Many thanks to everyone who has contributed to our Miscarriage Code of Practice recommendations for Alan Johnson, Lord Darzi all other UK health ministers. We've compiled into a list of 10 key recommendations here.
Hi, I am going through a miscarriage this week after finding out at 10wks that baby(thats what i prefer to call it-dont mind me) growth is only at 5-6wks. Had no symptoms at all since i found out i was pregnant and the 10wk scan showed only a sac n a yolk. Sonographer said either it stopped growing or my lmp is wrong, which is highly unlikely and i would have to go through a d&c if 2nd scan showed no progress and if i dont have bleeding by next week. Just would like to share my experience with anyone who went through similar case like mine n we can at least comfort each other in times of sadness ..
nandos this has happened to me twice it is really heartbreaking when you don't know and you go for a scan thinking you are going to see your baby (yes it was a baby and don't let anyone else make you feel it wasn't)
all I can say is be kind to yourself I had a d&c both times as I just wanted it to be over iyswim
take as much time as you need to recover as well hugs to you andie
nandos - poor love. I've had a missed mc once (and 2 other mc's) so I know how you feel. Like andiem I had a d&c, went on holiday the next day, was fine for a week, broke down at my friends wedding (where another close friend was pg and bleeding and I was just so appallingly jealous) and then got over it quite quickly after that. I've gone on to have 3 children (in amongst the mc's) so don't loose hope.xx
P.S. I didn't explain myself very well there. I was just so jealous of my friend for still being pg but angry with her for 'risking' the pg by going to the wedding! My hormones had a lot to answer for as she wasn't risking it at all! She went on to have a ds (who is now 5 1/2 months older than mine)
Hi Nandos, sorry for what you are going through. I had a mmc last year and decided not to have a d+c but a medical management whereby i took a tablet to start the mc off. I had painfull contractions for just over an hour and lost alot of blood/tissue then all slowly calmed down, seeing the sac pass through was traumatic and i dare say i will never forget that moment (i was 9weeks but the baby had stopped at 7weeks). I guess i felt at the time that the d+c just was'nt the right way for me but everyone's different. Give yourself plenty of time to recover from this and i really am sorry. Takecare my lovely Big hugs wenXXX.
So sorry this has happened to you. I had a mmc at 12 weeks - feeling was complete shock followed by denial, anger, grief, despair etc - anything is normal here.
I remember asking for another scan just to see what was there - the first was very rushed and seeing the baby (such as it was) helped me to come to terms with what was happening.
I went for the d&c as I wanted to move on as soon as possible.
Take care of yourself and come back and tell us how you're feeling if it helps. xxx
Thx everyone for sharing your experiences and support. I just felt empty inside although I know in my womb there might be a dead baby inside(its not confirmed yet but im sure of it) I dont know which is sadder, the dead baby in my body or the doctor who will be taking it out. im sorry if i made u guys upset or sad but everytime i think abt it, it makes me want to vomit.. is there anyway i can take my mind off it while i wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally/d&c?
nandos I think you just have to try and get through this bit as best you can be kind to yourself can you go shopping or something really trivial like that and treat yourself
the staff at the hospital are really nice when this happens so they will take good care of you
it does get better I have two dcs now spaced out by mc and every time I thought I wouldn't have a baby but I did take care of yourself
I slept a lot at first (it was over new years and I knew nothing of it). It's a horrible time before things are confirmed, I hope you get some confirmation either way.
Over the first few months after the MMC I found I was just about ok to get through the working day but went to pieces at the weekend unless we had lots of plans. We live near london so we would take ourselves off to the aquarium, the tower of london, etc etc. Can't say I particularly enjoyed it but kept my mind off things for a while. Sometimes you just need a duvet day though and a good cry.
We discovered the baby had died at about 8 or nine weeks when we had a scan at 12 weeks. I think I cried uncontrollably for about an hour. I had the d&c after waiting for a week and nothing happening. The procedure itself is not that bad - you are in and out of hospital in a day. We knew the baby had died and I felt a week was long enough to wait for it to happen naturally. I just wanted it to be over with.
I found talking about it helped loads. I discovered how common mc was, as it was not something that I had ever thought about before. People at woek kept coming up to me and telling me their tales which I found helpful particularly when they then went on to say they had had children after.
I still think of this baby as my second baby that we lost and it can still make me cry - I shall never forget her. We have never found out why we lost her but I just think now that she wasnt meant to come at that time.
However two months later I found out I was pregnant again and went on to have dd2 who is now 13 months old and creating havoc. I think of her as my little miracle.
hello - I had the same thing with first pregnancy. Was so excited...getting to twelve weeks and nearly over the first trimester, getting rounder in the tummy, feeling lovely - then started having pains and spotting. GP sent me for a scan and there was just a 5/6 week yolk sac - oh and a large cyst on my ovary (turned out to be two, but had those removed and finally had DD a couple of years later...)
Anyway, at the time I was desparate because I thought I was losing a baby, but the scan helped because I realised that a 5/6 week empty yolk sac - which was what it was by then - was not a baby so it made it a lot easier to miscarry naturally - well it's all relative, it was horrible, but to have lost a fully formed 12 week-old 'baby' would have been devastating. I just wanted to try again and be pregnant again. (Issue with cysts delayed this a bit).
So - now we have DD and I don't think of having lost a baby at all, because it wasn't. Early miscarriage is mother nature's way of dealing with real problems, and a baby was just never going to come from that fertilisation. End of story. Sorry if that sounds harsh, I don't mean to be at all. I just realised that I was lucky really - to have a damn good reason that the pregnancy wasn't going to continue, and that so many other women have much sadder experiences to deal with in having later miscarriages/complications/stillbirths. I can't imagine having to go through that.
I hope you get over this and go on to have a healthy pregnancy and gorgeous little one. I'm sure you will x
This happened to me too - twice. The first one was the most traumatic as it was really hard for me to believe that a baby could just die like that. I had 'medical management' as well (e.g. the abortion pill) to get rid of the 'products of conception.' Saw the egg sac which was traumatic. Worse also was the doctor who didn't read my notes properly, assumed I was in for an abortion, and started chastising me for my failure to use contraception.
Second one was last year. Decided not to have D&C or medical management but let it end naturally. Unfortunately this led to a month and a half of bleeding culminating in a dreadful experience in Waitrose - looking down to see blood dripping down my legs - begging them to let me use their bathrooms - in the bathroom the 'products of conception' hitting the floor in a horrible gush of liverish lumps as I pulled my knickers away. Ugh.
My friend (who had also had several mcs) cheered me up though when I told her about the Waitrose incident. She said "Never mind. Could have been worse. Could have been Asda." She had a point.
Pregnant now - due 28th May - but still answered, when the midwife asked me if this was my first child, that it was my third. Doh.
mylovelymonster u have a point there. i know am lucky not to have it at a later stage. for now i am staying at home cos' i dont know when my bleeding will be coming and if it does, i would be ready for it i guess.. im just sad cos' its my 2nd miscarriage and we have no kids yet. the last pregnancy n miscarriage was 2 1/2yrs back so u would have known this is really a wanted child. we had unexplained infertility and my pregnancy occurs only every 2-3 yrs as far as i know..so i dont know when will be my next fertile moment.. anyway i will update you guys abt my situation soon and would like to say thank you again to all of you ..
nandos - hi. I'm so sorry this was your second pregnancy. I really didn't mean for my post to sound at all harsh - was just sharing my experience and how I felt about it/dealt with it. Unexplained infertility? Have you had a proper examination - both of you - to find out where the issue is?
The HFEA have a very informative book on issues with getting pregnant and will send it to you free here and have a lot of useful info on their website. Also, something I learned is to steer clear of non-steroidal anti-inflammetory drugs when TTC as these can affect implantation of the embryo. Ibuprofen is one of these and taken routinely for headaches etc. I believe paracetomol is the only painkiller which is ok. Other medications - check with your doctor or pharmacist. Just a few thoughts. Thinking of you xx
mylovelymonster dont be silly ..u dont sound harsh at all, its just different way of thinking thats all thx for the info u gave me too.. yes, both me(26) n my hubby(33) did our tests and everything turn out to be fine..only hubby had slight low motility rate but doc said unless it is zero then we have no prob. btw ampster im sorry abt your previous mc and horrible experience at waitrose. hopefully u get to see your long-awaited bundle of joy soon Abt your doc, hes sounded silly for telling you abt contraception..
i feel much better discussing abt this topic but at times i still wander if i hadn't miscarried i would have 2 kids by now..
Hi Nandos,..really sorry to hear you are going through this I've had a few MC but my last was a missed at 16 weeks with monozygotic twins who had died at 11/12. I didn't start bleeding naturally and had a D&C. I actually found the time between finding out and the D&C incredibly hard to deal with. TBH I wanted them gone as soon as possible. Does that sound weird? THe D&C wasn't a problem at all, in and out in a day. I have 2 ds's but still think about all my MC 'babies'. I expect I always will. Have you got someone in RL to talk to about this? I find the more you talk the easier it is. Is your DP supporting you? and you he of course, I have to admit to forgetting about my DH's feelings and I think the mc hit him hard too. Sending lots of strength and support your way x
Nandos - I had one of these. We went to what was thought to be our 12 week scan and everything was fine heartbeat etc etc but turned out I was only 8 weeks and was told to come back in 4 weeks for the proper scan. Got there and turned out baby had died in between. Having a D&C was the hardest thing ever as I kept thinking but what if it's alive!
I don't know how to help you as it took me months to recover. All I will say is grieve and take time to recover. Alot of people (not on here obviously) think it's nothing and you should get over it quickly but it is a baby so take your time to grieve and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise.
Im so sorry abt your previous twin mc ingles2...it must be really hard on u i think its a natural thing to start all over again when a person found out she has miscarried so its not weird to have the d&c sorted out asap... but im just scared to have the d&c n feel embarrased abt it(to have someone look at my thingy..i know it sound silly).. my hubby is still very sad n disappointed cos' he also wanted a child badly and i didnt cry when i heard the news at first but when i came out of the epu n saw his face, i started blabbering and words cant come out to tell him the news n i started crying..thats when he realised something is wrong..
Thanks Nandos,..but don't feel scared or embarrassed about the D+C,...really. they see it all the time. Take care of yourself amd try and get some rest.
I have had two of these, the first was esp difficult I had some spotting at 9 weeks which confirmed everthing was well strong heartbeat baby moving I went away so proud of my scan picture and relieved after panicering thinking I was going to mc. I returnend at 12 weeks for what should of been my first scan which revealed my baby had died at 11 weeks. I had an erpc but like luckysaleem I kept thinking what if they had made a mistake and killed my baby. When it came to my 3rd mc- 2nd missed, after the scan I made them keep doing blood tests to check my hcg werent going up before I would let them do another erpc, that helped me having extra assurance that the baby had definetly died. Dont feel bad for calling it your baby thats what it was, I always refer to my three as my babies. It takes time to grieve so dont rush yourself or let anyone rush you. Im so sorry you are going through this. This nov will be 11 years since my first mc, I now have 2 sons but I still think of my babies that died, not in a morbid way but they were part of me, part of who I am and influenced the type of person and mum I am today. Take one step at a time. When do you go for your 2nd scan
oh yes, nandos, i forgot to say that after the first mc i had some counselling on the nhs, provided by homerton hospital in london (where i had the RU486 to remove the baby). it was really really really useful (and free!) so if you're having problems i would definitely recommend trying to get some counselling to help you deal with what is definitely a bereavment.
when i was 10 weeks pregnant with this baby i asked for a scan (they're not routine here in sweden till 20 weeks) because i was positive it had died inside me again. i was so happy to see it moving around. i also got one of those heartbeat doppler things so that every time i was scared he'd died again i could listen to the heartbeat. so i'd recommend that for next time also.
well ampster, i did bought a fetal doppler just a day before my 10wk epu scan and received it 2 days after i got the bad news so its there in my drawer now. well on the bright side, since we cant do anything with it, me n hubby used it to hear our own heartbeat so it cheered me up a bit after that.. and yeah im 26 but we been married for nearly 5 years so theres a lot of pressure from a lot of ppl asking when we will be having kids. all i could say is 'hopefully soon'. i will be 27 end of this yr so time is catching up with me faster than i thought..
Hi, i had a missed miscarriage in february, i had started bleeding a couple of days before so went for an early scan where they told me there was no heartbeat! I was 9 weeks. I am lucky enough to have a 3 year old daughter whom made everything seem so much better & made me get on with things even though all i really wanted to do was curl up in a ball & cry( which i did a few times when she was in bed) I feel fine now, 3 months on but have decided to not try for another baby until after our hols in July.
I chose to have a d&c 3 days after being told as really couldnt go through with the other method as a friend had gone through that and she said it was awful.
Although the staff at the hospital were very good i felt really sad that before i had a scan they referred to the baby as a baby but as soon as i was told there was no heartbeat they refered to the baby as pregnancy tissue.
im so sorry to hear that ktnixon it is still a baby no matter what.. and how could they say its a pregnancy tissue after finding no heartbeat! i know how u feel and i realised even women who had children b4 and suffered a miscarriage, would feel exactly the same as women with no kids who suffered a miscarriage..no less btw its nice to hear that you have a 3yr old daughter to comfort you in times of need and that you r getting along fine now
So sorry you are going through this. I still remember so clearly going for my 12 week scan with DS1 in tow, talking excitedly about his new baby brother or sister and finding out that the baby had died at 9 weeks. Trying to hold it together for his sake was one of the worst days of my life. That was my second m/c - had one before DS1 was born - and I went on to have another two healthy beautiful children so although you never forget the babies you lose, hopefully they will only be part of your story of motherhood. Best of luck.
I'd had a missed miscarriage in 2004. I was about 12 weeks but the baby had only grown to 8 weeks. Turns out it was a molar pregnancy.
Like you I'd had no symptoms whatsoever, no bleeding or cramps. It was slightly comforting to know that the baby couldn't have survived anyway (something to do with too many chromesomes).
But, on a happier note the next pregnancy went well and now I've got my lovely dd, so there's still hope!
I've had two missed miscarriages. The first at 12 weeks, showing 8 and the second at 7, showing 5 weeks (twins). The first time was much better as I had another scan quickly and then an ERPC the following day. The second time (different hospital) it dragged on for over 3 weeks before the hospital confirmed what I, the GP (via blood tests) and the sonographer had known within a week . I had an ERPC again.
It's imortant to look after yourself and not underestimate the impact on you. You'll also still have a lot fo hormones flying around your system - so beprepared for ups and downs and just go with the flow.
thx for the advice you guys have given me so far..am taking it slowly nowadays. had spotting today but nothing much to worry cos' last wk the sonograper told me to be prepared in case of heavy bleeding. will be in for a scan this monday so will let you all know what my outcome is..
We were together on the December thread, and now I guess we can be together here. I just found out yesterday about my mmc. Baby was also gone at 6 weeks, though it took another 4 before we found out. Very sad, so I can appreciate what you're going through.
I hope that it's over quickly for you, whichever course of action you choose to use. My thoughts are with you.
hi nandos, i too had a mmc ... 9 weeks but had died at 5 weeks. i had the d & c and was relieved to get it done although part of me just didn't want to stop being pregnant despite it all. i am sitting here with my beautiful 4 month old dd but it took a long time for her to come so dont give up hope. for me one of the hard things was that, after the initial bit, people did not want to talk about the miscarriage but for me every week felt like an anniversary. wish i had known about mumsnet then as was desperate to talk to people about how i was feeling. dont underestimate how hard it is and how much you need to look after yourself. take good care
Hi Bcsnowpea, am so sorry for your news, i remeber the day as if it was yesterday when told the heartbeat was no-longer detected so i know how sad and devastated you must be feeling. Am sending you a hug and tight squeeze my lovely. Takecare and give yourself plenty of time with this both physically and mentally.
Like you Lesleyella, i wished i had known about this site when i had my first mc and mmc, it can be so lonely when ya friends and family are pregnant or have babies and ya still no further forward! Congratulations though on having your dd, it gives others hope! Takecare everyone wenXXX.
bcsnowpeas.. im so sorry for your loss i just hope you will be strong in the coming months ahead and will be able to start ttc soon. as for me, i had to go to the epu again today as i had more discharge and feel nausea. at the hospital before the scan they told me to go n pee(usual routine) n i thought i miscarried there n then cos' there were more clots n discharge. surprisingly at the scan, the sonographer found an embryo measuring abt 6 weeks (im supposed to be 11). she asked to come in 3 days cos' embryo growed to over 4mm in a week.(it measured 5 weeks last week when i should be 10)
i cried after the results cos im in a deeper limbo right now then last week. i know my dates r not wrong cos' i had a pregnancy test in late march n i should be 11 now, not six. there is no heartbeat today ..and last week she thought its likely to be missed miscarriage due to my dates. i dont know when this is going to continue but im really scared cos' i know the outcome of this kind of abnormal pregnancy usually is not good will let u guys know next week cos' she said next week is the time when heartbeat is usually seen ..
Hi nandos, I just read your post on the december due thread. Good luck with your scan, I hope that you get the best of news.
As for me, hospital refused a d&c since I wasn't in pain and some bleeding had already started (also I suspect because I don't have insurance). I'm finally cramping and passing it all out. DH and I have decided to wait for a while before we try again, until my cycle gets back to normal, but I'm really glad (though also very sad) that my body is finally healing and moving on after almost five weeks.
thx bcsnowpea btw pls take a lot of rest cos' your body needs it. like someone on another thread said, its still in its early stages and the loss is not as bad as a fully formed baby..so take it a bit easy and if u are sad, theres always someone here to talk to ..
Nandos I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It's cruel isn't it? I had a mmc detected at the 12 week scan where baby only measured 6 weeks. You think you've got through the first trimester and are just getting excited that you can announce your news and it all comes crashing down. It's horrible isn't it? Sending you lots of hugs. I found the best thing for me was to keep busy, but we are all different so do whatever you need to do. Chocolate is also good
Hi nandos, i think we were on the same december due date thread. How things change. Well im here too, after spotting for a week, then heavier bleeding for 2 days last weekend (at a wedding!), went for scan on monday to find same thing - no growth after 6 weeks and 4 days, even though i thought i was 11 weeks.it is awful isnt it!! lying on the bed hearing no heartbeat and waiting for the confirmation, hideous! oddly enough, after finding out the pregnancy wasnt viable on monday, i had much more blood straight away, then awful cramps and blood tuesday evening - ie like my brain had then told my body the sad news and my body acted accordingly. All i can say is it's now 5 days since i found out, and now i have the pregnancy out of me, you DO start to feel better. the worst bit was waiting for it to pass. I actualy booked in for D&C after the cramps as hadnt had much blood. But we insisted on scan in hospital, husband said "how can we make in formed decision about whether to have D&C if we dont know if the pregnancy has passed". They even did internal exam and confirmed the pregnancy hadnt passed as cervix was closed. But again we insisted. Which paid off. Was all booked in for D&C but scan showed it had passed already. i am taking another week off work just to check im not too wobbly. but i am being firm that it wasnt a baby - just a cell. It's my hopes and dreams of a baby that are lost, not an actual baby as it never was one. That has really helped me. Also my husband saying "we were fine before we had a baby, we can feel fine again soon". dont know if that helps you but it really helps me! take good care, you are not alone xx
I recognise a few of you from the December 08 thread. The same has just happened to me as well (started bleeding on Thursday two days before 12 week scan, had emergency scan, discovered the baby died about 5 weeks ago). I had a 'proper' missed MC three years ago as well so I know what that feels like too. This time it was slightly different because I had bleeding first which warned me something was up. I'm still just bleeding like a period but feel so tired (just slept for 1 1/2 hours) and empty. It's just the pits, isn't it? The pregnancy symptoms have more or less gone now too which has been hard to deal with. I feel lucky though as I have had two successful pregnancies and know that it can happen again, hopefully.
sorry to hear your sad news too becky. im really scared it will happen again, i couldnt bear it, this was my first pregnancy. Does anyone know how long you have to wait till trying again? dr's said wait one period so you can get correct dates. but i dont care about dates, will be able to check that thro a scan. i want to be pregnant again asap but dont want to risk mc again by trying too soon. dr said something about lining of womb needs to be re made, ie wait a period, but on web searches this seems not to be the case according to web based dr's, anyone got any clues on this one?
I've never heard that lining of the womb thing before. The first time I had a MC they told me to wait for one period and that was very hard for me as I was desparate to get pregnant. This time the doctor told me that they say wait for one period just to get the dates right if you get pregnant again straight away (straight from the horse's mouth!) and told me that I could start trying again as soon as I felt ready. Worrying about a MC happening again is completely natural. I know a few people who had a MC on their first pregnancy and then had healthy pregnancies and there is no way of knowing whether you will have a successful pregnancy next time around until you try. I had a healthy pregnancy first time around then an MC, then another healthy pregnancy and now another MC. I'm scared about doing it again as well and my mum upset me yesterday as she basically advised me against it because she is worried about the impact another MC would have on me but my answer to her was that maternal instinct is very strong and makes it all worth it in the end. Good luckxxx.
Oh Emma and Becky, I'm so sorry to hear your news, but I'm glad that you found this thread. Strange as it may sound, I like having the solidarity of those who were on the same pregnancy thread. Maybe we'll see each other again on later pregnancy threads.
Just to throw in my two cents, neither the GP nor hospital gave me advice about conceiving again, and I really wasn't in a state to ask, but everything I've heard since agrees with what you've both said. They prefer to have correct LMP dates, and I think it might be reassuring to know that your body is cycling correctly. However, waiting any longer is mostly recommended for you to grieve, though I know we all grieve differently, and I'm really keen to try asap.
On my front, I've had miniscule bleeding of old blood for just under a week now and I'm so keen for it to be over. Then again, it hasn't even been three weeks since my first spotting. I hope it's complete without a d&c, but I'm playing the wait and see game.
Good luck to you both, my best wishes fly around the world to you.
how sad but reassuring that a few from the Dec thread are here. i have almost stopped bleeding now, but still very sore belly (womb area) so cant really start trying yet due to that. plus feel completely wiped out, even 15 min walk to shop makes me need to lie down. taking all this coming week off work (and took last week off work too). Think i will do pregnancy test at the end of this coming week, as want that to be negative before i start trying again. couldnt bear to think i was pregnant and then it to just be because the old HCG hormones from miscarriage pregnancy were still in my system. i hear they can hang around for weeks, giving a positive pregnancy test reading. will be sad im sure to do the test and have it positive, knowing im not my partner has been great, especially when i was so ill in the week. but now he's sort of "over" it. truth is, im not. emotionally im still grieiving. might call a helpline number i saw in my hospital. My cousin was/is the same amount pregnant as i was. and we were so looking forward to going through the pregnancy together. that is going to be the hardest for me - as im sure i'll keep thinking that i would have been that pregnant. any tips on how to deal with that? what can i tell her about how i feel? she's a pscyhologist so will know i am bound to feel a bit sad around her. but at same time i want to be happy for her.
I think it is almost worse when you start to feel better. I cried when DH asked me if I wanted wine last night as I did but I didn't want to want wine because that was like admitting it was nearly all over. I feel wiped out too. I had an hour long afternoon nap yesterday and could have done with the same today. Today I was getting cabin fever so I persuaded everyone to come shopping with me. I felt so tired and wiped out. I walked around clutching my aching stomach just wanting to sit down.
I have a similar problem to you emmapp in that two very close ex-colleagues of mine are pregnant and due end Nov, early Dec and they've just had their 12 week scans and are over the moon happy etc. One of them has been trying for two years and she has a bowel condition which she thought would prevent her having children so I can't fail to be happy for her. It is hard but I think you just have to admit to your cousin that you are grieving and sad about what has happened to you. I think if I were the pregnant one I would want you to talk about it to me and admit how you feel. When I first fell pregnant I was too scared to tell different friend of mine who had recently had a MC and now I've had a MC too I regret not being brave enough to talk to her. I think your cousin will respect your honesty and will expect you to find it tough.
oh my god im the same becky! had wine tonight fot the first time (felt too ill with stomach cramps and no energey to drink before now) and it was like a real "mark" that i wasnt pregnant, to be able to drink. sad. yes, your right, i have to be honest with my cousin, it would be weird to pretend im fine. i sympathise about the shopping spree, we've bought a 37inch HD tv and other stuff that we really didnt need as were previously saving for a baby...and all the time i had bad stomach on the shopping trip. take good care of yourself. your not alone and it WILL get easier
So sorry to hear these sad stories. I had a missed miscarriage in December, exactly the same thing happened to me, and I was quite traumatised after letting it all happen naturally, the hospital had not told me what to expect. I was emotionally much more affected than I expected to be, more even than at the scan when I was told the baby had died.
I couldn't telly my family or husband how bad I felt because I didn't want them to know I was that upset. I came to mumsnet and wept and just put down everything that had happened and some lovely people here made me feel normal and a lot better.
I always imagined I was the kind of person who wouldn't be sentimental about it, and would think 'oh, there was something wrong with that baby, I'll try again', but it was definitely one of the saddest times of my life. I am 12 weeks pregnant now and will not relax for at least some weeks to come. I hope everyone going through this right now stays safe, surrounds themselves with love, and takes things exactly as quickly as they can manage.
hello everyone.. its sad to see quite a handful of Dec thread members in this section but i hope everyone of us will have a successful pregnancy in the near future. as for me, i am feeling much better today as theres lesser cramps and bleeding has stopped completely. thinking of doing another scan but might check with a hpt before doing that. its weird today cos' i feel like im ovulating due to the egg-white thingy (is that possible right after mc?) i want to get pregnant asap but at the same time i dont know if im mentally ready for it..
Yes, a lot of people get pregnant very quickly afterwards. My post-miscarriage conception took longer than the others, and I think in a way I wasn't mentally ready and I was trying too hard to fix what had gone wrong, if you know what I mean. So every time I didn't conceive I was much more panicky about it than I had been for previous conceptions.
I think if you were ready to be pregnant before, you're ready to be pregnant again now, BUT that doesn't mean you're ready to TRY to get pregnant now - do you know what I mean? Because suddenly it all matters more and the risks seem bigger, and the thought that you might go through it again means the whole world.
This is what we do, though, isn't it, we're the ones who have the babies. There are amazing threads on here about conceiving after miscarriage and pregnancy after miscarriage. They helped me tons. I'd really recommend looking through one or two of them over the next few days, because it just normalises where you are right now and so many stories have happy endings.
EBenes, i heard of some ppl who like u said get pregnant very quickly after mc...but im a bit scared to take that same step. im even more scared if i really get pregnant this month/nextmonth ..i dont know why. i guess this is normal? the fear of telling ppl that i am pregnant and then miscarries again is too much.. anywayz thx for the info regarding the threads..will look into it soon ..goodnite
my GP yesterday said i could TTC straight away, and told me the "lining of womb" thing meaning you should wait a month (that hospital told me) is not necessary. argh! what to do now? still got positive pregnancy test currently, so will wait till that goes negative and stomach ache goes completely, then seriously think about whether if i try now i will wory about possibility of mc...but so desperate to try asap to get back on track to where we were.
it's now getting on for almost 2 weeks since we found out i'd had a missed miscarriage, it does get easier. am starting to feel more logical/philosophical about it just not being meant to be, it still really hurts though. I spoke to Scottish Care (even tho i dont live in scotland) miscarriage assocation yesterday which was really helpful. made me make up my mind to wait a month before TTC again...just to be safe, as otherwise i'll be wrapped with worry that the same thing could happen again. She made it clear the scientific evidence is v. unclear about whether you need to wait a month or not, but if i do wait a month, then i'v done everything i can. me and DH are also not drinking at all for a month...boring, but at least that way i can rule out that too. with mc pregnancy i drank a bottle of wine over the first weekend, without knowing i was pregnant, and also had cod liver oil tablets for first 5 weeks as didnt know till i read books that they were dangerous. i know it's silly, but cant help thinking this caused it!
Your not silly at all. I had had wine before I realised I was pregnant and worried about that all the way through. I also had a very stressful week when I was 5/6 weeks pregnant with a trip to casualty with my son and selling the house the next day and I can't help worrying that that triggered it though I know it is probably unlikely. When I was in the ambulance the paramedic took my blood pressure and pulse (to show my son who was scared what she needed to do to him) and she found that my heart was racing like the clappers. I worry about that too even though people tell me its highly unlikely. I think I'm going to give up alcohol and coffee once I've had my first period. We're going to wait until then to start again just for personal reasons really, I think I just need to rest for a few weeks and get this house moving sorted before we try again. I think it is natural to worry about various things that might be said to be bad for the baby such as alcohol, stress and caffine but there is just no way of knowing.
Hi everyone. Sorry to hear about your sad stories and heartened to hear about your gradual recoveries. I too have migrated over here from the Dec 08 thread. There's an awful lot of us with MMCs from that thread it seems.
I had my 12 week scan this am and they found no heartbeat and baby stopped growing about 8-9 weeks.
We have a hol booked for 15th so think my best option is a D&C. Scared though as never had a general. At least I can rest up in the greek sunshine.
Warm wishes to you all and hope you're looking after yourselves. x
I had a D&C the last time and it is a very simple procedure. I'd never had a general before then either so was nervous too. It all went ok. I was home by tea time.
I imagine that by the time you go on holiday you'll be really glad you can get away. Time out is very important I think after a MC.
I had a mc with my first pregnancy - went for 14 week scan and was told it had died about 8 weeks. I had been really poorly and very sick - had a D&C the following day. 3 days later I was back at my own GP's bleeding heavily and passing large clots. I went straight back to hospital had a scan only for them to tell me that they had left fetal matter behind - so i had to have another D&C. I now have two very healthy boys.
fruitbowl im so sorry to hear abt your mc ..i hope that the d&c goes well and that you will recover soon. do chat with us whenever u need to k. take care n lots of hugss.
Just been reading this thread and it has helped a lot to know other people have gone through this. I found out yesterday at my routine 12 wk scan that the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks. We were shocked as I have had awful pregnancy symptoms since around that time - much worse sickness and tiredness than with my previous pregnancies (I am very fortunate to have two daughters already).
I would also have been due in December.
The worse bit is reliving the moment the sonographer said " I can't see a 12 week foetus - are you sure of your dates" and the sudden drop from the happy excited atmosphere of a second before to the shock when I realised had happened.
I'm booked in for the operation on Wednesday. Scared but more scared of waiting to see if I finally miscarry naturally.
Part of me keen to start trying again straight again but another part is terrified.
Best wishes to everyone else on this thread and hope you all go on to have happier pregnancies in the future x
Good luck for wednesday hairytoe. The waiting is so hard. I'm thinking of you. I had my ERPC just over a week ago and am starting to come to come to terms with things. It is a frightening experience but I hope you get some support to help you through from here and in RL. Lots of luck x
Hi all, Have found this thread really helpful. Just found out today I have a missed MC. I am 8 weeks. Scan at 6 weeks was fine, but now yolk has gone and no HB. I am in total shock as have been having major pregnancy symptoms. Sick this morn before scan, feel sick again now. Have found it very hard to keep any food down. Partly for this reason I have booked in to have D and C a week today (the earliest I could get) and am waiting to see if anything happens naturally till then. I am (pardon my language) shitting myself as have never had a gereral before and the whole idea really scares me. Again, its a waiting game for me at the moment. So sad as this was my first (very wanted) pregancy after a year of trying. xx
BumpVL - so so sorry to hear your sad news. Esp. after so long trying. I'm sending lots of love and support. I was scared of the op too. Dunno if this helps but I would recommend telling the docs / nurses you are worried, I'm sure they'll take good care of you. I wish I'd told them how scared I was in hindsight, could've done with someone holding my hand. Best of luck for the op and the wait in between. We're thinking of you. xx
as I was bf dd1 (then 10mthsish) I couldnt take the tablets, so had to have a d&c
It is not a pleasant experience, but the general an. is the best bit, tbh. Take some peppermint teabgs/cordial for you can have some pain in your stomach after, (I think from trapped wind) but it passes.
lots of love to anyone going through this, try and stay positive I am pg again now with my 2nd baby, Ive had 2 miscarriages in the past.
I had a missed misscarriage about the same time...waited to have the natural miscarriage but it never came and christmas was upon us...so I opted for the D&C and was terrified like you, but honestly it was fine. It is so quick you really don't feel too bad afterwards...actually I felt a lot better after as my hormones must have been a bit more sorted out...anyway, don't worry, it's awful...but you will get past it. I know so many people who have had miscarriages as well as healthy babies....
BumbVLump - I had my D&C two weeks ago and it was fine. I was really surprised at how caring the staff were. I was scared and teary but I had the same nurse with me all morning and she was so lovely. The anesthetist chatted and sympathised and even the consultant, who I though would just come in and 'do the job' made a point of coming to see me for a few minutes before. He said he was sorry for my loss and not to worry it was very common and it wasn't my fault etc etc. I really appreciated the way all the staff seem to treat me very personally and not just as another clinical procedure.
Before the op the nurse gave me some tablets to take to 'start the cervix softening'. She warned me that I may have some pain and bleeding and gave me some painkillers. I wasnt expecting this and got a bit frightened and upset as I thought by having the D&C I was avoiding the pain and bleeding of a natural miscarriage. It wasn't bad though - only like mild period pain.
Then as I was being taken into the theatre I had a moment where I got very upset about 'saying goodbye' to the foetus inside me. Even though it had died ages ago I'd been carrying it for all that time thinking it was alive and getting ready to lose it finally brought up a lot of emotion.
Afterwards I felt fine, in fact I think the combination of painkillers, general anaesthetic and relief meant I was on a real high for the rest of the day!
Over the last 2 weeks I have had bleeding on and off and a few bad days - hormones dropping and just generally getting over the trauma I suppose. I've done my crying in the evening once I'm on my own - duriong the day I keep busy and don't think about it too much. It hasnt helped that one of my closest friends gave birth to her baby 2 days after my mmc was diagnosed. Although obviously I'm so happy for her seeing the new baby has been hard. Generally though I'm feeling much better now - as time passes the pain does fade - and I'm even looking forward to trying again, scary though that will be.
I personally find talking about it helps. There seems to be a tendency for people not to talk about miscarriage but I've told a few friends and found that much easier than constantly pretending everything is fine.
Hi Hairytoe. Thanks for letting us know how you got on. Sounds like you've been v positive which I'm sure has helped your recovery. Keep taking care of yourself.
BumpV - thinking of you. Good luck for Monday if you're still booked for the D&C. Let us know how you're doing xx
They will be exhausting.
