set times with ds, it sounds like you do plenty with him, but you're focusing on the times you don't (esp as he is clingy with it, dd was too). Perhaps if you solidified it in your mind - e.g. right, tomorrow afternoon even though we're staying in, I am going to focus completely on playing with ds from 1:30-3:30. Plan something, baking or getting out all his railway sets or whatever! Then set an alarm for the end of it, and explain to ds that when the alarm goes off you need to cook tea/clean the bathroom/do the laundry or whatever. Set something up that ds can play with by himself, or stick the tv/dvds on!!

Alternatively, involve him in your housework somehow, even if it's sitting by you playing with pots & pans, so that your time spent WITH him is also spent doing the housework you want/need to do. (For myself, the housework actually became an excuse for a break from dd! )

tbh i used the tv for the worst times of day - I was crap at breakfast time & after tea, so to this day dd watches CBeebies while having breakfast, and I use the time to get some cleaning done, even if it's just last night's washing up! After tea, when I was too knackered to pay proper attention, she watched Cbeebies and I chilled out on MN or sat & watched it with her (or dozed off, as was the case in the earlier days!) If I was having a particularly bad day I didn't mind putting the tv or a dvd on for a chunk of time in the afternoon either, as long as dd was happy with it too, so I could have a much-needed lie down.

fran - she's a teacher so doesn't get any time spare really, althou think i'll ask her to have him one day next week, DS is and has alwasy been a child who wants everything done now when it's him wanting it other wise yes it's in his own time, which i'm fine with for the most part, and I guess a lot of this is also him expressing his independance etc. it's just such a battle of wills, I've been giving in on things when he's been whining, which isn't good as I don't want him to think he can whine to get his own way all the time.

I have strict rules on bed time, certain foods, and holding hands by the roads apart from that i'm pretty relaxed - maybe too relaxed is the prob as in the house he's pretty much allowed to do as he wishes - (he is however very good at other peoples houses I might add)

we're also going thru the not sharing phase at the mo (I know it's a phase but still draining all the same,)

my routein - lol. what routein! we get up when DS does - usually around 7 ish (he'll do 12 hours at night normally!) we have brekkie & he watches thomas & roary on channel 5 (not good I know but gives me time to do my online banking etc as I like to do it every day). then we get in the bath (usually together to save the water lol) but DS will stop in a little longer after me. get dressed, then go out to a group (apart from a monday afternoon group when we do the reverse if that makes sence) so group then home for dinner or a tues is dinner at nans house, then an activity of sorts in the afternoon, (tbh washing up DS helps me with in the afternoons for the lunch things) then he'll help prepare the dinner as well some times (likes to stir things around at the mo, and eat the veg as i'm chopping it up) then dinner at 5 sharp, I tidy around after and he'll be playing cars or such, then it's ready for bed and milk quite cuddles from about 6.30, and bed at 7. then I finish tidying around everything hang out washing etc etc.

we do do the set activity's thing, but DS's attention doesn't seem to be very long, then again I guess neither is mine he likes to flit between one thing and the next, think this afternoon it's either painting - or he's got his little people stuff out so come 2pm we'll be sat doing that for a few hours (have had our main meal at lunch today for a change)

think some of the stuff will end up in the charity shop, but other stuff is hardly used/good quality so really I wanted to sell it to get some money back (esp my wedding dress) will try to do that next week I think if mum can have him over night as well.

thanks guys your posts are really helping, was worried I was bordering on PND or something

, sorry I always assume people are my age and therefore with older (and possibly retired) mothers .

I know how you are feeling, believe me, I felt very much alone when ds was tiny, and found him "harder" than he actually was. Your ds is showing typical toddler's behaviour!

'tis ok - i'm sure some days she wishes she could/would retire! lol. still has another 10 years to go (at least! thou) she has just popped in for a bit thou which was nice.

I know DS is just a typical little boy toddler - full of beans and mischeif, just gets a bit much some days (esp when I have a splitting headache).

our afternoon consisted of playing in the garden after all, & then the bath he's currently eating his 'poddige' and dunking the toast in. I know bad mummy for dinner (again) but we did have a proper lunch then.

also he prefers what's on my plate even thou we have the exact same - he has a nibble from his and decides mine looks nicer - what's that all about?

Your days sound lovely (for ds -knackering for you!)

"A few hours" playing with his little people! I'll be honest, with imaginary play I can only cope with about half an hour before I start going mad. That's where setting the alarm comes in handy... I prefer doing more structured stuff like board games or reading books! (mind you at your ds's age board games drove me bonkers, i think i started her on them far too early & spent the whole time nagging her to take her turn etc!)
Funny cos me & my sis spent hours playing with playmobil etc when we were little!

Don't feel guilty about the tv time, really, i don't know how I would have coped without it. Our Pingu dvd was a lifesaver when dd was very very little, if I was ill or exhausted. She lasted a few hours with it on continuous random play!
you gotta do what you gotta do...

Really, just think, it will all get easier the older he gets (did for me anyway), like I said, when he goes to preschool/nursery and also when he gets more independent. There is nothing wrong with encouraging him to play by himself as well. If you suffer from guilt about it, I found this website page helped (someone posted it on MN!): benign neglect

thanks cap - we had a better day yesterday, today DS's cold is back with a vengeance so I think we'll be stopping in for today. XH is due down tonight anyhow.

oh good. how was yesterday?

omg it could have been me writing that message. Which is an eye-opener for me because you're absolutely not a crap mum so that means I'm probably not either...

You do so much with your ds. 2 is such a difficult age and you're really filling all the time so well. I dread the days when my DDs are not at pre-school, how on earth am I going to pass the day??!

I think you sound fab, you just need to meet some other mums to save your sanity. whereabouts in the country are you?

You don't sound crap. Or if you're crap then I'm crap too.

I get so snappy with my dd and then I regret it and then I apologise to her but I try to explain why I was so cross with her, and as I'm going over it again in my head I feel my voice rising one octave.

One the buttons she presses is to hit or pinch her brother deliberately, or to tell me she needs the loo five minutes after we've just left a loo and I said "now, are you SURE you don't need a wee?".

I get NO imput, support, financial or otherwise from xp. He thinks of himself as a fine upstanding citizen but the Americans have a word for it. Deadbeat Dad. It's hard. Take care.

deaftowhingeing - I have booked half term off work and am planning to sit down beforehand and make sure we have plans for every day! I just know that if I don't plan things, i will start stagnating on here, dd will get bored & we'll snap at each other the whole time!

yesterday wasn't too bad as far as DS and I went - we didn't do much thou - beebies was on a lot I felt terrible thou, also split up with DP, which wasn't so good. think most of it has/is because i've been feeling low within myself so have thought everything else is worse iycwim.

but have made some big choices and hopefully things will improve. (first one being a vow of celibacy lol. the second being going to a gym form sept when I get a job DS can go to the nursery there the third to smile and be positive around DS- maybe tiring at first but will soon become a way of life for us!)

cap - yes that's the thing I find, if we stop in then I got crazy and DS also isn't so good. but going out every day means we're both a lot calmer - and also I don't feel as bad about letting him play on his own in the afternoon cos he's had my undivided attention all morning for 2/3 hours.

althou nan swears blind it's good to let them do their own thing. XH is currently with him whilst i'm dying of flu quietly up here at mums!

we're in portsmouth, have been talking to some other mums from netmums on MSN so hoping to meet wiht them for a coffee/play date - mostly as they have boy's DS's age so he can run and play with them and I can have some proper adult convo without going to the groups and not really talking to anyone.

hope everyone else is doing ok thou.