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I am 33 weeks pregnant. DS1 is nearly 5, so in reception at school. DS2 is 3 and goes to pre school 2 mornings a week.
This morning I told DH he could practise getting DS1 ready for school (no pre school today.) He agreed but I could tell he didn't want to / thinks I'm worrying over nothing.
Well, he did get DS1 to school on time, but had to wake me up to ask what went in the lunch box (I told him last night.)
DS1 has excema so last night I also reminded him what cream went where in what order. I showed him how to bandage the bad bits on his hands. DH could not do this with any confidence, so I had to cut my shower short to supervise.
They had to rush out the door - DH wasn't dressed himself at 8:25am (more questions - does DS need his sweatshirt / hat / etc?) DS2 was still in his pj's when obviously he would normally have to be dressed too and come on the school run with me, even on a non pre school day.
DH went to back to bed at 9:45 am.
So, after all that, my question is - is this average / good / bad? I am planning a home birth but I am expecting DH to take over mornings while he has 2 weeks paternity leave. When I have been up half the night with a newborn I do not want to be disturbed with questions I feel he should be able to deal with himself. And what if I have to go to hospital anyway?
My Dh works away a few days a week, but is always here Monday mornings and does the school run. He's actually better at it then me, as he gets everything ready the night before, where I'm always rushing around looking for PE kit etc at the last minute and realising the lunchbox is full of spilt yogurt at 8:15.
He also irons all the uniforms for the week. Puts me to shame really
I leave the house three mornings a week before the rest of the family is awake. They are his children as much as mine and wouldn't ever have expected that he would be less than capable.
WE have a list - for both of us. We split the school run and it's useful - we can't always be expected to remember which day is dinner money, which day is swimming etc.
Maybe this is news, but isn't always at the forefront of the mind of a normal human being who has to go off to other activities involving remembering even more complicated arrangements.
What pees me off is comments like I heard once in Y1, when a dad in front of me hadn't brought the PE kit, and an AlphaMum tutted, rolled her eyes and said "dads, eh?" Right, because mums are fecking perfect and never forget anything.
Checklist, yes, essential - but I would be prepared for a fair amount of ad hoc questions ... after all, it takes me the first month of a new school year to get completely on top of the routine/schedule/kit/etc.
See if he can do as many runs as possible as practice before you really need him to know what he's doing.
(My dh only does the actual school run occasionally, but gets the children ready for school two mornings out of five (and has done for the last 3 years) and I still get "where would ds's socks be?" questions.)
DP is v good, he does half the runs. He does forget more than me but that's his nature, and he always signs them up for school dinners whereas I give them the choice of packed lunch or school dinner. but he gets them to school, no problem.
This morning I did a head count in the playground. 10 fathers, 5 mothers, one childminder and one granny. The school run dads aren't a minority here.
My DH also does the lunches every morning except when he is away. He doesn't always remember everything, but then neither do I. I think a checklist is a good idea and also getting as much as possible together the night before. He'll be alright after a couple of days practise and as UQD says, cut him some slack if he doesn't get it 100% - I have been known to forget the odd item - I forgot DD's swimming kit one day last term and DH had to cycle madly after a crocodile of children heading for the pool to hand it over!
unquietdad - I agree - I'm not perfect, but I don't think I am being unreasonable to expect a grown man with a responsible job to be able to get a couple of DC ready in the morning.
I'm with happystory - he shouldn't need constant telling. I think a list will be a good idea; might do some this afternoon!!
What gets me is when people talking about their other halves "babysitting" for them! I think that's actually called "looking after his children"
I do the morning stuff usually because dp is SOO not a morning person that it's cruel to ask him. But I am soo not a night person and he always does everything that needs doing after 10.00, including washing up and ironing. But he can do the morning thing if he has to. He once said he could do anything the children needed doing except breast feed and nit comb.
Dp does the school run but tis only nursery so no pe/lunchs etc yet. Am sure he'll maange fine once eh get a routine going. I've only done it fully once when dp was ill and forgot her book bag
DP does the morning run most days since DC4 was born, and is great at it. Takes the older two DSs to school, then comes back for DD. But I do lay the uniform out the night before, make the lunches the night before and do their drinks and snacks in the morning. And apply suncream, and find hats.
Lol Malory. My dh does not know the names of the mums or whose kid is who. If I say Bob's Mum he has no clue who I mean unless I say 'the one with the big nose'
Dh does the run three mornings a week and is great. A bit just-in-time in terms of actually getting out of bed, but we have all the gym kit etc shenanigans marked on one of those bossy calendars and this helps everyone. It is pricelessly advantageous to have dcs who are either old enough to genuinely remember what's going on each day, or small but assertive Dh has his "mum friend" gang as well. I of course never pass on the admiring feedback I receive about his ability to walk 100m up the road with two children and two bags We have lots of dads too Fennel. Fewer at pick-up time however
dh was stressed at first, i told him her shoes are black but have a different name to hers in them put sandwiches in fridge drink on trolley class fruit in bowl he then spends half hour chatting to EVERYONE, he gets invited to things i never do, we fight over it now.
We moved away from DD's school to a village and since DP has done the school run, but up until a few weeks ago I used to get up and get DD ready whilst he got dressed, then I had our third DC so am shattered when they are getting up and don't see the point in getting out of bed to help, he is capable after all.
But, DD's hair is forgotten probably 30% of the time, both by him and by her, yesterday I picked her up and noticed she had pink socks on ME:'Didn't you wear those socks yesterday DD?' DD:'yes, it was quicker to wear them again today though, cos I wore them in bed last night' (and that's even after I had put clean white ones in her room with her dress!).
So though DP does it daily, I think I was much better when I did it, he has forgotten her packed lunch on one occasion as well and I had to call the school to ask them to give her a school dinner.
What doesn't help I suppose is that both Dd and DP seem to have their head in the clouds in the morning so I try to make sure everything is out for her when I go to bed.
Not bad. Providing I have got the DCs lunches and other paraphenalia ready. There is a possiblity that they might leave the house with unbrushed hair and teeth . And bit late. But with practice I'm sure that would come.
well, after his long nap DH has agreed he needs more practice, so next Monday is the retrial. I will make some lists for him. Thanks for everyone's responses.
However after 16 years training I should bloody well hope so!!
Actually reading this I realise how good my DH is at the Daddy stuff. We do share the school runs, & he is good at getting them ready when he has to. He gets more lie-ins but TBH he does shifts so comes in at silly o'clock some nights/mornings so I often get the kids/pack-ups etc ready & then he gets up just before they need to be off. He has nit -combed when they were small, bakes bread & does most things unprompted. (but not neccessarily in the order I'd get things done so I have a degree in biting my lip ) He takes them out if I need time to study/clear up/ & usually remembers school letters/appts.
Pity his husband skills aren't so good ....but hey you can't have everything!!
Dh does the majority (OK then, all) the morning getting ready and school run stuff for ds (7). I am sooooo not a morning person, and dh and ds oth are. Ds even comes through at 7.30 to tell me it is time to get up!
However, when dh is away for wahtever reason, then I do get ds sorted - and he has never been late with either of us.
It really bugs dh that people always go on about how "good" he is - or alternatively, make disparaging comments about men "never" pulling thier weight in front of him.
It also irritiates him that on the Parent Council, people are always worrying about the lack of ethnic representation - yet he is the only man on the council and no-one seems to be bothered that 50% of the parents are not repsersented.
With regard to the OP - let your dh practice and I am sure he will get the hang of it. It was just 'cos you where there that he could come and ask you questions. If you hadn't been there, he would have coped - he's have had to.
DH gets the children's breakfast,but generally leaves for work before it's time to leave for school. He will do it if I am ill. He doesn't know what activities are on what day, so has to ask re tennis/football kit, but remembers bookbag and gets them in on time.
I get the DDs ready for school and nursery. DH does the nursery run, I do the school run. Last week I was away and he had his parents down to help - MIL did breakfast, FIL did school run. They still ended up going with hair all over the place (class assistant told me it was v.amusing to see DD1's crazy hairstyles!) and one day DD2 went to nursery in PJ bottoms. Ultimately, though, does it matter? They got to school, not in the way I would do it, but they were there on time, fed and happy. It is a matter of just getting the hang of it. (I did write a list though!)
Mine has to do it for 3 days a week as I leave the house hours before kids are up. I used to leave him detailed lists and when he first started he would do things like forget to feed one of them. Now he gets ds ready for school and dd to nursery and is still in work for 9.00.
Must say the lunch box proved too much for him and ds now has school dinners.
Of course he is...and we chop and change depending on who has to be out early etc.
Your DH needs to take his confidence and common sense in both hands and get on with it! Ask him how you can best assist him to be able to do it - checklist or a few mornings doing it together?
But don't let him faff around and talk himself out of the responsibility, it's hardly rocket science.
Feed your family Fabulous fish cakes for a fiver. With our Fabulous fish cakes recipe you really can feed your whole family a delicious meal for less than a fiver. This is just one of five brand new purse-friendly recipes from Sainsbury’s. Take a look!
(and that's even after I had put clean white ones in her room with her dress!).
