My ds has just turned four. When in the park earlier he said out of the blue that he didn't love me, he just loved dd (his little sister) and daddy and that he wanted a fire to come and get me . He gets fire and shooting etc all mixed up. I didn't ask him if he loved me this was totally out of the blue.
Is this normal or should I be concerned? obviously I feel sad that he feels he doesn't love me although tbh he has always been a daddy's boy so I've kind of got used to it iyswim, and we both tell him off, give him cuddles equally I feel

Sounds pretty normal to me, I think most children say this at some time or another...DS does!

his exact words were 'then a fire would come and you would be dead'
Confusedmover - does your ds say it out of the blue or when he is cross with you?

Pretty normal.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you - of course he loves you. It's just that when he's feeling cross with you (and it might be over something you did yesterday, or last week) he has no other way of articulating how he feels.

It can also be attention-seeking; he wants a reaction from you, and thinks that saying he doesn't love you is a pretty good way of getting one!

The best response is not to pay any attention to it. Just say "Oh, really? Because I love you", and walk away. Don't let him see it hurts you.

He doesn't even know what love is yet. You must try very not to be hurt. Children test this stuff out on the ones they know they can without fear of rejection (ironically the ones who they know love them the most).

Don't react - just give him lots of cuddles and keep telling him that you love him very much. He'll soon learn to reciprocate.

Pretty normal. I give the same response as WigWamBam. He doesn't mean it.

What Wigwam said. Sounds like an attempt to get a reaction to me. Very normal.

He loves you!

The answer you should strive to come back with is a cheery 'Well, I love you!' I have managed to do this on a couple of occasions when baited by my DD and it annoyed her far more than when I said something catty back.

I used to think my DS was a budding psycho when he used to say "im going to get a knife and kill you" but I have to say (having now had more experience)this is quite normal

all of mine have, at one stage or another, said this to me.

My stock response is something along the lines of: "it doesn't matter whether you love me or not, because I love you enough for both of us"

They only mean it when they get to be a teenager, and even then they only mean it until you give them that chocolate bar or let them go to that party, and they they really, really, really, love you

The other thing to bear in mind is that they become quite fascinated by the idea of death at around this age, whilst still not being entirely aware of what death actually means.

Perhaps he has been playing with other children who have been playing "bang, bang, you're dead" games, or talking about the baddies being killed in Doctor Who or some other programme they have watched.

Either way, he doesn't mean it - he doesn't fully understand what he has said.

DD says this a lot. She's normally swapping her loyalties between DS1 and 2 though. Me she always loves, but that's not a plus tbh.....'Why are you squashing me?.....because I loooove you', 'Why are you hurting me?.......because I ^looooove you' 'Why are you poking me with that fork?......because I looooove you'

4 YOs have a very odd idea of love I think.

My eldest DS was always going to shoot me in my bed when he was about six! He has turned out normal and we have a good relationship!

Yep, it's normal. My just-six-year-old DS's current one is telling me that he's going to chop my head off if I tell him not to do something or deny him something he wants. He says the same about his v nice teacher (though not to her, needless to say...)

Why guns and shooting and fire? What has he been watching/reading/doing?

thanks everyone
I think the guns and shoorting and fire are from playgroup
They are all into goodies and baddies and he often says to us 'I am going to trap you' like PC Plod 'traps' Sly and Gobbo

Guns, shooting and fire are normal boy things. I was anti toy guns or anything in that line and yet it was the first thing he made with duplo.

none of mine have done this. I was told by two of them that they loved DH more than me. And DD said she loves the dog more than me too
but never had I hate you and never ever had any i want you to die or kill you or anything like it

DS told me that he loved his cuddle blanket more than DH or me!!

And DD allegedly loves Cinderella more than anyone. ("Cinderella would let me do it...", she says when I tell her not to do something)>

I think guns/shooting/fire/beheading are just things that occur to (most) boys. My DS doesn't watch TV (he thinks it's boring), reads books on cathedrals and textile production (oh yes...), and his main male role model (my DH) is an academic and writer, and not exactly a macho type. I'm sure some boys are gentle souls, but the majority go in for some form of aggressive behaviour/talk!

Normal - just asked GS to get his pyjamas on and he replied -"if you help me, I will love you and be your friend. If you don't I won't love you and you can't be my friend or my mummy any more." LOVELY !!!! but normal.

I think DS was 3 when he told me 'I hope a space rocket will come down from the sky and land on your head and burn you up with it's flames'

We still have a good relationship

I sometimes think they experiment with the unthinkable - as a way of proving to themselves how important the reality really is.

Jaysus. I'm absolutley aching for my 2.2 yr old to start talking, and I'd be so stunned if this sort of thing eventually came out of his mouth!!! You all recommend not reacting, but I'm pretty sure I'd dissolve into tears straight away!! !!

Then we have just had the following conversation;
GS; "If Saffy (our dog) dies soon can we have another one?"
ME; "Saffy won't die for quite a while yet"
GS; "What if Trotsky (the cat) gets a disease and gets very poorly and then has to have his leg cut off and then dies? Can I have a puppy than?"
ME: "Err, No. We have had Saffy and Trotsky for a long time, but I think they will be here for a long time yet, probably until you area big boy."
GS; "But if they got poison from a bad person, can I have a new puppy?"
ME; "They won't get poisoned, because, they don't go anywhere on their own and they only eat what we give them, and people don't really poison nice animals"
GS: "But what if a plane fell out of the sky and squished them, can I have a puppy then?"
Me: "Yes, if a plane falls out of the sky and squshesthem - you can have a new puppy."
GS; "When the next plane fly's over our house, can I put Saffy and Trotsky in the garden?"
Me:
He's 5.

Don't take it personally - i wouldnt give it a second thought.

oh yes he makes lego into 'shooters' and used to run around shouting 'pill, pill' before I twigged he meant 'kill'!

No, don't take it personally, I remember screaming at my mum "I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!!!" When I was about 4yrs old, all because she chucked away an old box I'd hoarded and wouldn't keep in my bedroom when she had asked me several times to do so. Believe me, i felt guilty for years afterwards and really scared in case anything happened to her and she died before 'finding out' how much i actually did love her after all! (I apologised for it years later when I was about 13!) she didn't even remember it! I always thought that she handled my tantrums and outbursts well though, she either ignored me or bundled me off to my bedroom! The most important thing is to be consistent with your son and make sure he knows you love him and that never changes, regardless of what he says and does.

I guess when he said it , it reminded me of all the times I've shouted at him, or been at the end of my tether, especially the first 6 months of dds life when I was exhausted at coping with 2lo's and I probbaly expected him to be more grown up than he was

PMSL Joash! We have a very elderly cat and my three hover over her like the Angel of Death looking for signs that her life may be drawing peacefully to a close - so they can have a puppy!

I think that sounds more like his fear coming out than how he really feels.

Joash - that's hilarious!

joash thats just had me and dh in stitches! fantastic

Joash - thanks for the good laugh!!

When my sister was 6 and I was 17 she said to our Mum "I used to love 'Me' more than you, but now I love you both the same" I felt pretty impressed with myself

DD1 once told me she wished I was covered in blood when I displeased her.

My sister once told our mum that she wished that Connie Creighton (of Sooty and Sweep non-fame) was her mother "because she's pretty"...

when i was very young - must have been about 3 or 4 I told my mum i wished she was dead. i was prob being told off at the time. anyway, she went upstairs and laid down on the bed and basically gave up living (for the day). i had no idea. dad came home and she obv told him. he made me go upstairs and apologise. I couldnt understand why she was crying. I saw my mum as a pretty weak and pathetic person from then on. She is v v sensitive. dont let it bother you.

I think that it would be very worrying for a small child egypt, if they behaved like your mother! They don't understand it,they don't mean it-they love you! You only need a quick response like 'that is OK as I have enough love for us both'and you carry on.

I think that it would be very worrying for a small child egypt, if they behaved like your mother! They don't understand it,they don't mean it-they love you! You only need a quick response like 'that is OK as I have enough love for us both'and you carry on.

Ds3 is only 3.5 - if I say that he will go to his room (for whatever it is he's doing wrong) he says 'well I will chop your head off' - Gawd knows where he's got that from!

My ds1 when 4 said 'I wish you were 100 and then you would die and I wouldn't be at this bloody front door'..... I was so impressed with swearing in the right context that I didn't noticed the death wish!!!