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MEDIA: Helena Pozniak placed on Mon 02-Jun-08 15:50:59
Holidaying with other families - does it work? (The Times)
I'd love to speak to anyone who has had an experience (good/ bad / diastrous)going on holiday with other families. What are the flash points? Food? Discipline? Sleep? Can families holiday together and remain friends? What works, what doesn't? Any tips on coping with different family cultures? Please contact me at helena.pozniak@googlemail.com - I'd need a short telephone interview. The piece will appear in The Times.
Cod - here it is - we've stayed there 3 times, twice with sister and family, will prob do it again next year. In the middle of fruit orchards in the grounds of local chateau. Not luxurious, brill for children - loads of space/trees/climbing frame. And not ruinously expensivo either.
went on holiday with another married couple and kids to Italy in 2005. They split up on day 4 of a 14 day holiday..... That was fun, especially the night he offered my husband out for a fight....
We've been with my brother and his family lots, and it's been great each time - the secret being we each have a cottage (and therefore our own space when we need it) on the same farm or whatever. We've been with my sister and her family, and it was disaster - they don't "do" holidays in the same way we do - never again. We've also been with groups of families to 'rent-a-hostel' which was FAB but only for a weekend - not sure I'd want to live for a week that closely to lots of other families.
had a weird one reccently - because it was a cottage rented by other couple and they paid (we were their guests) - normally wonderful people and much fun, they turned into hideous control freaks to the point where we had to sneak secret food in car cos otherwise we would've got 'done' for not waiting til horrible tinned curry o clock. And they made sure 'bedtime' for kids was when their (much much younger) son usually had it. No such thing as a free holiday obviously - YOU PAY
have you emailed hula? i'm happy to recount our holiday but think may not be quite what they're after! a lovely nice break with lots of yummy french wine
Just seen this and then seen Katz has already posted.
Yes, we went away with Katz and family for a week last October and it worked really well. There were no problems either. It was just good fun, and the girls has a ball too. As a result we are going away for 10 days this summer with them - this time to the Czech Republic.
We have also been away with another family - once for a week, second time a long weekend. And they have suggested a fortnight next summer perhaps too.
It is fab when you have an only child too - DD is happy to have a play mate (and we don't have to face some hotel with a kid's club to get it - phew) and it takes the pressure of us parents for a bit of the time as a result.
Have also been away with parents too - again no problems there.
Maybe we are just really relaxed abot it all and don;t have too high expectations from a holiday - jsut going with the intention of relaxing and having fun.
We went with our NCT friends when kids were 2 and we were both pregnant with next - AWFUL! We just hadn't thought to discuss routines etc and what our expectations were.
OUR child needed a one-hour nap in the afternoon which we tended to give him in the car, on the way to somewhere, so e.g. between 1.30 - 2.30 pm.
THEIR child HAD to have lunch at 12 noon PROMPTLY as they then went to sleep in their cot (ONLY) for 2-3 hours...
It was awful.. we never did anything/ couldn't go for lunch, and I think the other couple started rowing because the Dad wanted to do things our way, but the Mum had got into a strict routine which she didn't want to break. The villa was minging too, which didn't help
The next year we went with another family who had kids of exactly the same age & gender as hours and were friends from the kids nursery school. It was slightly better. But one of their kids seemed to cry all night and keep us all awake.
Now we only go skiing with friends and their one daughter, which we've done for the past two years, and seems to work fine. Except for last year when she decided to explain to my DS2 (age 5) all about sex.....
We had our best ever ski holiday with friends, BUT we knew before we went ( because we had bitched enough about other families!!!) that we had similar ideas on mealtimes, snacks, bedtimes. We have lots of very good friends that we would NEVER dream of holidaying with because it would be the end of the friendship as we just don't have the same views on sleep & food. (Early people and late people should never hol together, or people with diff view on whether it is better to splash dosh eating out, or shop in LIDL before you to to save penies...
We do it with dh's hillwalking friends, works great. We take it in turns to do evening meals but fend for ourselves for breakfast and lunch. People go off and do things on their own or in groups, depending on what they want to do. Children love it.
I think it helps that they used to go on holiday together pre-children and marriage, so the routines are fairly well established. Also everyone is pretty much ok and there are no wide differences of opinion about parenting. Several of them used to go out with/have had affairs with ones who are now married to other ones, though, so there is plenty of potential for intrigue/explosions once people start to get bored with their marriages and the children are old enough for everyone to not be so knackered all the time.
We've done it very successfully with my sister and her family - in a villa which was divided into two separate houses, but with communal gardens/swimming pool. Perfect.
We've been on a couple of holidays with a group of old college friends, with assorted children. The last one was in a huge house that slept 16 - there were 11 of us, so enough room to bounce around. Broadly it worked quite well. There was a tendency for all the Menfolk to decide to bugger off to the pub/up a mountain with expectation that the women would (of course) babysit.... If dh did that on his own, he'd get pretty short shrift from me. But 4 of them together, it was harder to stamp one's tiny foot...
We've just committed to doing it again next year - even more children now involved - but this time in separate cottages in one complex. The upside (I'm sure) will be the ability to have one's own space, the downside will be the lack of a communal space to gather together/eat/drink/make merry...
have been on hols with friends for about three times, we are both very different people , they have two children we have four, but all of us get on.
Now, the whole of my family have been on holiday together, all 17 of us, 7 adults and ten kids,.......all of us sitting down for evening meal together...........spending the day on the beach with huge picnic.
Went on a Canvas Holiday with my best friends and their 2 kids and had an absolutely fabulous time.
The closeness of the friendship was imperative tho and there was a good amount of give and take on all sides.
Took dd on my own to stay with a couple and their dd and it was a bit of a disaster. Took dd several days to settle, her "routine" was totally out of sync with theirs (us early awake them late awake, us early bed, them late bed iyswim). I found it very stressful but things improved as dd settled a bit better.
So a 50/50 experience so far.
Spending a week with a bunch of MN friends and their DC in August at a park resort.
We can all check back in then and report LOL.
ps: one of the most stressful holidays was actually with GPs, Bro & his teens and me & dd LOL. Again things improved massively after first few days.
Is she your mate then cod? We have a family we holidayed with once and it worked well, so we are doing it again next year. It's holidays with extended family I would avoid at all costs.
We've been on a ski holiday sharing a chalet with three other families - it was great but think that was because the chalet was fully catered, so no food buying or preparing, and everyone was out all day skiing. We shared a nanny too, but all the kids got on, there were nine children, ranging from two to sixteen.
I would do a ski holiday again, as the days are pretty much planned, but not a summer holiday - I like to relax!!
We went with 2 very long standing friends, their assorted 5 children and my 2 to a freezing remote cottage in Wales with only one bathroom. It was a disaster.
friend 1 said "DON'T PUT BUTTER ON THE CARROTS!!! STEVE (her not so d h) WON'T EAT THEM LIKE THAT!" - like I fking cared, I'm cooking, I'll put butter on the fking carrots if I want to
Friend 2 let her children stay up until nearly 10 when I wanted ADULT TIME and to talk
Their 2 toddlers whacked our baby on the head whenever they could so we had to watch like hawks
Everytime 1 child woke up so would the other 6 as there was nothing between the 2 floors, just floorboards you could see through
I did all the shopping and extra shopping (ran out of eg bread) and friend 2 refused to contribute.
Hmm. When we went on holiday with another family none of the children "matched" in age - that way, it was flexible about who played with whom. No pairing off and then falling out IYSWIM.
I wouldn't contemplate sharing catering or domestic chores - catered chalet or hotel and restaurants every time. Preferably one where the children can get up and get breakfast on their own, giving adults a lie in
No shared bedrooms with children from other families - only brothers and sisters sharing.
With planning (I plan everything so I would say that) it definitely works. (Which is maybe not a sufficient "story" for a newspiece ...)
Anyway. Things to put in the plan:
- where the holiday is: nobody must feel trapped - so, if it's at all remote, each family must have its own transport. My plain-speaking great-granny once said of a tribal holiday in Austria "If I had my car you would not see me fordust."
- what the accommodation is: see above re feeling trapped. Two separate houses; or apartments in same building; or enough bedrooms to have nearly-separable own space (our holiday house has 2 bedrooms upstairs, 3 down - so each family gets a floor). More space for meals & cooking than you think you could ever need - communal eating space gets very crowded. And even if you slot in together for all other meals, you are very likely to have staggered chaotic breakfast times
- what the domestic admin is going to require: food-shopping & wine-supplying & kitties & who gets to use the washing machine when ... the best co-holidayers are ones who don't mind actually focussing on & agreeing this stuff in advance. I always have two full weeks of meals planned, which can then be adjusted/shared out ad hoc but if the basis is there then no-one can feel exploited/resentful
- what the ages of the children are: goes without saying there should be a bit of a match. But under-fives don't work that well, generally: everybody's routine is a little bit different, & they don't get masses out of having extra on-tap playmates. Over-fives are more flexible and they love the company
We went on holiday with two other families last year - once to a chalet for a week's ski-ing and once for a week on a Greek island. Absolutely lovely, both times. Would repeat with either family - in fact, will very probably be repeating this summer.
From
MEDIA: Helena Pozniak placed on Mon 02-Jun-08 15:50:59
