Is 14 months too young? My DS who is usually the sunniest natured boy in the world has started going into complete meltdown if he's upset - kicking, screaming, flailing about and not very easily calmed at all - which is totally out of character. He normally only cries if there's something wrong (ie hungry/tired/pooey bum). Is he ill or just having a tantrum? Surely he's a bit young? <weeps at prospect of two more years of this>

apparently your lo is not too young to be having tantrums - what is a tantrum?

Conception

erm, my dd is 15 m and has just started the whole stamping feet, kicking, screaming and dead weight trick when I try and dress her or change her nappy....
tantrumtastic! maybe they'll grow out of it extra early?? I'm trying to convince myself that its a sign of a strong character...
<crosses figers and toes>

two more years? no...think 20 more years! mine is worse at 14y than 14months...sorry

I thought he would be lovely until he was two

<<weeps louder>>

my ds has started having proper little ones when one of his sisters takes something from him, or he sees something he can't have ie my mobile phone - he lies face down on floor and screams ! He isn't one until next week !

DS 2 started a pre-tantrum phase at around 4 months old! If his brother takes his toy, or I don't let him climb somewhere stupid, or change his nappy!! he screams and kicks, I'm gonna have my hands full... DS1 is now 2.5 and has never had a proper tantrum...

DD2 was having full-blown, very long tantrums by age 10 months - they started at 9 months. It was very, very hard for her. They completely exhausted and terrified her. It took a lot of hard work on both our parts but now, having just turned two last week she has a very good level of control over them for her age.

btw - you will find them much easier to cope with the more he has - this is the hardest bit now IMO.

Mine's 2.11yrs. Just started the whole screaming, kicking, sobbing thing.... thought it had been avoided. I was sooooooo wrong(!)

heehee! the funny little people aren't they? bless em!

spice - my LO has been having them for about a month now, mostly when her will is denied(!)
she chucks stuff or bangs the floor with her little fists

DD was 10m when she started. Still going strong at 20m but I do now recognise signals and know how to avoid them some of the time.

Oh bugger. What's the best way of dealing with them? I have tried holding him and talking quietly and distracting him. If I put him down it makes him even crosser. Any other tips?

We have had a very, very busy few days with lots of new people and different kids and places so I'm hoping a quiet day at home will help.

I think that a lot of it is what Aitch called the "wtf? ness" of being a toddler. They start to get an agenda and an idea of what they want to do, and then suddenly that's whisked away. And that would make me mad, too - if DH suddenly said "Right, you're not using the laptop now, we're going out" with no prior warning, I'd get pretty ranty. And I think that little ones need a lot of prior warning, so we (say) talk to dd a few times about changing her nappy for a minute of so, and usually she comes fairly easily. Realised how well this worked when I was on the phone one day, and whisked her up briskly for her bath. Cue full-on meltdown...

That's a very interesting point Habbibu. He has been fine so far today (apart from whacking me round the face with a phone but that was an accident). Any tips for dealing with it when it happens? He went ape when he woke up in his pushchair, I got him out and he just got worse. Should I just carry on holding him/distracting him until he calms down?

The boy had his first real tantrum at about 10mths when I wouldn't let him play in the fish tank (don't ask).

It was his first real wobbly and was hysterical.

I found/find the best way is just completely refusing to engage. So when he was really little I would simply put him somewhere safe (i.e. the cot) until he had stopped, now I tell him that if he wants to scream and yell he will need to go to his room and do it there.

Makes 'em crazy if you are all calm and reasonable at them when they are screaming ;)

spicemonster - I have one 18 month old dd, and am very wary about giving out tips as mostly I have no idea what I'm doing! The point I made earlier is a tip from my mum, who was a nursery nurse, and a damn good one! I guess my thinking on tantrums and other things is that the best way of dealing with it with one child won't work for another, and it's a bit of trial and error. DD responds well to a calm voice and quick distraction, usually with a story, a cup of milk etc.

It's interesting what you say about him going mad when he woke up - dd has done this a bit once or twice, and yes, getting her out made it worse - this weekend I strapped her back in (her dad had got her out and I don't know why she was so upset) - we walked up and down the road for 2 mins, singing songs, and she was fine. Chalked it up as another mystery.

I know that Morloth's tip wouldn't work for dd, but it may well work for your ds, so I guess you try a couple of things and see what works. The pre-empting thing does work well for us, and is much more fun all round.

Agree it is mainly trial and error (and hopefully you can do most of your experimenting at home wher it isn't so embarrassing ).

One thing I would say though is that it is OK for your little one to be cross because things haven't worked out as planned. So I tend to let dd have a little cross moment (and sometimes say i know you are cross because you can't have a biscuit, then let her alone for a minute while she lies on the floor stropping. Then I try to help her find a solution - 'ok, would you like to eat an apricot/play with some bubbles?'.) This works with my very logical and tbh fairly laidback dd.

I do the immediate distraction thing in public - the supermarket etc (works 8 out of 10 times ) because it's harder to ignore tantrums in public. They start to go off on one and you suddenly say all excited 'ooh what's that?!!!!' and then quickly find something - can be anything (big pile of milk, a toy you have, a bird... not in supermarket obv). Then you can talk about it.

But don't be scared to try lots of things to see what works for you and ds (PS dd is 2 and tantrumming has only happened in phases... so we have an odd day or week here and there. Not an everyday relentlessness...)