I look after a boy after school. He's 11 and lovely. I've looked after him his whole life. I'll call him x.
His best friend lives down the road. I'm friends with his mum.

Sometimes x and the bf knock on the door and want to play here. I say yes as I think it's nice for x. And they go down to the bf 's house a lot. So it's only fair.

But when they come up here they are so over excitable and loud and rough. Ds (5) joins in and I just know it will end in tears. After school he's already tired (and he's very emotional/teary at the best of times)and the last thing he needs is to be whipped up into a frenzy by these boys. They usually go on the trampolene.

And the other day not only was it it x and bf but bf's neighbour too.

And the other part to the problem is that dd is much too scared to go outside when they are all here. She's fine with x but not the others.
And when they are here it's tea time and i need her to be happy playing not clingy and whingy hanging off me.

Today after about 15 mins playing I went out and said that they needed to calm down and stop playing rough games.
But I don't know what's going to happen in the school holidays.

I don't want them all here all day. I kind of think bf's mum is more ecquiped for it as the bf is her son and they're her sons friends and she has lots of big boy stuff at her house iykwim.

But I really dont want to upset her. We do a lot of lift sharing and helping each other out and are friends on a chat/tell each other problems level.

Do I just have to accept that this is how it is. And how the summer will be

no - I am going to be hard now, but grown a spine! Your house, your garden and your DC's. You are not a doormat. Make some rules.

I know, but they go down to her house alot. I know I should do my share but it just seems to get out of hand when they're here.

So, x and others want to play at your house, when you're not actually looking after x? No way is that your problem! Just say no, it's not a question of "doing your share" - he's not your responsibility.

If you are looking after x, you can decide whether he can have friends round, same as you would if your own children's friends turned up wanting to play. If it's not convenient, then you just tell them that.

No, I am looking after x. It's just that I can't seem to say 'no' to them coming here as they are allowed to play there as much as they like. They are normally there cos of the computer.
But when they are here dd gets scared and wont go outside (even on a lovely day like today) and ds gets over excited and plays rough , fighty games.